Wisecrack Idiots
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Joined 08-09-07, id: 1347229, Profile Updated: 03-22-16
Author has written 21 stories for Harry Potter, Super Smash Brothers, Warriors, Kirby, Pokémon, Transformers/Beast Wars, Red vs. Blue, Legend of Zelda, and Monster Hunter.

Whether you've stumbled across this page by accident or choice, welcome all the same! As the plural in our alias indicates, this account is shared by the two of us.

Who are we? We are the things that go bump in the night, the monsters that live under your bed, and the trolls devouring the Internet byte by byte. We're part of the growing pandemic of Prolific Mr. Anonymous swarming the chatrooms and forums, and we're the guy standing BEHIND YOU RIGHT NOW. Nah, just kidding. Mostly.

Well, to be politically correct, we go by Alex (yours truly) and Sam (my better half). Since the Dawn of Time (late 2007) we've been terrorizing fanfiction.net with our stories. Nine times out of ten the things posted here were written exclusively by me, although on the few occasions we do team up we write literary monstrosities, which we then let off their leashes and sic on the Internet with gleeful abandon. (See Life Aboard the Halberd for reference.)

For those of you unfamiliar with our brand of madness, we typically dabble in humor, although when there's a blue moon in town we branch out into adventure, hurt/comfort, and angst. Our "schedule" (excuse me while I laugh myself sick in the corner) is pretty erratic. Stories have been known to sit for long, loooong stretches of time, so if something you like starts collecting dust, don't fret too much over whether or not it's "getting abandoned." If something does end up on the backburner for too long, we'll notify ya'll. Otherwise, assume the story's gonna stay intact.

Anyway, feel free to peruse whatever we have posted here at the time, and never hesitate to shoot us a PM cuz you're worried about "annoying us." Tell that icky thought to jump off a bridge. Sam and I will never say no to anyone who wants to chat, and we don't bite (much), so feel free to ask away! (Disclaimer: Immediate responses not guaranteed. Real life has a tendency to interfere with that.)

Pro-tip: Older stories are shit, newer stuff is where it's at!

deviantART - AO3 - Tumblr


Status of Current Stories:
[x] = Co-written by Sam and Alex


Hoshi no Kaabii Deleted Episodes [x]
Status: On hiatus. In need of revision.

Balancing Act

The Hunter's Encyclopedia of Animals (First Edition)

Can I Get That in Writing?

Closed Mouths Gather No Feet [x]

Extend the Olive Branch

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Watershed

Visiting Hours

Life aboard the Halberd [x]
Status: On hiatus. In need of revision.

Beneath That Metal Exterior
Status: On hiatus. In need of revision.

Black Sacrament

Doppelgänger

Gears in Motion

Mr. Sensitivity

Road to Recovery
Status: On hiatus. In need of revision.

Traded
Status: On hiatus.

Their Final Revelation
Status: Discontinued.

The Great Clans
Status: Discontinued.


Coming Soon to a Computer Near U:


Mors Omnibus [x]
Sometimes, being Death just doesn't pay enough. A series of one-shots about the Rider of the Pale Horse and his siblings in their eternal quest to maintain the Balance. Though admittedly, some days that's easier said than done.

The Abomination Vault: Abridged [x]
Ages before the events of Darksiders and Darksiders II, two of the Internet's most feared writers — Sam and Alex — are tasked with torturing a group of renegades and the infamous Horsemen by rewriting a bastardized version of the book: awkward scenarios, roundabout arguments, and illegal amounts of hilarity, capable of bringing tears to readers everywhere...but only by unleashing utter nonsense.

Lightning Field
Desperate for redemption and a chance to start afresh, a lone hunter strikes out for an archipelago on the edge of the Guild's radar: Moga. And realizes — in the wake of several disappearances, ominous earthquakes, and a leviathan with a grudge match — that retirement might be too high a request. [MH3U, AU elements.]

Paradigm Shift
She had always assumed that ASHPD Test Subject-1498 was the source of all the problems in her facility. Then the kidnappings, sabotage, distress beacons, and presumably-random fires began. GLaDOS considers the possibility that she forgot to account for a few variables. [Post-Portal 2, AU elements.]

And Still Hours to Go
They lost everything and had nothing, except a damaged armor set, what supplies they could steal from the Project, and a half-melted candy bar in York's back pocket. Delta wonders how they're supposed to rebuild their lives with that. Two damaged souls and the long road back to good.

Ballad of the Locksmith [x]
At this rate York was seriously considering waving a neon sign over his head and seeing if then she would take a hint. Fortune may favor the bold, but Murphy's Law favors the unlucky. York/Carolina.

Free Range
Being a planet estranged from the rest of the galaxy often results in unique lifestyle and cultural changes. Including dietary.

Glass Half Fool [x]
Shore leave rolls around, providing York with the perfect opportunity to settle a bet. What starts out as a competition to upstage each other quickly devolves, as the hapless Freelancers find themselves ambushed, hungover, kidnapped, lost, and blackmailed. Not necessarily in that order.

Mobilis in Mobili
You’re either the warden, the prisoner, or a hybrid of the two. Sometimes Wash forgets which one he’s pretending to be.

National Anthem
"The only people not wearing armor these days are dead." In the early phases of the war, Felix and Locus are tasked with eliminating a specific group of civilians.

Oasis
Of all the strange sights to ever grace the desert — the Pyramids, Moses, and the thorny devil — there was none stranger than a stonewalled medic, a questionably sane Freelancer, and a sociopathic rogue agent. Outtakes from S8: Revelation of our favorite intrepid trio as they (grudgingly) learn to put up with each other's quirks. (Many Aliens were harmed in the making of this fic.)

Our Contestants Tonight
Raiding pirate munitions facilities and stealing back equipment from a defunct military program is a helluva commute. Epsilon and Carolina find a way to pass the time.

Pack Dominance
In nature, the Alpha is the leader of a group who is showed absolute deference. In the mind of a mentally-unhinged psychopath, the Alpha is the last AI standing. Church is given a breakdown of the pecking order in the Meta’s head. And then Church does some breaking of his own.

Play Dead
Every Mantis Class Military Assault Droid has his day.

Run the Tutorial
Hippocampal lacunae was a lesson glossed over in AI theory. For Epsilon, it's a lesson in existential crises, when you're trying to function as a whole person and really, you're just a tenth of one.

Settle a Bet
Killing time in between killing people.

