Poll: I want to write better, but I am unsure as to what I am doing wrong, please let me know what to do. Vote Now!
Author has written 1 story for Star Wars.
Hey everybody. Just thought to give you a little insight about who I am what I like and dislike. And about the project(s) that I am working on.
I am a male post graduate student who is 5' 11." I am a quiet person who loves to read and to hangout with my friends.
Just recently I got a distressing review from an anonymous Guest of the site. To avoid a terrible rant I want to make a few things clear about what I expect from a person leaving a critical review.
I don’t mind getting criticism as long as it serves a larger purpose. Like how to make my story better. Getting a negative review and no reason for it is distressing to me the writer, especially if you don’t tell me how I can do better. So I request that should you feel like leaving a negative review tell me what you don’t like, the reason why you don’t like it, and how I as the writer can go about fixing it.
I know that not everyone will like my story I just hope that those who don’t like it will tell me what they don’t like.
I want to do a good job; I want to provide Grade A material. Help me by leaving constructive criticism.
This is the picture of the armor that Ahri is wearing in Chapter 6 of Star Wars: Ahri Elysar.
Obviously Ahri is male and the picture is of a female.
This is a picture of the Havoc Armor, Mrs. Esteville is wearing this beginning in Chapter 6
Watch most action movies (haven't seen them all, so I can't say I like all of them)
Playing in the band in high school (go Clarinets!!)
hanging out with my friends
History (in general)
Star Wars (comics, movies, books, games, and animated series)
Halo (books, games, comics)
Napoleon Dynamite: the movie (no teenagers life is that boring).
Eragon (movie that is).
Working in groups and having 1 person who doesn't do anything.
Slash stories (m/m)
Really long school papers
Currently Working On:
Star Wars: Ahri Elysar- It is about Ahri's journey to becoming a Jedi. Starts five years before the Clone Wars, so that would be 27 B.B.Y (Before the Battle of Yavin). The story will continue all the way up to at least Return of the Jedi A.B.Y (After Battle of Yavin). Will do my best to follow the Star Wars time line. It is rated T for now, but it might go up for some romance scenes later on.
Ahri is a male Miraluka from Alpheredies. He is fairly jaded from his experiences outside of the Jedi Temple and was only relucantly let back into the Jedi Order to continue his training. The story focuses on his perspective and his though process.
Note: B.B.Y and A.B.Y are ways of distinguishing time in the Star Wars universe. It has changed many times (canonically that is). For example for the Star War The Old Republic MMO the time period is B.T.C and A.T.C (After the Treaty of Coruscant and Before the Treaty of Coruscant) I am not making this up.
6/23/09: On hold until I finish overhauling my first two chapters. I decided I didn't like them so I am going page by page fixing problems. So far I am almost done with the first chapter.
7/20/09: Chapter 1 revision is complete, am now starting Chapter 2.
9/14/09: About 1/3 of the way done, sorry about the delay.
10/26/09: Sorry I don't have good news I haven't made any progress on Chapter 2, I will get it done, but I have been very busy.
11/21/09: I am not quite two thirds of the way done. Things are looking up. I also did a few minor changes to Chapter 1.
11/22/09: I have finally finished revising Chapter 2 and so the story is off Hiatus. I am now moving on the Chapter 3, but don't expect anything for at least a month or more.
11/28/09: The title for Chapter 3 will most likely be: Preparations, Presentations, and Politicians
12/16/09: I am well underway with Chapter three and have seven pages done.
2/14/10: 1/3 of the way done with Chapter three (12 pages in all as of now).
3/19/10: I am on the 16th page of Chapter three (yes I know I am going slow), but at least progress is being made.
3/29/10: I am on the 20th page and well over half way done. This chapter is proving to be a long one. I just have so much to say that the chapter just keeps getting longer and longer. You don't mind do you? ;)
4/24/10: I am on the 24th page and I have decided that the chapter title will change. I have apparently moved on in a new direction. I suppose that is what happens when you take a long time to complete a chapter. Not to worry though the original title still has some bearing just not for chapter 3. Also I am seeing the end of the chapter and within the next two weeks if I can get down to writing I will have the chapter completed.
