Author has written 7 stories for Tales of Symphonia.
Also know as Kikiee241 :) Just your average Tales of Symphonia fan.
Location: IN THE CORE OF THE MOON IN A WARP TO AN ALTERNATE DIMENSION PLOTTING WORLD DOMINATION!!11!!1
Likes: Everything except getting killed, doing stupid things and all that's in the dislikes section.
Dislikes: TOMATOES! Hm... What else...
(Profile cuts off here due to laziness)
My windows Vista is failing me. And I know you're all excited about the sequel, Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of a New World, 'cuz I am too! (Hopes to get it on the release date) Quote game preview: My precious ruins! My polycarbonate!
Holy-! I haven't updated in this long? Major WB&tons of schoolwork is the reason (or excuse).
Fixed a typo in profile. It's 2008! Also added a new section. And almost killed self while skiing.
I figured out how to PM! Yay! And here comes the writer's block...
So much schoolwork... T_T I barely get any time to myself... That includes writing fanfics...
But the good news... Inspiration has struck me like lightning! (Gets hit by the spell) Literally.
I really got to put dates on this... Here goes!
Woot! My friend let me borrow his Pkmn Colosseum disk! But I want to play Tales of Symphonia too... T_T
Gah, my plot bunnies are multiplying, but in the wrong fashion... :P Not many ideas for my current stories...
Consequencez of Potionz: Genis entered his sister's experiment room. There he finds a Love Potion. He gives it to Presea, then things go horribly wrong when Zelos mistakes it for wine and serves it at a dinner party...
Hey, Kratos is in my Kitchen!: Kratos trusted Lloyd to warp him to Derris-Kharlan, but the boy really needs to concentrate. Now he's stuck on Earth, in the house of a die-hard Kratos fangirl, and to make matters worse, she has friends over! Can the group rescue him?
Tales of Symphonia: Doughnut of a New World: A ToS2 Parody. Will do this when I get the game. Will. Be. Coming. Soon. Enough. (hopes to get a Wii in time)
I think I'll have to redecorate this profile sometime soon... Scratch that. I'll just put a big wall of text. Contains spoilers for Tales of Symphonia and a few other popular RPGs
The 192 Laws/cliches of RPGs (at least, some of them. The original list is here.)
1. Sleepyhead Rule
The teenaged male lead will begin the first day of the game by oversleeping, being woken up by his mother, and being reminded that he's slept in so late he missed meeting his girlfriend. ('Lloyd Irving, Wake up!' or 'They left a long time ago! I came looking for you!' )
2. "No! My beloved peasant village!"
The hero's home town, city, slum, or planet will usually be annihilated in a spectacular fashion before the end of the game, and often before the end of the opening scene.
3. Thinking With The Wrong Head (Hiro Rule)
No matter what she's accused of doing or how mysterious her origins are, the hero will always be ready to fight to the death for any girl he met three seconds ago. (Or rather three yeas ago, depending on how you look at it.)
4. Cubic Zirconium Corollary
The aforementioned mysterious girl will be wearing a pendant that will ultimately prove to be the key to either saving the world or destroying it. (the oracle?)
5. Logan's Run Rule
RPG characters are young. Very young. The average age seems to be 15, unless the character is a decorated and battle-hardened soldier, in which case he might even be as old as 18. Such teenagers often have skills with multiple weapons and magic, years of experience, and never ever worry about their parents telling them to come home from adventuring before bedtime. By contrast, characters more than twenty-two years old will cheerfully refer to themselves as washed-up old fogies and be eager to make room for the younger generation. (You recive a pokemon at ten then you are kicked out of your house to travel and fill a pokedex.)
6. Single Parent Rule
RPG characters with two living parents are almost unheard of. As a general rule, male characters will only have a mother, and female characters will only have a father. The missing parent either vanished mysteriously and traumatically several years ago or is never referred to at all. Frequently the main character's surviving parent will also meet an awkward end just after the story begins, thus freeing him of inconvenient filial obligations.
7. There Are Some Who Call Me…Tim?
Good guys will only have first names, and bad guys will only have last names. Any bad guy who only has a first name will become a good guy at some point in the game. Good guys' last names may be mentioned in the manual but they will never be referred to in the story. (They only say 'Lloyd Irving' twice in the game.)
