Author has written 2 stories for Naruto, and Harry Potter.
My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone.
When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.
The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears it is true.
We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.
Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.
The voices in my head tell me that you're all crazy to think that I need therapy.
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like grandfather...not screaming like the passengers in his car.
If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation.
They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it everytime I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?
Sarcasm is one more service we offer.
I hear voices and they don't like you
Smile -- it confuses the enemy
I'm not bossy, I just have better ideas
Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
Who ever said anything was possible never tried nailing jello to a tree.
"I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell cant paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college-ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that paper up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say "oh shit , I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, asshole."
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He/she won't expect it back.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Buy one for the price of two and get the second one free!
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is. It's always room-temperature.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together
The road to hell is ordered by the righteous, planned by the well-meaning, and paved with their good intentions.
Always be who you are. Those who matter don't care and those who care don't matter.
If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it.
Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway.
The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.
You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff...I laugh again.
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
That which doesn't kill you...will probably try again.
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile.
After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband
Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right way.'
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
And last, but not least...
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
I think people should read this if they HATE child abusing. If you HATE child abusing like me copy and paste this to your profile.
My name is Sarah
I am but three
My eyes are swollen
I cannot se
I must be stupid
I must be bad
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can't speak at all
I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked up
All the day long
When I awake I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home.
When my mommy does come
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just
One whipping tonight
Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's Bar.
I hear him curse
My name he calls
I press myself
Against the wall.
I try and hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now
I'm starting to cry.
He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words,
He says its my fault
That he suffers at work.
He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And I run for the door.
He's already locked it
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall.
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken.
"I'm sorry!", I scream
But its now much too late
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate.
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor.
My name is Sarah
And I am but three,
Tonight my daddy,
Child abuse, MAKE IT STOP!
"And Dreamers shall dream and make the impossible possible and to inspire others around them to reach higher, to surpass the limits, until eternity's end"- Unknown
"NEVER GIVE UP!"- Winston Churchill
"Lonliness can't be defeated [alone]"- Gaara from the Naruto Series
To everything there is season, and a time to every purpose under the Heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time pluck what is planted; A time to kill and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and time to gather the stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. - Ecclesiastes 3:1-9
"The only thing new in the world is the history you don't know," - Harry S. Truman
"Nothing except a battle lost can be half so melancholy as a battle won."- Duke of Wellington
"If everything isn't black and white, I say, 'why the hell not?'"- John Wayne
"There are not great men. Just great challenges which ordinary men, out of necessity, are forced by cirumstances to meet."- Admiral William F. "Bull" Halsey
"I can picture in my mind's eye a world without war, a world without hate, and I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it"- Jack Handy
"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his dilusion is a philosopher"- Ambrose Bierce
"All the best stories in the world are but one reality; the story of escape. It is the only thing which interests us all and at all times- how to escape"- Arthur Christopher Benson
"There are none so blind as those who do not see"- Unknown
"If you are going to walk on ice, you might as well dance."- Unknown
"He who attacks must vanquish. He who defends must merely survive."- Master Kahn
"It is an unfortunate fact that we can secure peace only by preparing for war."- President John F. Kennedy
"Getting rid of a delusion makes us wiser than getting hold of a truth."- Ludwig Borne
"If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things."- Rene Descartes
"A discovery is said to be an accident meeting a prepared mind."- Albert von Szent-Gyorgyi
"Sarcasm is anger with a smile."-Natalie Hyde
"When arguing with a fool, make sure the opponent isn't doing the exact same thing."- Abraham Lincoln
"To be alone is to be different, to be different is to be alone."-Suzanne Gordon
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."- Albert Einstein
"The truth is rarely pure and never simple."- Oscar Wilde
