Author has written 6 stories for Star Fox.
Yes I am A Christian. YOu got a proble with that you can go suck on a rusty spike.
This is a story about God. Read if you believe in him, and read even if you don't.
A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.
As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.
The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believeor not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?
Repost this if you truly believe in God
If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't ignore it because the Bible says that If you deny Me, I will deny you in front of My Father and the glory of Heaven.
I like this next thing not for the "Ooh Its a Curse thing" but for what it is Sweet
This is really sweet...
When a girl is quiet, a million things are running through her mind.
When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.
When a girl looks at you with her eyes full of question, she is wondering how long you will be around.
When a girl answers "I'm fine." after a few seconds, she is not fine at all.
When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.
When a girl rests her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be her's forever.
When a girl wants to see you everday, she wants to be pampered.
When a girl says "I love you." she means it.
When a girl says "I miss you." nobody could miss you more than that.
Life only comes around once, so make sure you spend it with the right person.
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, and calls you back when you hang up on him.
The guy who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
The one who holds your hand in front of his friends and is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you there for him.
The one who turns to his friends and declares "That's her.".
If you read this, you have to repost it, guy or girl, or you will have bad luck for the rest of your life.
If you repost this, in five minutes your true love will call or message you.
Tonight at midnight, they will realize that they love you.
Something good will happen at approximately 1:42 pm tomorrow, and it could happen anywhere.
So get ready for the biggest shock of your life.
If you don't repost this, you will be cursed with relationship problems for all of eternity.
Repost this to your profile, and spare yourself the emotional stress.
Saber's Underservidely Deserved Rants about Random Crap.
1st Topic: Twilight.
First I'm aware this is big right now and I'm probably going to be prone to flames if this ever gets around but I don't care. Also I've never read the books nor watched any of the movies and you'll see why.
(Ahem) First off Twilight is FAIL!! Why do you ask? Well they completely bastardized the Vampire/Werewolf (no NOT LYCAN!! WEREWOLF!!) saga. Underworld is so much better and then there is BLADE!! Blade is the shit.
But I digress Twilight's first installment went over well because of the utter eye candy in that movie. Yes there may have been a storyline that people paid attention to but I can almost guarantee that the girls were waiting for Edward to randomly lose his shirt in some fail way or the guys were waiting for a fight scene.
Another thing: WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF VAMPIRE SPARKLES WHEN THEY"RE HIT WITH SUNLLIGHT!? It's a fact that all vampires turn to ash. (Note: THis is a rant. So if you really are a fan of Twilight, go ahead and rock it. Make it you. Just don;t do it to the point where you believe you can have a fucking vampire baby!! Crazy? Yes I know but trust me I've seen and heard that kind of shit.)
Honestly I've never watched or read the book or movie and probably never will and I dislike Twilight with a passion but if you like it then fine. Just don't be a psycho about. on an end note: Underworld is teh awesumness and BLADE= O_O
2nd Topic: SEGA won't let SONIC DIE!!
We all know what to do when the zombie hordes finally attack the Earth for what ever reason: Grab some guns, ammo and shoot 'em in the head. But what happens when the zombie is none other than the child hood hero Sonic the Hedgehog? Honestly Sonic was the shit...THe classic Sonic that is. Not saying that Sonic X isn't good and all but that's a cartoon.
I want the old Sonic back where we didn;t know his age or need to know. Here's all we needed: Rings equal life (Not the Super Boost that it somehow gives Sonic in Sonic X) and Chaos Emeralds mean SUPER SONIC!! And the only attack you need to kill Robotnik (NOT EGGMAN) is a good old fashioned spinning-ball-some sorta headbutt type thing that made him flash. ANd life meters? We don;t need no stinking life meters!! Just pay attention to the flashes when you hit him and you'll know when he's about to fall. SEGA's trying to bring back Sonic to his former glory with Games liek Sonic Rush and Sonic the Hedgehog 4. BUt honestly SEGA just give us the old Sonic...and maybe Tails...on second thought keep him. He was useless. XD
While I absolutely have good ties with this fic I'm afraid to say it might get the chopping block people. It wasn't originally supposed to go like it did but it got away from after I had a change of heart about Krystal. I may or may not finish it. I'm not sure yet.
