Hello! I am a 18 year old chick using fanfiction and Wizard Rock to deal with the stresses of life. I like to laugh, and I try to make my stories funny without making them all about humor. I love Snape ( I bawled when he died, but I also went I KNEW IT!! HE LOVED LILY AND WAS GOOD!! HA! Mind you, he's not dead. Not at all.). Seriously, one night in June before DH my friend and I spent about 5 hours theorizing, and what we came up with almost perfectly matched the story, except my friend decided that Snape was going to kill Harry, kill Voldemort, and then become Lord Snape and rule the world. She actually just wrote a fanfic about it. Not sure where it is, but I'll find it.

But AU is a wonderful thing. Muahaha. Sorry, Jo.

Things that really irritate me in fanfiction:

Bad grammar and spelling. It's called spellcheck. Use it. If you are incapable of doing so, acquire a beta reader. Mind you, everyone should have a beta reader whether or not you are good at writing mechanics - they catch stuff spellcheck won't, like typing "form" when you mean "from." At the very least, read over your stuff before posting it. There are lots of decent-sounding stories that I simply cannot read because of all the mistakes.

Learn what words mean before you use them in your story. Misusing a "big" word will not make you sound smarter.

All you HG/SS writers: ENOUGH with the bloody time-turner bullshit; you know, about how using it added time to her life so now she's old enough to have sex with Snape. I have several arguments against that particular plot device.

1. The age of consent in England is 16. The age of adulthood in the wizarding world is 17. Explain to me why she needs to be 18.

2. Hermione's birthday is September 19, 1979. She turns 18 at the beginning of her seventh year. I can't tell you how annoying it is when the story is set in her seventh year and she's explaining to Snape how the time-turner aged her enough to be 18 when she already is (unless it's the first two and a half weeks of school).

3. Math time. So, assuming that she used the time-turner about thrice a day every school day of her third year, which means three extra hours a day; five times three comes to about 15 extra hours a week. Hogwarts has approximately 40 weeks in its school year. 15 x 40 = 600. Oh, and I'll even add the three hours that she did with Harry. 603 extra hours in her third year. 603 hours/ 24 hours in a day =25.1 extra days. Not even a month, and certainly not the whole year that some people tack on.

Sorry. That just bugs me.

Also - seventh year for the Trio takes place in 1997 - 1998. iPods have not been invented yet. Please refrain from giving them to characters.

Hermione's hair does not magically become wavy and perfect as she gets older. It remains bushy, unless you describe her taking a lot of time every morning to make it nice.

General thing - if a woman has large breasts, it is very likely that she will have large hips, thighs, and ass. For added realism, add a bit of a tummy.

Dumbledore is not senile. Nor is he a matchmaker who exists to get Hermione and Severus together. That's a little creepy, to be honest. He also does not rain lemon drops from his fingers. I think he offers someone a lemon drop twice in the books, but this seems to translate to "I must offer lemon drops to everyone I see!" in fanon.

Rule of life: Snape/Hermione is the hottest ship in fanfic. If Lucius wants to play too, this adds to the hotness, but they are still the hottest ship around!

Snape is perfectly aware that people wear green and use it in interior decorating. I cannot stand it when every time Snape sees a hint of green, he seems to think that it's some kind of accolade to Slytherin. For goodness' sake, McGonagall wears emerald robes to meet the first years in SS. This goes double for Hermione wearing green lingerie to impress Snape.

Just because Hermione does something mean/cunning/underhanded does not mean that Snape has to say, "Oh, what a little Sytherin you're becoming" or somethign similar. She is an intelligent girl who knows how to get her way. This does not make her Slytherin.