"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."- Will Rogers
"There are two theories when arguing with women. Neither one works."- Will Rogers
"He who fights monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."- Friedrich Nietzsche
"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever."- Napolean Boneparte
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."- Plato
"It is perfectly American to be wrong."- Newt Gringrich
"Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth."- Sherlock Holmes
"Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil."- Aristotle
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."- Edmund Burke
"The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet not withstanding to go out to and meet it."- Thucyclides
"The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public."- George Jessel
"The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on."- Catch 22
"Cunning is the art of conceiling our own defects, and discovering other people's weaknesses."- William Hazlitt
"In three words I can sum up everything I learned about life: it goes on."- Robert Frost
"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."- Herm Albright
"Not all who wonder are lost."- J.R.R. Tolkien
"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."- Lily Tomlin
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather judgement that something else is more important than fear."- Ambrose Redmoon
"If you can't convince them, confuse them."- Harry S. Truman
"A common mistake that people make trying to design something comepletely foolproof was to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."- Douglas Adams
"Just when you realize that life's a bitch, it has puppies."- Adrienne E. Gusoff
"The optomist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true."- James Branch Cabell
"You can always trust the Americans. In the end they do the right thing. After they have eliminated all other possibilies." Winston Churchill
"That's what it takes to be a hero, a little gem of innocence inside you that makes you want to believe that their still exists a right and wrong, that decency will somehow triumph in the end."- Lise Hand
"Death is more universal than life; everyone dies and not everbody lives."- A. Sachs
"Often, the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth."- Mark Twain
"Suspicion always haunts a guilty mind."- Shakespear
"Sometimes, you just have to smile, shrug, and say 'What the hell?'"- unknown
"Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all."- William Goldman, "The Princess Bride"
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move."- Douglas Adams
"If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility."- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elswhere."- Francois De La Rochefoucauld
"Reveal not every secret to a friend, for how can you tell but that friend may hereafter become an enemy."- Saadi
"One should expect the expected can be prevented, but the unexpected should have been expected."- Norman R. Augustine
"Destiny is what you are supposed to do in life. Fate is what kicks you in the ass to do it."- Henry Miller
"Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that can not be torn, so that we see ourselves for as we really are."- Arthur Golden
"May he who has screwed over your day have his crotch infested by the fleas of a thousand camels, and may his arms be too short to scratch it. Amen."- The officer worker's prayer
"Most bitter are the quarrels between brothers."- Latin Proverb
"Happiness is the dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill."- Johnny Carson
"One of the secrets of life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks."- Jack Penn
"A real friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."- Unknown
"Never tell people how to do things: tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity."- George S. Patton
"If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door."- Paul Beatly
"Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop."- Unknown
"A work of art which did not begin in emotion is not art."- Unknown
"Emotion is the starting point, the beginning, and the end."- Unknown
"Man's biggest mistake is to win over a woman without knowing how to love her."- Unknown
"I firmly believe that any man's finest hour is that moment when they have worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of the battle... victorius."- Vince Lombardi
"Friends are angels that help us getting up when our wings can't remember how to fly."- Unknown
The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step... Sometimes, taking the first step is the most difficult thing to do... Your destiny is in your hands... You must grasp it before it's too late.- Luo Tzu
"I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not."- Unknown
"I too often see people killing catepillars and then complaining there are not enough butterflies."- Unknown
"Roll the dice, never look back and never think twice."- taken from Papa Roach's "Just wanna be loved"
"Everyone bleeds red."- Lithius
"You all blame the effect but what about the cause?"-Unknown
"Perfection is an impossibility for humanity, for the simple fact humans themselves are imperfect. The ideal that things in our world are perfect, are simply ideals that are mistruths conjured up by madmen attempting to sustain that pitiful existence. It is impossible for us to understand what is perfect, for we are not perfect ourselves. Once humanity realizes this, we can all get on with our lives."- fellow fan-fic writer, the Magnificent It.
"Stop fighting against the system, destroy it from the inside. That's what germs do!"- fellow fan-fic writer, the Magnificent It
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away... and now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.- I Corinthians 13:3-8,13
"Out of all the tests that we as humans have to undergo, love is probably the hardest and subtlest. We can't understand it, but yet when we experience it we learn more than we do in a lifetime."- Lithius
"How can you make someone love you without forcing them?"-Bruce Noland, from "Bruce Almighty"
"Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful"-taken from "Life is Beautiful" by Sixx:A.M.