Resident StarFox: O-Virus Strain
This will be continuing people so don't get too scared. Things have come up and I've been getting lazy. Sorry. It will get back underway.
Cancelled indefinitely although the idea will be implemented into a new StarFox fic I'm planning.
I gotta get back into it but I'm not killing it.
RSF Halloween Special
Cancelled. It got away from me and frankly I find to be horribly crappy. I'll try my hand at a different holiday.
New StarFox Fic:
"Reborn from the Wastes"
I won't give away much but you all can expect a preview sometime within the next 2 to 3 months. If i cna figure out WMM and paint I'll make a trailer.
That's all the important biz for now.
THE HONOR LIST:
HaleyCKitten: Although she's AWOL she's still cool and stuff..JUST WISH SHE'D UPDATE HER STORIES!! X3
ELEMENTER!! -A very good Somalian friend (No he's not really Somalian. It's a inside joke IRL.) But he's awesome though. Helps me out.
An excellent friend online...
SYXXFOX: I take back every remotely bad thing I've said about this guy. I owe my FFN career to this guy. I wouldn't come close to his caliber of stories and I'm not nut riding so STFU. It's called respect.
An inspiring Sly Cooper writer...
LightHeart77 She know's how ta write! (Even though she's disappeared)
Indestructable Furry Fan: IDk
DETECTIVE TECTIVE!! YAYS!! SHE FINALLLY UPDATED HER SLY COOPER STORY!! (And she's not dead)
A good FFN'er, moderator and all round awesome dude. What more could you want? Hope you come back soon bro.
THis dude is cool. I mean how many asians do you know that actually take philosophy classes...okay that was supposed to a joke but it was more of a poor attempt. My point being this dude rocks believes that public education is a conspiracy (In this country what isn't?) and is an all around great person. A lil too philisophical for my tastes sometimes but everyone's got their own flavors. RESPECT HIS AUTHORITAH!!!! I can haz mahsheen gun nao rite? XD
Fav games:Star Fox (It the whole damn reason i'm on this site...Okay that and all my friends) Super Smash Bros Brawl( A freakin sweet game in which you pwn ppl online!)Sly Cooper(Definitely one of the most original games i eva played, and i roxx), Ratchet and Clank(A freakin awesome game, still like sly better though), Jak series( sad to see a gr8 game go...) and oh! RE4(best shooting game eva played!!), Kingdom Hearts series(Do not underestimate this series. It is good).
Fav Hobbies: Being insane, goin on youtube, playin videogames, makin fanfics, hangin with friends, drawing(still tryin to make it look better, but i'm gr8 at makin machines). JROTC (rifle team b(bleep)tches! Reading Resident Evil series(STARS KICKASS!) Halo. (I am Master Chief Petty Officer Spartan 117) Star Wars Republic Commado (HELL YEAH! FUCK U JEDI! CLONES BE DA SHIT!!)
Fav shows: BOONDOCKS!(Thank you for not snitching !Ya stupid muthaf(bleep)!) Family Guy(Stewie!) Futurama(Bite my shiny metal ass), Simpsons(Doh!) Tom and Jerry(gotta love tha classics) Xiaolin Showdown(Omi!) Naruto(Believe it!) and many more im just too lazy to type in right now.
4) Old SKool music
Artists I listen too:
If I listed every single one that would take forever so i'll just list the ones I've been on lately. (These aren't Rankings. If it was Rap artists would be fist or Rock and roll. GAHHH! DAMN YOU SYXX AND YOUR CONTAGIOUS MUSIC!! ROFL)
1) Breaking Benjamin
2)Three Days Grace
7) Young Jeezy
8) AND WAY MORE THAT I DON'T HAVE TIME TO PUT IN
ONTO THE OC'S!!
