Mister Buch
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Joined 06-30-07, id: 1313901, Profile Updated: 01-08-15
Author has written 26 stories for Star Wars, Star Wars, Mass Effect, Elder Scroll series, Twilight, Dora the Explorer, World War Z, Mission: Impossible, and Dragon Age.

For God's sake, let us sit upon the carpet and tell sad stories. About Darth Revan.

I'm Mister Buch (pronounced like 'Buck'.) I'm a 28 year-old English / creative writing student from north-west England. I've written some parodies and short, dramatic stories here, usually with original characters. I cover sci-fi mostly, with my main loves being Star Wars and Bioware RPG's. I really appreciate all the feedback I've gotten from people on the site. Hint.


Mock Effect

This is my full-length parody/spoof of the original Bioware game 'Mass Effect', written in 2008. As my stories go, it was a real success, but was taken down from this site because it was in script/screenplay format, rather than prose.

Here is a link to its new home-

http://masseffectfanfic.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=fanfic&action=display&thread=10&page=1


Other stories

My other hobby is writing original short stories, flash fiction and poems. Please see them here- chrisbuchananwrites.com


Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Harvest by 11thCommandment reviews
When a new crew come together in preparation for their next mission, destiny awaits... [Sequel: 'Second Harvest']
Prometheus, 2012 - Rated: M - English - Sci-Fi/Horror - Chapters: 18 - Words: 38,977 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 4/1/2013 - Published: 2/18/2013 - E. Shaw, David, Engineer - Complete
Trail of Echoes by Knightfall1138 reviews
A Story of the Old Republic: The Star Forge has been destroyed, and the Jedi Knight Revan has been redeemed in the eyes of the galaxy. But he soon finds himself chasing specters from his past, hoping to unravel the mystery of a dark threat he once knew.
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Adventure - Chapters: 24 - Words: 45,360 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 12/3/2012 - Published: 12/14/2011 - Revan, Exile/Meetra Surik - Complete
Take the Sky by Knightfall1138 reviews
After several terrorist attacks on Alliance facilities, Malcolm Reynolds and his crew get caught in the middle of a conflict he had convinced himself was long dead.
Firefly - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Western - Chapters: 21 - Words: 43,179 - Reviews: 60 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 7/29/2012 - Published: 5/26/2010 - Mal - Complete
Commander Shepard is Easily Distracted by Knightfall1138 reviews
Earth is burning, and Commander Shepard is the galaxy's only hope for repelling the Reaper invasion. Perfect time to catch a movie.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Parody/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 16 - Words: 31,837 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 70 - Follows: 43 - Updated: 6/29/2012 - Published: 4/2/2012 - Shepard (M), Marauder Shields - Complete
Mock Effect 2 by ClintJohnston25 reviews
Sequel to Mr. Buch's masterful mockery of the first game. The twins Jane & John Shepard are exploring the galaxy, loosely following the game "Mass Effect 2"'s script. Along the way they poke fun at the various plot holes/inconsistencies they encounter.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Humor/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 22 - Words: 93,476 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 2/20/2012 - Published: 11/25/2011 - Shepard (F), Shepard (M)
White Rose of the Normandy by Tillian reviews
Garrus felt troubled by his growing affection for humanity's golden girl, so he left the Normandy after the events on the Citadel out of respect for her. Even two years has passed after her apparent death, the feeling didn't faded away.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 62,420 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 72 - Follows: 78 - Updated: 10/2/2011 - Published: 6/26/2010 - Garrus V., Shepard (F)
Though The Desert May Be Dry by skywalker05 reviews
Anakin is finally freeing the slaves.
Star Wars - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,523 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 2 - Published: 8/21/2010 - Anakin Skywalker, Captain Rex
The Neveragaine by Helena L reviews
Ada Ventura just wants to get back to her homeland of Cyrodiil, but a series of bizarre events conspire to force her down the path of the Nerevarine. She can't really be the reincarnation of a legendary Dunmer hero... can she?
Elder Scroll series - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 40 - Words: 220,667 - Reviews: 119 - Favs: 108 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 8/12/2010 - Published: 12/19/2008 - Complete
Revan's Shadow by Knightfall1138 reviews
A Story of the Old Republic: Revan is a charismatic Jedi Knight with a bright future in the Order, but his ambitions will lead him down a path toward the true meaning of the Dark Side and the Unknown World that waits beyond the veil.
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 33 - Words: 95,651 - Reviews: 123 - Favs: 112 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 7/16/2010 - Published: 4/28/2009 - Revan, Exile/Meetra Surik - Complete
Harvest by Inyri Ascending reviews
In 2177, fifty-one Alliance soldiers landed on a planet called Akuze. This is their story.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Drama - Chapters: 5 - Words: 15,146 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 12/13/2009 - Published: 4/29/2009 - Shepard (F) - Complete
False Dilemma by Knightfall1138 reviews
Shepard holds the lives of two squadmates in his hands, but only has time enough to save one. Which one will he literally be forced to save?
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Parody/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,145 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/20/2009 - Shepard (F) - Complete
The End is Neigh by Knightfall1138 reviews
Short parodies of "Watchmen" as told through the journal entries of our favorite masked vigilante. Hurm...
Watchmen - Rated: T - English - Parody/Mystery - Chapters: 13 - Words: 7,530 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 4/24/2009 - Published: 4/18/2009 - Walter K./Rorschach - Complete
When Darkness Struck The Sky by AugustinianFrog reviews
What belongs to Bioware render unto Bioware. "Such is the burden I am given. Such is the cross I bear. Here I stand Vigil over them."
