Poll: Garret and the Wizard of Idiom; Should Garret get Harry a pet for the few years before Hogwarts? Vote Now!
Author has written 4 stories for Ranma, and Harry Potter.
"The thyme has come", the waiter said," to spoke of manly things. Of gas, and farts, ceiling tiles, cabbages and beans."
Well, what to say?
Recieved a whine in the e-mail about this, 'Why have you got this crap cluttering my FAVORITE section? Move it or else.'
So I moved it to where very few will read it to make one loner happy. here it is.
There are many questions that have plagued mankind throughout time.
Who killed Cockrobin?
Who's on first?
Why do they call it rush hour when it's a parking lot?
Where does belly button lint come from and why does it smell like that?
And now, the question that has been on the minds of several people.
What makes a Gseven?
First obtain five raw eggs and allow them to come to room temperature.
Three cups of whole milk.
Two cups of whipping cream.
one cup flour.
Dammit, that isn't it. That's the ingredients for a very good custard. I think.
Lets start again.
OH YEAH! What makes a Gseven. Here goes.
I am completely aware that there are many that would like to know more about the enigmatic and slightly twisted Gseven. (The two of you know who you are.)
Let me begin this minor dissertation of Biblical Proportions, (actually the info might honestly take up the area of a postage stamp from the tiny country of Rotundia, a small nation with a population of seven cats, three dogs, four-hundred and eight thousand sixteen grackles, assorted garter snakes a few dozen wuzzats, two pagan’s and a Gseven.
Rotundia is a nation ruled benevolently by Czar Nicholas Roundbelly the First and his lovely twin sister, Taschja Felleene. They are very good rulers and you can’t dispute that a ruler that sleeps all day can’t do much to screw up.
Of course a ruler that sleeps all day is useless for measuring anything.
The court jesters are Mister Bee and Smokey Joe. Their real names are unknown by me, as I seldom encounter them except for the moments of shredded toes and mousy under the covers attacks.
The ladies of the court are Princess Daisy of the green eyes, and Tuffernailsandtwiceassharp. (Tuffi for all us mortals and lesser beings)
There is also the Mistress of the guard, Lady Gruntsalot, also known as Honey-dawg, and her assistants, Igottadigsumpinup, or Missy and the completely worthless Ireallyliketolickthereallthetime, Spooky.
NO WAIT! You guys weren’t interested in where I sometimes live now. You wanna know what made me happen. Where I came from and why I won’t go back there.
Once upon time, there was a lowly Marine Private, he fought in a really big water balloon war. No, that can’t be right. (did they use water balloons in WW2? )
Master Id (No! Idjit, they didn’t)
Idjit (They didn’t?)
Master Id (No, they used rifles and bombs and hand grenades.)
Idjit (No water balloons? Damn, that couldn’t have been any fun for all those guys hoping to get girls in tee-shirts.)
Master Id (just get on with it.)
Any way, this Marine fought the war with many, many, many, many, many….(hope you get the idea there were a lotta guys involved) Marines and soldiers and sailors. After they won the war they all returned home.
The Marine had a son in 1951. Nope, tweren’t me.
The Marine and his wife had a second son in 1956. Still wuzzint me.
The Marine and his wife had a third son in 1963. Sometimes I do wish it wasn’t me then, so do others, but there yar.
Young Gseven was thought to be cute, in an ogrish sort of way, and sharper than your average yard troll. That did not stop his older brothers Stynkee and the Nose from tormenting him on occasion. This is really normal behavior considering how almost everyone eventually becomes friends with their siblings. We currently live under detente.
Well, to make it shorter than it already is, I wuz born and I growed the way I iz. This does tend to be a touch of a horror to most who get to know me. I’m outspoken, but not by many. I’m just a hair over a little too opinionated and I make a killer stuffed mushroom hors’dourve.
Of course I could treat you to the little known true history of before the white eyes came to the Land.
