Favorite Quotes:

"Guns make you stupid. Its better to fight your wars with duct tape, duct tape makes you smart" ~Michael Weston

"If we miss the humor in life we miss two thirds of it." ~Gordon B. Hinckley

"Beware: Karma has a wicked sense of humor" ~Anonymous

"Those who would give up essentail Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety." ~Benjemin Franklin

"Love your enemies, it'll make them CRAZTY." ~Anonymous

"Stupidity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result." ~Anonymous

Fangirls are like whiny puppies. They're annoying as all hell, but everyone pities them too much to kill them. Oh, they are also very loud.

It's not paranoia if you know they are out to get you.

The pen may be mightier, but the sword still hurts like heck.

Anybody remotely interesting is mad, in some way or another.

In theory, everything works.

Eat right, exercise, die anyway.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

It's tourist season, so why can't I shoot them?

That which doesn't kill you...will probably try again.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high level explosives.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

Curiosity killed the cat, but Satisfaction brought it back.

Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.

Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still make you smile when you push them down the stairs.

The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.

Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I respect your opinion; I just think it's stupid.

Keep smiling - it makes people wonder what you're up to.

If explosives didn't solve your problems you obviously weren't using enough of them.

The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

I'm not as dumb as you look.

If I had no sense of humor then I would have commited suicide long ago.

If at first you don't succeed...go back and reload the gun.

Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them.

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they'll be when you kill
them.

Favorite Jokes:

~I throw my Spanish in the air some-times, sayin' ay-o, no comprendo!~ (to a song...u know which one ;) )

-Knock, Knock

-Who's there?

-You know

-You know who?

-YESS!!!! Avarda Kedavra!!!! I win!

Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional :)

Between NCIS, CSI, the Closer, and Rizzoli & Isles, i can make you disapear without a trace of evidence ^^

Important question #1: If the SWAT team breaks down your front door, do they have to replace it later?

Confuse a Liberal. Use big words.

When you're surrounded by idiots just remember, murder is illegal and sarcasm is much more satisfying.

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

1. Your real name: Anonymous

2. Your Nobody name (Take all the letters of your first name, mix them around and put an "x" where you think it should go): Xlaeax

3. Your Gangsta name (the first three letters of your name pluss "izzle"): Anoizzle

4. Your Detective name (fav. color and fav. animal): Silver Fox

5. Your Soap Opra name (your middle name and the street you live on): Brook Timber

6. Your Star Wars name (first three letters of your last name, first two letters of your first): Joeal

7. Your Super Hero name (2nd fav color, fav drink): Silver Sprite

8. Your Witness Protection name (middle names of your parents): Joel James

9. Your Goth Name (Black plus the name of one of your pets): Black Sasha