Sly 4: Spawn of Thieves OC's (This story is being Revamped)
Slay S Cooper
Species: Foxcoon(fox-raccoon hybrid)
Eye color: Light brown likes Carm's
Hair:Navy Blue(like Carm's)Usually covered by a bandanna or du rag
Slay is 1 of 5 major characters in a upcoming sly fic. Anyway he looks alot like Sly, loves weapons(you know, pistols,AR's,TMP's,uzi's all that stuff.) He gets it from his mom. Like i said he looks almost like his dad except he has his mom's hair color,(which keeps covered with a du rag or artic blue camo bandanna), has his dad's eyes, most of his dad cool attitude, finesse,athletics, and has a spark of his mom's hot headedness. Mostly is a pretty cool guy, util you piss him off. Never talk about his family, friends, or anything.(he might just bring a shock rifle to yo house) He has an older twin sister Kamron. Fav weaponry: i just told you. And his dad's cane. Slay is what i like to call a foxcoon. Slay nor for that matter, knows that their father was a master thief. Has feelings for Neyosha, but his distrust betrays these feelings.
Kamron M. Cooper
Eye Color: Same as Sly's
Hair: Raven Black in a pony tail
Weight: 95 lbs
Kamron is the 2nd of 5 major characters in an upcoming sly fic. She looks like her mom and has her dad's eyes. She's the complete opposite of Carmelita, again until you piss her off. She picks up her dad's dark grey haircolor. She's the team's driver. She likes Slay's best friend Bryan J. Black. Kamron is also a Foxcoon. She is basically like her mom... a hothead. Always diving into situations head 1st. More than often Slay hs to calm her down. She doesn't trust Neyosha.
Bryan J Black
Species: Black Fox
Eye Color: Artic Blue; Crimson in times of rage
Hair: Black normally spiked
Weight: 250 lbs
Slay's best friend and watchdog. Bryan is a black fox, but there's something wrong with him. He's like 6'5 and weighs 250 lbs! Suspicious eh? i'll tell when I come out with the story. Dont ya just hate me? Bryan likes Slay sister, but doesnt know if she likes him. Hates it when you hurt Slay ,Kamron or they're parents. Real loyal.
Species: Lynx(same fur as Neyla)
Eye Color: Pink
Hair: Onyx; in braids
Weight: 95 lbs
A new addition to Slay's squad. A lynx with ninja-esque skills. A sibling of Neyla, who has feelings for Slay, but is a threat to Kamron. Not much more info.
StarFox: Ying or Yang? Real OC's (Almost to the End)
Weight: 70 lbs
Species: Arctic Fox
Hair: White(same as fur) Usually under a hat
Not much is known about her except that she's an employer of some sort. Can Fox really trust her?
Kimberley Khristina Casey
Wt: 74 lbs
Species: Red Fox
Alias: Jackie Emerson
Hair: Long, brown, usually in a ponytail
AN ex-gang member. She stole the identity of Ms Emerson to throw off her ex group
Hair: short; black, ususally under a forest camo duty cap
An ex-Cornerian Fighter pilot. Fox's teammate. Dishonorable discharge for fraterinizing with a civilian.
Rico Tyson Raquel
Wt: 300 lbs
Alias: Mike Avery Jameson
Hair: black; Buzzcut, under a bandanna
An ex-gang member who stole the identity of Avery to lose the gang members after him and Kimberley.
Ht: Same as Fox
Wt: Same as Fox
Hair: Same as Fox
Ancient evil spirit that powers Fox's feral form. Unusually polite for a malevolent being.
Ht: Same as Fox
Wt: Same as Fox
Hair: A little longer than Fox's. Gold colored
Ancient Benevolent spirit that powers the Feral form. Very quiet.
Ht: (All fours) 4'3
Wt: 109 lbs
The default form when Fox's enters Feral mode.
