EvilSarcasm217
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Joined 08-24-07, id: 1360310, Profile Updated: 12-21-07
Author has written 13 stories for Titanic, Maximum Ride, Gemma Doyle Trilogy, Someone Like You, and Harry Potter.

I am a mean person. Honestly, I don't mean to be mean I just am. That is why if I give you an angry review then sorry but I am an angry person. If you cant deal with it don't write.

SOME THINGS I REALLY HATE!

I ABSOLUTELY HATE OCs I AM SORRY BUT THAT'S WHAT I THINK. THAT IS WHY I USE NAMES AND PEOPLE FROM THE BOOKS. YOU WANT AN OC? READ ANOTHER STORY.

I ALSO REALLY HATE ANONYMOUS REVIEWS. IT MAKES IT MORE DIFFICULT FOR ME TO ANSWER. I CANT'T STOP YOU FROM GIVING AN ANONYMOUS REVIEW AND ANYWAY I GUESS AN ANONYMOUS REVIEW IS BETTER THEN NOTHING.

"At the age of thirteen, we are no longer juvenile delinquets, we become ADOLESCENT delinquets." - Mucho thank you to Tuatuara.

"If Math is mathematical, and quizzes are quizical, what are tests?" - Again that is from Tuatuara peoples.

"I made the cowardly lion look like the terminator." -Twilight

"The one thing worse than a boy that hates you: a boy that loves you." -The Book Thief

"Oh, come on, Arthur." "I don't want to hear it, Andy." "Jesus Christ." "He doesn't want to hear it either." -The Book Thief

"So much good, so much evil. Just add water." -The Book Thief

"Fang could turn men gay, but he wouldn't be gay with them. It's like a hit and run thing." - EdwardAddict

"I look like prep school Barbie. Actually, you look like prep school Barbie. I'm just one of her friends."- Nudge -Maximum Ride: SOF

"And when we blow ourselves up, I'll be safe in my padded room and warm in my pretty white jacket." - EdwardAddict (That descrbes me perfectly!)

"Sigh. You know you're about to have a bad day when you get your chip stuck in your salsa." EdwardAddict again (My friends saw this and now they say it...sorry!)

"Well someone has to stand up for all the dorks out there." EdwardAddict ('tis true)

"Fang could turn men gay, but he wouldn't be gay with them. It's like a hit and run thing." that wasn't me. i do say that alot however. EdwardAddict

"Everyone knows the best way to convince someone you're not lying to them, is to tell them you are." - Shawn Spencer says it in the TV show Psych.

"If you can do something with your eyes closed, it's time to find something new" - reader's digest!

"My poodle's stuck in a heater vent." -who's line is it anyway.

"A synonym is just a word you use when you can't spell the first word you thought of" -reader's digest

"I don't lie. I fib in big portions." – CrimsonScarz (I love all your quotes by the way not that im weird or anything…well not that I’m really weird)

"Perfect men are only fictional."

"Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then you're a mile away, and have their shoes." -quote page. It is also on a shirt.

"Sticks and Stones may scar my skin but words slice through my soul within" quote page

"My knight in shining armor turned out to be just a loser in aluminum foil" –A certain persons sister (You know who you are though if you would like acknowledgement that can be arranged!) :

"When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you"- same sister...

"You don't die of a broken heart...you only wish you did"-same sister...

"Friends are Gods way of apologizing to us for our families"- quote page. "

"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them more"- same

"Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun."-same

"Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is humans way of saying you can't fire me, I quit."- same

"On my arms are scars; those scars bear silent screams for help; those scars bear beloved poems of heart break; those scars bear your name, over and over again with a broken heart beside it"- same

Let’s just not right away state that we are living in sin.”- CrimsonScarz (I luv that line cause it sounds like something I would say)

My life has gone from bad, to worse, to a little bit better, then it just fell off the damn cliff. – Same CrimsonScarz

“I’m pregnant not dieing.”- See above!

"Listen to the beaker, it will speak to you,"

"Then again... maybe we won't screen it tonight," Roger Davis

"HEY GET BACK HERE WITH THAT STAPLER! SANTA WON'T GET ME A NEW ONE UNTIL CHRISTMAS!"