But who really wants to know about the various tribes that fractured becoming the ones that are known about. Tribes like the Big Flat Dirty Foot tribe, or the tribe That Make Smelly Butt Sounds, and my personal favorite the Fred Whicker tribe.
The Fred Whicker Tribe was a tribe consisting entirely of television documentary presenters. They died out from an internal war begun when the topic to be presented was far too interesting to be left to just one Fred Whicker.
Well, there it is. I hope this helped to answer those niggling little questions that plague us all concerning What is a Gseven.
Bad news first. Paladin 1/2 is on hiatus until the muse returns with all my research notes and chapter outlines. Unfortunately, the puter I was using at the time cratered and took my completed chapters, outlines and research notes with it.
I will return to Paladin 1/2 soon though, I like the story myself and I had plotted out another twenty chapters to it.
news update to Paladin 1/2; In an unfortunate turn of events, not the least of which was a total loss of all notes compiled to date for this story, my muse has fled.
That being said, I have been attacked by several plot bunnies at once. Coming soon is a completely new treatment of Potter. I had originally been playing with the vorpal plot bunny of having Paladin interact with the boy. But that idea became too tedious over time. And Jerrod was becoming more me than I liked, therefore that story is undergoing a complete rewrite. It will be a self insert... gawd! I can't believe I'm doing it either. Hopefully it will be entertaining for all.
Paladin will be making an appearance in several other tales I have been kicking around.
These are the stories in the works as I type this, as of July 27, 2010.
Garret Evans and the Wizard of Idiom... self insert with a challenge. Currently outlined and being carved in balsa. The beginning of the Prank War on the wizarding world.
Crystal Federation: Paladin meets Sailor Pluto... problematical with so much Moon research... this one may be more an exercise in creative hackery never to be posted.
StarGate:Paladin... self evident. Also outlined and in the works. Takes place season 7 for SG-1 the episode Grace, Federation historical point after Star Trek the next generation Nemesis. This came about because I always felt that Sam needed someone she could talk to about her real work that is a bit more believable than a San Fransisco police detective. Personally I don't think a regular cop would be able to get the clearance.
Garret Evans and the Worthless Professor... second year. If you were a prankster how would you deal with Lockhart?
Paladin and the Solar Queen... homage to an early fiction writer that was quite prolific. For those interested, look up Andrew North and Andre Norton. These are two different pen names of the same autheress. Yes, authoress; The Solar Queen series of stories, Witch World series, Android at Arms, Time Agent...this one is just an idea; hardly more than a drabble.
Paladin: Stranded on Jade... little more than characters established. I am of two minds about the pairing for Jerrod, Brianna or Gina? I'm leaning toward the little super scientist/archeologist.
Garret Evans and the Challenged Nephew... fourth year with the Marauder heir pranking to win the Tri-wizard. Look for extra Hogwarts competitors.
On to other topics. Please don't be upset that I tend to not respond to reviews. I do read them, I even make a few here and there. When I do respond to a reviewer it is most often directly to the reviewer. I feel this adds a bit more personal interaction. Flames I tend to completely ignore. The idea of 'don't like it, don't read it' is pretty good advice. Flame posters seem to me to most prefer to try to stir something up and/or anger the person whose story they have slammed. Granted, I have found an incredible number of really bad concepts that get worse as the story progresses. These quickly lose my interest and I never look at them again.
This brings up another problem I have encountered in a fair number of stories. Otherwise reasonably good stories, or marginal tales, that lean heavily on the crutch of sex. Basically if a story cannot progress without having extreme graphic content it isn't a very good plot. I really think there is no need for Harry Potter to look like Letters to Playboy or be over descriptive of ridiculous biological impossibilities. Even with Magic, men can't get pregnant... and vampires can't get it up to get anyone pregnant to begin with. So please, save our sanity, stop the Edward and Harry Slash where Harry gets knocked up by a blood sucking predator. Let's all get out our sharp and pointy oak stakes and treat the creatures of Twilight as they deserve. Buffy style... not that I have much favor of the Buffy universe.
