Author has written 17 stories for Maximum Ride, Harry Potter, Twilight, Supernatural, and Big Time Rush.
Hey. You know, I'm not sure how many of the people on this site actually read this shit, so I'm just going to keep it short.
I have lost my love for FF.net. I just don't feel it anymore. I'm trying to branch out in my own writing, becoming more creative. Nothing personal.
"I'm saying it poetically
How to Tell if You're a Writer
-If you talk to yourself.
9 Things I Hate About Everyone:
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2 People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". darn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!
5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid 12 to come to the cinema and stare at the darn floor.
6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8 When people say "life is short". What the heck?? Life is the longest darn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbie?
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
MURPHY'S LESSER-KNOWN LAWS:
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something
right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.
7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be
stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those
who got there first.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he
will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12
people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
35 Things to do when your in Walmart! - UPDATED-
1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
15.Grap alot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go"
16. Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly when they take one.
17. Buy 350 cans of tuna and scream "THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT!! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!!" when the cashier tells you the price.
18. Walk around looking confused in the CD section and ask people where you can find the CDs.
19. Start a fish-stick fight.
20. Walk up to random people, give them bear hugs, and say very loudly that you missed them and they never really did get that dandruf shampoo you recommended.
21. Jump in a cart and have a friend push you while you scream "The Germans are coming!"
22. Attempt to fly off a high shelf.
23. Run up to an employee and ask "Do you like me?" If they say no, yell out "You broke my heart, you evil monster! I'm telling the manager!" and start throwing canned tomatoes at them. If they say yes just to get you away, pat their shoulder, and say "What a shame because that girl over there" point to a random person "was just about to ask you to dinner."
24. Throw confetti on random people walking into the store.
25. Whisper "I know your 'little' secret" to people in the checkout lines.
26. Stand inside the freezer in the frozen food section.
27. Walk up to employees and whisper "I saw dead people...they want me to take you away...to aisle eight..."
28. Ask the clerk to make a page saying "If there is an Edward in the store, Bella is looking for you at the main info desk". (this works best if you love Twilight, and don't try with Maximum Ride)
29. See how many cans of frosting you can open and thoroughly lick without getting caught.
30. Go to a person with a shopping cart full of merchandise and demand a ride in the basket.
31. Practice your juggling with a few Grade-A eggs.
32. Squeeze the cream-filled doughnuts.
33. Walk into the baby clothes section, pick up a pink baby dress, then throw it down and run away screaming that the pink bunnies of doom came back.
34. Bow to the display of T.Vs in the electronics section.
35. See if you can move the bottom can from the gigantic canned beet pyramid
"EVERYBODY RELAX!...-does random funny dance-...I'm here!"-Priestly, "Ten Inch Hero"
"Don't judge a book by it's cover, and more importantly, don't let others tell you what your cover should look like." Wikipedia, "Ten Inch Hero"
"It's pathetic, Tish, okay? It's pathetic that she can't rise above all this superficial horseshit that's swirling around her. I mean, why is it? Why is it that some people can't see a good thing when it's right in front of them, huh? What is it that screws all that up, can you tell me? I swear, you're like two-year-olds, more interested in the wrapping paper than what's inside."-Priestly, "Ten Inch Hero"
"Code blue. Hostile territory. Aborting mission...It's your Renaissance Man. I'm at the store, there's too many enemy tampons. I'm bailing...Initial recon appears to be bag or box...Box. Roger that...Okay, regular. Uh, here's one but it says slender regular. How can something be both slender and regular? Isn't that mutually exclusive?...Unless, of course they're implying in the mysterious underworld of Femboxes that slender is regular...Well, what about the Super Pluses?...Why not? They sound like better...I thought you liked huge ...Yeah, well shouldn't you buy all the protection you can get? looks at the side of the box I mean, it says here it can handle any amount of- Oh my god! throws the box in disgust...That's nasty...Tish!...That word... flow. Thats nasty. It's gross...Over and out. Heading back to base camp."-Priestley, "Ten Inch Hero"
"Two words...no, wait...eight words, four words, two words...or just four words: love books." - ily-rox
"Close your books, class!" - oly-rox doing an impression of our Biology teacher on too much caffiene
"I've already overdosed on Kit-Kats! URHGH!"- ily-rox's Spanish II teacher
"Becky doesn't deserve his thighs. No, Becky doesn't deserve Jose's thighs...or his..."-ily-rox and me
"He's gay and European!"-Legally Blonde the Musical
"And Mr. Potter, take Mr. Weasley with you. He looks like he's having entirely too much fun over there."-Professor McGonalgall
"And then I was like 'Avada Kedava!', and he was like *dead*!" -ily-rox
"We could be killed! Or worse, expelled!"-Hermione Granger
"Alex Esparza saves lives."-Me
"Kill him! No, not you mom!"-Alex Esparza
"Can I say 'tick, tick'? Because it's...a...pun? Because I'm...a clock?"-Zack Crutou
"No matter what Ms. Martin says, I am not a stalker."-ily-rox
"You're Kyle's teacher!"-ily-rox and me
"How do you know that?"-Ms. Martin
"If you were a serial killer, how would you choose your victims?"-Question of the Day
"Are you a virgin?"-Question of Forever
"A brief, short, high, followed by a long, slow let down."-Phibbs, Kyle through ily-rox
"Ah! Ah! Look! Watch!"-Jose
"So you put it in her bra?"-Jose
"This is all I need to say: I found home, you're my home. Stay with me."-Hanna Hays
"Oh, we're just setting things up? That's cool!"-Alex Esparza
"We need you."-Alex Esparza
"Second star to the right, and straight on til morning."-Alex Esparza, giving directions to Brie Farley's house
"Busy hands are happy hands!