"You know what? Go play in traffic!"

"You don't have to be very ninja like to trip her."

You kids and your crazy axes and fancy guillotines

Things to Remember at Hogwarts

I will stop referring to showering as “Giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful”

Polishing my wand is acceptable in the common room. “Polishing my wand” is not.

If a classmate falls asleep in the common room, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw the Dark Mark on their arm

Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year’s Defense against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money making concept.

Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms”

I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil or piranha.

I do not weigh the same as a duck.

Remus Lupin does not wear a flea collar.

I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.

Professor Flitwick’s first name is not Yoda.

It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the result would be.

I will not impersonate the Emeril in Potions class

Novelty or holiday-themed ties are not to be worn with my school uniform.

I will not put books of muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library.

I will not dress up in a Dementor suit and use a dustbuster on Harry’s lips to get him to do what I want.

I will not refer to the Accio charm as “The force”

Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists

If asked in class in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does, yelling “It does DEATH!!!” may be correct but it is not the matter in which one should answer.

Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying “The library is closed for an indefinite time period” amusing in any sense.

A time turner is not a time capacitator, and therefore I should not install one in any muggle cars.

I am not allowed to use silencing charms on my Professors

If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer then 15 seconds I am to assume I am not allowed to use it.

I will not follow potion instructions in reverse order just to see what happens

I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts; A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.

I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintball

I will not cast the occasional Obliviate charm on Dumbledore even if it would be amusing.

I will not lock Gryffindors and Slytheryns in a room together and take bets on which house will come out alive.

I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they are real animals.

I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytheryn quidditch matches.

Bringing fortune cookies to Divination does not count as extra credit.

I will never ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling.

I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rock series during Arithmancy.

I will not charm the suits of armor to sing “Knights of the Round Table” at the Christmas feast.

I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand

I will not dress as Voldemort for Halloween

I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.

I will not sing “we’re off to see the wizard” when sent to the headmasters office.

I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then students yell Ni from various directions.

I'm INTO THEATRE & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I’m a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude
I'm BI, so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a Goth.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naïve
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I’m WICCAN, so I MUST be a devil-worshipping baby killer.
I’m A GOOD LIAR, so I MUST be an actor/actress
I’m a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone’s ass
I’m a FEMALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a lesbian
I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant
I’m FRENCH, so I MUST be homosexual
I’m a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict
I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian
I’m a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie
I’m INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs
I’m a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST love math
I'm BLACK, so I MUST be on welfare
I'm PUNK, so I MUST cut my wrists
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist
I'm IRISH, so I MUST be a alcoholic
I'm BLOND, so I MUST be a stupid ditz
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore
I'm a JEW, so I MUST be greedy
I have A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS so I MUST be dating them all
I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd
I love RENT so I MUST be an emo lesbian with AIDS.
I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST believe in heaven

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.
I'm the one who can't accept myself.

You know you live in 2007 when...

1.) You accidentaly enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years.

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or myspace.

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.

6.) Your boss doesn;t even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5 isn't there.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did

Stop the Pairing Wars!

By copying and pasting this in your profile, you vow to respect other pairings and the people that like them.

You shalt not insult them, explain why they can't be together, or say that they would rather be with someone else.

You shalt have your opinions but shalt not insult pairings. You shalt avoid them if you hate them.

You shalt keep an open mind about stories even if you despise the pairing.

You shalt paste this in your profile.

Fights for Animal Rights!

Become a supporter today!

If you believe in protecting animals and are against animal testings on stupid things like shampoo, copy and paste this into your profile while starting a petition at your school and/or neighborhood and/or state!

I don't own these, but I thought they were quite funny. (I got this from danceswithwings119)

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Your One and Only Wish
Do it one by one, don't look ahead!

