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Poll: Which Lord of the Rings character is the coolest? spelling errors are probably present Vote Now!
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Joined 08-24-07, id: 1360507, Profile Updated: 01-14-08
Author has written 8 stories for Lord of the Rings, and Legend of Zelda.

Hello, and welcome to my profile! Here's just a little bit about me if that's what you wanted to know by clicking on the Riverjem icon:

I like to keep my fics clean, meaning no swearing or blood and keeping if fairly kid-friendly, but also not too boring for older readers. I usually write for Lord of the Rings, though i have written some short one-shots (usually humorous) for Zelda, and i intend to write some for Star Wars. I usually try to keep it in character or to at least stay with the original history/storyline of what ever I choose to turn into a fic. If I were to, for example, say that Minas Tirith was the strong hold for Saruman (what insanity would have come over me, i do not know), please alert me that I did something wrong and correct me by saying that Orthanc is Saruman's lair and that something really would have had to have happened for him to have taken over Minas Tirith.

I usually enjoy most Lord of the Ring fics (assuming that it's not too graphic), though i must admit that most romance-based Legolas fics tend to be a little cliche or Mary Sue-ish. There are three different Legolass: the book Legolas that J.R.R. Tolkien intended, movie Legolas (a.k.a. Orlando), and the charming- and-somehow-always-perfect-in-every-aspect-of-life-and-is-overly-good-looking Fanfic Legolas that always manages to fall in love with the Mary Sue or inserted character (as long as it is a female). The third one really bugs me, and let me just say this: Orlando is not Legolas, though he is a pretty decent actor. Go figure.

I highly value reviews, and i do my best to listen to the advice of the public. My stories, like Beyond Hope, would have taken a totally different path had it not been for the reviews of others. Also, if I choose to review your fic, don't feel like i take pleasure in bringing people down like so many idiot flamers out there. I will usually give critique, not critisism, so that you may better your writing and gain more from the whole ordeal other than "dude! you rock!" as that really doesn't help you progress in your skills. I must admit, it is just about one of the coolest things to have someone likes your work, but no one can become even close to perfect if all they get are superficial remarks. So if i review your piece, feel honored that i think that you have enough potential to properly improve. Due to some computer complications, I can't read my email, so if you review my pieces and ask me to read one of your bits I will do my best to review it and give feed back.


Lord of the Rings books (the movies are okay, but they hold nothing to the books)

Star Wars (the movies rock, but again, the books rule out here)

Zelda the games (now if only they would make a book on it...)

Quantum physics (it's cool, really! You should read The Science of Star Wars to know what I mean)

Writing things for fanfiction in my spare time (other wise why would i bother even making a bio?)

Reading (if you didn't catch this from the first three...)

Working with my dad in various construction areas (it was quite interesting trying to get the sodder to melt on the copper piping, and I was put in charge of the torch. The result? The metal ended up getting charred and we weren't able to get the sodder to melt all because the flux was water based! It was terribly frustrating that we had to convert to the non-environmentally safe flux...poor environment.)

Physically challenging games...like spider ball (like a cross between football and dodgeball, and when you get some really athletic kids going in this game you can almost convince the olympics to add it to the list of official sports!)

Plants, especially those that you can find in rain forests as they are usually very intricate and brightly colored...Pretty!

Art (I have a really good time experimenting with different mediums, and currently I am testing out graphite and acrylics)

Mentally challenging activities (sorry, but staring blankly at the T.V. just doesn't cut it)

Fruits, vegetables, and things that don't make me feel blah after eating it


Teachers/professors with a condescending manner (or ones who just won't stop smiling in one of those "I can't wait until school is over" ways. Teachers should enjoy their job, not put up with it because they have to)

Rambunctious teenagers who give people like me a bad name

Things that are just too easy (other wise its just a waste of time)

The fact that in the LotR movies, Arwen has a huge part whereas she is mentioned only once or twice in the book. This has to be one of the most frustrating thing for me whenever i watch the movies. (Sighs and thinks "Silly movie directors!")