"When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it."- Unknown
"Love is like a deck of cards... You need a Heart to love them, a Diamond to marry them, a Club to beat them, and a Spade to bury the bastards."- Unknown
"We fear that which we cannot see"- Unknown
People have hope because they cannot see death standing behind them- tagline of Bleach, volume 2
If it rusts, it can never be trusted... If its owner fails to control it, it will cut him... Yes, pride is... Like a blade- tagline of Bleach, volume 8
We think that a flower on a cliff is beautiful because we stop our feet at the cliff's edge, unable to step out into the sky like the fearless flower.- tagline of Bleach, volume 12
Those who do not know what love is liken it to beauty. Those who claim to know what love is liken it to ugliness.- tagline of Bleach, volume 20
That deep wound, it's like the sea's abyss... That red guilt, it's not the color of death.- tagline of Bleach, volume 30
"A word to the wise ain't necessary; it's the stupid ones that need advice."- Bill Cosby
"He who laughs last didn't get it."- Helen Giangregrio
"Life's journey it not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting, 'Holy S--, what a ride!'"- Unknown
"In the driest, whitest stretch of pain's infinite desert, I lost my sanity and found this rose."- Rumi
Every rose has its thorn... Just like every night has its dawn... Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song... Every rose has its thorn.- Poison
"Love a person for their good, but if you truly love them, you'll love them even more for their flaws."- Lithius
A light shines in the darkness, but the darkness doesn't understand it.- John 1:5
If it happens, God lets it happen, and when we say, "I don't understand," God replies, "I don't care."- Taken from The Green Mile.
We each owe a death, there are no exceptions, I know that, but sometimes, oh God, the Green Mile is so long.- Taken from The Green Mile.
"Never take life seriously, nobody ever gets out alive."- Unknown
"True strength is being able to hold it all togethor when everything else is falling apart."- Unknown
"A man said to the universe, "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the universe, "That fact has not created me a sense of obligation.""- Stephen Crane
"Life is like a video game; the more serious you take it, the harder the rules get."- fellow fan-fic writer The Rogue Stallion
"Live as if you were going to die tomorrow, but learn as if you were going to live forever."- Unknown
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."- Albert Einstein
"There is nothing either good nor bad, but thinking makes it so."- William Shakespear
"Not all scars show, not all wounds heal, sometimes you can't see the pain someone feels."-Unknown
"There is no person who does not carry scars on their heart. If there were such a person, they would be a shallow soul."- Hiei
"That's why God put stupid people on the planet, to test the people that actually have a brain."- Anonymous
"He who is master is not of others but himself. Truly an angel."- Hachirou Kita
"Each coin has two sides, the man lost control of his and I saw a demon."-Hachirou Kita
"I saw a winged man, and when I asked him who he was, he said, 'I'm an angel.'"- Hachirou Kita
"Don not follow where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."- Unknown
"Shoot for the moon- you may miss but you'll land among the stars."- Unknown
"To the world you might be one person, to one person you might be the world."- From a random Naruto fic.
"Sometimes the past hurts too much. That makes you do stupid or impossible things to try and fix it, but the past is always dead. You can't repair yesterday."- Sato from the fic Forlorn
"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."-Unknown
"The planet in not in jeapardy. We are in jeapordy. We haven't got the power to destroy the planet- or to save it. But we might have the power to save ourselves."- taken from the book Jurassic Park
"Insanity: a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world."- R.D. Lang
"Reality is nothing but a collective hunch."- Lily Tomlin
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disclination to do so."- Douglas Adams
"Fake friends bail you out of jail and tell you that what you did was wrong, real friends would sit next to you saying 'Damn we f--ed up, but that shit was fun!'"- Unknown
"Close your eyes and think it's a bad dream. That's how I get by."- Jack Sparrow
"If you take the easy way out, what is the point?"- Lithius
"If I knew where poems came from, I would go there."- Micheal Langley
"What is this?" said the leopard, "that is so s'clusively dark, and yet so full of little pieces of light?"- Rudyard Kipling, taken from Just So Stories
"I woke up and knew he was gone. Straightaway I knew he was gone. When you love somebody you know these things."- David Almond, Skellig
Darkness always had its part to play. Without it, how would we know when we walked in the light? It's only when its ambitions become too grandiose that it must be opposed, disciplined- if necessary- brought down for a time. Then it will rise again, as it must.- Clive Barker, Abarat
"All I need is a sheet of paper and something to write with, and then I can turn the world upside down."- Friedrich Nietzsche
The strongest memory is weaker... than the palest ink.- Chinese Proverb
"Believe me. Sometimes when life looks to be at its grimmest, there's a light hidden at the heart of things."- Clive Barker, Abarat
"You never came out the way you came in."- Francis Spufford
"The world existed to be read. And I read it."- L.S. Schwartz
""Hope," is the thing with feathers."- Emily Dickinson
"All writers are lunatics!"- Fenoglio, Inkspell
"When we stare into the eyes of God and say 'I don't want any part of it,' He turns around and replies 'what choice do you have?,'"- Unknown