8. Nominal Rule
Any character who actually has a name is important in some way and must be sought out. However, if you are referred to as a part of a possessive noun ("Chrono's Mom") then you are superfluous.
9. The Compulsories
There's always a fire dungeon, an ice dungeon, a sewer maze, a misty forest, a derelict ghost ship, a mine, a glowing crystal maze, an ancient temple full of traps, a magic floating castle, and a technological dungeon.
10. Luddite Rule (or, George Lucas Rule)
Speaking of which, technology is inherently evil and is the exclusive province of the Bad Guys. They're the ones with the robots, factories, cyberpunk megalopolises and floating battle stations, while the Good Guys live in small villages in peaceful harmony with nature. (Although somehow your guns and/or heavily armed airships are exempted from this.) (The Ranches have all the badass technology in Sylvarant!)
11. Let's Start From The Very Beginning (Yuna Rule)
Whenever there is a sequel to an RPG that features the same main character as the previous game, that character will always start with beginner skills. Everything that they learned in the previous game will be gone, as will all their ultra-powerful weapons and equipment.
13. The Higher The Hair, The Closer To God (Cloud Rule)
The more outrageous his hairstyle, the more important a male character is to the story.
14. Garrett's Principle
Let's not mince words: you're a thief. You can walk into just about anybody's house like the door wasn't even locked. You just barge right in and start looking for stuff. Anything you can find that's not nailed down is yours to keep. You will often walk into perfect strangers' houses, lift their precious artifacts, and then chat with them like you were old neighbors as you head back out with their family heirlooms under your arm. Unfortunately, this never works in stores.
15. Hey, I Know You!
You will accumulate at least three of these obligatory party members:
- The spunky princess who is rebelling against her royal parent and is in love with the hero.
- The demure, soft-spoken female mage and healing magic specialist who is not only in love with the hero, but is also the last survivor of an ancient race.
- The tough-as-nails female warrior who is not in love with the hero (note that this is the only female character in the game who is not in love with the hero and will therefore be indicated as such by having a spectacular scar, a missing eye, cyborg limbs or some other physical deformity.) (Sheena and her big--?)
- The achingly beautiful gothy swordsman who is riven by inner tragedy. (Zelos?)
- The big, tough, angry guy who, deep down, is a total softy.
- The hero's best friend, who is actually much cooler than the hero. (Brat mage, anyone?)
- The grim, selfish mercenary who over the course of the game learns what it means to really care about other people. (Kratos?)
- The character who is actually a spy for the bad guys but will instantly switch to your side when you find out about it. (Zelos/Kratos I guess.)
- The weird bonus character who requires a bizarre series of side quests to make them effective (with the ultimate result that no player ever uses this character if it can be avoided.)
- The nauseatingly cute mascot who is useless in all battles.
16. Hey, I Know You, Too!
You will also confront/be confronted by at least three of these obligatory antagonists:
- The amazingly good-looking and amazingly evil long-haired pretty boy who may or may not be the ultimate villain. (lol, you know who it is.)
- The villain's loyal right-hand man, who comes in two versions: humorously incompetent or annoyingly persistent.
- The villain's attractive female henchman, who is the strongest and most competent soldier in the army but always lets the party escape because she's, yes, fallen in love with the hero. (No! Pronyma can't be in love with Lloyd!)
- Your former ally who supposedly "died" and was forgotten about, until much later in the game when he/she shows up again on the villain's side and full of bitterness.
- The irritatingly honorable foe whom you never get to kill because, upon discovering the true nature of his superiors, he either nobly sacrifices himself or joins your party. (Kratos?)
- The insane clown or jester who will turn out to be surprisingly difficult to subdue.
- The mad scientist who likes creating mutated creatures and powerful weapons 'cause it's fun (and also handy if uninvited adventurers show up.)
- The adorably cute li'l creature or six-year-old child who fights you and, inexplicably, kicks your butt time after time.
17. Hey, I Know You, Three!
Furthermore, expect to encounter most of the following obligatory non-player characters (NPCs):
- The townsperson or crewmember who wanders aimlessly in circles and never quite gets where he is going.
- Hilariously incompetent or cowardly soldiers.