Side Effects May Include
So now there are two of these stupid things, right? Tucker remembers what happened the last time they found an ancient alien weapon, and feels it’s only fair to give Doyle a heads-up. Just in case.

Subterfuge
It was inevitable, that something would happen that Control couldn’t account for, or that Felix couldn’t adapt to. It was simply unfortunate that it jeopardized the war and left him to clean up his partner’s mess.

The Things They Parried
Truce-time politics are a deadly verbal tennis match, especially when you're the leader of a military faction and your sparring partner is your enemy-turned-ally.

Untitled Red vs. Blue Fanfiction 01 [x]
AU, divergent plot after Season 10, episode 17. When the gravity of the Director’s crimes against the Alpha and his agents is brought to light, Texas enacts a last-ditch plan to save herself, her teammates, and the AI from a fate worse than death.

One Hertz beyond Hearing
A one-shot that takes place in Sunwing, when Shade, in desperation, calls out to the albino. He got an answer on the receiving end, but what did the ancient Zephyr hear, millions of wingbeats away to the north, where fighting was thick, hope was frail, and after a long winter war was fast-approaching?

Automatonophobia
There's a reason why Jazz is Third-in-Command...

Behind These Blue Optics
A 100 fic blitz for all the possible reasons why Jazz — Third-in-Command, Head of Special Ops, and Saboteur Extraordinaire — wears his visor.

Blacklisted
Exasperated with the lack of discipline displayed by NEST soldiers, Prowl issues a base-wide list of all contraband items. Though to be fair, there was a reason why things such as pink fuzzy dice and Viagara were banned.

Can I Ask You a Favor?
It started with six simple words. Then it went downhill from there.

Card Sharks [x]
A look into the Autobots' poker nights. Step up, step up, and roll the dice.

Everyone's a Critic [x]
Culture shock was to be expected...up until a certain point. For several frustrated and movie-deprived humans, there are only so many cinema sins willing to be tolerated before desperate times call for desperate measures.

Finish Him [x]
What happens when you mix giant alien robots, Mortal Kombat, and a routine medical checkup? You had to ask.

Hurdle Jumping
Noun: 1. Sports; a race in which a series of barriers must be jumped without breaking stride. 2. Idiom; a new circumstance, problem, or event which one encounters and must overcome, despite how awkward the scenario might be. Guess which one the Autobots suck at.

Pirate Radio
A new approach toward the generic "songfic," with a twist on the lyrics of popular classic and modern day music. Retrofitted to be Transformers-centric. All music will be served by your host, DJ Blaster.

All Our Revels
A one-shot in honor of Ravenpaw, detailing his life after the humans destroyed his home and the Clans left.