Swearing (for every breath that is wasted with profanity that some people use, one could save up enough time to become a molecular physisist)

Blood, guts and gore (there are other ways to be dramatic other than having someone's intestines flying all over the place. Ugh...disgusting)

When the weather can't choose between snow or rain or hail...

Kids on fanfiction who claim to be a college student or graduate, and yet they write like a High-Schooler. For pity's sake, if you're an adult write like it! Don't insult your intelligence with nonsensical or idiotic pop culture stories. Those of us who are in College or universities and have not spent that time partying or wasting time, and you give us bad names, so please...only say you are a college student if you are. Otherwise, leave that part of your life out. Please.

Fun Quotes:

"Gandalf is my favorite lizard" ~my brother when he was little and couldn't pronounce didley

Q:"What's a cult?" A: "It's one of those kilt things that Scottish people wear."

Q: (in a pathetic attempt to bring science to the lunch table) So, ~insert name~, is pizza heterogeneousely mixed, or homogeneousely mixed? A: I don't know, but it sure is genius!

"It has always tickled me pink to think that you can say 'honorable hot water' in Japanese and still be gramatically correct..."

"World domination: first, it starts with small coffee shops, and then: THE WORLD!!"

"There will always be some one better than you, and even those people have things to get better on, but they are still better. And unless they are the best, they can always get better." everyone esle: "huh?"

"One without peace is restless...One without happiness is sorrowful...One without courage is feeble...One without friendship? Incomplete."~feel free to copy and paste. This is my favorite one.

(During a game of spider ball) Girl who got out to the person who got her out "You're such a...a...A SNICKERDOODLE!" Random person on opposite side of the room "Snickerdoodles...aren't those a type of sugar cookie?" current person with the ball as he dramatically throws it at the person who spoke last "Well here sugar!"

"You're the only person I know who can take a Shakespear play and relate it to Star Wars."

"You know you're a Lord of the Rings fanatic when you're willing to have a marathon with all three movies..."

"In English they had us read books..." "Well, what else would they have you read? Stone tablets?"

"I am Jaina, there fore I am right!"

"The key to dancing is to look like you know what you're doing. The key to look-like-you-know-what-you're-doing is to look like you intend to dance poorly."

"In Japanese, the difference between "I like to go fishing" and "I like to pick pocket" is the difference between 'tu' and 'tsu'.

"What's Santa allergic to?" ~my little brother again : )

My favorite quote ever from LotR, The Two Towers:

'Well, here is the strangest riddle that we have yet found!' exclaimed Legolas. 'A bound prisoner escapes both from the Orcs and from the surrounding horsemen. He then stops, while still in the open, and cuts his bonds with an orc-knife. But how and why? For if his legs were tied, how did he walk? And if his arms were tied, how did he use the knife? And if neither were tied, why did he cut the cords at all? Being pleased with his skill, he then sat down and quietly ate some waybread! That at least was enough to show that he was a hobbit, without the mallorn-leaf. After that, I suppose, he turned his arms into wings and flew away singing into the trees. It should be very easy to find them: we only need wings ourselves!'

~I found this to be particularly humorous, though I'm not sure why. It's in page 95-96 if you wanted to look it up for some obscure reason...

I find the whole "copy and paste" franchise to be absolutely intriguing, and so i shall conduct my own experiment and see how oft this shows up else where on ff:

If ever you have gone downstairs head first and landed at the bottom laughing (assuming that you're not mortally wounded),copy and paste this into your profile

If you are one of the talented people who have the skill and unbelievable coordination to fall up stairs, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you would rather be unique than being a zombie prep/cool, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever run into a stationary mass, copy and paste this into your profile

If ever you find yourself talking, and then suddenly you realize that you don't know what you are saying, copy and paste this into your profile

You don't have to be a twig to be beautiful. If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile.

Be above the influence! If you are one of the 2 percent of all teens who have remained drug-free, proudly copy and paste this into your profile!