- The NPC who has a crush on another NPC and can't quite work up the nerve to tell him or her, so instead tells every other person who wanders by about it at great length.
- A group of small children playing hide-and-seek.
- The wise and noble captain/king/high priest. (The king of Tethe'alla, duh)
- The wise and noble captain/king/high priest's spluttering evil second-in-command. Nobody, including the hero, will notice the second's constant, crazed scheming until the moment when he betrays everyone to the forces of badness. (The Pope, second duh)
- The NPC who is obsessed with his completely mundane job and twitters on endlessly about how great it is. He's so thrilled by it that he wants to share it with everyone he sees, so given a quarter of a chance he'll make you do his job for him.
- The (adult) NPC who has nothing better to do than play kids' games with passersby. (teh uncle game!)
- The group of young women who have formed a scarily obsessive fan club for one of your female party members.
20. Just Nod Your Head And Smile
And no matter how big that big-ass sword is, you won't stand out in a crowd. Nobody ever crosses the street to avoid you or seems to be especially shocked or alarmed when a heavily armed gang bursts into their house during dinner, rummages through their possessions, and demands to know if they've seen a black-caped man. People can get used to anything, apparently.
21. Aeris's Corollary
Just as the main male character will always use a sword or a variant of a sword, the main female character will always use a rod or a staff of some sort. (Raine, not Colette?! O.o)
22. MacGyver Rule
Other than for the protagonists, your choice of weapons is not limited to the prosaic guns, clubs, or swords. Given appropriate skills, you can cut a bloody swath across the continent using gloves, combs, umbrellas, megaphones, dictionaries, sketching tablets -- you name it, you can kill with it. Even better, no matter how surreal your choice of armament, every store you pass will just happen to stock an even better model of it for a very reasonable price. Who else is running around the world killing people with an umbrella? (killing people with kendamas and pow hammers lol).
24. Capitalism Is A Harsh Mistress
Once you sell something to a shopkeeper, he instantly sells it to somebody else and you will never see the item again no matter what. (So true, so true.)
25. Dimensional Transcendence Principle
Buildings are much, much larger on the inside than on the outside, and that doesn't even count the secret maze of tunnels behind the clock in the basement. (In pokemon games, the building is seven steps wide on the outside and more than twenty on the inside. o.O)
29. Indestructible Weapon Rule
No matter how many times you use that sword to strike armored targets or fire that gun on full auto mode it will never break, jam or need any form of maintenance unless it is critical to the story that the weapon breaks, jams or needs maintenance. (You stab and stab and stab, but the wodden sword never breaks.)
31. Bed Bed Bed
A good night's sleep will cure all wounds, diseases, and disabilities, up to and including death in battle. (Sleep cures everything)
42. Fodor's Guide Rule
In the course of your adventure you will visit one desert city, one port town, one mining town, one casino city, one magic city (usually flying), one medieval castle kingdom, one clockwork city, one martial arts-based community, one thieves' slum, one lost city and one sci-fi utopia. On the way you'll also get a chance to see the cave with rocks that glow from a natural energy source, the village populated with nonhuman characters, the peaceful village where everyone knows the latest news about the hero's quest (see Guy in the Street Rule), the snow village, the magical forest/lake/mountain, the shop in the middle of nowhere, the fantastic-looking place with lots of FMVs just showing your entrance, the subtropical jungle island populated by friendly natives, the annoying cavern maze, and a place -- any place -- that was destroyed in some past disaster. (You know what they are!)
45. Law of Cartographical Elegance
The world map always cleanly fits into a rectangular shape with no land masses that cross an edge. (Tales of Symphonia maps are doughnuts, I might put proof later on.)
50. Short Attention Span Principle
All bookshelves contain exactly one book, which only has enough text on it to fill up half a page. (Exeption is the shelf where you get Boltzam's healing technique, there are two books.)
will never be satisfied and won't stop griping about the sorry state of the party's finances.
54. I Don't Like Gears Or Fighting
There are always giant robots. Always.
58. But They Don't Take American Express
Every merchant in the world -- even those living in far-off villages or hidden floating cities cut off from the outside world for centuries, even those who speak different languages or are of an entirely different species -- accepts the same currency.