"No, I'm in first, Sukora's in 2nd, Zach's in 3rd, and Sidney has dissapeared off the score board."-Arturo
"No, Juli's a plate. What are we talking about?"-Me
"He's not the monster, Gaston, you are!
"Hey, Jose! What does LINK stand for?
"Don't be embarrassed if you say 'orgasm' instead of 'organism'."-Mrs. Capra
"A lot of kids love this class because they can say 'sex' and be taken seriously."-Mrs. Capra
"No, Craig! If you say to Juli 'Let's have sex!'-and you're going to have sex no matter what-and she says 'Let's get it on!', IT'S NOT RAPE!"-ily-rox
"What is going on in your Biology class?!"-Phibbs, Kyle
"A landfill is a DUMP!" -Mr. Cortez
"Yeah, we were high on sugar!
"I know that you know!"-Hades ("Hercules")
"Well, I could look like THIS!!!"-Hades ("Percy Jackson")
"Noise attracts tornadoes!"-Mr. Cortez
"Noise attracts tomatoes!"- ily-rox
"SIDNEY! YOU JUST DRANK HELL!!!!"-Sophie
"'Horrific' isn't spelled like 'whore'."-Me
"Ahnold is awkward in the elevator on a horse."-Sophie
"Aw, hell! We'll take over half of Panama and let the canal be the fence!"-Mr. Cortez
"CSAP...Yeah, they got Nazi's, too."-Mr. Cortez
"Oh, I'm slain! -walks offstage-"-Tybalt
"I had a dream about Jeremiah, and he was in the exact same position as Jose!"-Me
"Don't give up. No matter how hard it gets, don't stop. Because in the end, it's worth it."-Kaitlyn Martinez
"I want my two dollars!"-Johnny
"Let me write it!
"Aw, fuck it! Just shoot us both!"-Axel, "My Bloody Valentine 3D"
"I think if she [communist sister] slapped Juli, Juli would have, like, eaten her!"-Sophie (after which I promptly choked on my lemonade)
"I'm gonna need the biggest tissue-Oh, hi, Jose!-box in the world to make it through Thursday night!"-Me
Random Pile of Shit
How else did Harry Potter defeat Voldemort than by seducing him with his magical wand.
He sparkles, he doesn't kill people, he doesn't sleep... Face it, Edward Cullen isn't a vampire... He's a fairy
Dear Sam and Dean...There are vampires in Forks. Sincerely, Jacob Black
It's a Jensen Ackles thing...only Jared Padalecki would understand
...and then the Cullens moved to Sunnydale and met Buffy.
When all else fails...meet in Bobby's panic room.
W.W.M.D?-What Would Misha Do? (Prolly something more batshit than either you or I could ever come up with)
The Witch Scene (from Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
They bring her forward - a beautiful YOUNG GIRL (MISS ISLINGTON)
BEDEVERE takes her nose off.
ARTHUR and PATSY ride up at this point and watch what follows with interest
PEASANTS stir uneasily then come round to this conclusion.
They all turn and look at ARTHUR. BEDEVERE looks up very impressed.
He leads them a few yards to a very strange contraption indeed, made
Two PEASANTS knock them away with sledge hammers. The GIRL and the