Bar Sira
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Joined 06-19-07, id: 1304534, Profile Updated: 07-21-23
Author has written 30 stories for West Wing, Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego, X-overs, Harry Potter, Chronicles of Narnia, Thor, Misc. Tv Shows, DC Superheroes, Inside Out, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Avengers, Misc. Books, NCIS, Star Wars, My Little Pony, Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir, Lord of the Rings, Babylon 5, Oz Series, Animorphs, Batman, StarTrek: The Next Generation, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and Looney Tunes.

I awaked up last of all, as one that gathereth after the grape-gatherers: by the blessing of the Lord I profited, and filled my winepress like a gatherer of grapes. Consider that I laboured not for myself only, but for all them that seek learning. –Ecclus. 33:16-18

Backup account for Qoheleth.


A. Historically extant persons who figure as characters:

-Roger Ailes, founder and C.E.O. of Fox News ("Rogers", Assemble!)
-Alfonso XI, king of Castile and León ("A", Assemble!)
-AngelAmore, Fanfiction.Net author ("Popped Into", B Minor)
-Bl. María Concepción de Armida, mystical theologian ("Beta", B Minor)
-Berathoralghoul, Fanfiction.Net author ("Poll", Aeolian Mode)
-Colin Boswell, canon of Croydon Minster ("Minister", B Minor)
-Carl XVI Gustaf, king of Sweden ("King's", B Minor [from chapter "Extra! Extra!"])
-Winston Churchill, First Lord of the British Admiralty ("Loomed", Bombadil)
-Roy Dotrice, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory actor ("Raison", Oompa-Loompas)
-A. Conan Doyle, classic mystery author ("Conan", B Minor)
-William T. Doyle, Vermont state senator ("Vernon", B Minor)
-Edward Grey, U.K. foreign secretary ("Loomed", Bombadil)
-Mark Hanna, G.O.P. doyen and U.S. senator from Ohio ("Hannah", B Minor)
-Harald V, king of Norway ("King's", B Minor)
-Henry, Duke of Sussex (partially; "Off", B Minor)
-Lothar Hutzler, kitchenwares manufacturer (posthumously; "Greater", B Minor)
-Jean A. Levesque, mayor of Salem, Massachusetts ("Either", B Minor)
-James Longstreet, Confederate general ("Corpse", B Minor)
-Mary I, queen of England (by allusion; "May", B Minor)
-Jane Budden Maxim, wife of the inventor of the machine gun ("Maxime", B Minor)
-Michal bat Saul, princess of Israel ("Michael", B Minor)
-Vitale Michiel II, doge of Venice ("Dodge", B Minor)
-Ok Taecyeon, lead rapper of 2PM ("OK", B Minor)
-Philip II, king of Spain (by allusion; "May", B Minor)
-sugarmotta3, author ("Fic", B Minor)
-Alan Turing, cybernetics pioneer ("Naval", Assemble!)
-John Wesley, founder of the Methodist communion ("Weasley", B Minor)

B. Texts, not fandom or quote sources, from which concepts or extensive passages are incorporated:

-The Absent-Minded Professor, dir. Robert Stevenson ("Blubber", B Minor)
-"The Cat", Bob Kane ("Silena", Aeolian Mode)
-Dragonflight, Anne McCaffrey ("Threadbare", B Minor)
-The Book of Exodus ("Caution", John Williams)
-The Book of the Prophet Ezekiel ("Prophecy", B Minor)
-The Forsyte Saga, John Galsworthy ("Kaa", B Minor)
-"The Head of Cæsar", G. K. Chesterton ("Redheads", B Minor)
-The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams ("Emanated", John Williams)
-"The Ifth of Oofth", Walter Tevis (implicitly; "Threadbare", B Minor)
-The Jungle Books, Rudyard Kipling ("Kaa", B Minor)
-Kokin Wakashu no. 176 ("Lady", B Minor)
-"Lament of the Troops on the Death of Peter the Great" ("To Grips With", Assemble!)
-The Last Battle, C. S. Lewis ("Peverells", B Minor)
-"The May Queen", Alfred, Lord Tennyson ("Suit", Assemble!)
-"Mirror, Mirror", wr. Jerome Bixby, dir. Marc Daniels, prod. Gene Roddenberry ("Shiver", B Minor)
-Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats, T. S. Eliot ("Kaa", B Minor)
-"On Dress (Sermon 88)", John Wesley ("Weasley", B Minor)
-"A Planet Named Shayol", Cordwainer Smith ("Exuded", B Minor)
-Principles of Greek Etymology, Georg Curtius ("Cruciatus", B Minor)
-The Remains of the Day, Kazuo Ishiguro ("Kaa", B Minor)
-"Serpents of the World, Unite!", text by Mark Gruenwald, images by Paul Neary et al. ("Discreet", B Minor)
-"The Shadow over Innsmouth", H. P. Lovecraft ("Swearing", B Minor)
-The Sixth Satire of Decimus Junius Juvenalis ("Satyr", Aeolian Mode, alt.)
-Snow, Orhan Pamuk ("Kaa", B Minor)
-Solaris, Stanisław Lem ("Threadbare", B Minor)
-Star of Gypsies, Robert Silverberg ("Exuded", B Minor)
-Suite espagnole, Isaac Albéniz (sort of; "Frank", Aeolian Mode)
-"A Tangled Tale", Lewis Carroll ("Lose", Aeolian Mode)
-The Time Machine, H. G. Wells ("1946-47", B Minor)
-"To Build a Fire", Jack London ("Summary", B Minor)