"To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure."- Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
"We are one of only three species on our planet that can claim to be self-aware, yet self-delusion may be a more significant characteristic of our kind."- Michael Crichton
"In this secular existence, perfection is an illusion, regardless of those who utter the contrary; this is the reality: common man seeks it out, they aspire to acheive it as if it was some tangible thing, but the fact of the matter is perfection is a hollow shell. It is devoid of any substance. I spit on perfection."- Mayuri Kurotsuchi, Bleach
Love is rich with both honey and venom- Latin Proverb
"There is nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home. When you've lost it all, that's when you finally realize that life is beautiful."- Nikki Sixx
“I want to throw down your kid and stomp on his testicles, and then you will know what it is like to experience waking up everyday as me. And only then will you feel my pain.” - Mike Tyson
“My parents keep asking how school was. It’s like saying, ‘How was that drive-by shooting?’ You don’t care how it was, you’re lucky to get out alive.” - Unknown
“Sing like you know the lyrics; Dance like no one is watching; Live like you were dying; Love like you've never been hurt before” - Unknown
Don’t be so humble - you are not that great."
"I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better."
"It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man."
"The average person thinks he isn’t."
"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important."
"To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me."
"Give me a museum and I’ll fill it."
"Plato was a bore."
"The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time."
"You proceed from a false assumption: I have no ego to bruise."
"How can I lose to such an idiot?"
"For there is nothing either good or bad, thinking makes it so."
"Contradictions do not exist. Whenever you think that you are facing a contradiction, check your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong."
"I have no data yet. It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories instead of theories to suit facts."
"We must have strong minds, ready to accept facts as they are."
"317 is a prime, not because we think so, or because our minds are shaped in one way rather than another, but because it is so, because mathematical reality is built that way."
"Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems."
"If two things don’t fit, but you believe both of them, thinking that somewhere, hidden, there must be a third thing that connects them, that’s credulity."
"A problem well stated is a problem half solved."
"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away."
"Plurality is not to be posited without necessity."
"Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake."
"A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation."
"A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines."
"There is nothing that living things do that cannot be understood from the point of view that they are made of atoms acting according to the laws of physics."
"A goodly number of scientists are not only narrow-minded and dull, but also just stupid."
"All science is either physics or stamp collecting."
"The only possible conclusion the social sciences can draw is: some do, some don’t."
"Religion hinges upon faith, politics hinges upon who can tell the most convincing lies or maybe just shout the loudest, but science hinges upon whether its conclusions resemble what actually happens."
"Religion ends and philosophy begins, just as alchemy ends and chemistry begins, and astrology ends and astronomy begins."
"A religion contradicting science and a science contradicting religion are equally false."
"Science is the record of dead religions."
"Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest."
"Faith: not wanting to know what is true."
"Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof."
"Hell is paved with good samaritans."
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and is widely regarded as a bad move."
"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."
"The being we call god is merely a pawn working for a powerful and rational force in some far-off galaxy. This force is trying to weed out people who are irrational by seeing who would be stupid enough to believe in his god illusion so easily. Those that believe in this illusion, he will send to eternal damnation and he will deliver the rational beings, those who stoically refused to believe in a god, to heaven."
"Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis."
"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is ‘God is crying’. And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is ‘Probably because of something you did’."
"God for you is where you sweep away all the mysteries of the world, all the challenges to our intelligence. You simply turn your mind off and say God did it."
"The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose."
"Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday."
"The price of liberty is eternal vigilance."
"The percent likelihood of a society becoming physically violent if it is physically affectionate towards its infants and tolerant of premarital sexual behavior is 2 percent. The probability of this relationship occurring by chance is 125,000 to one. I am not aware of any other developmental variable that has such a high degree of predictive validity."
"All for one; one for all."
"You laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at you because you are all the same."
"Vote early and vote often."
"If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."
"The problems that exist in the world today cannot be solved by the level of thinking that created them."
"Men have become the tools of their tools."