1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex.
2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, green, yellow?
3. Your first initial?
4. Your month of birth?
5. Which color do you like more, black or white?
6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
7. Your favorite number?
8. Do you like California or Florida more?
9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more?
10. Write down a wish (a realistic one).
Are you done?
If so, scroll down
(don't cheat--)
THE ANSWERS
1. You are completely in love with this person.
2. If you choose:
Red: You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black: You are conservative and aggressive.
Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue: You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you
love.
Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are
down.
3. If your initial is:
A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life is soon to
blossom.
S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.
4. If you were born in:
Jan.-Mar.: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you
fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but
the memories will last forever.
July-Sept.: You will have a great year and will experience a major life
changing experience for the good.
Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your
soulmate.
5. If you choose...
Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time
but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.
White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do
anything for you, but you may not realize it.
6. This person is your best friend.
7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime.
8. If you choose...
California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laidback person.
9. If you choose...
Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your love. And you are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.
10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will come true before your next birthday

Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school,

He told his friends that it was cool,

And when he pulled the trigger back,

It shot with a great, huge crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!

When I went to school that day,

I never said good-bye.

I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,

And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.

Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,

And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,

And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best

Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest

Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,

And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass

Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.

But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.

And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try

I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,

But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest

When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could

please listen to me if you would,

I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new

I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo

I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,

I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.

But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,

Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry to cancel the date.

I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true

And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"

In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech Students Who Were Lost

Please if you would,
Don't smash this on the ground.

If you pass this on,

Maybe people will cry,

Just keep this in your heart,

For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye".

Now you have 2 choices,

1) Pass this on, and show people you care, repost as
"Try Not To Cry"
2) Don't send it, and you have just proven how
cold-hearted you really are...

This story is about a little girl that was abused. If you care about it, copy and paste it to your profile. (Warning: I thought this was very sad)

My name is Sarah

I am but three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren't ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all

I can't do a wrong

Or else I'm locked up

All the day long

When I awake

I'm all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll get just

One whipping tonight

Don't make a sound!

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse

My name he calls

I press myself

Against the wall.

I try and hide

From his evil eyes

I'm so afraid now

I'm sradishing to cry.

He finds me weeping

He shouts ugly words,

He says its my fault

That he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And I run for the door.

He's already locked it

And I sradish to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken.

"I'm sorry!", I scream

But its now much too late

His face has been twisted

Into unimaginable hate.

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

Oh please God, have mercy!

Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door,

While I lay there motionless

Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Sarah

And I am but three,

Tonight my daddy,

Murdered me.

If people mistake you for a vampire (cough cough or you are one cough cough)...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think Edward Cullen is hot...copy and paste this onto your profile

If you or your best friend is insane copy and paste this onto your profile.

Ninety-eight percent of teenagers have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the two percent who hasn't, copy this and paste it in your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

92 percent of American teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch/American Eagle told them it was uncool to breathe. If you are one of the 8 percent who would stand there and laugh, copy this into your profile.

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, which makes weird good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy & paste this onto your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile

If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile

If you support the ‘Make Edward change Bella into a vampire’ club, copy this into your profile.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever tripped up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the frick'n trix, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever been poked and made a noise resembling that of a constipated animal, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!

If you truely believe, there is an Edward Cullen somewhere for you (Doesn't mean his name has to be Edward Cullen), copy this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

Put this in your profile if you know someone who is fighting, has survived, or died of cancer

AACIBD is Addicted to All Cullen’s Including Bella Disorder.

AV is Addicted to Vampires

ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder

If you're a proud stalker and obsessed love-struck girl of Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, copy this into your profile.

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever stayed up for over 40 hours continuously just because you frickin' could, copy this into your profile.

If you think the Co-co Puff Turkey Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

98 of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels.

If you think the semi-colon is completely usless, stupid, annoying and plotting to destroy the English language as we know it, put this in your pro!

If u think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in ur pro!

if you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your pro

If whenever you see or hear the name "Edward" you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much, and then people stare at you, copy and paste this into your profile

if you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If keyboards hate you copy and paste this into your profile!

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?"

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.

If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this to your profile.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list.

If you think that losers hate/don't get Twilight, copy this into your profile.