5/2/10: Chapter 3 is now up with 35 pages. It is called What does it mean to be a Jedi. I apologize, I posted chapter 3 at three a.m. and got the title wrong so I had to delete the chapter and post it again this time with the correct title. Take pity on me I was tired.
I have also just begun to work on chapter 4, no title yet.
5/14/10: I have noticed a lot of people reading chapter 1 but not many people reading chapters 2 and 3. If there is something in chapter 1 keeping you from reading the other 2 chapters please let me know.
7/1/10: I finally have gotten rid of my writer's block. My new plan of action is to redo chapters 1-3...again and get rid of anything that clashes with Ahri's original personality. It shouldn't take too long so at the same time I will be writing chapter 4, which will be much shorter than the previous ones. That way I can get on to the main focus of the story which would begin with the Clone Wars.
7/2/10: Just finished revising chapter 1. I am now moving on to chapter 2.
7/3/10: Chapter 2 has been revised. I am moving on to chapter 3.
7/13/10: Chapter 3 has been revised and is now thirteen pages shorter...quite a hair cut if I do say so myself. The story is now back on track and less boring I believe for all. I am now moving on to chapter four.
10/17/10: I am over the hill for chapter 4, and it currently has ten pages. And as soon as I can end the story is a well though out manner I will publish it. Then it is on to the Clone Wars!
Edit: Chapter 4 is finished! I am now going to move onto chapter 5, (after I finish my homework which I put off to finish chapter 4), which will begin just before Attack of the Clones.
10/31/10: I am five pages into the story.
1/16/10: I know it has been a long time, but rest assured I haven't forgotten. So far I am eight pages in, I may edit chapters 1-4 to correct something. Note: I may end up doing nothing.
2/20/11: I am still here, chapter 5 has ten pages so far. Also I have sent chapters 1-4 and what is to become chapter 5 to the Writing Center on Campus so that I can get a second opinion as to how well my story is being presented, and to see if any modifications need to be made. If you would like a say let me know. I love having reviews.
3/23/11: I have temporally stopped working on chapter 5 to rewrite chapters 1-4. Yes I know I did that five months ago, I have been going to my local writing center to get some help on my stories as well as a second opinion, and he gave me some ideas that I am going to implement. First up is to get rid of the movie style script, as well as to add more depth to the background, Ahri, and others.
4/9/11: Finished revising chapter 2. In it I completely redid the last three pages, as well as removing three pages while editing. I am going to move on to chapter 3. I also changed the titles to chapters 1 and 2...will have to see if that actually works. I also changed the second genre to Hurt/Comfort to reflect what I believe is actually happening.
4/22/11: I have to say I enjoy seeing people actually read my story. It makes my heart get all warm and fuzzy...now if only more people would write a review.
4/30/11: I have given this a great deal of thought and I have decided that I am going to remove chapters 3 and 4 until they are revised. Every time I think about them I cringe, and it is confusing for you to read something that doesn't match up with what the previous chapter says. Hopefully the revisions won't take long.
Edit: Alright I have finished revising chapter 3 and have added it again under a new title. I am now moving on to chapter 4.
5/1/11: Finished revising chapter 4.
5/2/11: Wrote six more pages for chapter 5.
6/1/11: I believe I have reached a good stopping point. Right now all that is left to do is to go over the chapter with a fine tooth comb. Also I have decided that I am in need of a beta reader. So if anybody is willing to help me out just send me a message. Thanks.
6/25/11: I decided to continue writing and editing chapter 5. And so far it has 27 pages. But in three days I will be heading overseas for the rest of the semester and it will be a little hard to update. Sorry.
7/26/11: Chapter 5 has 41 pages and still counting. Trying to decide whether or not it should be broken into two separate chapters. It will be a while coming though. I am in Cambodia til August 8 and then Thailand until August 20. The very last thing that has to be done is to do my final editing. Last notice I am in need of a beta reader if anyone is interested.
