Awesa-mazin-licious
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Joined 07-17-07, id: 1328442
Author has written 3 stories for Twilight.

WARNING: RATED T- FOR TEFFIFIC

Hello fellow fan-ficers (if that is your real name),

Here is everything you need to know about me:

Um... sorta new I hope you like my stories, some - ok most - will be kinda wierd and also random.

I LOVE Twilight and so should you! (If you are part of the evilness who does not LOVE Edward, meet me in the secret aly behind your house. Tell no one you are coming and dont envolve the po-po. And also dont be surprised if you never see your loved ones EVER AGAIN) If I could be a charactor in the blessed book, I would defenitly be Alice, 'cept be married to Edward instead of retarded Jazzy (j/k I LOVE Jasper. More than Carlisle, although not as much as Eddiy or Emmett).

My besties are Annie Settle, Lexi Penwarden, And my sister FreeXFlyer.

I am like the sun. I wake up at 6:20 A.M., I burn things if they get to close to me, and I have awesome dance moves.

WARNING: I Am Very Suspicious of things

Also I am addicted to Linkin Park and ChOcOlAtE!

YES I AM FEMALE YOU DIRTY MINDED PEOPLE!

I am a BITCH (Beautiful Intelligent Talented Cool Hottie)

Guys with Emo hair are like a blillion times more sexy than other guys.

I am so completly straight and so hopelessly cursed with singleness!! (But I am in love with Galipoka on YouTube. Watch his videos!!)

WARNING: If you don't like my stories, then don't read them!

My goal in life is to have everyone I have ever come into contact with fall in love with Twilight series, and, more importantly, EDWARD!

ReAsOnS Edward is perfect:

1. Edward means Guardian

2. Bronze hair

3. Perfect Features

4. Perfect body

5. Perfect family (with the exception of Rosealie. Grrr...)

6. He's a Genius

7. He is a freaking fountain of wisdom

8. A million other things

Edward's imperfections:

1. He is in love with Bella and not me.

Although if we ever met the latter would most defenitly change! He doesn't know what he wants! He needs to be TOLD what he wants!! (cut to pic of me using evil laugh and rubbing hands together maniacly)

OMC I love Oceans Twelve because of the ending. If you have watched the movie you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, I have one word for you. Laser lights.

Anyways R&R because you Know how much I love it!

I want everyone to throw rotton tomatoes at Jacob black (hand-grenades work too).

Suspicious Things I Have Noticed in my incredibly Long Life-span of 13 years:

1. I CANNOT spell to save my life

2. Marrying inanimate objects is illegal in the state of Florida.

3. Especialy if it's toast

4. With butter

5. And "But toast is the cornicopia of all things good in life" is not an accepteable excuse for said marrige

6. Jerry Springer has a SERIOUS man-crush on The Hoff

7. And is always flirting with him on Americas Got Talent

8. Most people think I belong in the insane assylum

9. Except for the people who run said assylums

10. Because I drive them up the wall

11. If you stay up for three days straight, you will be seriously messed up in the head

12. So try not to play Truth or Dare During this period

13. Or you might end up strutting across you besties roof at Sunrise in nothing but your undergarments

14. And a highly attractive male neighbor of 16 might decide to walk the dog at this time

15. And end up being mentally scarred for life

16. All math teaches are Evil

17. And hate it when your cell rings in class

18. On the first day of school

19. Repeatedly

20. Almost no straight men read and love Twilight

21. In Mario Princess peach gets captured EVERY DAMN TIME and has the little italian men save her

22. And so my conclusion is that the people who make those games are malshovinists!

23. Falling off the top bunk is very painful

24. Even more so if you have a collection of stilettos on your bedroom floor

25. Don't yell, "STORMS SUCK!" at the sky in the middle of a lightning storm

25. On the top of a large hill

26. Wearing a lightning rod on your head

27. Or you will die.

28. Dancing the tango with you sister is unwise if you are right next to a glass table

29. A glass table covered in broken mosiac pieces.

30. If you slurp your water too fast, you will choke to death

P.S. Yes I know I said LOVE like a million times but I just LOVE love, don't you? 'Specialy the Edwardelicious type!