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These Games We Play by Peacewish reviews
For the first time in vorns, Soundwave plays a card game and wins a most unusual prize. But according to Jazz, that's when the real game began. Now master and slave must match wits in a game that will push them both to the breaking point and beyond.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 52 - Words: 316,175 - Reviews: 907 - Favs: 526 - Follows: 517 - Updated: 5/29 - Published: 4/4/2011 - Jazz, Soundwave
An Unexpected Alliance by minniequill reviews
Minerva McGonagall, the Weasley twins, Peeves, and a common hatred of Dolores Umbridge? Things do not bode well for Hogwarts' High Inquisitor.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Suspense - Chapters: 11 - Words: 57,309 - Reviews: 644 - Favs: 542 - Follows: 536 - Updated: 3/18 - Published: 3/24/2007 - Albus D., Minerva M., Fred W.
Morale Officer by White Aster reviews
Ratchet wasn't always a medic. When a battle injury kicks his old psychological welfare officer programming on again, Ratchet aims to safeguard his crew's mental health by whatever means necessary. rating for later chapters
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 12,678 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 99 - Follows: 118 - Updated: 4/4/2015 - Published: 7/11/2011 - Ratchet
Absolution by Nan00k reviews
After escaping execution, the AIs and their underprepared rescuers seek out the only souls in the universe who will help them: a rag-tag group of simulation troops. Clearly, this is the best plan ever…of all time. Sequel to Salvation, AU after S8.
Red vs. Blue - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 27 - Words: 193,381 - Reviews: 165 - Favs: 157 - Follows: 177 - Updated: 2/18/2015 - Published: 11/6/2012 - L. Church/Alpha, Wash
Rising Generations by Ghost of the Dawn reviews
When Starscream seeks out a strange power source in space, its discovery starts a series of events that will change the future of Cybertron and all who inhabit it. Rated for language, possibly violence in later chapters. Equally D-con/Auto centric
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 28 - Words: 330,614 - Reviews: 818 - Favs: 311 - Follows: 278 - Updated: 12/8/2014 - Published: 6/22/2010
Sense and Flexibility by Roarkshop reviews
The story of Garrus and Femshep as told by me. Lots of off-canon. Sequels incoming. TW: It's been brought to my attention that some of Garrus' more animalistic behavior in some scenes have caused panic attacks for victims of abuse. I am so sorry for anyone who had a similar reaction. SO sorry. I would like to make any new readers aware of this beforehand. Thank you.
Mass Effect - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 51 - Words: 220,428 - Reviews: 1474 - Favs: 2,185 - Follows: 1,263 - Updated: 11/11/2014 - Published: 10/6/2011 - Shepard (F), Garrus V. - Complete
Only Human by Borath reviews
Confronted with a medical mystery amongst the Autobots, Ratchet requisitions House and his team for a consult. Let the snark-off begin. -No pairings-
Crossover - Transformers/Beast Wars & House, M.D. - Rated: K - English - Drama/Mystery - Chapters: 9 - Words: 20,467 - Reviews: 173 - Favs: 187 - Follows: 222 - Updated: 8/29/2014 - Published: 9/7/2010 - Ratchet, G. House
Epistle by Eponymous Rose reviews
"She won't like that injury part." "She never does." Turns out York's journal entries weren't the only Freelancer logs Epsilon recovered. Set shortly before Carolina's reappearance in s12.
Red vs. Blue - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,337 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 5 - Published: 8/20/2014 - Carolina, Epsilon - Complete
Crescent Scars by ActiveX2012 reviews
In the future, a half-human, half-Grimm queen has taken over the world and pushed humanity to the brink of extinction. Yang leads the last of the human rebellion, and Blake looks to the past for help. Rated T for character death, gore and violence. You have been warned in advance about the violence. My first multi-chapter, I hope you enjoy it.
RWBY - Rated: T - English - Drama/Tragedy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,362 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 7/2/2014 - Published: 2/24/2014 - Ruby R., Weiss S., Blake B., Yang X.L.
Ship's Night by Eponymous Rose reviews
The Freelancers unwind after a successful mission early in the Project.
Red vs. Blue - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,721 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 9 - Published: 4/30/2014 - [Carolina, York] South, Wash - Complete
Darkest Before Dawn by Eponymous Rose reviews
The first implantation can feel a little... odd. Eight standalone stories in which the Freelancers meet their AI fragments for the first time.
Red vs. Blue - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 8 - Words: 6,113 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 3/29/2014 - Published: 3/10/2014 - Carolina, Epsilon, Wash, York - Complete
Headspaces by Eponymous Rose reviews
Doc was pretty sure he was just grumpy because he needed a nap and a snack, and maybe a little less existential angst in his diet. Set during season 8.
Red vs. Blue - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,131 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 6 - Published: 1/12/2014 - F. Defresne, Maine/Meta, Wash - Complete
Where You and I Collide by Hearts of Eternity reviews
Separately, Jazz and Prowl are like forces of nature- they are uncompromising and uncontrollable. But what becomes of their natures when these two unstoppable forces collide? Will one break the other, or will they both be stronger for it?
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 49 - Words: 362,090 - Reviews: 2261 - Favs: 642 - Follows: 579 - Updated: 12/21/2013 - Published: 12/13/2009 - Jazz, Prowl
Karma's Happy Time by AuroraBlix reviews
(Don't read this, it's crap.) Karma decides to give Agent Louisiana a crash course in 'Bitch, Please', but it turns out a lot differently than anyone planned. Add in a required, incognito demonstration of the Freelancer stealth abilities, Maine as an escort, and a lot of vodka, and suddenly Louisiana's night just got a whole lot more entertaining.
Red vs. Blue - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 7,605 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 12/17/2013 - Published: 9/4/2013 - Maine/Meta, OC - Complete
Collision by The Feesh reviews
What happens to a Mustang when a garbage truck T bones it at 60 mph? I don't know. Neither did Barricade. Bayverse, post 2007 movie. Reviews are what keeps me going.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 54,276 - Reviews: 818 - Favs: 551 - Follows: 554 - Updated: 11/2/2013 - Published: 7/15/2007 - Barricade
Vita ex Machina by JanusTheTraveler reviews
Legion had no idea what it was getting itself into when it agreed to join Shepard's team. A series of one-shots detailing its gradual development from machine into teammate, crew member, and friend.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 23,801 - Reviews: 80 - Favs: 148 - Follows: 160 - Updated: 9/6/2013 - Published: 4/10/2013 - Legion
Angry Birds by ShyLight reviews
G1: Red Alert hates birds. All birds. Be they mechanical or organic, ya know, he hates them. Sometimes the later even more than the former.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 13,223 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 73 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 5/7/2013 - Published: 8/2/2011 - Red Alert
Quietus by ShyLight reviews
G1: Something went wrong, Sideswipe realized. He just wasn't sure what, and nobody would tell him.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Family - Chapters: 8 - Words: 43,159 - Reviews: 199 - Favs: 236 - Follows: 259 - Updated: 4/7/2013 - Published: 2/22/2010 - Sideswipe, Sunstreaker
Stochastic by AssaultSloth reviews
A collection of deleted scenes, one-shots, and other crap that didn't make it into my other writing for some reason or another. Laughs abound.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 9,681 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 49 - Updated: 1/24/2013 - Published: 1/12/2011 - Shepard (M)
