“I would rather not go

Back to the old house

I would rather not go

Back to the old house

There's too many bad memories

Too many memories there”

Dec. 2023

Hello,

I sincerely apologize for my long absence. I deeply thank you in advance for taking the time to read this long note.

As evidence shows on my profile, I haven't been active since 2021. With tears in my eyes and with a heavy heart, I am so so sorry for leaving.

I loved writing on this platform and meeting new readers like you. Especially during the pandemic. It made me feel human and an innocence I thought I had lost.

Growing up as a socialite, yes a socialite, I was robbed of the experience of having a free childhood and letting my passion for writing fan fiction unfold. I grew up having ridiculously high expectations and my dear parents trying to maneuver my life.

In my college years, I rebelled. I majored and attended a University I dreamed about. Of course, my parents were furious at me and for a time my relationship with them was strained. During the pandemic, I got engaged to my childhood love and this caused a rift between my family and me.

Writing was my only outlet to vent out frustrated emotions and melancholic thoughts. So I wrote every night about one of my favorite anime couples I've loved since I was a young girl. I wrote about them in stories set in my favorite films or situations far better than mine. In a world of vie en rose.

One night after attending a play with my friends I got a call from my fiancé's Godmother informing me that her great-granddaughter was going to be staying with her at their villa. The young girl was 11 years old and was moving from Japan to Caramel. I wondered why.

My fiancé's Godmother knew how I suffered yet maneuvered my life while growing up in various parts of the world. I never stayed for a long time in one place. She knew that her great-granddaughter was going to be scared in a country so far away from home. She was asking me the favor of being with her as a big sister.

When the day came that I met the little girl, I fell in love. She was extraordinary in her own way. She grew on me faster than I expected and we bonded in no time. She struggled with English and so would beg for me to tutor her some days.

Of course, I did.

We talked and talked over other topics as well; our favorite was Pokemon. I told her how I practically grew up with the show and how I was a fan of Pokesipping. She expressed how she loved them as well, which of course shocked me. I then showed her a few of my stories and she was thrilled to read them.

She later asked me why I didn't upload them on fan fiction sites. I told her I wasn't as brave as she was. She shook her head at me, a chuckle escaping from her lips.

"Admitting you're scared is being brave."

I was stunned. How was this young girl so strong, confident, and sure of herself? How was she teaching me to be brave? Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around?

She convinced me to upload them here and that she'll practice her English by writing the stories here. So we did that for the majority of our free time. Sometimes my drafts would not make it to the final edits since she would love to add other scenes in the stories.

I loved seeing her grammar and confidence in English improve as time went by. The smile her eyes had as we both laughed at the numerous grammar errors I would point out to her as we read the published chapters. The comments you wonderful readers would leave.

A few times readers would message us, saying their grammar improved reading our stories. They would spot grammar errors and inform us about them. This would always make her day delightful.

"Look! They're also learning like me!"

Thank you for making her laugh during a time of solitude humanity faced.

I say "our stories" because they were. I begged her to put her name in the works; to give herself credit as the other author but she would always deny my attempts. These were my story ideas, she would argue.

"I'm just practicing my English!" she would reply with a wink and flip her ponytail at me.

Oh, that- that sweet sweet child.

With my heart still aching, I regret to inform you all that she is no longer with us in this world. The motive for her move from Japan to North America was because of medical treatment. She was sick with a rare disease and did not have much time left with us. She passed away peacefully in her sleep last year.

She had to leave her family and friends behind all in Japan to join her Grandmother here. The life she knew was gone within days. Of course, I tried to ease her sullen mood and it gives me joy knowing that Fanfiction .Net was able to help provide that.

Especially you, yes you, reader.

She didn't deserve to leave so early in life. She had so much to give to the world. So so very much. It breaks my soul knowing the world will never witness her smile. Her laughs, getting carried by the soft coastal breeze. Her hands caressing the tulips in her Grandmother's garden.

Her eyes will never be open again and witness the beautiful innocent world she so perfectly saw and... helped me see.

I was devastated when I lost her. I've never been a mother but if this was anything close to the pain of losing a child, I pray for every motherless child and childless mother. It was as if a piece of heart was physically being torn inside.

For a long time, any writing platform was difficult for me to see. It only reminded me of her. I don't think I will be back anytime soon since this is all still difficult for me to cope with. I want to give up, to be honest; I don't think I see myself ever logging back here again and finishing these stories.

Yet, knowing her, I know she'll be disappointed in me if I give up. This was her fruit to bear to you; these stories.

I can't promise I will be back soon but I can promise sometime in the future, if God permits it, I will finish these stories. Of course, with no perfect grammar neither; to honor her memory.

I hope this gives a bit of closure to my absence.

Thank you, thank you so much for reading and hopefully, understanding.

Until we meet again.

- Kasumi Lover

“I would love to go

Back to the old house

But I never will

I never will

I never will” - The Smiths

To contact me my Instagram is kasumi_lover.

My wattpad is @Kasumi_Lover

(Sorry I can't do emails right now)