Author has written 19 stories for Tales of Symphonia, Mass Effect, Harry Potter, Dragon Age, and Star Wars.
WHO? Welcome to the profile of the amoral, cinephilic crackpot called MFJ. I like puppies, skittles, cocktails, and the movie Cocktail, but not in that order.
WHY, GOD, WHY! I write to punish you for your sins! Sometimes I'll publish something, but later think better of myself and delete it. Sometimes I won't delete it because I forget to care about it. That is the inglorious tale of how all my horrible fics began.
I SHOULD KILL YOU. I wouldn't blame you. If there's anything that I've written, said, done, or outright shat on, you have the right to complain about it in a PM. I only request that you title that PM: "Shit MFJ Couldn't Give A Fuck About Even If Strapped To A Fuck-Giving Machine." After I hold your complaint up to publicly mock you, I'll deliberately forget about it, until a year later when I see it all lonely and decrepit at the bottom of my inbox. Then I'll go, "What the heck is this?" and delete it. If you expect otherwise, it's on your head, you sorry hippies. Cry me a river.
ANY NEWS? It turns out that MFJ is a human, despite popular theories, and as such she has to work, eat, sleep, gym, tan, laundry, and all that good crap that humans do. These things tend to keep her preoccupied, so ya'll now don't go around pissing yourselves in excitement for the latest-greatest - your britches will thank ya.
AT THIS POINT, SOME OF YOU might be saying to yourself, "hey, hey, MFJ. Hey. Mandrake." Which is an odd thing to say to yourself, but you might go on to say, "hey MFJ, why don't you get off that goddamn funny juice and update? It's been months, you lazy fuck!" To this, I must say: hey. Hey. Don't knock the funny juice, 'kay? You're upset. I get it. It's just. I've got other shit to do. Fun to be had, sleep to sleep, drinks to drink, drugs to take. Yanno. I also spend more time than I should writing things that should never be posted, evaaaaaarrr, but don't worry, you'll never have to see them (thank Christ) so they can't hurt you or your loved ones! I make no such promises about the things that I have posted, however.
AND NOW, FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT: I have a collab account w/ EarlyMorningFreak. We're not creative, so the name of the account is EarlyMorningFunnyJuice, which EMF has pointed out sounds like an alcoholic beverage. I'd like to claim that was intentional. On there, we're writing a story involving swords, genius, guns, revenge, and swords. Possibly with some good ol' fashioned ass-kicking in-between. I don't know if/when it's getting updated, though, so consider the fic on indefinite hiatus.
SOME LINKAGE UP IN HERE. I possess a livejournal and a FP account. I don't really do much on either, though I'm slightly less lazy about posting on livejournal. You may sometimes find me creeping on there, under the name bisseharte. Now, feel free to creep on me on there as you please. I might even enjoy a little creeping now and then. However, if you creep too much, and feel yourself starting to become confused and/or aroused, I want you to remember that this is a natural reaction to me. I get it. I do! Sometimes, when I look at myself in the mirror, or think about how great I am, I feel myself becoming confused and/or aroused too. I also want anyone who thinks even for a second that they want to be friends with the actual person behind this profile, to re-think that decision, as I can be a downright jackass.
THE BEST QUOTE EVER.