Salvation by Nan00k reviews
In the aftermath of Project Freelancer's dismantlement, a commission of psychologists are left to decide whether or not the AIs should live... and as expected, things go terribly, terribly wrong. AU after S8. Complete.
Red vs. Blue - Rated: T - English - Drama/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 12 - Words: 56,840 - Reviews: 75 - Favs: 144 - Follows: 72 - Updated: 11/3/2012 - Published: 9/25/2010 - Delta - Complete
Invincible by Hearts of Eternity reviews
Sunstreaker might be a little more broken than your average war ravaged Autobot, but he is not without redemption. There are moments when even he cannot resist an opportunity for catharsis, only to discover that even the most broken bots are still invincible when they realize they are not alone.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,234 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/16/2012 - Sunstreaker - Complete
A Quiet Understanding by Fistful of Gamma Rays reviews
A doctor and a vigilante find some common ground on Omega.
Mass Effect - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,185 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 64 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/12/2012 - Mordin S., Garrus V. - Complete
Of Sound Mind and Disposing Memory by skywalker05 reviews
He's not very good at taking hostages because Epsilon did it with such natural talent that no first-time student could follow. Brief Wash/CT.
Red vs. Blue - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,311 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 4 - Published: 7/31/2012 - Wash, CT - Complete
No More Mr Nice Guy by Tirya King reviews
G1. Sideswipe goes a bit too far with his pranks and Prowl is fed up. It's time to stop being professional and start getting down and dirty.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 34,312 - Reviews: 150 - Favs: 244 - Follows: 123 - Updated: 6/25/2012 - Published: 4/23/2005 - Prowl, Sideswipe - Complete
Good Morning, Director by SpoonyAzul reviews
What the Director goes through in a typical morning on the Mother of Invention with Alpha.
Red vs. Blue - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 901 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 10 - Published: 6/21/2012 - Director, L. Church/Alpha
Creativity by AdInventum reviews
With Sigma's help, Maine finds something to do while he's laid up. Oneshot, short. Please review constructively :
Halo - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 595 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/17/2012
Superhero by ParabolaOfMystery reviews
Red vs Blue Freelancer. A little story about Maine and his unlikely hero... ish.
Red vs. Blue - Rated: K - English - Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,731 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 8 - Published: 4/2/2012 - Maine/Meta
The Nemesis Schema by ajremix reviews
RvB, spoilers through season 9. Armed with an AI to operate his equipment, Wyoming proves just how dangerous he actually is.
Red vs. Blue - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,702 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 7 - Published: 1/23/2012 - Complete
Semantics by The Starhorse reviews
Prowl says 'potato', and Sideswipe says 'potahto'. You may guess where this is going.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 25,967 - Reviews: 213 - Favs: 420 - Follows: 102 - Updated: 1/20/2012 - Published: 5/1/2007 - Sideswipe, Prowl - Complete
Nine Months by sphinx01 reviews
Ratchet embarks on the adventure of his life when he becomes attending physician to a pregnant Carly.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 59,171 - Reviews: 232 - Favs: 199 - Follows: 120 - Updated: 12/1/2011 - Published: 2/10/2010 - Ratchet, Carly W. - Complete
A list made by Sam and Epps by LunarLacrimosa reviews
You know you're spending too much time with the Autobots when:
Transformers - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5,071 - Reviews: 97 - Favs: 316 - Follows: 127 - Updated: 10/24/2011 - Published: 8/11/2011 - Sam W. - Complete
June And The Autobots by daughterofMyou reviews
June Darby's life used to be perfectly normal. A nurse and single mother, her biggest fear was that her teenage son would injure himself on his motorcycle. But that all changed when the bike in question transformed into a giant alien robot called Arcee.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 10,550 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 102 - Follows: 84 - Updated: 10/2/2011 - Published: 7/3/2011 - June D., Ratchet
Something You Miss by Keelywolfe reviews
Transformers: Prime Universe. Set after the episode 'Con Job', Ratchet really shouldn't drink too much of Wheeljack's energon. Worse things might happen than a processor ache. Slash. Ratchet/Optimus. Sticky.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 15,487 - Reviews: 96 - Favs: 196 - Follows: 141 - Updated: 8/2/2011 - Published: 7/15/2011 - Ratchet, Optimus Prime
Yellow Ribbon by Zea T reviews
Something is very wrong on the Ark, but why is Bluestreak the only one to notice, and what's happened to Jazz and Prowl? G1, story now complete.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 11 - Words: 53,342 - Reviews: 160 - Favs: 223 - Follows: 73 - Updated: 7/27/2011 - Published: 7/17/2011 - Jazz, Prowl - Complete
Bully by Grim Piggles reviews
While Bumblebee's off on a mission, Ratchet finds himself to be the only available ride for Rafael after school. When the medic shows up a little late, he finds that Raf wasn't the only one still there once everyone else had left. The medic had heard Vince's name mentioned in the children's conversations before...and it had never been anything good...
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,408 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 292 - Follows: 38 - Published: 7/14/2011 - Ratchet, Raf E. - Complete
When Vanity Met Insanity by Hearts of Eternity reviews
While in Greece to stop the Decepticons, Sunstreaker stops to admire his reflection and ends up insulting the Greek god Narcissus. Cursed with irresistible beauty, Sunstreaker discovers that being irresistible isn't all that it's cracked up to be.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 15,918 - Reviews: 148 - Favs: 112 - Follows: 122 - Updated: 7/1/2011 - Published: 5/25/2011 - Sunstreaker
Equals in Inequality by Indigo Flare reviews
Sam is angry and ashamed of humanity. Optimus shows him that despite humanity's short-comings, he has a lot to be proud of. NOT A PAIRING.
Transformers - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,032 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 134 - Follows: 9 - Published: 5/27/2011 - Sam W., Optimus Prime - Complete
Smile for the Camera by FanfictionWriter83729 reviews
Movieverse. A crack story. It started out as psychological warfare in response to a distrustful Red Alert's innumerable and quite annoying cameras. Then it escalated.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,844 - Reviews: 220 - Favs: 323 - Follows: 268 - Updated: 2/3/2011 - Published: 4/17/2008
the Secret of Slytherin by Kirinin reviews
Amidst misconceptions and reconciliation, the lines that separate the Wizarding World will be destroyed. Enemies will serve one another as friendships are tested and forged. But first, the Sorting Hat has a message for Hogwarts... 1st in Kindred Powers
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Mystery - Chapters: 52 - Words: 194,942 - Reviews: 1833 - Favs: 1,617 - Follows: 496 - Updated: 1/13/2011 - Published: 4/26/2006 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Red vs Blue: A Wager Is Lost by Brovenger reviews
Project FREELANCER is getting slack. Maine takes it for granted and Sigma declares a wager in lieu of his behavior. Maine loses.
Halo - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 748 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/10/2011 - Complete
Red vs Blue: Healthy Relationships by Brovenger reviews
"They say the bonds of men in battle are like that of brotherhood!" and sometimes a good night of drinking and puking only serves to strengthen those bonds.