"When they took the Fourth Amendment, I was silent because I don’t deal drugs. When they took the Sixth Amendment, I kept quiet because I know I’m innocent. When they took the Second Amendment, I said nothing because I don’t own a gun. Now they’ve come for the First Amendment, and I can’t say anything at all."
"A great many people think they are thinking when they are acutally rearranging their prejudices."
In a boat at sea one of the men began to bore a hole in the bottom of the boat. On being remonstrating with, he answered, "I am only boring under my own seat." "Yes," said his companions, "but when the sea rushes in we shall all be drowned with you."
"The right to swing my fist ends where the other man’s nose begins."
"Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity."
"I think it would be a good idea."
"Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence."
"NEW YORK, NY. A man was knocked down by a car and got up uninjured, but lay back down in front of the car when a bystander told him to feign injury in order to collect insurance money. The car rolled forward and crushed him to death."
"If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?"
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former."
"What do you take me for, an idiot?;"
"Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung."
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife."
"You can pretend to be serious; you can’t pretend to be witty."
"A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice."
"It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid."
"I don’t know anything about music. In my line you don’t have to."
"It depends upon what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is."
"The only stupid question is the question you don't ask."
"A witty saying proves nothing."
"Hunger is the best sauce."
"Better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
"Even a stopped clock is right twice a day."
"A pint of sweat saves a gallon of blood."
"Bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."
"99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name."
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, prepare to die."
"The greatest strength is gentleness."
"Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig."
"If you lose your temper, you’ve lost the argument."
"I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon."
"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian."
"I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television."
"Why don’t you write books people can read?"
"They write about these kind of cases in the Private Eye Handbook, Lady! Something about a ten foot pole..."
"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you."
"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"
"Few things are harder to put up with than a good example."
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it."
"Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny."
"In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him."
"You got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there."
"I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known."
"I have an existential map; it has ‘you are here’ written all over it."
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before."
"I would like to be able to admire a man’s opinions as I would his dog - without being expected to take it home with me."
"I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying."
"The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you."
"You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant (excepting Alice)."
"Wit is educated insolence."
"Criticism is prejudice made plausible."
"Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo."
"Imitation is the sincerest form of television."
"Happiness is good health and a bad memory."
"Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers."
"Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt."
"The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting."
"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense."
"Opportunities multiply as they are seized."
"Men are like steel. when they lose their temper, they lose their worth."
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C’, the idea must be feasible."
"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
"This antitrust thing will blow over."
"We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
"Do, or do not. There is no ‘try’."
"It’s easier to seek forgiveness than ask for permission."
"Be lions roaring through the forests of knowledge."
"Become who you are."
"Ideas are like stars; you will not succeed in touching them with your hands. But like the seafaring man on the desert of waters, you choose them as your guides, and following them you will reach your destiny."
"Destiny is not a matter of change, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved."
"They say time is the fire in which we burn."
"If everything is under control, you are going too slow."
"If you want to build a ship, don't herd people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea."
"Never forget that it is the spirit with which you endow your work that makes it useful or futile."
"I don't know the key to success but I know the key to failure is trying to please everybody."
"We ought to be more focused on enemies without than preoccupied with finding them within."
"A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government."
"Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains."
"I would have made a good Pope."
"Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservative."
"I like to play poker with politicians. They’re easy to beat. Sometimes in poker it’s smarter to lose with a winning hand so that you can win later with a losing hand. Politicians can’t accept that."
"The worst part about politics is that you're always right and no one ever knows it."
"In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love; they had five hundred years of democracy and peace and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock."
"Its not the size of the dog in the fight, its the size of the fight in the dog."
"When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail."
"I am become death, shatterer of worlds."
"It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument."
"You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone."
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
"Heav’n hath no rage like love to hatred turn’d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn’d."
"Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so."
"The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his."
Doctor Juliet Parish: "Things have gotten totally out of control."
"A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic."
"Man’s highest joy is in victory: to conquer one’s enemies; to pursue them; to deprive them of their possessions; to make their beloved weep; to ride on their horses; and to embrace their wives and daughters."
"It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both."
"Copy from one, it’s plagiarism; copy from two, it’s research."
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance."
Si hoc legere scis numium eruditionis habes.
"I don’t feel good."
"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..."
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