Author has written 6 stories for Protector of the Small Quartet, Harry Potter, Song of the Lioness, Ella Enchanted, Fairy Tales, and Ouran High School Host Club.
"If we shadows have offended,
"He was stupid. If I killed everyone who was stupid I wouldn't have time to sleep." - Alanna to Myles
"His majesty said to come with all deliberate speed."
"You do realize we should all be put in a room with lots of muscular men to keep us from harming ourselves?" - Neal
"When people say a knight's job is all glory, I laugh, and laugh, and laugh. Often, I can stop laughing before they edge away and start talking about soothing drinks" - Sir Lord Raoul of Goldenlake and Mallorie's Peak
"Silence, insubordinate curs! Do not sully my new squire's ears with your profane tales!"
A few sentences I found hilarious:
“Victor,” Eros said, revealing himself finally in the dark, and raising his eyebrows. “You have a tail. I think that Love is quite possibly more believable than that…” -from the fanfic Stolen Away by Proud Titania
"Where's Voldemort when you need him," he mumbled, "Probably plotted to get here but chickened out after seeing Amelia was here. Just like him to make me suffer alone. Stupid prat."- from the fanfic Insidious Inquisitor by Yunaine
As he(Voldemort) reached for the doorknob, he turned around and added, “Oh, and try to do something with your hair, it looks terrible.”
Some common mistakes I find and ways to fix them and/or identify them (they're not in any particular order):
1. 'I' always comes before a verb, 'me' comes after the verb.
Ex.) Sally and I went to the park.
2. Loose is often mistaken for lose.
Ex.) I don't want to lose you.
3. The correct usage of a semicolon/commaconjunction is very commonly misused.
Ex.) We turned on the fan; it was hot.
4. A colon introduces a list, but there has to be a complete sentence first.
Ex.) There are all types of people in the world: black people, white people, Asian people, fanatical people, boring people, etc.
5. The words 'too' and 'to' are not interchangeable and neither are 'than' and 'then.'
Ex.) I, too, have a secret.
To- usually used before a verb in the infinitive form(to dance, to talk, to ride, etc.), before a destination, and when 'too' is not in use.
Ex.) I would love to go dancing.
Than- Used when comparing things(more than, less than, other than, etc.)
Ex.) She is a better artist than I am.
Then- used when 'than' can't be applied correctly(it's the best explanation I came up with, sorry)
Ex.) He then came up with a most brilliant idea.
6. Apostrophes are not something to be thrown around, and although sometimes people use them to make something plural, it's not supposed to be used that way.
An apostrophe is used to show possessiveness(it's commonly 's for singular, s' for plural), quotes inside a quote(Sarah said, "I'd love to read W.B. Yeats' 'The Stolen Child' again."), and to make contractions(can't, won't, etc.)
Ex.) James' head was getting big again.
7. Correct usage if its, it's, your, you're, their, they're, and there are highly encouraged.
Ex.) The dog hurt its paw.
8. After 'would,' 'could' or 'should' is always have. People tend to use 'of,' which doesn't make sense if you think about it.
Ex.) I should have done my homework today.
9. Aside from the quotations marks, there is always punctuation separating the dialogue from the speaker. For the most part, that punctuation is a comma, but if it is an exclamation or a question, punctuate accordingly.
Ex.) Sarah said, "I'll be home late today."
10. When addressing someone(usually in dialogue), the name of the person is always surrounded by commas. This is not true if the name of a person is mentioned in passing or if he/she is doing something.
Ex.) "Harry, Jen went to go play in the sand," said Eric to his friend.
11. Knowing when to use 'who' or 'whom' in a sentence is tricky.
Ex.) Who is coming today?(Is she coming today?)
12. 'Good' is misused frequently in the English language.
Ex.) You do good things well('good' is describing 'things,' 'well' is describing the act of doing).
13. The usage of 'has' and 'have' can be tricky and people often mistakenly substitute one for the other.
Ex.) He has a dog.
14. 'Accept' and 'except' are two words which are often mistaken for each other.
Ex.) I accepted his apology because I felt sorry for hi,m.