Ht: (All fours) 4'2
Wt: 115 lbs
The Darker malevolent version of SHadowFox
RESIDENT STARFOX: THE OVERLORD VIRUS OC's
Name:Axel Jason Umos
Nickname:Jace or Axel
Age:14(Before STARS) 19(AFter STARS)
Weight: 121 lbs(Before STARS) 143 lbs (AFTER STARS)
Ht: 5'4 (B-STARS) 5'8 (A-STARS)
Special abilities: Profiecency in Explosives and Assault weaponry and has a high iq level, high stealth, profiecent at ninjutsu and CRC
Occupation/Job: Jet Fighter( Ex-Space Force) Delta STARS Agent
Appearance: (a black Lynx) Before and During 1st Sunshade Experimentation
(Black and Silver Husky) After 2nd Sunshade Encounter
Eye Color: Purple
Hair Color:Jet Black
Race:Lynx/Canine; Siberian Husky
Fun Facts:Is very quiet, very energetic, always ready to help, Likes Skye alot.
Brief Bio: Attended the Cornerian Military Academy at the young age of 13. He went into the Air/Space Force at 17 and retired at 19. As soon as he retired he was picked up by the STARS. On the night he graduated from the STARS training program he met up with Skye and dropped his fiancee Courtney Cho for cheating. Unfortunately after he joined 2 years later the Overlord virus was created and Hyper zombies invaded the city. After investigating further, he and the other STARS agents of the Delta squad were disbanded. He later joined up with the "Umbrella Eradication Unit" or (UEU). An escaped BOW experiment
Name:Marie Krystal McCloud
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Age: 13; 19
Special abilities: Telepathy, Telekinesis, Psi-waves; a crack shot with a Plasma Sniper Rifle
Occupation/Job: Jet Fighter (Ex: Space Force); Echo STARS
Appearance: Blue fur, short hair like Krystal's
Eye Color: Emerald (Like Fox's)
Hair Color: Violet
Race:Cerinian/Cornerian (blue fox)
Fun Facts: Is very nice and very easy to get along with until you piss her off. Has a big crush on Axel.
Brief Bio: Attended the Cornerian Military Academy at the young age of 13. She went on to join the Air/Space Force and stayed in for 4 years. She broke up wit her boyfriend and joined the STARS with Axel. A few weeks after she joined STARS the OverLord virus was created and Hyper Zombies invaded the city. They later investigated and the STARS organization was disbanded. She joined the Umbrella Eradication Unit (UEU).
Name:Aaron Jake Leos
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Age: 15; 20
Ht: 5'4; 5'7
Special abilities: Assault Trooper
Occupation/Job: Cornerian Marine Corps, 121st Assault AKA the RIppaz
Appearance: black and brown fur. Street clothing: A black DC fitted hat, a forest camo bandanna around neck, a white shirt, a black belt, blue cargo shorts, and black and white Jordans
Eye Color: Cocoa
Hair Color: Black.
Fun Facts: Axel's best friend.
Brief Bio: AJ was enrolled at the academy at 14. He befriend Axel after he was shunned from other groups for being so quiet. Axel brought out his more fun living side. After after Axel went into the Air Force he became a Marine.
StarFox: Army of TWO(SEQUEL 2 Yang's Corruption)
Star Fox: Yang's Corruption(Sequel to YOYR)
Star Fox: First Blood
Cherub: The Foxes of War
You know that every night before you go to bed there is a person of the opposite sex thinking about you. They want to kiss you, they want to be with you, they are always thinking about you. If you post this within the next 5 minutes the person that is longing to be with you will approach you within the month and ask you out. If you don't no one will talk to you or ask you out for the next 5 years...
ninety two percent of american teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breath, if you would be one of the eight percent laughing their asses off at the others, copy this into your profile.
Ninety-eight percent of teenagers have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the two percent who hasn't, copy this and paste it on your profile.
If you fall for this please put it in your profile, I fell for it too:
You know you live in 2007 when...