If when you have a child, you'd consider naming them Edward or Anthony, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever heard of National Talk like a Pirate Day copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever imagined yourself killing off a fictional character so that you could steal her fictional boyfriend, copy this into your profile

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you've reread TWILIGHT over four times...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've reread chapter 23 of TWILIGHT over eight times...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

if you have ever repeatedly ran into a glass door copy this into your profile

if there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile

if you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile

if you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you think everyone's out of their mind, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If someone actually thinks that you are evil and/or plotting their death, copy and paste this into your profile. You already know this, look at the copy and paste thing above. Learn to sleep with your eyes open. He He He He.

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

FOR THE RECORD I WILL READ ANYTHING INCLUDING SLASH FICS. ANY ROMANCE IS FINE WITH ME THESE PAIRINGS ARE JUST MY PERSONAL FAVORITE! DONT GET MAD AT ME!

Thats about it... wanna comment?
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Scars by javoraf reviews
We always knew there was a dark side to Fang. But just how dark is it? And how deep can your scars run? FAX! Warning. Rating totally justified, don't read if you get offended easily. Language
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 65,178 - Reviews: 767 - Favs: 253 - Follows: 239 - Updated: 6/6/2012 - Published: 1/10/2007 - Fang, Max
When a Winged Girl Meets a Magic Boy by Alyson May reviews
Harry Potter is playing Quidditch when he collides with who else but Maximum Ride. What happens when a mutant freak learns a whole new meaning to the word weird? Possible pairings later! Rated T for safety.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 22 - Words: 37,586 - Reviews: 665 - Favs: 198 - Follows: 171 - Updated: 4/22/2012 - Published: 8/20/2007 - Harry P., Max
Wake Up! by danceswithwings119 reviews
The Flock's attempts at waking Fang up.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,443 - Reviews: 138 - Favs: 70 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 10/25/2008 - Published: 7/4/2007 - Complete
MR : Bloodlust by heaven-angel-15 reviews
/FAXNESS/ Fang develops an irresistable attraction to Max one night to the point where he could be dangerous. What happens if Max suddenly gets it too?
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 57,521 - Reviews: 1071 - Favs: 607 - Follows: 176 - Updated: 7/2/2008 - Published: 11/14/2006 - Max, Fang - Complete
Maximum Ride: The Baby Years by LilyMarieEvansPotter reviews
Everyone starts somewhere. This is the story of Max, Fang and Iggy when they were still in ITEX and how they lived day to day as kids and how Jeb Batchelder loooked after them. Crap summary, good story.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,012 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 19 - Published: 4/3/2008 - Complete
I Can't Stand It Anymore by Pretty Hansome Akward reviews
What Happenes when max gets the courage to tell Fang something shes been wanting to and all the complications...Fang, Yes Max, Theres something i've been needing to tell you,What is it?, I....... FAXNESS REVIEWS! Ok there is is...
Maximum Ride - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 6,405 - Reviews: 127 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 47 - Updated: 1/28/2008 - Published: 12/23/2006
Her Mistake by rom.gurl.anna reviews
Sequel to His Sacrifice, and might be a bit confusing if you haven't read the first one. FAX. I don't own Max & Fang or the rest of the Flock tear Read to see how the story ends and then Review!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,238 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 4 - Published: 1/6/2008 - Max, Fang - Complete
First Kiss by danceswithwings119 reviews
Fax and NIggy First kisses. Poems. R and R
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 6,182 - Reviews: 181 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 1/1/2008 - Published: 7/4/2007
Mom? by BlaireVolturi reviews
Set in Book 2. While still staying with Anne, Fang finds his mother. She living in the streets, a junkie... a a dissapointment. Angry and heartbroken, Fang locks himself in his room. But when Max offers comfort only she can, will he refuse?
Maximum Ride - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,429 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 17 - Published: 12/29/2007 - Complete
The Prank Wars by EdwardAddict reviews
COMPLETE! Fang wants revenge for having to play Truth or Dare. Of course, Max strikes back. It turns into an all out Prank War. Even Ari and Jeb are getting involved. Is this an epidemic? MANGNESS! Voted Best Humor fic in the MR fanfic awards
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 42 - Words: 31,518 - Reviews: 1478 - Favs: 426 - Follows: 139 - Updated: 12/27/2007 - Published: 9/4/2006 - Fang, Max - Complete
35 ways to annoy random Mr characters! by not magical me reviews