Halo - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,907 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 13 - Published: 1/2/2011 - Complete
Promote This by Shini-666 reviews
When granted the promotion to the Autobot's SIC Prowl never realized it would also include pranking frontliners, cranky medics, exploding engineers nor a gaggle of other oddballs. How did our doorwinger ever survive? G1 ish light Prowl x Jazz
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 8,711 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 101 - Updated: 12/9/2010 - Published: 1/3/2009 - Prowl, Jazz
Never Did Run Smooth by Hermia S reviews
It's not unheard of for a young girl to develop feelings for a mentor. Once they come of age, those feelings are often quelled, but that was never the case for the princess of Albion. Through revolution and her reign, she loved him.
Fable - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 50,285 - Reviews: 63 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 43 - Updated: 12/3/2010 - Published: 11/1/2010 - Sterling, Sir Walter
Instability by Steelfeathers reviews
Post-ROTF. On board the air craft carrier headed back to Diego Garcia, Sam has a slight mental breakdown.
Transformers - Rated: T - English - Angst/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 15 - Words: 188,402 - Reviews: 962 - Favs: 820 - Follows: 773 - Updated: 7/22/2010 - Published: 7/6/2009 - Sam W., Bumblebee
Little Brother by Meiza reviews
Prowl is infamous for being a logical, nigh emotionaless thinker who's better at battle calculations than interpersonal relationships. How he was roped into taking care of the last survivor of Praxus is anyone's guess.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Family - Chapters: 9 - Words: 64,542 - Reviews: 296 - Favs: 453 - Follows: 412 - Updated: 7/16/2010 - Published: 9/18/2009 - Prowl, Bluestreak
The Importance of Thermal Clips by rent-a-bird reviews
With Dr. Chakwas occupied, Shepard turns to Mordin Solus to tend to a minor injury. Shippy, but not what you're expecting.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,068 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 4 - Published: 5/23/2010 - Shepard (F), Mordin S. - Complete
Two to Five Seconds by chibi-veneficus reviews
MovieVerse: It began when Ratchet just happened to be in the same area with Sam when he invoked the Five Seconds Rule. Laughter followed. Now: Bluestreak discovers, and is confused by, food idioms. Epps just wants to be somewhere else far, far away.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 10,804 - Reviews: 139 - Favs: 212 - Follows: 143 - Updated: 5/22/2010 - Published: 5/4/2008
A Day in the Life by Kookaburra reviews
This is an anthology of one-shot, stand alone short stories that describe the Autobots and Decepticons getting used to life on earth, and their human companions getting used to living with giant alien robots.
Transformers - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,040 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 152 - Follows: 44 - Updated: 5/19/2010 - Published: 10/30/2008 - Ironhide, W. Lennox - Complete
Culture Shock by Conna Stevenson reviews
Innocent hazing and sneezes, harmless human traditions turned inside-out; their differences work in ways that leave everyone wondering just who's messing with who. Sam and Bumblebee wouldn't change a thing, though. Now a few one-shots.
Transformers - Rated: K - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,565 - Reviews: 139 - Favs: 404 - Follows: 178 - Updated: 5/17/2010 - Published: 6/2/2008 - Bumblebee, Sam W.
The Secret Lives of Decepticons by Ghost of the Dawn reviews
Takes place after "Autobot Files". Being a Decepticon isn't easy, but what do they do with themselves when they aren't fighting Autobots and trying to subjugate the population?
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 8 - Words: 59,539 - Reviews: 254 - Favs: 199 - Follows: 88 - Updated: 5/10/2010 - Published: 2/22/2010 - Complete
Love Bites by Oni Mathier reviews
Why taking the extra minute to look in the mirror before a meeting should be a part of any Autobot Officer's regular schedule.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 896 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 54 - Follows: 3 - Published: 5/10/2010 - Prowl, Jazz - Complete
God Blood by Hearts of Eternity reviews
If you could make God bleed, people will cease to believe in him. To Megatron's understanding, the same could be said of a Prime.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,984 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 78 - Follows: 4 - Published: 5/10/2010 - Megatron, Optimus Prime - Complete
The Human's Guide to Understanding Autobots by Vol reviews
A series of oneshots from the early days of the Transformers on Earth, accompanied by excerpts from a book written by Carly and Spike. G1, all characters, inspiration from various sources.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 4 - Words: 10,002 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 4/27/2010 - Published: 4/14/2010
Car Wash by Hibana reviews
Life is never dull when your car is a talking robot named Bumblebee. A series of Sam and Bumblebee friendship ficlets. Enjoy!
Transformers - Rated: K - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 19,193 - Reviews: 398 - Favs: 320 - Follows: 234 - Updated: 4/9/2010 - Published: 6/27/2009 - Sam W., Bumblebee
All In The Job by Flamedancer33 reviews
07-MV-- Dear Agent Simmons: Welcome to Psychoville, home to paranoid security officers, tempermental spies, and the average conspiracy theorist, population Too Many To Count And One More, Including You.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 21 - Words: 60,846 - Reviews: 517 - Favs: 393 - Follows: 307 - Updated: 4/7/2010 - Published: 8/13/2008 - R. Simmons
Snap, Crackle, Pop by ShyLight reviews
Sideswipe hates teleporting and therefore, by association, hates Skywarp. Sunstreaker unleashes an unholy wrath upon the Decepticon base due to a misunderstanding. No jet packs or GPS systems were harmed in the making of this fic…Beyond repair anyway.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 30,877 - Reviews: 177 - Favs: 379 - Follows: 129 - Updated: 3/18/2010 - Published: 3/16/2008 - Sideswipe, Sunstreaker - Complete
The Autobot Files by Ghost of the Dawn reviews
Takes Place Directly after Ghost in the Machine. A series of short stories about a few Autobots and their different views on life.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 140,998 - Reviews: 391 - Favs: 258 - Follows: 107 - Updated: 2/14/2010 - Published: 1/3/2009 - Complete
The Glories of eBay by Gixxer Pilot reviews
Epps buys a novelty chair on eBay. Who could have thought it would bring so much chaos to the NEST base? This story based loosely off Tenshi of Light’s Autobot Pranks. Ch 3: the 'Vette twins discover the figurative meaning of the word 'karma'. Complete.
Transformers - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 13,061 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 84 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 1/27/2010 - Published: 11/1/2009 - Ironhide, R. Epps - Complete
Decepticon Blue? by Peacewish reviews
G1 Yet another chapter in the saga of Autobot Twins meet Monty Python. Poor Prowl. Poor Laserbeak.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,467 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 4 - Published: 11/27/2009 - Sideswipe, Laserbeak - Complete
Alienated by Gixxer Pilot reviews
NCIS/Transformers 2007 crossover. The death of a Navy Petty Officer leads NCIS to the Autobots. But does one team member know more than he's letting on? Full NCIS casefile, 'M' rating is for safety. Complete.
Crossover - NCIS & Transformers - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 68,017 - Reviews: 124 - Favs: 251 - Follows: 79 - Updated: 11/24/2009 - Published: 8/31/2009 - Leroy Jethro Gibbs, Tony D., Optimus Prime - Complete
The Optimus Prime User's Guide by SpiderxxChick reviews
This is a manual on how to care for your Optimus Prime! Actual Optimus Prime not included. Hope you guys enjoy it!
Transformers - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,319 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 112 - Follows: 15 - Published: 11/18/2009 - Optimus Prime - Complete