8/4/11: Chapter 5 is finished and has 46 pages. I have officially reached the 50,000 word mark!!! The chapter title is Tides of War.
11/11/11: Chapter 6 has over 11 pages and is well under way. I haven't forgotten about it.
1/1/12: Finished the rough draft for Chapter six. It has 25 pages and has over seven thousand words. I planned to speed the story along but I got bogged down in details that I were critically important for future chapters. Thus I am going to end it now and continue the next part in chapter seven. The title has been given a tentative name of War and Love.
1/3/12: Posted Chapter Six with a new title Love and Adoration. I am going to begin chapter 7 and rethink the titles for chapters 1-5.
1/4/12: Changed the titles of Chapters 1-6 to reflect the contents of each chapter. Added information to Chapters 1, 3, and 4. Titles are going to be the normal numbers one through six, I couldn't find proper names so I went back to the basics.
1/5/12: Talked with on of my former English Teachers and we got to talking about my story. Well she made me realize that I have no goal no objective for the story and that I am just meandering on. I plan to fix this so until I do I won't continue on with Chapter 7. I do have a picture of where Ahri is going to end up I just haven't clearly stated that and I plan to do so before moving on.
1/21/12: Making progress trying to create a plot line so to speak. I decided to fall back on a Star Wars tradition with the introduction scene that lays out what the movie is going to be about. I will do that for each chapter, which will introduce the main point of the chapter, as well as continue the story.
1/29/12: Over half of chapter 1 has been revised, loose ends have been deleted, and conversations that don't include Ahri have been eliminated. I am hoping I have gotten a proper plot line going with the narrative of each chapter, but I am not sure. I could use some advice or a beta to be honest.
Just saw something amazing, over 117 people looked at my story. That is more people that have looked at my story in about a year. Now I need to get people to review.
2/19/12: Finished revision number one of chapter 1. It has been streamlined and more details have been added. I will go back over again to make sure everything is as it should be.
2/26/12: Half way through the second go through of chapter 1. It is about the same length give or take a hundred words or so, the plot line has been clearly stated. And conversations not involving Ahri have been removed, more details of the expedition have been reveled, and will continue to be reveled. Master Fay's introduction has been reworked. And I have introduced more minor characters to the story besides Barriss and Bultar.
Also from now on there will be no title to the chapters, just chapter one or Episode 1 chapter 1. This is done in the tradition of the GL who with each movie had six episodes with multiple chapters that continued where the previous left off.
3/26/12: Half way through revising chapter 2.
3/29/12: Finished going over chapter 2, I am going to go over it once or twice more the ferret out any mistakes that I may have missed on the first run through.
4/1/12: Finished the second run through for Chapter 2, I am contemplating whether I need to go over it a third time just in case.
4/10/12: I have stopped revising chapter 3, though I admit I haven't gotten past page two. The dilemma I am trying to overcome is that I believe I have put too much emphasis on background information and not enough on the story as a whole. Having four maybe five chapters dedicated as background, each over ten thousand words is too much. I wish to keep chapters one and two the way they are, so I have to decide what to do with chapters three through 5. I may combine chapters three four and five into one long chapter. Or I might add chapter three to chapter two and chapters four and five (maybe) will become one long chapter. Until I figure out what do to the revision process is now on hold.
Addendum: I have decided to combine chapter three with chapter 2 which will mean that there will be one less published chapter at this time. Chapter one will be left alone.
4/13/12: Shaved off over five thousand words of the new and improved chapter 2. Got rid of details that detracted from the story at large. Now I am not sure how to end the chapter properly.
I have finished the first run through of chapter 3. Once I have completed editing it I will add it to the contents of chapter 2.
4/15/12: Chapter 3 (formally chapter 4) will be the last chapter in Episode 1.
4/16/12: Finished editing chapter 3, I will be going over it one more time to proof read it. Posted Chapter 3.
5/2/12: I have finished editing chapter 4 (formally chapter 5), I will be going over it once more to make sure it is worthy of being published.
6/10/12: Finished going over chapter 4... again, I am going to go over it one more time to be thorough, there are still things that need to be done before I post it.