Title explains all.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 4,762 - Reviews: 204 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 12/18/2007 - Published: 6/10/2007 - Complete
End Of The World by XIII Dragon reviews
Set four years after MRII. The world is officially ending. Itex has made their move and both America and Asia lie in ruins because of it. The only people that even have a chance to save the world are Max and the Flock. However there is a problem.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 48 - Words: 108,481 - Reviews: 507 - Favs: 102 - Follows: 47 - Updated: 12/13/2007 - Published: 2/9/2007 - Complete
Authorized Personnell Only by bitterending reviews
[incest] Hermione finds the real back room in the twins' store. [FredxHermionexGeorge]
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,778 - Reviews: 60 - Favs: 144 - Follows: 25 - Published: 10/7/2007 - Fred W., Hermione G. - Complete
How Does She Do It? by Supergirrl reviews
Fang, Ari, and Iggy discuss Max..
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,050 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 30 - Published: 9/22/2007 - Ari B., Iggy
Was Blind But Now I See by InMyOwnWords reviews
He got what he deserved: His Sight. Slight Fax not anything to get excited over. implied Figgy
Maximum Ride - Rated: K - English - Hurt/Comfort/Tragedy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 885 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 9/20/2007 - Published: 8/31/2007
Rubbish by Page of Cups reviews
Draco is outraged. He should sue for defamation of character. DH spoilers. RonxDraco. Rated for language.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,557 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 73 - Follows: 3 - Published: 8/18/2007 - Draco M., Ron W. - Complete
Three's Company by Fyrerayne reviews
Ari captures the flock. Hot threesome ensues. Faxari. Which means MaxAriFang threesome. Oh yeah. SLASH. HET. DUBCON.
Maximum Ride - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 12,011 - Reviews: 99 - Favs: 105 - Follows: 61 - Updated: 8/6/2007 - Published: 2/25/2007 - Complete
Draco's Doll by secretdiary reviews
PostHBP DM&HG MATURE. Find out what's become of Draco after failing to fulfill his task and how he ends up the captor of the girl he could never have.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 27,136 - Reviews: 259 - Favs: 427 - Follows: 88 - Updated: 8/5/2007 - Published: 6/22/2007 - Hermione G., Draco M. - Complete
A Perfect Dream by Secret Nights reviews
FWHG. Oneshot. Fred is having an amazing dream...M for a reason!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 471 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 4 - Published: 8/3/2007 - Fred W., Hermione G. - Complete
Series of Firsts by Onyx-and-Moonstone reviews
A oneshot series, or series of oneshots. However you care to say it. Max and Fang have child, Jasper Talon. This is a series on his 'firsts'. So read if you care. Rated T because I do not know how out of hand this may get. Up to you.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,362 - Reviews: 71 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 7/24/2007 - Published: 7/2/2007
Konstantine by javoraf reviews
SongficOneshot Fax 'And this piece here, this is something special. This is every emotion I tried to keep hidden. This is my confession. This is for her. This is for my Max. My Konstantine' based off Something Corporate's Konstantine. language,adult stuff
Maximum Ride - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,439 - Reviews: 83 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 8 - Published: 6/25/2007 - Fang, Max - Complete
Vulnerable by SimplyPenAndPaper reviews
An incredibly fluffy FAX fic from Fangs POV. Their first time...
Maximum Ride - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,285 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 13 - Published: 6/16/2007 - Complete
Loving by Tomo Potter reviews
What would have happened if Fang and Max had been alone on the beach when they kissed? Graphic Fax... I really prefer MANG. Full version complete with sex posted on my LJ. Fanfic100: The Flock. Prompt 23. Lovers
Maximum Ride - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,029 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 18 - Published: 5/29/2007 - Complete
Captive by Supergirrl reviews
The tale of Max's captivity under Ari...Mari all the way
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,589 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 4/9/2007 - Published: 3/17/2007 - Ari B., Max
Lips of an Angel by EdwardAddict reviews
Songfic. Based on Lips of an Angel by Hinder Fang and Max are twenty and both married. But not to each other. Fang still misses Max terribly. Then one day, he gets a phone call... FAXNESS TWOSHOT
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,646 - Reviews: 82 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 10/2/2006 - Published: 9/16/2006 - Max, Fang - Complete
Never Happened by FallenShateiel reviews
Set two years after Apologize. Fredrick walks in on Percy taking a bath. Short fic. Somewhat nostalgic…
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,193 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 7/27/2006 - George W., Percy W. - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