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screen name or my space
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) and you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did
And now, here's something completely random, but when I saw it, I thought it was entirely something Laharl would follow. God knows if Voldemort (SPOILER ALERT!!) had such a list, he probably wouldn't have been killed off so easily in the seventh book--but I digress. So please read and enjoy. I had to copy the copyright notice and everything! See? It's right here:
This Evil Overlord List is Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach. If you enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that (1) it is not altered in any way, and (2) this copyright notice is attached.
AN IMPORTANT NOTE REGARDING THE COPYRIGHT:
This Evil Overlord List grew out of the exchanges on what is now the Star Trek mailing list "email@example.com", beginning in 1994 (when it was still "firstname.lastname@example.org"). We were kicking around cliches that appeared on "Deep Space 9" at the time, and I started to compile a list of classic blunders they were making. The list came to about 20 or so items. In 1995, I decided to try to make it into a Top 100 List. I attached a copyright notice, some friends of mine posted it to a few newsgroups, and the contributions quickly poured in. In 1996 I revised the list entries to their current form, the Web page went up, more contributions were solicited, the list expanded beyond 100 and I had to open up a dungeon. I continued to contribute items; my total is around 40 or so. So while I am the originator, editor, and principal contributor, I certainly did not write the majority of the items on the list -- as may be seen by the sheer number of individuals who are listed as contributors. Around 1997, as the final contributions were coming in, a couple contributors mentioned that this was similar to a list of things not to do if you capture James Bond that had appeared on a sci-fi newsgroup. I'd never heard of or seen this list, so I assumed it was parallel development or perhaps something I had inspired.
On November 12, 2002, I exchanged some emails with Jack Butler who has a list on his website. Sayeth Mr. Butler: "This list has its origins on the now-nonexistent FidoNet Science Fiction and Fandom (SFFAN) email echo, in a discussion regarding a sketch seen on an episode of Saturday Night Live sometime in 1990. In the sketch, several Bond villains were appearing on a talkshow touting their new book, "What Not To Do If You Capture James Bond". The discussion on SFFAN was specifically regarding what advice might be found in that book. The instigator of the discussion was Alesia Chamness; other contributors included Jason Welles, Brian R. Williams, Merideth Knepper, and Alexi Vandenburg. I was also one of its contributors. When I originally posted this list to the Internet in 1994, I did so without any awareness of Mr. Anspach, the Star Trek mailing list on which his version of the list appeared, or (later) his website."
Apparently both lists were compiled during overlapping periods of time. Comparing the two, some items appear on one list but not the other. Other items appear identical to those on this list; since many are the result of my writing or editing, I believe they were taken from this list and posted to that list without permission. But other items on that list appear identical to contributions I received before I edited them. Those items may have been taken from that list and submitted here under false pretenses, or they may have innocently been submitted to both lists by their originators. It appears that as a result of this "cross-contamination", the two lists have arrived at a point where there are variations on each other and it is probably impossible to untangle them. (I would still like to talk with Alesia Chamness. If you know her, please ask her to email me.)
I believe Jack Butler when he says the list on his website is the current form of the James Bond Villain list, and I thank him for helping to clarify matters. Let me state that I had nothing to do with the FidoNet SFFAN list which is firmly in the public domain, and I lay no claim to it. The copyright statement attached to my list applies only to this list, in the form it appears.
-- Peter Anspach
Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present...
The Top 100 Things I'd Do
1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
16. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.
47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.
58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
60. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.
61. If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
65. If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
71. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.
73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."
79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.
80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."
86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.
89. After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.
94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.
96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.
98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.
100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.
95 of teens would cry if they saw the Jonas Brothers at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this EVERYWHERE if you are in the 5 that would shout 'Jump!'
If you hate High School Musical with a burning fiery passion and wish to kill everybody who stars in it, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.
IF you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear baiting, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery etc.) then copy this into your profile!
If you are against fur coats or killing animals just to look good, copy this into your profile.
Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was 'too small' and 'off its orbit' for a couple scientists' likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy this onto ya profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile
Can you raed tihs? Olny srmat poelpe can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. If you can raed tihs cpoy and ptsae it to yuor pforlie