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

As in thrown onto the streets, as in sent to the Daughters of Mary, or as in no longer indulged in your reluctance to leave home after she learned what you and Sheila had been doing in the spare bedroom?

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

Okay, let me just follow the thought process here: “On the one hand, I could repent of the lie I’ve lived, return to my Father’s bosom, and incidentally regain the respect of my fellow-citizens. On the other hand, I could plunge yet deeper into sin and blame it on society.” And people wonder why the moral authority of this movement fails to stir us.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

You have done well, and it shall be credited to you.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

And I’ll bet that, when you got to the Judgment Seat, you thanked Heaven for small mercies. (Imagine the alternative: “I see here that you died in your homosexual paramour’s arms. Would you care to explain how that’s compatible with a state of grace?”)

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

Well, that’s how things are sometimes, sweetheart. I know it’s hard, but hopefully some day you’ll understand.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

Three rousing cheers. Now tell me that your attackers got precisely the sentence that their assault merited, and my joy will be complete.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

Don’t try to pin this one on Lady Luck, pal. You chose despair.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

Bit abrupt of her, I agree. She should have first said something like, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, I don't believe in assisting that kind of behavior." (Or did she, and you chose to omit that part?)

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

If this means what I think it does: How about bypassing the urinals and using a stall, like a civilized person?

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

My condolences.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

Well, they’re not wrong…

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

And then you told them that you’d repented and didn’t do that sort of thing anymore, and everything was groovy again. (Hey, I can dream, right?)

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

So… what are you asking, exactly? For there to be a whole bunch of abusive homosexual men in your area so you can have company? Or for a group of women who have been foully mistreated by the most important men in their lives to let a man intrude on their healing process, because inclusion?

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

Ah. An Englishman. Yes, you are most unfortunate, Signor.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

And your movement dares to compare itself to the marchers at Selma? This is like Rosa Parks saying, “I am the woman who moved to the back of the bus because they said the front was for white people.”

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.

What society do you live in, and why do you value its approval so much?

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I see. And you want me to believe that you’re a common social problem, do you? That emergency medical professionals everywhere, the instant they learn things about their patients of which they disapprove, throw in the towel and let them croak out of sheer callousness? My mother was an EMT, and I say you’re a liar.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

Confession is at 7 to 8 P.M. Wednesday, noon to 1 P.M. Friday, and 3:30 to 4:30 P.M. Saturday. See you then. (Be sure to mention how you publicly slandered the Church and acquiesced in a group identity based on your sins.)

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

No, sweetie, you’re the person who has mistaken a disordered emotional attachment for the greatest of the theological virtues. Easy enough to do, of course, in a world as confused as ours, but you really might want to get it straightened out before you go any further down this road.

I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

See above.

Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong.

And re-post this if you believe that theostygiophobia (from θεοστυγεῖς, Rom. 1:30) is unworthy of your baptismal dignity.