A Job Well Done reviews
Fred and George think Percy needs someone to pull that stick out of his rear. And replace it with something else...TWINCEST AND SLASH AND JUST ALOT OF SEX! DONT READ IT IF YOU CANT HANDLE IT!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,796 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 3 - Published: 12/9/2007 - Fred W., Percy W. - Complete
Warmer Hearts reviews
The Flock is going to Antarctica and things get a bit heated with Fang and Max. This will also include the reason Max doesn't like hotels! There is in fact a plot but it is blanketed by lemons. Don't like that kind of stuff? Then don't cry to me.
Maximum Ride - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,935 - Reviews: 82 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 12/9/2007 - Published: 8/26/2007
The Kids Who Lived reviews
Harry meets Max thing. The Flock is in England when the get letters from Hogwarts inviting them to come to school. They decide to go and this is what happens. READ THIS: The faxness is here which means the genre has changed. Deal with it.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,989 - Reviews: 62 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 12/9/2007 - Published: 9/1/2007
Frozen Wings and Warm Hearts reviews
In relation to the Flock's blog. The flock dicides to go to Antarctica. This is the story about what happens and all the bumps along the way. ALOT of Faxness!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 18,675 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 12/9/2007 - Published: 8/26/2007
All Our Ways reviews
Really smutty scenes! All the ways Max and Fang...do it! It is REALLY smutty! Don't read if you can't handle it!
Maximum Ride - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,329 - Reviews: 99 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 61 - Updated: 12/9/2007 - Published: 8/30/2007
What Happened: Transforming Fights reviews
What happened to the two transforming lovers to force them to leave their newly born son? We know that. But we don't know details. Here is one person's idea. DEFINATE SPOILERS FOR HP 7
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,191 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 9/21/2007 - N. Tonks, Remus L. - Complete
Living Dead reviews
He needed me. I wanted him. He didn't know he needed me though. After the war Hermione doesn't survive and Ron can't handle it. Lavender finds him and takes him home. Oneshot unless someone wants to hear the whole story. Angsty and sad.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 458 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/14/2007 - Ron W., Lavender B. - Complete
Born Again reviews
The Flock has been captured. Horribly, Max is reverted to her original form...a baby. How will the Flock deal? Faxy and funny with saddness. Kinda the whole package I guess.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 401 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 11 - Published: 9/14/2007
Max reviews
This is a series of songfics from the musical Aida. In this version Fang is with the School and Max is with the flock. They are met with obsticals that challenge thir relationship. Will they come out on top? FAXNESS to the EXTREME.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,455 - Reviews: 5 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 9/5/2007 - Published: 9/3/2007
Attacking Branches reviews
Max and the flock land in a clearing..or atleast they try to. A branch attacks Maxs leaving her shirt in threads. Who's shirt will she end up wearing and what chaos will ensue? FAX! T to be safe.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 992 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 6 - Published: 9/5/2007 - Complete
A Rose's Thorns reviews
I saw Titanic and needed to write something and this is what came out. It is angsty and sad and if you want me to do more with it just ask. I think there is one bad word in it but it is repeated. :P Sorry the update took so long.
Titanic - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 194 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 9/2/2007 - Published: 8/26/2007 - Rose D. - Complete
Just Listen to This reviews
This is my version of the repercussions of Annabelle's ordeal. Annabelle is pregnant and everybody already hates her.
Someone Like You - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 488 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 12 - Published: 8/28/2007
One Night Only reviews
It was only suppossed to be one night. One night to hurt him and be hurt AnnXKartik.
Gemma Doyle Trilogy - Rated: M - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,152 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 8/26/2007 - Complete