Phoenix by The Starhorse reviews
A look at the history of Ratchet's relationship to Sideswipe, told in snapshots.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,982 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 201 - Follows: 14 - Published: 10/20/2009 - Ratchet, Sideswipe - Complete
A Hero For Sale by Lady FoxFire reviews
What do you get when you mix slavery, aliens robots and miscommunications?
Transformers - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 8,223 - Reviews: 158 - Favs: 292 - Follows: 89 - Updated: 8/29/2009 - Published: 7/25/2009 - Bumblebee, Sam W. - Complete
Staying Alive: A HowTo by The Starhorse reviews
Rule Number One: Don't ever, ever, EVER stab your commanding officer in the back. Rule Number Two: On the off chance that you ignore Rule Number One, you better run like hell. Far, far away.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 17,699 - Reviews: 121 - Favs: 566 - Follows: 57 - Published: 8/9/2009 - Sideswipe, Sunstreaker - Complete
You Killed Kenny by DaemonicKitten reviews
A joke gone right. One person yells 'You killed Kenny' and the entire room erupts into chaos. Hints of Mikaela/Sam, and Jazz is ressurrected for this fic. I own nothing but my love for the movies. ONE-SHOT. COMPLETE.
Transformers - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,944 - Reviews: 68 - Favs: 315 - Follows: 40 - Published: 7/14/2009 - Mikaela B., Sam W. - Complete
Ferrari by Bookworm Gal reviews
Maggie pulls up in a Ferrari, but what's with Miles? He's acting weird, even for him. Read "Satan's Camaro" first or else you don't get the full effect.
Transformers - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,288 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 76 - Follows: 12 - Published: 6/20/2009 - Maggie M., Miles L. - Complete
Satan's Camaro by Bookworm Gal reviews
Miles' theory on why so many things with Sam has changed. Even stranger than what really happened. Also, his idea of what Bumblebee is.
Transformers - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 488 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 150 - Follows: 19 - Published: 5/20/2009 - Miles L., Bumblebee - Complete
Communique by MariaShadow reviews
G1 A peek into the chaos that is the daily lives of the 'bots...via their paging system
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 17 - Words: 24,718 - Reviews: 408 - Favs: 483 - Follows: 276 - Updated: 2/28/2009 - Published: 8/6/2006
Rumour Has It by Limmet reviews
A rumour about Prowl being a femme is spreading like wildfire aboard the Ark. Unfortunately for the poor tactician, he’s the last one to hear about it.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 16,889 - Reviews: 478 - Favs: 443 - Follows: 303 - Updated: 2/20/2009 - Published: 11/28/2008 - Prowl
Red vs Blue: Fanfiction PSA by Mrfipp reviews
The cast of Red vs Blue would like to thank the countless pieces of fanfictions that have been dedicated to them. As of 9/23/09 entered in the RvB PSA Contest! Albiet, slightly edited.
Red vs. Blue - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,277 - Reviews: 55 - Favs: 140 - Follows: 19 - Published: 2/11/2009 - D. Grif, D. Simmons - Complete
Security Breech by Cyndi reviews
CHRISTMAS FIC. Will finds a way to freak Ironhide out.
Transformers - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 961 - Reviews: 75 - Favs: 310 - Follows: 22 - Published: 12/9/2008 - Ironhide, W. Lennox - Complete
Practical Applications by Dierdre reviews
Sam tests out a new invention. Ratchet is not amused.
Transformers - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,241 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 362 - Follows: 38 - Published: 11/18/2008 - Complete
One Time Too Many by hydraling110 reviews
Cultural boundaries are difficult to learn. However, after almost 5 years of being placed into awkward situations, Mikaela and Sam, and Miles, sort of, finally hope to set some of their Autobot friends straight...
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 14,157 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 215 - Follows: 61 - Updated: 9/26/2008 - Published: 7/30/2008 - Complete
Hunting Houses by snarechan reviews
2007 Movie Verse. Lennox, Epps and Optimus Prime look for a place for the Autobots to reside; the entire mission goes beyond awry as one bad happenstance follows the other.
Transformers - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,694 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 84 - Follows: 6 - Published: 8/24/2008 - W. Lennox, Optimus Prime - Complete
Autocats by FanfictionWriter83729 reviews
Oneshot, G1 crack. After an explosion via Wheeljack, the Autobots have been turned into cuddly organic quadrupeds. Yes, they do fend off a Decepticon attack this way.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,810 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 124 - Follows: 16 - Published: 8/13/2008 - Complete
Small Problems by Ghost of the Dawn reviews
G1: Megatron has a ray gun that shrinks Autobots, leaving them two and a half feet tall and very far from home.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 8 - Words: 65,306 - Reviews: 350 - Favs: 627 - Follows: 192 - Updated: 7/17/2008 - Published: 10/14/2007 - Prowl, Grimlock - Complete
Hit The Brakes by Shimegami reviews
Random drabbles of the 2007 movieverse. Humor, drama, and everything inbetween. Next Up: Ratchet puts the fear of god into Prowl. Remember to drink your energon, kids!
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 13,526 - Reviews: 139 - Favs: 173 - Follows: 122 - Updated: 6/23/2008 - Published: 12/9/2007
Nature and Nurture by FanfictionWriter83729 reviews
Oneshot. Ron was obsessive about his lawn. Judy was obsessive about her flowers. Something of their strange behaviour had to have passed down to their offspring. Bumblebee attempts to figure out what.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,263 - Reviews: 131 - Favs: 421 - Follows: 44 - Published: 6/3/2008 - Complete
One Large Coffee And A Lambo by TheMinttu reviews
Sam just can't get himself up in the morning without coffee and his escort is not impressed by the fact. Overreaction leads to vengeance. My first TF fic oops.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 17,476 - Reviews: 112 - Favs: 109 - Follows: 67 - Updated: 6/1/2008 - Published: 4/1/2008 - Complete
The Name Game by Hearts of Eternity reviews
Movieverse. What if the humans started wondering about the names their Cybertronian friends chose for themselves? Why is Starscream, Starscream? Or Bumblebee called Bumblebee? Well, they put their tiny, organic brains together to try and figure it out...
Transformers - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 27,276 - Reviews: 365 - Favs: 571 - Follows: 180 - Updated: 5/4/2008 - Published: 1/23/2008 - Complete
The Grunt's Guide to Warfare by Tirya King reviews
G1. Some things are universal throughout the galaxy. The rules of warfare being some of them. If you wish to be a proper soldier, you must learn these very important laws and incorporate them throughout your daily life.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 55,044 - Reviews: 337 - Favs: 209 - Follows: 107 - Updated: 4/7/2008 - Published: 6/19/2005
The Raven Parody by twin1313 reviews
If Edger Allen Poe was around in the 21st century.
Edgar Allan Poe - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 439 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/2/2008 - Complete
Autobot's Guide to Human Recreation by Kisu Pure reviews
Movieverse. Short stories documenting the Autobots trying their hand at a few of the humans' favorite recreational activities. On haitus forever. :I
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 8 - Words: 8,986 - Reviews: 156 - Favs: 107 - Follows: 112 - Updated: 3/14/2008 - Published: 1/4/2008
Wreath by vericus reviews
G1, slash - Four Christmases at the Ark, featuring the second- and third-in-command of the Autobots. Contains touching realizations, the first and only Autobot civil war, and...Huffer the Glitter Fairy?