I'm INTO THEATRE & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I’m a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude
I'm BI, so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a Goth.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naïve

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I’m WICCAN, so I MUST be a devil-worshipping baby killer.
I’m A GOOD LIAR, so I MUST be an actor/actress
I’m a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone’s ass
I’m a FEMALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a lesbian
I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant
I’m FRENCH, so I MUST be homosexual
I’m a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict
I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian
I’m a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie
I’m INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs
I’m a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST love math
I'm BLACK, so I MUST be on welfare
I'm PUNK, so I MUST cut my wrists
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist
I'm IRISH, so I MUST be a alcoholic
I'm BLOND, so I MUST be a stupid ditz
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore
I'm a JEW, so I MUST be greedy
I have A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS so I MUST be dating them all
I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd
I love RENT so I MUST be an emo lesbian with AIDS
.
I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST believe in heaven.
Stereotypes suck! Copy, paste & add.

COPY & PAISTIES!!!

If people mistake you for a vampire (cough cough or you are one cough cough)...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If they are right...copy and paste this into your profile

If you think Edward Cullen is hot...copy and paste this onto your profile

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you think anyone who doesn't agree with thew latter should be hit by a bus, .copy and paste this onto your profile

If you or your best friend is insane copy and paste this onto your profile.

Ninety-eight percent of teenagers have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the two percent who's tried smoking Limjack, copy this and paste it in your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

92 percent of American teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch/American Eagle told them it was uncool to breathe. If you are one of the 8 percent who would stand there and laugh, copy this into your profile.

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, which makes weird good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy & paste this onto your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile. (All the time.)

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile (See above)

If your like Sharpies, penguins, cookies, close friends, MSN, AIM, and the internet, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever accidentally stabbed yourself or someone else with a pencil, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you dance in the shower, copy this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy and past this into your profle.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune.(Freaky...)

Retarded sayings list:

1. Honestly one saying that gets me urked is the one about people loving you for your flaws. That makes no sense at all. Lets say you have a boyfriend and oneday you find out that he has committed 43 murders. Would you drop down on your knees and propose right then? Hmm? Ok, maby you need another example. Lets say you have a best friend but you find out she has a problem; she is a pathological talk-behind-the-backer. Do you understand now? Good.

2. And 'She was talking about me behind my back'? If you think about it that really means infront of your front. So you should look out for the people who talk about you infront of your back.

3. 'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUR! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO!

4. "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" What would that be? Create the most powerful civilization in the history of the world and then have it fall soon thereafter? Die? Because trust me, THE ROMANS ARE DEAD!

5. "Try to walk a mile in someone's shoes" I am convinced this is a conspiracy to get people either lost or shoeless! Or dead! What if you are on an island that only had enough space for you to stand up straigh on? Hmm? THEN YOU WOULD DIE!

6. "The eyes are the window to the soul" What is the door than? Your mouth? And if so, does that mean that you soul is a house where your food lives? The meaning beneath this saying is "Your soul is in your stomach." It is a conspiracy to get people obese, and then DEAD!

7. "Take the road less travled" As the Great Lemony Snicket said, (I'm paraphrasing here)There is a reason The Road Less Travled is less travled! It's most likely because there is a hungry bear living nearby and eats people who take The Road Less Travled! It a conspirasy to KILL YOU!

8. "Don't judge a book by it's cover" Why the hell not? Lets say you come across a book with very explicit photos on the front and the title being '10,000,000,000,000 different ways to mastrobate'? You, not wanting to be judgmental, buy this book for your 7 year old niece for her eighth birthday! It's a conspiracy to make little children mastrobate! Well, maby not that specific, but still!

9. "You are the apple of my eye" What does that mean? Are you a doctor that got hit with a well-aimed apple? Do you have an apple tree growing in your head? It's a conspiracy to make people eat your eyeballs! GROSS!

