Okay, you've wandered onto my profile. You're either lost or you like something I've written. If the latter, please, keep reading.

There is absolutely nothing about my personal life that you need to know. I do, however, enjoy: Opie and Andy, The Cape (it's a tv show, very small fandom), and Vinnie Jones. (I will be the first to admit that my fascination with him is slightly disturbing). I write quite a bit, as you can see by that handy little story count down at the bottom of the page. I also have a few stories over on fictionpress.com; my profile name over there is also IronAmerica. They're fairly good, if a bit old.

My stories here

My oldest story is a travesty that will never be continued. It was a poorly written piece of shit, and I'm somewhat ashamed to admit that I wrote that. However, it's my first foray into fanfiction, so I keep it here for posterity. Don't read it--it's really that bad.

The second story I wrote, The Fearless Three, has progressed from its original status as a piece of shit to something that I'm halfway proud of. I haven't continued it because I sort of lost interest in it. Someday, I will return and give the story, and my characters, the love and attention they need. Until then, just read the chapters that are there; but only if you like Hogan's Heroes. Yes, I realize my three characters are borderline Sues--you don't need to point it out.

The third story I wrote, Anthologies, is based on the universe for a game called Tabula Rasa. The game has since dissapeared into the night with nary a swansong in sight, so my inspiration for the story has dried up. I'm afraid that it will be consigned to writer's-block hell for all eternity. But since no one was reading it anyways, I don't think that will matter.

Number four is the Hellmouth Heroes. Trust me, it's being re-written (and frankly, it needs it). It's a semi-crossover between BtVS and City of Heroes, but it's floundering. I've got some ideas pinging around on my hard drive, but nothing concrete. The first chapter is being re-written, but probably won't see the light of day. At least not in this universe, anyways.

Number five is a foray into Harry Potter. It's about a muggle with an iPhone who keeps getting Oblivated while he's filming different things around his new home in the UK. It's a comedy of errors, of sorts, especially after he starts posting everything on his blog. It's not very popular in the fandom, but I should probably continue it at some point just to see if it needs more meat to become something that people like. I sincerely hope that it takes off, because I think it's kind of funny.

Number six is my favorite, and is now finished. It's set in The Cape, which is a really great tv-show. Unfortunately, it aired on NBC, which has a habit of axing the good shows and keeping shit around. Oh well... The Holiday Season is about the main cast of the show (the characters, not the actors and actresses), and how they celebrate Christmas when their city gets buried by a freak snowstorm. And this snowstorm is a freak storm, because three to six feet of snow in Southern California is definitely something that never occurs without quite a bit of panic or wonder--because hey, it's southern California. No snow. Ever.

Number seven is the first foray I've made into a story with pure mental anguish; it has one chapter at the moment, with three or four more in the works. It's also set in The Cape, which is still a great tv show even if it's been watched several dozen times... Ahem. Anyways, Insecurity is about the main cast of the show (the characters again) and their weakest moments. Each chapter is set after a different episode, where I think the character has hit an all-new low point in their lives that makes them absolutely miserable. The quote in the summary is from Paul Laurence Dunbar, and is a much better summary than anything I tried to come up with.

Number eight is a silly little holiday one-shot. It's a very short character piece--without actual exploration of their characters. It's not set in any particular universe, but will probably fall somewhere in "The Holiday Season" canon. Vince is a young detective who can't figure out why so many cops want to transfer to the docks during the Fourth of July...until he finds Scales playing with fireworks. Cut to ten years later (thereabouts), and we get a little bit on Scales where he isn't being abused (a first for me!). It is complete.

Number nine is a continuation of The Holiday Season, and fits loosely into the overall THS arc that I've built. Scales repays Dana's kindness in the last three chapters of THS with a little goodwill of his own. Now Dana knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Vince was innocent and Chess framed him. A little romance, a little drama, and a happy ending for almost everyone involved. Although it is now complete, "Unexpected Consequences" was the perfect title for this story.