60. The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly Rule
a. Any male character who is ugly, malformed, or misshapen is either evil or so moral, spiritual, and/or wise that it's a wonder no one's proposed him for sainthood yet.
b. Any male character who has a physical disfiguration that doesn't seem to impede him (i.e. a prominent scar across the face or a bad eye) is evil, unless he is the male lead, since scars are cool and no other good guy can be as cool as the hero. An exception is made for characters who are clearly ancient, and therefore automatically not as cool as the young hero.
c. Any female character who is ugly, malformed, mishapen, or physically disfigured is evil, since all good female characters are there to be potentially seduced by the male lead.
65. First Law of Travel
Anything can become a vehicle -- castles, cities, military academies, you name it -- so do not be alarmed when the stones of the ancient fortress you are visiting shake underfoot and the whole thing lifts off into the sky. As a corollary, anything is capable of flight if it would be cool, aeronautics or even basic physics be damned.
66. Second Law of Travel
There will be only one of any non-trivial type of vehicle in the entire world. Thus, only one ocean-capable steamboat, only one airship, and so forth. Massive facilities will have been constructed all over the world to service this one vehicle.
67. Third Law of Travel
The only way to travel by land between different areas of a continent will always be through a single narrow pass in a range of otherwise impenetrable mountains. Usually a palace or monastery will have been constructed in the pass, entirely filling it, so that all intercontinental traffic is apparently required to abandon their vehicles and go on foot up stairs and through the barracks, library and throne room to get to the other side. This may explain why most people just stay home. (In some cases a cave or underground tunnel may be substituted for the palace or monastery, but it will still be just as inconvenient with the added bonuses of cave-ins and nonsensical elevator puzzles.)
68. Fourth Law of Travel
Three out of every four vehicles you ride on will eventually sink, derail or crash in some spectacular manner.
69. Fifth Law of Travel
All vehicles can be driven or piloted by anyone. The main character just needs to find out where the bridge or steering wheel is, as he already knows all of the controls. (even Lloyd can do it!)
70. Sixth Law of Travel
Nobody gets to own a cooler ride than you. If you ever do see a cooler vehicle than the one you've got now, at some point before the end of the game you will either take over this vehicle, get something even bigger and better, or else see it destroyed in a glorious blaze. (Do you see anyone else with a Rheaird? Huh?)
71. Seventh Law of Travel
When on a voyage to another continent, the journey will last only as long as it takes you to talk to all the other passengers and the captain.
72. Eighth Law of Travel
There are no shortcuts, ever -- unless you are forced to take them, in which case they will be much longer and more dangerous than your original route.
73. Last Law of Travel (Big Joe Rule)
As has been described, you must endure great trials just to get from town to town: locating different vehicles, operating ancient transport mechanisms, evading military blockades, the list goes on. But that's just you. Every other character in the game seems to have no trouble getting to any place in the world on a moment's notice.
79. Xenobiology Rule
The predatory species of the world will include representatives of all of the following: giant spiders, giant scorpions, giant snakes, giant beetles, wolves, squid, fish that float in midair, gargoyles, golems, carnivorous plants, chimeras, griffons, cockatrices, hydras, minotaurs, burrowing things with big claws, things that can paralyze you, things that can put you to sleep, things that can petrify you, at least twenty different creatures with poisonous tentacles, and dragons. Always dragons.
81. Dungeon Design 101
There are always goodies hidden behind the waterfall. (Torrent Forest!)
82. Dungeon Design 102
When you are confronted by two doors, the closer one will be locked and its key will be hidden behind the farther-away one.
83. Dungeon Design 103 (or, Wallpaper Warning)
Your progress through a dungeon will be indicated by a sudden change in decor: different wall color, different torches on the wall, et cetera.
84. Dungeon Design 201 (or, The Interior Decorators Anticipated Your Out-Of-Body Experience)
Most dungeons will include "hidden" passages which are nearly impossible to see from a bird's-eye view, yet would be blaringly obvious from the party's perspective.
85. Dungeon Design 301
All "puzzles" in RPG dungeons can be sorted into one of the following types:
- finding some small item and sticking it into a slot;
- pushing blocks (rocks, statues) onto switches;
- pulling switches or levers to open and close doors;
- learning the correct order/position of a group of objects;
- entering a certain combination of doors;
- something involving a clock or elevator;
- something that is unsolvable because a vital clue in the dialogue was mistranslated out of Japanese.