10. "I just wanna Eat you up" EW!! If I have to explain why this is wrong and a conspiracy of the baby KILLERS and EATERS, you must be a scary person! If you agree with this list, add you own, and then copy and paste!

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile

If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile

If you support the ‘Make Edward change Bella into a vampire’ club, copy this into your profile.

If you don’t dance to avoid injury to yourself and those around you, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the frick'n trix, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!

If you wish more people were like your friends on fanfic, copy and paste this onto your pro

If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile

If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If you have no idea how people found out what Edwards middle name is, copy and paste this

If you know what a lemon fly is(for those who dont, it is a mythicle lemon with wings. ha! now you know!!)

If you have a problem with counsoulors, copy and paste!!

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework insted of doing it. Crazy is when you act completly well crazy and make a total fool of yourself and not even care. Crazy is when you dedicate your entire being(every cell in your body) to Twilight, Maximum Ride, and fanfiction. Crazy is when you go into build-a-bear workshop and walk up to little kids saying "That's my favorite bear" in a creepy voice and then run like heck when their soccer-moms glare at you. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica, twilightgirl1918, Just A Little Bit Dramatic, Pirates OWNS you, Cripsee, I'll have some stupid cliche, danceswithwings119, gottaluvtwilight, Awsea-Mazin-licious

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, which I am, but I'm also random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you've ever misspelled your own fanfic screenname, copy and paste this onto your pro

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer

AACIBD is Addicted to All Cullen’s Including Bella Disorder.

AV is Addicted to Vampires

ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder

If you're a proud stalker and obsessed love-struck of Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, copy this into your profile.

If you are absolutly in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional charater Edward, from twilight, copy and paste this into your profile

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

If you think the Coa-coa Puff Turky Bird thing shoud go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

If yoo cant spel too sav yoor lyfe then putt thes in yoor profiele

98 of teenagers do drugs, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels.

If you think the semi-colon is completely usless, stupid, annoying and plotting to destroy the English language as we know it, put this in your pro!

If you think Fang is hot...copy and paste this on your profile.

Fang = 98 percent human, 2 percent bird, 100 percent hott!

If u think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in ur pro!

If whenever you see or hear the name "Edward" you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much, and then people stare at you, copy and paste this into your profile

if you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been pushed into an ice-cold pool copy and paste this into your profile

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If keyboards hate you copy and paste this into your profile! (Especially the FREAKING CAPS LOCK!!!)

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly, Alleyanna Cullen, danceswithwings119, gottaluvtwilight, freexflyer, Awsea-mazin-licious

If you've ever read/started to read a chapter in a fan fiction, got side-tracked, and forgot to review and realized it after the author posted another chapter, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile.

If you think that losers hate/don't get Twilight, copy this into your profile.

If when you have a child, you'd consider naming them Edward or Anthony, copy this into your profile. (I think Edward's REALLY scared right now...)

If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've reread TWILIGHT over four times...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've had at least two friends move away from you...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever stayed up all night just to watch the sunrise, copy and paste this onto your pro

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

if you have ever repeatedly ran into a glass door copy this into your profile

if there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile

if you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are so white that white people call you white, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've met your not-blood related twin (in resemblance or personality), copy and paste this in your profile. (dude, it was weird)

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have a crush on somebody, but you are afraid to say anything about it, then copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list. Don't worry, your secret is safe! Greenpool's loyalty, Sparrowflight, Sapphirepaw (My friend told him the second to last day of school!), freexflyer(and he ended up with my best friend), Awsea-mazin-licious (I hooked him up with my bestie just so they both would be happy)

If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever gotten a paper-cut on your lips from kissing Twilight, copy and paste this onto your pro

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.

~pass the ribbon around if you know someone that has survived, DIED, or is living with cancer.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you and your friend break out into song in a public area put this on your profile

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you becasue of the effects, copy and paste this into your profile.