If you think that video games are brain-numbing flashes on the screen but play them anyways, copy and paste this into your profile

God totally owns fanfiction, everyone on it, every thought concerning it, every thought otherwise in the world, every particle in the world and universe, Is and loving and amazingly forgiving (takes a dramatic gasp of air and continues) has power and wisdom beyond even our wildest dreams, and DOES EXIST . If you agree, please, do copy and paste.

If ever you have spent a day looking for a particular word, and when someone mentions it you dramatically slap your forehead and yell "OOOHHH!! That's the word I was looking for!", copy and paste this into your profile.

No event is complete without theme music. If you have ever started humming/singing your own theme music, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your tongue is not tainted with the filth of profanity, proudly copy and paste this into your profile.

If people don't like you the way you are, then by golly that's there problem. If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile.

The laws of physics often are frustrating, hard to brake, and often involve pain when it comes to gravity. If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are one of those poor souls who have challenged the laws of physics...Proudly copy and paste this into your profile!

The more the merrier! If you can make friends regardless of if they are brown, black, red, white, or green (wierd but hey, green people are people too!), copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have debated whether the one-eyed-one-horned-flying-purple-people-eater eats purple people or if it itself is purple, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are one of the proud teens/adults who have a v-o-c-a-b-u-l-a-r-y and do not limit themselves to "omg!" and "Like, that is, like, so, like, totally awsome...!". copy and paste this into your profile.

If reading is a buzzilion times better than watching brain-numbing TV, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you use words like "buzzilion", copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are never too old to be young at heart, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend time reading such things as these and find the as intriguing as I, copy and paste this into your profile.

Education can make the difference between Mcdonalds and being a rocket scientist. If you think education can be cool if you don't end up with a monotone teacher/professor, copy and paste this into your profile.

If it weren't for the invention of coffee, half of all high schoolers would have never made it through the first week alive. If you are one of the fair few who run off of shear will and endurance, copy and...Um...yeah... Where's my coffee?

That's about all I have to say for now, so...Bye!

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Beyond Hope reviews
A girl of our own world is sent to Middle Earth to fulfill a prophecy foretold just years previously. Learning that there was no hope of returning home, she embraces her fate of leading against a war that had been brewing after the destruction of the ring
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure - Chapters: 26 - Words: 61,422 - Reviews: 72 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 5/30/2008 - Published: 8/31/2007 - Legolas
Daughter of a Sue reviews
Confession of the daughter of an overly-beautiful, crime-fighting, sickeningly charming sue. Oneshot. Please read and review.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 576 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/13/2008 - Legolas
The Hero of Hyrule & His Michellaniouse adventures reviews
Link enjoys a stroll through the town, and attempts an entry into the town store. And what happens? Some silly little man says he's filthy! Trouble ensues and hats are petted. Reviews welcome. Based on the Twilight Princess. so, yeah, enjoy!
Legend of Zelda - Rated: K - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,099 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/16/2008 - Link
To be Cliche, or not to be? reviews
Out of frustration of all of those overly cliche stories out there, this story came into being. My attempt to gently poke fun at all of those over the top crazy sues in a way only anti sueists could give a laugh at. Please do read and review.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,480 - Reviews: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/2/2008 - Legolas
Naming the Unnamed reviews
Have you ever thought about all those hundreds of men who weren't of the Fellowship who fought in the Battle of Helm's Deep? Few do, and this story follows the hardships of one man who found himself in the midst of everything, whether he wanted to or not.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,777 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12/20/2007 - Aragorn
Legolas P Greenleaf reviews
What happens if Legolas has a ridiculous middle name? What happens when Gimli finds out after an almost dramatic lifeordeath encounter with the river? Find out and read this fic that spurred up after the question do elves have middle names?
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,048 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/10/2007 - Legolas, Gimli
Navi's bright idea reviews
Why don't you just jump off that really high ledge? self explanatory, really. one shot. please read and review.
Legend of Zelda - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 816 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/15/2007 - Link
Jedi reviews
Frodo and Sam had just crossed the river when suddenly a bright streak appears in the sky. Is it a spell? Is it the enemy? No! It's the Millenium Falcon! oneshot. please review.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 700 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 10/12/2007 - Frodo B.