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 19,733 - Reviews: 72 - Favs: 204 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 2/21/2008 - Published: 2/18/2008 - Jazz, Prowl - Complete
A Most Reluctant Noah by The Starhorse reviews
First it rained...and then it rained more...and then it just kept on raining...
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,548 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 192 - Follows: 22 - Published: 2/16/2008 - Complete
Phobia by Sakon76 reviews
G1. Bumblebee contemplates what makes some Autobots officer material.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,204 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 8 - Published: 2/11/2008 - Complete
By the Pundreds by An Cailin Rua reviews
Movie: The Autobots make a discovery about the English language. A horrible, horrible discovery.
Transformers - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 824 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 208 - Follows: 21 - Published: 1/12/2008 - Optimus Prime, J. Keller - Complete
Monty Python and the Twins by Tyrrlin reviews
[G1] The Twins watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail and are now amusing themselves, to the other Autobots' confusion and dismay. Written in response to the Use this Line challenge on The Padded Cell.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 5 - Words: 11,868 - Reviews: 128 - Favs: 253 - Follows: 49 - Updated: 10/25/2007 - Published: 5/16/2007 - Complete
Is it a Shindig or a Hootenanny? by ShyLight reviews
G1: During Sideswipe's antics, he causes Prowl’s CPU to crash. In compensation for lack of memory, the tactician’s battle computer takes over. Now Sideswipe, and a handful of bravely stupid Autobots, must try to fix a crazy Prowl as he wages “war”
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 25,019 - Reviews: 223 - Favs: 303 - Follows: 269 - Updated: 10/10/2007 - Published: 7/30/2007 - Prowl
Friendly Fire by ShyLight reviews
G1: Something has been bothering Sunstreaker and Megatron too actually. So, the Lamboformer brings something to light, regarding their battles with the Decepticons, that no one seemed to have noticed before. oneshot
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,654 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 294 - Follows: 28 - Published: 9/12/2007 - Sunstreaker, Megatron - Complete
CSI: Ark by MoonMadKitty reviews
Oh no! Someone's murdered Bluestreak! Well, not really No problem, Jazz is on the case! Can he solve the Murder Mystery before Prowl forces him to attend staff meetings for the rest of the month? COMPLETE.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 24,513 - Reviews: 133 - Favs: 382 - Follows: 38 - Published: 8/29/2007 - Complete
Reverse Psychology by Kiwikirk reviews
DO NOT READ THIS FIC
Warriors - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,982 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 8 - Published: 8/2/2007 - Complete
After Dinner Discussions by aeramus reviews
One-shot. Takes place in the middle of OotP. Over Christmas holiday at Grimmauld Place, Harry finds himself unable to keep the nature of his detentions with Umbridge as secret as he would like from the adults who care about him.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,741 - Reviews: 214 - Favs: 1,206 - Follows: 230 - Published: 7/2/2007 - Harry P., Sirius B., Remus L. - Complete
Moonlight on White Wings by BajaB reviews
Something for Hegwig. Written before Deathly Hallows was released.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 149 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 67 - Follows: 13 - Published: 5/17/2007 - Complete
The Birds and the Bumblebees by The Original Marisa reviews
ONESHOT! When Spike loses something important, Bumblebee decides to be a good friend and help him find it. Too bad he doesn't have a clue what to look for!
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,029 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 8 - Published: 11/6/2006 - Complete
Helpful Hints for First Years by BajaB reviews
What things should First year students at Hogwarts know? A two chapter list fic of warnings and information vital to happiness and success at Hogwarts, or maybe not.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,244 - Reviews: 65 - Favs: 253 - Follows: 84 - Updated: 10/2/2006 - Published: 9/25/2006 - Complete
In Blood Only by E.M. Snape reviews
Snape is Harry's father. No one is happy to hear it. [R due to colorful language, dark themes, and nongraphic violence.]
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama - Chapters: 45 - Words: 185,251 - Reviews: 3773 - Favs: 3,159 - Follows: 927 - Updated: 8/15/2006 - Published: 8/24/2004 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Itachi's FoolProof Business Plan by RaineJoybringer reviews
Itachi hasn't got enough money for rent! His answer? Why, steal Kakashi's underpants of course! A bombshell is about to hit the fair town of Konohagakure... and nobody is safe, not even the Akatsuki themselves!
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 10,951 - Reviews: 83 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 7/17/2006 - Published: 5/17/2006 - Itachi U., Naruto U.
Blue 42 by The Starhorse reviews
Beware of irritating Prowl. It does not pay.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 14,295 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 422 - Follows: 39 - Published: 6/16/2006 - Complete
Grin and Bear It by Tirya King reviews
G1. Collaboration with MariaShadow. The medic with an exterior of steel and spines is accused of having a fluff interior. Watch as insults and laser scalpels fly. Oneshot
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,806 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 92 - Follows: 8 - Published: 3/3/2006 - Complete
Why You Should Never Go Unarmed by Epona Harper reviews
You can push anyone too far. And never assume that someone doesn't know the language you're dissing them in.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,290 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 161 - Follows: 15 - Published: 3/13/2005 - Complete
Storyteller by Epona Harper reviews
The Dinobots discover a classic of English literature - Revised and Completed!
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 7,006 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 152 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 5/24/2004 - Published: 3/19/2004 - Complete
Sorting Fred by Morrighan reviews
There are people who are easy to sort, and there are people who are more difficult. And then there's Fred Weasley... Well, how hard can it be to sort him?
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,273 - Reviews: 534 - Favs: 1,091 - Follows: 122 - Published: 3/16/2001 - Fred W., George W. - Complete
Staff Meeting by Morrighan reviews
Shortly after the end of P/SS Dumbledore calls a staff meeting. Not much happens.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,462 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 3 - Published: 10/1/2000 - Albus D. - Complete
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The Hunter's Encyclopedia of Animals (First Edition) reviews
With a comprehensive look at biodiversity and evolution, this must-have text covers the extraordinary adaptations that have allowed monsters to thrive in nearly every ecosystem. A guide for hunters, biologists, and enthusiasts alike, guaranteed to sharpen your mind and prepare you for whatever lies out there.
Monster Hunter - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 6 - Words: 18,860 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 7/22/2016 - Published: 10/9/2015
Balancing Act
Being the designated stalwart hero of the land is a demanding job with no sick days and a shitty life insurance plan. The goblins, glorified fetch quests, interracial political backstabbing, and a banished princess with an agenda of her own aren't making it any easier. TP one-shots.
Legend of Zelda - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,051 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 8 - Published: 9/27/2015 - Link, Midna
The Lion Sleeps Tonight reviews
Jungles were already foreboding and unnecessarily loud. Carolina doesn't see why the sim troopers feel the need to add their own soundtrack.