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,868 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 4/3/2009 - Published: 3/15/2009 - Complete
Broken Angels by Knightfall1138 reviews
Many children were promised a unique future after their stay on Jump Zero, but not one day into their training, Kaidan Alenko finds out just how true those promises were.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 18 - Words: 31,300 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 67 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 3/13/2009 - Published: 2/24/2009 - Kaidan A., Shepard (F) - Complete
Staying Behind by Rascarin reviews
Short fic inspired by the events of Virmire. Contains spoilers for the game. Rated T for mild language and violence. Please read and review, and hopefully enjoy!
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,191 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/11/2008 - Complete
The Most Important Rule of GunRunning by Knightfall1138 reviews
Yuri Orlov muses about breaking a rule of the trade.
Lord of War - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 793 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 5 - Published: 5/29/2007 - Yuri O. - Complete
KotOR: Marisu Saves The Day! by Helena L reviews
The extraordinary, fantabulous, incredible, astonishing and only mildly nauseating adventures of Marisu Arianna Raven Skywalker, otherwise known as Revan. Plus loads and loads of luscious Carthness! R&R please!
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,750 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 4/7/2006 - Published: 12/27/2005
Reviewing the Situation by Helena L reviews
Song parody: Canderous sings his own version of 'Reviewing the Situation' from the musical 'Oliver'. Reposted from the 'Movies' section.
Star Wars - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 576 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 3 - Published: 6/1/2005 - Complete
Another Return Of The Jedi to Dagobah by Dynamic-Villain reviews
From the insane author of previous Star Wars humour rewrites comes an update - in the best George R. (Revision) Lucas tradition. It's time to 'improve' the Dagobah scenes of 'Return of the Jedi' once again, this time with some Episode 3 stuff.
Star Wars - Rated: K - English - Humor/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,748 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12/19/2004 - Luke S., Obi-Wan K.
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Trouble With Heroes' Journeys reviews
Short vignettes from (my recent playthroughs of) Origins, Awakening, '2' and Inquisition. The trouble with heroes' journeys is living after they're done.
Dragon Age - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,481 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 1/30 - Published: 9/27/2014 - Mahariel, Caron, Varric T., Trevelyan - Complete
Tenth Street reviews
One-shot. Glendale, Arizona has been doing well since the battle of the Citadel. Gina Nash, formerly of the Tenth Street Reds, was even starting to let go of her old ways of thinking. But now the Reapers have come and the streets are covered in human blood.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Drama/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,596 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Published: 4/8/2013 - Complete
Darth Perniteus: Blackness of the Dark reviews
The Sith are deadly, and they are patient. Centuries after the rise of the powerful Darth Bane and generations before the cunning Darth Sidious, somebody else has to tide things over and continue the line of secret dark masters with ridiculous names. That somebody is Darth Perniteus, and he will accomplish something, at some point, before the end of this story. Hopefully.
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Parody/Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 8,909 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 1/23/2013 - Published: 1/6/2013 - Darth Bane, Darth Plagueis - Complete
White Noise reviews
Short ME3 oneshot. Between missions, Shepard flits about the Presidium doing errands. But the crowds of people get into her head, and she keeps hearing a voice she can't place.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Drama/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,693 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 4 - Published: 4/23/2012 - Shepard (F) - Complete
Ghost Protocol: a suggested trailer reviews
In the wake of a BIG EXPLOSION, special agent Ethan Hunt has only twelve hours to infiltrate a society party held by ghosts. But can he learn the proper PROTOCOL in time for the mission? I haven't seen the film yet. This is what it's about, right?
Mission: Impossible - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,615 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/19/2011 - Complete
Last Man on Earth reviews
Susanne Davies tells the unusual story of her survival in the zombie war.
World War Z - Rated: T - English - Horror/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,755 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 5/17/2011 - Complete
Of the Fall reviews
A farewell to a Dark Lord of the Sith.
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Friendship - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,223 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 3/31/2011 - Published: 3/17/2011 - Revan - Complete
Vibroblades and Mirrors reviews
KotOR 2 short fic, showing the ending at Malachor V from various character POV's. Mostly this is based on some of the scenes that were cut from the finished game, including Atton's fight with Sion. Enjoy!
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 6 - Words: 5,620 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 10/11/2010 - Published: 10/8/2010 - Revan, Exile/Meetra Surik, Atton R., Kreia - Complete
A Thousand Generations reviews
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... Grand Moff TARKIN tirelessly searches for Rebel threats to the evil GALACTIC EMPIRE. Meanwhile at the dark heart of the Empire, middle-aged pilot MARI DALTO recovers a forgotten relic of the Jedi knights...
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 12 - Words: 32,621 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 7/28/2010 - Published: 2/13/2010 - Complete
Swiping Dignity reviews
A dramatic monologue, peering into the broken soul of a wandering kleptomaniac.