6/14/12: Episode 2: Chapter 1 has been published.
7/14/12: I am on Episode 3: Chapter 1, this is the former chapter 6. This chapter has basically been scrapped and will have to be revised from the ground up. This is because I have altered the previous chapters to the point that this chapter doesn't fit the direction of the story at all and as such I have no material to alter like I had in previous chapters.
6/10/13: I know I haven't updated in almost a year. I haven't forgotten the story I just haven't had the drive to continue it up until now. What is happening in regards to my story is that I am creating pages for a future event as well as the next chapter. That is what is going for the moment.
7/14/13: Finished Episode 2 Chapter 2. It is over 5,000 words and I have to say that I am sorry for not updating sooner. In my defense I have to say it is easier to revise than to create.
7/19/13: I have been doing some thinking, I had always wanted to add a few romance scenes, but I admit that I am struggling to not make them the central idea of the story. To help me avoid this I will keep the over the top romance to a minimum as well as toning down the romance scenes in previous chapters. Though I do plan on having at least on major romance scene in the future. Now that the bond has been completed it is time for Ahri to leave his home planet and to join the war.
8/3/13: Removed Episode 2 Chapter 2. I had been wrestling with how to fix the last third of the chapter. Normally the fixes would be easy to fix and I would just submit and updated version online. This time the problem is harder to fix and I believed that it was best to remove it. I will post it as soon as I can end the chapter in a way that I feel keeps with the theme and idea of the story.
8/23/13: Finished revising Episode 2 Chapter 2. I fixed the last third of the chapter to the point that I found it acceptable now I am just going to revise it. I should be posting the finished chapter in a few days.
8/15/14: A full year with no new chapter...my only excuse is life gets in the way. I have not forgotten the story I have just done other things. On that note while I have not written anything I feel as if the chapter is dragging due to the way the story is going. My tentative new plan is for the current story to become the background, the story behind the story. Like how Elaina and Ahri met, why Ahri acts the way he does, and so forth. The new story would jump right into the war and replace the chapter that I was at a snails pace beginning to write.
Also I edited and toned down the 'sex' scene so that Ahri and Elaina do not end up in the same bed when waking up in the Episode 2 Chapter 2.
12/29/15: Chapter six has been posted and I have taken down the poll. I decided that the reasons for it were not necessary, the story is going well, and the way the story is being written the way it should.
1/18/15: Chapter nine has about 2600 words.
10/23/15: I am still alive, I know I have been slow to update. I love the story, but I have a hard time putting to words what I mean to stay. Story wise, I have halted any progress on chapter seven to redo the last four pages of chapter five. I did not like how Elaina and Ahri got married, the way I put it lacked any depth and it showed. The update will fix that.
11/23/15: The update to chapter 5 is up, however, now I wish to connect Ahri's marriage to the war. As it sits there is too jarring a transition. To fix this I will need to add a new chapter. An interlude so to speak, I have begun to work on that interlude. My plan is to have between two to five thousand words for it
12/24/15: Merry Christmas! I decided to include the interlude with chapter six. So far the revisions are going well.
12/31/15: Happy New Year! I have finished editing chapter 6 which means the latest round of updates is complete. I will now move on to chapter 7. Hopefully it won't take another year to update it. Though knowing me no promises. ;)
7/4/16: Happy Independence Day! My current story has increased by 1500 words in the past two weeks alone. I will have 5k words by the end of the day. My goal is to publish the story once I have 10K words written.
7/19/16: Well I have over 10K words so far. In the last two weeks alone I have written close to 5K works, and still the chapter is not done. That's good for you all, and for me. My self prescribed goal of writing 2.5k/words a week is paying off.
7/26/16: Chapter 7 has been uploaded! First chapter in over a year! Next week I plan to begin writing. This week is the brains storming session, where I switch gears from the small to the large view. I never forgot, I was just some focuses on this chapter that I didn't focus entirely on the future of the story.
Also if I missed anything that you would like to see in my story give me a shout, this story is not just for me. It is for you, why else would I have published it? Other than to relieve my boredom that is?
Please read and review!!