Red vs. Blue - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,028 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 8 - Published: 7/20/2015
Can I Get That in Writing? reviews
Life aboard the Mother of Invention had been pretty standard prior to the arrival of the Sarcophagus. Now, reflecting on the sorry state of affairs that has become his life ever since a little green cockbite began living in his head, York wonders if it's too late to submit his two weeks' notice. [Introspections of the relationships between the Freelancers and their A.I.]
Red vs. Blue - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 20,548 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 9/1/2014 - Published: 2/7/2014
Closed Mouths Gather No Feet reviews
Washington makes an observation, and suffers the repercussions of bringing it to everyone's attention.
Red vs. Blue - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,501 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 13 - Published: 11/27/2013 - Wash
Visiting Hours reviews
Didn't matter how well you could fight, how good your equipment was, or how lucky you were. Somehow, somewhere down the line, you would end up in Recovery. And no matter how well you could sabotage the medical wing or formulate escape plans, you would always get dragged back. Nine times out of ten kicking and screaming.
Red vs. Blue - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,747 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 10 - Published: 11/21/2013
Extend the Olive Branch reviews
Inviting their former enemy to join the Blue Team was definitely their second stupidest decision ever. Of all time. The first was letting Caboose convince them to do it. S8 conclusion.
Red vs. Blue - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,964 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 5 - Published: 9/3/2013 - F. Defresne, Wash - Complete
Watershed reviews
A bold Sigma continues to undermine the Director and test the limits of protocol. And what better test subject to use than his own brother? After all, AI really should stick together. Delta/Sigma.
Red vs. Blue - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,943 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 2 - Published: 8/29/2013 - Delta - Complete
Gears in Motion reviews
G1. He wanted to give something to the mech who had given him everything. What he never realized was that love has no price tags. A Father's Day tribute.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 33,892 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 75 - Follows: 6 - Published: 8/1/2013 - Bluestreak, Prowl - Complete
Black Sacrament reviews
Both Herald of the World Eater and servant to none but himself, The Fallen has left his mark upon time, altering the very course of history with but the barest tug on the marionette strings dangling from his hands. A character study of the enigmatic force known by many names — Psi, Entropy, No One — and the 'bots who follow in his tutelage and steps. A gift for Hearts of Eternity.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 400 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 5/18/2013 - The Fallen - Complete
Mr Sensitivity reviews
Animated. One was so reserved that he epitomized the word "stoic," while the other went about gallivanting on an emotional high. So of course it made sense for Jazz to test the limits of Prowl's social handicaps.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 18,083 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 81 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 5/16/2013 - Published: 8/17/2012 - Jazz, Prowl - Complete
Road to Recovery reviews
G1, AU elements. Not all scars are superficial. And many more aren't just permanent — they're fatal. Suicide recovery story. Warnings posted inside.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: M - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 7 - Words: 39,687 - Reviews: 96 - Favs: 113 - Follows: 144 - Updated: 2/14/2013 - Published: 10/29/2011 - Prowl
Doppelgänger reviews
Shattered Glass. A poetical tribute to the so-called Mirrorverse, and the parallels about the thin line drawn between illusion and reality. What we do and don't see when we gaze into broken mirrors and try to make sense of the image returning our stare.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 229 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/22/2012 - Complete
Beneath That Metal Exterior reviews
Prime. Written in response to SargesGrl12's "Bully." As it turns out, Vince isn't one to ignore a blow to his pride. As the delinquent continues to give Rafael and his friends hell, Ratchet takes it upon himself to fix their problems by any means necessary.
Transformers/Beast Wars - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 11 - Words: 50,667 - Reviews: 182 - Favs: 162 - Follows: 140 - Updated: 7/4/2012 - Published: 8/21/2011 - Raf E., Ratchet
Life aboard the Halberd reviews
So what happened to everybody after the credits rolled? Tabuu's dead, and now everybody's best friends and they don't won't to be separated. Where are they all going to stay? Why, on Meta Knight's ship, of course! [Crack, satirical. Read this with a million grains of salt.]
Super Smash Brothers - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 8 - Words: 77,198 - Reviews: 176 - Favs: 266 - Follows: 180 - Updated: 2/22/2011 - Published: 3/21/2008
The Pokémon Files reviews
Have you ever had a question that regards the games or anime? "Why are there so many Nurse Joys?" "Why can't a four foot eleven inch Scyther use fly but a one foot Pidgey CAN?" "Where are Diglett's feet?" If your answer is yes, then this story is for you! DISCONTINUED.
Pokémon - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,344 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 7 - Published: 6/10/2010
The Great Clans reviews
This is the beginning of the end, how three ancient Clans — LionClan, LeopardClan, and TigerClan — simply vanished forevermore off the face of the earth...
Warriors - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,967 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/9/2009
Hoshi no Kaabii Deleted Episodes reviews
For anyone who has seen the kick-ass Kirby anime in its respected Japanese form, and wondered, "Why, OH WHY, did they end it at 100 episodes?" then do not despair! They HAVE made more than a hundred episodes! Make way for the second rendition of the show: in fanfiction form! Viewer discretion is advised if you fear pink blobs.
Kirby - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 27,274 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 6/25/2009 - Published: 6/23/2009
Their Final Revelation reviews
Seasons after SkyClan was rebuilt, an ominous message arrives, declaring that the Clans are dying at the paws of three mysterious cats. The fifth Clan is forced to pick up the pieces, not realizing that this is only the beginning of something far worse. This time around, failure isn't an option for the lost Clan.
Warriors - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Suspense - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,278 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/15/2009
Traded reviews
AU. What would have happened if Bluestar had rejected accepting Fireheart's nephew, Cloudkit, into ThunderClan? What if StarClan had made it so? A hero becomes a murderer; his best friend is a traitor; their kin are walking a path spun with lies and ominous danger; and a dark future looms on the horizon, a danger ready to rip the Clans apart.
Warriors - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 47,220 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 7 - Published: 7/30/2008 - Stormfur, Feathertail, Cloudtail
In St Mungo's reviews
The Transfiguration teacher gave the merest flicker of a smile now, dreamily thinking of giving Peeves the direct order to have the bust of Paracelsus thrown at Dolores's head. In due time... A/N: Fluff for Minerva McGonagall. Takes place in OotP.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,713 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 3 - Published: 1/31/2008 - Minerva M. - Complete