On to preferred pairings.
Harry/Hermione... if only because it is far more reasonable than Hermione and the hoover
Harry/Luna... because Luna is fun if she is done right and knows how to build a fimpool trap.
Harry/Daphne... because she is under used and there is a lot of leeway
Harry/Tonks... These are hard to make good, but she actually deserves better than another Larry Talbot, cudo's if you get the reference.
Harry/Pansy... I can't see it easily. But I have read a couple that are pretty good.
Harry/either Patil... or both, because they are TWINS!
Harry/Fleur... some are surprisingly well thought out. jbern wrote one of the better tales of this pairing
any of the chasers for Gryffindor.
Basically any girl at Hogwarts that aren't Cho 'Separation Issues' Chang, Ginny 'Love Potions are romantic cuz mum used them' Weasley, Myrtle... because she's DEAD. Gabrielle DelaCour... because she is a leetle gurl. Minerva McGonagal, Hooch, Trelawny, Vector... those are just so wrong. Would you wanna sleep with your grandmother? or a woman old enough to be your mom? That being said, there are a few, very few that are well done that have Harry and Trixie paired, and one or two that have a good story using Narcissa. I tend to steer away from them anyway.
Hannah Abbot... she's too good a pairing for Neville. Although I have seen a couple that work as Harry/Hannah
Pairings I cannot see no matter how hard you try to make it work.
Ronald Bilius Weasley and any girl that is conscious of the fact she is a girl and knows what boys are.
For Ranma 1/2... there really aren't any (in my opinion) good Ranma/Akane... the girl is just too violent and easily repulsed by what she perceives as perverted. Good pairings that I liked usually have Nabiki or Kasumi as the girl, there have been a number where Ukyo won out. I really don't enjoy the Xian Pu pairings. To be honest, Ranma needs someone that can keep him on task and calm, The winners in that are the Nabiki that has deduced that it's better to have Ranma as part of the family with her as his wife and in charge. The Kasumi that sees the lonely and misused boy that really needs stability or a third party that he encounters through misadventure and has to rescue. That doesn't leave out the good choice of a manipulated situation by Setsuna for herself or one of the other Senshi.
Or a more normal for Ranma set up of being involved at the Hinata Inn. Or finding his way to Tomobiki and discovering how Arturo really takes advantage of Lum. His being there would cause a stop of all Lums chasing the little perv. Or his winding up in Chiba and getting involved with Urd, Mara or Hild. Those are actually some of the more fun ones.
On to Sailor Moon... Usagi needs a guy that isn't a wimp! That leaves us mostly with crossovers in that universe, but since she appears to have her mindless heart set on her Mamo-chan, that leaves a major opening for most of the other girls.
Of course, everyone does have their preferences and desired pairings for Ranma, but do we really need the yaoi tales? I mean, why in the name of all that is sacred would he WANT to be involved romantically with a man, especially ones like Ryoga, Mousse or Kuno? Guys that have been intent on killing him since he met them. The same kind of question bothers me with the Potter stories where Harry falls in love with Draco... or Snape...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
All that is now out of my system. Enjoy the stories you like, regardless of others opinions. Keep your eyes open for the true gems that are there. Improve your own language skills if you write and post, some of you have very good premise for stories but the execution is poor. If it seems that you aren't getting your point out in anything you write, learn to be more verbose. Describe the scene, add in what the area smells like, the lighting condition, how bad an injury feels. Look for odd ways to describe something that no one has a reference for.
To be blunt, an 18 or 20 chapter story should have a lot more than 14000 words. Be more expressive and descriptive, it cannot hurt.
Good luck, good writing, good reading...
P.S. I couldn't help myself, I've decided to post a taste of Garret and the Wizard; Remember, for me reviews aren't so important . And if you don't like don't read.
Gseven, the one and only, accept no substitutes, artificial ingredients or synthetic versions. Only true and licensed Gsevens should be in your antique, triple wheeled fur covered family credenza.
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