Author has written 1 story for Harry Potter.
Hiya. I'm a 30-something graduate, married with children. I love reading and hate TV. English is my second language and I hang out at X-Men, V for Vendetta, Lord of The Rings, Harry Potter and a few other fandoms. That's all you need to know.
If you are visiting this page, I assume it is because you got a comment from me, since this is the sockpuppet account I use to review really ghastly fics. That being the case, you are probably about to send me a vengeful email, which in turn will prompt a sarcastic reply on my part. So, in order to save us both valuable time that could be spent walking the hamster or polishing pebbles, i compiled the FAQ below for your commodity: probably your case is covered.
The Be-All, End-All FAQ, v.1.1
1)"I'm not a troll!"
You mean you were not misspelling every other word intentionally, that you did not run your story through Babelfish, that your OC is not a parody of each and every Mary Sue who ever graced the fandom, and that you sincerely think the characters would act that way unless they were under threat of a gun? Oh. My. GOD.
2) "How dare you flame my story!"
Negative. I do not "flame". I might word my opinion in harsh terms, but I'm never offensive for the hell of it, and my comments are aimed at the story, not at the author. Still not convinced?
"Your grasp of English is abysmal, and your plot goes nowhere." This is not a flame.
"Your story blows dead bears." Now this is a flame.
3) "But you said my writing sucked!"
I don't say, 'Your writing sucked.' I'm more articulate than that. If I liked something, I'll tell you. If I didn't, I'll tell you that too. It's called concrit, and it might be your best friend. It depends on whether you want to write memorable stories or just stroke your ego. If you don't understand something I said, then probably that was a metaphor. If you feel a sudden draft, look up and you'll might be able to catch a glimpse of sarcasm whooshing by at treetop level.
4) "Yeah but still... I'm offended and I'll go cry in the corner."
We all have done our share of crying in the corner. It builds your character. When I point out to you that 'you're' and 'your' are not one and the same, I'm effing trying to help you. Would you prefer to learn that from a computer screen, or from a rejection slip?
5) "If you don't like then don't read!"
I'm not a psychic, so how am I supposed to know whether I'll like your story unless I read it? Are you familiar with the concept of Catch 22?
And be warned that if I left you a review, I was way past 'not liking'. I'm constitutionally lazy, so when I go through the bother of remembering my login details and typing a comment, it means your story was infuriatingly bad and I reached the stage when I need to either vent or smash something. And it's not all about you. One side benefit of a negative review is that other readers are not tempted to read a story that might have an intriguing first chapter but then fails to deliver.
6) "My story is really good! I have X reviews that say so!"
I don't argue with solid facts. Indeed it may be that your story has received favourable reviews, although I may question the value of "PLZ MOAR LOL!!11!!", literary-wise. On the other hand, great stories might get a nasty comment from a reader who hates slash even as an abstract concept, is too easily squicked to appreciate your hard-boiled Sin City one-shot, or never moved past HHr and will take it out on your G/H romance. Of course you can't please everyone, but when the negatives are a significant fraction of the total, it's you who have a problem.
7) "You're just jealous because you can't write!"
Here we go again. If I were 'jealous of good writing', I'd spend my free time breaking into libraries and setting books on fire. For the record, I lead a happy, full life offline, and don't get my kicks from insulting random strangers. I am wholly for the betterment of society - through gentle but firm prodding if necessary - and that includes you and your 'creative spelling'.
8) "I'd like to see you do better than me!"
So do I. Indeed, my best stories have been inspired from a desire to right botched plots - Scott Lobdell's specifically, God knows he left a dangler of two. Be careful what you wish for, Suethor.
9) "Oh yeah? So where are your stories, Mr. Literary Review?"
My other stories are under a different account; good luck in finding them. I will not risk my account, reviews and readers to a revenge report. Fair's fair, though, and it's high time I put my money where my mouth is. I'm posting an HP fic, so you can have a target for your frustration.
10) "HAH! Your writing sucks big donkey balls!"
Thank you, for voicing your opinion. It will remain filed under "diaper tantrums" unless you point out what's wrong, and how can I fix it.
11) "I flamed you, but it isn't enough. I'm gonna find your other account, you &£@."
Your dedication is outstanding and worthy of a nobler cause. Anyway, I'm a firm believer in a 'belt and braces' policy, and my stories are all backed up on my hard drive, so I'll just upload them again.
12) "Then I'm gonna hack your computer."
Excuse me for not cowering in PH34R of your M4D H4XX0R skillz, especially if they're on par with your ability to spell 'Iluvatar' correctly.
13) "But I want to HURT YOU, AND YOU WON'T LET ME! Is there any way I can hurt you? Please?"
Yeah, stop pestering me. Your attention is what makes me feel important. Without your constant whimpering to motivate me, I'll wither and die like an uprooted weed.
Have a nice day,