86. Wait! That Was A Load-Bearing Boss!
Defeating a dungeon's boss creature will frequently cause the dungeon to collapse, which is nonsensical but does make for thrilling escape scenes. (Ah!! The mana link has been severed!)
90. Guy in the Street Rule
No matter how fast you travel, rumors of world events always travel faster. When you get to anywhere, the people on the street are already talking about where you've been. The stories of your past experiences will spread even if no witnesses were around to see them.
91. Wherever You Go, There They Are
Wherever the characters go, the villains can always find them. Chances are they're asking the guy in the street (see above). But don't worry -- despite being able to find the characters with ease anytime they want to, the bad guys never get rid of them by simply blowing up the tent or hotel they're spending the night in. (Just think of it: the screen dims, the peaceful going-to-sleep-now music plays, then BOOM! Game Over!)
93. Puddin' Tame Rule
The average passer-by will always say the same thing no matter how many times you talk to them, and they certainly won't clarify any of the vaguely worded warnings or cryptic half-sentences they threw at you the previous time.
95. Selective Invulnerability Principle
RPG characters are immune from such mundane hazards as intense heat, freezing cold, or poison gas... except when they're suddenly not. Surprise! (lol, speedo in freezing cold)
102. Perversity Principle
If you're unsure about what to do next, ask all the townspeople nearby. They will either all strongly urge you to do something, in which case you must immediately go out and do that thing, or else they will all strongly warn you against doing something, in which case you must immediately go out and do that thing. (Don't go to the ranch! Well, I'm going anyway!)
106. Law of Traps
No matter how obvious the trap, you can't complete the game unless you fall into it.
108. You Do Not Talk About Fight Club
Any fighting tournament or contest of skill you hear about, you will eventually be forced to enter and win. (I don't want to go to the colessium!)
112. They Don't Make 'Em Like They Used To (Cid Rule)
Modern-day machinery, by contrast, will always break down at the worst possible moment (for example, when you only need one more shot from the giant cannon to defeat the final boss.)
119. Don't Stand Out
Any townsperson who is dressed oddly or otherwise doesn't fit in with the rest of the townsfolk will either:
1. Join your party after you complete some task,
2. Be in the employ of your enemy, or
3. Befriend any female member of the party, and then be immediately captured and held hostage by the villains.
121. Child Protection Act (Rydia Rule)
Children 12 and under are exempt from death. They will emerge alive from cataclysms that slaughter hundreds of sturdily built adults, often with barely a scratch. Further protection is afforded if the catastrophe will orphan the child.
125. "You Couldn't Get To Sleep Either, Huh?"
If any character in the game ever meets any other character standing alone at night looking at the moon, those two will eventually fall in love. (I sense a Colloyd moment! But what if your soulmate is male?)
126. Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely (Althena Rule)
If a good guy is manipulated to the side of evil, they will suddenly find a new inner strength that will enable them to wipe out your whole party with a wave of their hand.
127. All Is Forgiven (Nash Rule)
However, when the trusted member of your party turns against you, do not give it a second thought. They will return to your side after they're done with their amnesia/mind control/hidden noble goal that caused them to give away all your omnipotent mystical artifacts.
128. First Law of Fashion
All characters wear a single costume which does not change over the course of the game. The only exception is when characters dress up in enemy uniforms to infiltrate their base. (And costumes.)
129. Second Law of Fashion
Any character's costume, no matter how skimpy, complicated, or simply outlandish, is always completely suitable to wear when climbing around in caves, hiking across the desert, and slogging through the sewers. It will continue to be completely suitable right afterwards when said character goes to meet the King.
131. First Rule of Politics (Chancellor's Axiom)
Any advisor of a major ruler has been scheming after his throne for quite a while. Thanks to the miracle of timing, you will arrive at the king's inner sanctum just in time for the coup.