If When you get sent to the school counseler, you tell him/her how you parents like to stick you in a burlap sack and beat you with sticks (in a cheerful manner) copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

92 of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said it wasn't cool to breathe. Copy and paste this in your profile if you'd be part of the 8 laughing your "butt" off.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with Twilight that whenever you hear thunder you think of vampires playing baseball. Copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever tried blocking your thoughts about how georgous Edward Cullen is because you don't want said georgous Edward Cullen to hear, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann--Disney's PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN-- are made for each other and that, no matter how awesomely awesome Jack Sparrow may be, he should never, under any circumstances, be with Elizabeth, COPY AND PASTE THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

Emmet Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916

Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843

Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901

Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916

Edward Cullen: Sexier Than You since 1901- heck, he's sexier than everyone since 1901

Quotes

"Meaning what?" He sounded irritated. "We're going to pretend nothing's going on? That's stupid. The only way to deal with any of this is to get it out in the open."
"Have you been watching Oprah again?" -Max and Fang "Maximum Ride"

I read New Moon and I wanted to kick Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD

OMC-Since Edward is a perfect angel, and God created angels, and Carlisle created Edward, into a vampire, so God is Carlisle. that and every one of us woke up, saw Carlisle, and thought he was God.

Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat

Before you critisize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.

An apple away keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

Select my name and press ALT + F4

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole!

Guys should be like lattes-rich,strong,and hot

It's a matter of life after death-now that he's dead, I have a life

I wrote your name in the sky, but the wind blew it away. I wrote your name in the sand, but the waves splashed it away. I wrote your name in my heart, and it lasted forever.

I stay as confused as a gangster with a skateboard

Friends will always be like "well you deserve better" but best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days"

Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.

EMO kids have cool hair.

EMO=Extravagantly Made Oragami

BEARS=Butt Extremely Annoying Retard Scientists

I peed on the lyrics - Annie Settle

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

FYI: you are NOT bringing sexy back.you don't determine who has more fun by the colour of their hair,orange is NOT the new pink, and no, my mom DIDN'T do that. so STFU

YOUTUBE myspace and I'll Google your YAHOO

Let's flip a coin-heads we'll be together, tails we flip again.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

Your mom looks like voldemort (oh burn)

Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?

My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Why are the Force and ductape the same?-Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together.

Don't hate yourself in the morning-sleep till noon.

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again

And God(CARLISLE) said "Let there be Edward,"...and it was goood

Don't call me emo or I'll cry big juicy tears of blood and pain and then I'll die and it will be ALL YOUR FAULT

Emo kids have cool hair

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thnaks for embracing it.

EHMAGAWD

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

The wasting of finite resources is everyone's busness!

I'm not so good at advice. Can I intrest you in a sarcastic comment?

When I say LOL I'm not laughing out laud. I just have nothing better to say.

When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling

When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Sing "I'm Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmasters office.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

Vampire's like Baseball?

You're just jealous because we act retarted in public and people still love us!

Do I smell pineapple? That depends. Are you a fan of delicious falvor?

You're intoxocated by my very presence

Men should be like Kleenx: Soft, strong, and disposable.

Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

Life was so simple when boys had cooties

I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator!

Tootie, you in trouble - Facts of Life

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I could tell you what happened in the first chapter of Eclipse, but then I would have to kill you.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

Did you stab Edward Cullen with a pencil or what?

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

Thanks Stephenie now I will NEVER get a man.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

"Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. But a best friend will go up to him and say "It's because you're gay isn't it?"

Fergie taught me how to spell delicious and glamorious. But not so much tastey!

I don't want no Fanfiction, all I want is bubblegum, bazooka zooka bubblegum!

Huh, it figures. All the good guys are taken, vampires, or both.

Edward Cullen I love you! Oops! Did I say that out laud?

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away.

I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.

If I asked for your oppinion, I'd take the tape off your mouth.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but one right and one left make a light.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them

Don’t mess with me I've got a stick

A good friend will bail you out of jail
A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "Damn, we messed up."
A good friend helps you when you fall. A true friend laughs at you and trips you again

He said I love you, I laughed and said sorry I'm allergic to bullshit

NO TREPASSING Violaters will be shot; Survivors will be shot again

I thought I was stupid, before I met you

I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet

Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust?

Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later.

Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, they’ve seen me laugh, and they’ve seen me hug.' These are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo.
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, and Germany doesn't want to go to war.

A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.

My main set of morals when somebody insults me or does something annoying usually consist of three steps. 1. I ask them nicely to stop 2. I repeat with force 3. I insult them, cuss them out and or threaten doom, torture, and or enslavement.

One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons!

Me, I'm dishonest. And you can always trust a dishonest person to be honest. Honestly. But it's the honest ones you have to look out for, because they're the ones who will always do something stupid.

If you were waiting for the oppertune moment, that was it

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And
Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death. AMEN

(3) Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for
breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepair to shatter.

All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

You are utterly indecent! No one should look so tempting. It's not fair.

Stupid shiny Volvo owner.

Oh him? He just has the most ah-dorable eyes you could ever fall for, and the cutest smile that will take your breath away And he has the ability to make you laugh when when the world just wants you to frown.

We fall for stupid boys we make lots of dumb mistakes we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls, we're really going at one thing, staying strong.

1.) You accidentaly enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years.

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or myspace.

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5 isn't there.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did

( )_( ) ('')_('')
Copy the bunny onto your profile to help him achieve world domination. Come join the dark side. (We have cookies)

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Crazy Cullen Chronicles by twilightnite reviews
The Cullens can be strange, but just how strange? Series of strange, stupid, random, and mainly funny stories, all coming out of the thing that's known as Kate's brain. Chapter 48: Sunday with the Pack. /Holy Moley, Kate updated! I thought she died!/
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 48 - Words: 56,717 - Reviews: 801 - Favs: 250 - Follows: 152 - Updated: 12/7/2011 - Published: 7/1/2007
Twilight Fanfiction Etiquette by Insanity's Partner reviews
Everything--And I mean EVERYTHING--there is to know about writing a Twilight fanfiction. I've got it down from Planning, to Summaries, to Grammar, to Other Characters, to Research...and even what to do when you get a writer's block! -Version 3.0-
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 4 - Words: 9,792 - Reviews: 214 - Favs: 194 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 8/30/2008 - Published: 6/30/2007 - Complete
Interupting Bella by Klutzzy55 reviews
Origanilly a oneshot, but it was hard to resist! How does doghnuts, Rosalie, and hair mix? What is Emmett's blinky thing? Why does Alice despise McDonalds? How can Jasper be a life gaurd? What is Esme better at doing than Carlisle? LOVE REVIEWS!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 25 - Words: 42,466 - Reviews: 253 - Favs: 94 - Follows: 68 - Updated: 10/30/2007 - Published: 6/28/2007
The Cullen Chronicles by llamoandllama reviews
Many, many pointless oneshots about our favorite family. Mostly lists. Including smashing Edward's piano. BITE US, EDDIE!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 1,014 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 9/5/2007 - Published: 7/25/2007
Vampire Idol! by HolliiiCruiser reviews
The Cullen's have their own version of American Idol! It involves: cross dressing Emmett, Rosalie with a gun, Edward being emotional over Clay Aiken, Mike in a ninja suit, Edward as a horse, Emmett as a cowboy, and so much more!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 6,804 - Reviews: 122 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 7/31/2007 - Published: 4/19/2007
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Karaoke Revenge! reviews
Alice invites everone Bella and the Cullens know to a Karaoke party! What will happen? Read and find out! Chapter twelve FINALY up! Sorry it took so long, but, ya know, school just started, so what can ya do? Changed the rating too.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 15,248 - Reviews: 90 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 9/5/2007 - Published: 7/22/2007
Everyday Chaos reviews
What would happen if Bella got turned into a Vampire on her first day meeting Edward? If she decided to join the Volturi? And then WHAT IF a new girl moves in to Forks? Read to find out.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,676 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 8/1/2007 - Published: 7/28/2007
Rosalicious and more reviews
Ever wonder what the vain and annoying Rosalie thinks of herself? Get ready to find out! Oneshot
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 881 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 7/19/2007 - Complete