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Quarter reviews
Just a drabble about Bugs being his usual sneaky self.
Looney Tunes - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 123 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 11/18 - Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck - Complete
Minuets by Guitar Villain reviews
What a difference one word can make…
Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 7,751 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 11/17 - Published: 1/8/2019
Minuets in B Minor reviews
What a difference one word can make...
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 74 - Words: 73,451 - Reviews: 125 - Favs: 81 - Follows: 79 - Updated: 9/6 - Published: 1/18/2016
Well, Actually… reviews
The trouble with writing stories around whatever odd facts strike your fancy is that, sometimes, you end up being misinformed, misled, or just plain wrong about the facts in question. Here are three instances (and counting, I doubt not) when this happened to me.
X-overs - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,036 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 7/27
Minuets with Oompa-Loompas reviews
What a difference one word can make…
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,450 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 7/21
Minuets by John Williams reviews
What a difference one word can make…
Star Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 5,000 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 6/19 - Published: 2/28/2018
Minuets in the Pale Moonlight reviews
What a difference one word can make…
Batman - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,904 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 6/17 - Published: 12/28/2022
Ghosts and Machines reviews
In which a glimpse by Counselor Troi of a junior science officer's mind sets in motion a startling series of events, forcing the crew of the Enterprise to reassess their ideas about the mind, the heart, and Lieutenant Commander Data. (Abandoned)
StarTrek: The Next Generation - Rated: K+ - English - Spiritual - Chapters: 3 - Words: 6,125 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/9 - Data, OC
Minuets through the Multiverse
What a difference one word can make…
X-overs - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,123 - Published: 1/5
Minuets Assemble! reviews
What a difference one word can make…
Avengers - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 8,724 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 8/27/2022 - Published: 4/3/2017
Minuets in Crane Morph
What a difference one word can make…
Animorphs - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,122 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/17/2022
The Boundaries of Oz
Dealing with a previously unrecorded Wicked Witch of the North, the Powder of Life that she sent to San Francisco, and the many and remarkable occurrences that ensued therefrom.
Oz Series - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 21,619 - Favs: 1 - Published: 5/5/2022
Ablative Absolute reviews
In which Bester expounds one of this show's more curious visual details. (That is, it doesn't really *have* to be Bester - but everything's better in Walter Koenig's voice, isn't it?)
Babylon 5 - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 621 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/22/2022 - Complete
Minuets with Bombadil reviews
What a difference one word can make…
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,855 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Updated: 12/10/2021 - Published: 5/19/2019
Anatta reviews
Extended story fragment. Has anyone noticed what, ontologically, the whole IO setup really implies about humanity? Or wondered what it might be like if one of the emotions brought herself to face it?
Inside Out - Rated: K - English - Angst - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,537 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 11/25/2021 - Published: 1/20/2016 - Disgust
Minuets by Brain Matter reviews
What a difference one word can make…
NCIS - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,117 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 10/26/2021 - Published: 9/20/2017
Minuets in Aeolian Mode reviews
What a difference one word can make…
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 9,374 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 8/11/2020 - Published: 3/21/2016
Earth to Fluttershy reviews
[Repost, up for adoption] When Rarity and Twilight went to deliver Fluttershy's belated Hearthswarming gift, they had no idea of the shocking discovery that awaited them. Will things for our friends ever be the same again?
My Little Pony - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,466 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/26/2018 - Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy
A Royal Heart
Does it still count as an acrostic *sonnet* if the character's name has fifteen letters?
My Little Pony - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 129 - Published: 3/11/2018 - Twilight Sparkle - Complete
The Queen's-English Version reviews
As an American ff author, I occasionally end up making British characters refer to something of which the British name is more or less completely unknown in the United States. So, rather than needlessly bewilder my countrymen, I have created this compendium, in which the more authentic versions of such scenes and stories may be found. (See my Qoheleth profile for the originals.)
X-overs - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 475 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 8/3/2017 - Published: 6/26/2015
One More Abbreviation reviews
A missing-chapter fic, as it were, for G. K. Chesterton's "Ballad of Abbreviations". Because it rather surprises me that the great man overlooked this one.
Misc. Books - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 79 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 6/22/2017 - Complete
Able Was I… reviews
An abandoned story from my Qoheleth account, reposted here out of sentiment. When Zatanna, on a visit to Gotham City, finds herself suddenly casting dangerous spells without meaning to, she suspects that her power has been cursed - but can she fix the problem without playing into her enemy's hands?
DC Superheroes - Rated: K+ - English - Mystery/Drama - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,126 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 7/23/2015 - Zatanna
The Generous Miser
*Never* believe what you see on television.
Misc. Tv Shows - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 625 - Favs: 2 - Published: 6/17/2015 - Complete
Occulted reviews
Drabble. Concerning an aspect of Frigga's last trick that easily escapes notice - unless you're Loki, of course.
Thor - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 118 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 3 - Published: 4/15/2014 - Loki - Complete
Out of the Water reviews
This is the story of how a change to the past irreversibly altered the wizarding world's future. It is a story of house-elves and children's tales, of love, loyalty, and innocence; it is a story of wishes made on stars, and a magic older and stronger than that of man. This is the story of Hydra Malfoy.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Drama - Chapters: 5 - Words: 9,337 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Published: 5/17/2013 - Draco M., OC
The Subreality Collection
A series of stories dealing with a strange world between fantasy and reality, where fictives, Writers, and Muses coexist in almost alarming amity.
X-overs - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 15 - Words: 41,286 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 7/12/2012 - Published: 2/18/2009
Childish Things reviews
It's Peter and Susan's last morning in Narnia, and Aslan has some words of counsel for the High King. My contribution to the Great Susan Debate.
Chronicles of Narnia - Rated: K - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,184 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/16/2011 - Peter Pevensie, Susan Pevensie
The Girl Who Lived reviews
Can a story be about Harry Potter's long-lost American sister without descending into hopeless Mary-Sue-dom? That is what our test subject, Miss Rowena Clay Osborn, will determine for us.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 18 - Words: 35,878 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 7/7/2009 - Published: 7/6/2009 - OC
From Lilongwe to Tipperary reviews
It's a long way to go.
Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 202 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/6/2008 - Complete
Stubborn reviews
Drabble. To convince Bartlet to run the first time, Leo had to be persistent, creative, and just a trifle annoying...
West Wing - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 131 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/5/2007 - Leo M., Jed B. - Complete
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