Number ten is the middle piece in the THS arc. The main characters of Palm City deal with a monstrous heat wave a week after having to contend with five feet of snow. No holidays here, just some characters sweltering in a freak heat wave. Connects THS and UC with a few common threads, but little else. I blame ARK for the heatwave.

Number eleven is called Time Again, and is a response to a poll choice by a minion. It's a bit of an "un-do", while set post-series. Since everyone who reads this page knows of my devotion to Scales, it doesn't take much to guess who the "un-do" is directed at. A bit better peek into Scales' childhood, with a few asides from a developing cast of characters that bring their own flavor to the story. Now complete; with everyone receiving a happy ending.

Number twelve is The Call, and the second poll choice. It deals with the question: What if Vince had spoken to Dana during his phone call in the pilot episode? Told from Dana's point of view and covers the series--and a little bit beyond. Add in some of Vince's former army buddies, a locker full of illegal weapons, a pregnancy, and shake well.

Number thirteen is Seasons of Thanks, and is set pre-THS. The cast of Palm City celebrate Thanksgiving in their own ways. Vince stops sulking, the Carnival forgot to invite Vince to their party, Dana spends it with her boss, Peter almost gets smashed again, and Scales commits a few dozen crimes. Also proof that I have no concept of sanity during the month of November, aka National Novel Writing Month.

Number fourteen is Christmas Gifts. Each of the chapters is a Christmas present for one of my minions and myself. Orwell catches Vince under the mistletoe in the first chapter, followed by Peter looking after Vince in the BIOTP 'verse, and Dana drags her boyfriend out to ice skate a few years prior to the events of the series. Merry Christmas everyone! There may be a follow-up next Christmas...

Number fifteen is New Year's Traditions. Obviously it was written New Year's Eve, and serves little purpose but to yank someone's chain fairly hard. Vince gets an unexpected chance to get to know Scales, and isn't sure if that's a good thing. Scales reminisces.

Number sixteen is Valentine's Day. Covers Vinwell, Pence, and Dales with varying degrees of mush. It also proves that I can't write Pence without drugs, illness, or broken bones being involved.

Number seventeen is a travesty against everything Tom Wheeler held dear about The Cape. Contains every pairing in the show and then some. Be afraid. Be very afraid. The title is taken from a (supposed) French tradition from the feast of fools. It somehow involves fish and the month of April. (Due to circumstances involving a fish and a virus, this is on hiatus until it can be recovered from Development Hell.)

Number eighteen is The Eyes Have It. It is probably going to be one of the more serious horror stories in the fandom. As a warning, I will be attempting to create high octane nightmare fuel--the regular nightmare fuel is just a given. I will post warnings and summaries in the chapters I feel are more intense. With sincerest apologies to those who may receive nightmares from this.

Number nineteen is The Traveler, aka the nightmare retardent for The Eyes Have It. Light, fluffy, time travel--basically Time Again gets a new perspective with new main characters, a side of insanity, and a healthy dash of original characters for flavour. Mixed well and served with a side of garnish.

Number twenty is Mother's Day, a three-shot for the holiday in question. It's fluffy in some places, bittersweet in others. Written in haste for the day.

Number twenty-one is Remembrance, my first non-Cape story in...almost a year. It's a crossover between the 4400 and Möbius, a short film starring David Lyons. Long story short, poor Steve (Lyons' character) gets trapped in a mobius loop. According to the story, that was his abduction point. More may be forthcoming in this series. It's an AU, so there will be only a mild Tess/Kevin Burkhoff relationship, not the canon romance. If you don't want to read anything but a romance between Tess and Kevin, this is probably not the series for you.

I do enjoy writing it, and I do like reading the reviews from my two loyal minions...er, I mean...reviewers. Yes, that's what I meant. (I'm looking at you two, Orwell-is-watching-xoxo and wtchcool.)

Signing off with a little poem by Milton Berle:

"I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are, because a could-be is a may-be who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been by far, because a might-have-been has never been, but a has was once an are."