Dora the Explorer - Rated: T - English - Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,425 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/18/2010 - Complete
Smells Like Smoke and Death reviews
An Mass Effect zombie horror story for October! On Eden Prime, in the wake of the geth attack, a surviving marine finds herself hounded by the resurrected 'husks' of her comrades. Badly injured and terrified, she races to find some kind of safety.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Horror/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 8,257 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 10/20/2009 - Published: 10/5/2009 - Complete
The Twilight of Profundity reviews
A one-shot parody. One day early in her relationship with Edward, Bella suddenly grasps a deep and intelligent concept, which has massive implications to the world and to their relationship. - Don't worry, I actually think the book is okay.-
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,069 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 8 - Published: 8/12/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
A Walk in the Park reviews
Oneshot. Just before the attack on Eden Prime, Saren walks through the Citadel Presidium, one last time.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,799 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 10 - Published: 8/6/2009 - Saren A. - Complete
All Along the Watchtower reviews
By Knightfall1138 and Mister Buch. This story has been abandoned, at least for the time being. Many, many thanks for the reviews! This is the first half of a prequel to the first 'Mass Effect', about Joker and Kaidan on an all-biotic mission on Palaven.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 7 - Words: 18,138 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 7/13/2009 - Published: 4/24/2009 - Kaidan A., Joker
A Lemon Fic reviews
Today I had to ask what a 'lemon' fic was, and it was explained for me. I read an example, and I was so impressed that I wrote my own. So here is a short about Commander Shepard in her quarters at night... but not alone...
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 797 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/3/2009 - Shepard (F) - Complete
That Hurt, I Bet reviews
KotOR one-shot. This is a slightly odd short story about Revan's implanted memories of his life before he was assigned to the Endar Spire.
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,385 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Published: 6/9/2009 - Complete
Shadowstep: Dead and Hating It reviews
Selected entries from the diary of Booch Mishtar, Cyrodiil's most irritable adventurer. Chronicling his rise to mediocrity in the Dark Brotherhood and his transformation into Cyrodiil's most irritable vampire.
Elder Scroll series - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 6,856 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 5/13/2009 - Published: 5/6/2009 - Complete
Shenko reviews
A short romantic story. When one day's mission ends, the crew try to relax. But Shepard and her Lieutenant have been spending a lot of time together lately and everyone on board has an opinion.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,208 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 5/5/2009 - Published: 4/14/2009 - Shepard (F), Kaidan A. - Complete
Bells for Her reviews
KotOR oneshot, female Revan. - On the way back from the mission on Manaan, Jolee watches the girl in Jedi robes who has led the quest. Using the Force he makes a disturbing realisation about her future.
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,221 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/28/2009 - Complete
Shepard Vs the World reviews
AKA the One Sentence Story. A collaboritive effort by everyone at the ME Fanfic Forums, written one sentence at a time for fun. One day Shepard and her crew suddenly become 16-bit. It can only be the work of the dastardly Saren.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Humor/Tragedy - Chapters: 6 - Words: 5,391 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/21/2009 - Shepard (F), Saren A. - Complete
All Along the Watchtower: The Joker reviews
Young Jeff Moreau is a serious, dedicated student at flight school. He's the best in his class, so he sets his sights higher for his first real test flight. The test will earn him a nickname, a new life in space and one day a friend.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 9,965 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 4 - Published: 4/14/2009 - Kaidan A., Joker - Complete
The Colonel's Decision reviews
One-shot. A very serious and dramatic story about Kahlee Sanders. I don't do parodies anymore. This is serious, so sit up straight.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,487 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/2/2009 - Complete
New Friends reviews
Shepard is a 16 year-old penniless petty thief living on Earth. She starts running with the 10th Street Reds and finds a new life for herself. When the gang plans to assassinate a turian veteran she has to find the great strength she has been ignoring.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Drama/Crime - Chapters: 13 - Words: 36,923 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 97 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 3/12/2009 - Published: 2/17/2009 - Shepard (F) - Complete
Four Queens reviews
Set 2000 years ago during the Rachni Wars. As the rachni invade planets all over Citadel space the Council turns to the krogan army. On the planet Ontahe a proud krogan Captain is betrayed and he swears to find and behead a rachni Queen single-handedly.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 7 - Words: 21,541 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 2/3/2009 - Published: 1/28/2009 - Complete
A Corellian Werewolf in Mos Eisley reviews
A fun and strange short story about the wolf-man you see in the old SW 'cantina scene'. Jim Bastra is a private detective hunting down the mysterious 'Devaronian' who changed him into a werewolf.
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 10,431 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 6/16/2008 - Published: 4/28/2008 - Complete
Jedi Nights reviews
A short KOTOR song parody. Carth and lightside female Revan sing a funny Summer Nights from Grease.
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Parody/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 536 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/8/2008 - Complete
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