132. Second Rule of Politics (Scapegoat's Axiom)
If the advisor works for an evil ruler, the advisor is as bad or even worse, and there's a good chance he's the final villain. (See Fake Ending Rule.) If the advisor works for a good ruler, he usually has the good of the kingdom at heart; not that that helps, because your party will invariably be made the scapegoat for all that's wrong with the nation and immediately thrown in the dungeon.
133. Last Rule of Politics
Kingdoms are good. Empires are evil.
134. Inheritance of Acquired Characteristics (Ramus Rule)
Twenty-three generations may pass, but any person's direct descendant will still look and act just like him.
135. Pinch Hitter Rule
Whenever a member of the hero's team is killed or retires, no matter how unique or special he or she was there is a good chance someone will show up to replace them that has exactly the same abilities and can use the same weapons with the same proficiency. (Zelos and Kratos, O.o)
136. Dealing With Beautiful Women, Part 1 (Yuffie Rule)
All good-looking young females are there to help you. This rule holds even when the girl in question is annoying, useless, or clearly evil.
137. Dealing With Beautiful Women, Part 2 (Rouge Rule)
All good-looking middle-aged females are out to kill you. This rule holds even when the woman in question has attained your unwavering trust and respect. (Raine! DON'T HURT ME!)
139. The Ominous Ring of Land
The classic Ominous Ring of Land is a popular terrain feature that frequently doesn't show up on your world map. Just when you think things are going really well and you've got the Forces of Evil on the run, monsters, demons and mad gods will pour out of the center of the ring and the situation will get ten times worse. The main villain also usually hangs out in one of these after attaining godhood. If there are several Ominous Rings of Land or the entire world map is one big ring, you are just screwed. (Is it the land around the Tower of Salvation, Professor?)
140. Law of NPC Relativity (Magus Rule)
Characters can accomplish superhuman physical feats, defeat enemies with one hand tied behind their back and use incredible abilities -- until they join your party and you can control them. Then these wonderful powers all vanish, along with most of their hit points. (You fight, he has a lot of HP, you recruit, he loses a lot of HP.)
142. Thank You For Pressing The Self-Destruct Button
All enemy installations and city-sized military vehicles will be equipped with a conveniently located, easy-to-operate self-destruct mechanism. (Look, Lloyd, Professor just presses this conviniently placed button!)
148. Gender Equality, Part 1 (Feena Rule)
Your average female RPG character carries a variety of deadly weapons and can effortlessly hack or magic her way through armies of monsters, killer cyborgs, and mutated boss creatures without breaking a sweat. She may be an accomplished ninja, a super powered secret agent, or the world's greatest adventurer. However, if one of the game's villains manages to sneak up and grab her by the Standard Female Character Grab Area (her upper arm) she will be rendered utterly helpless until rescued by the hero. (No! Don't grab Colette there! Too late.)
149. Gender Equality, Part 2 (Tifa Rule)
If any female character, in a burst of anger or enthusiasm, decides to go off and accomplish something on her own without the hero, she will fail miserably and again have to be rescued.
150. Gender Equality, Part 3 (Luna Rule)
All of the effort you put into maxing out the female lead's statistics and special abilities will turn out to be for naught when she spends the final confrontation with the villain dead, ensorcelled, or held hostage.
151. Gender Equality Addendum (Rynn Rule)
In the unlikely event that the main character of the game is female, she will not be involved in any romantic subplot whatsoever beyond getting hit on by shopkeepers.
153. "Mommy, why didn't they just use a Phoenix Down on Aeris?"
Don't expect battle mechanics to carry over into the "real world." (Daddy, why didn't Mithos just use a life bottle on Martel?)
163. All The Time In The World (Rinoa Rule)
Unless there's a running countdown clock right there on the screen, you have as long as you want to complete any task -- such as, say, rescuing a friend who's hanging by one hand from a slippery cliff edge thousands of feet in the air -- no matter how incredibly urgent it is. Dawdle or hurry as you will, you'll always make it just in the nick of time. (Wander around when the place is drifting away...)
170. Luke, I Am Your Tedious, Overused Plot Device (Lynx Rule)
If there is any chance whatsoever that major villain X could be the male lead's father, then it will turn out that major villain X is the male lead's father. (Lloyd, I am your...)
176. "Evil will always triumph, because Good is dumb!"
If the villain needs all ten legendary medallions to attain world domination and you have nine of them, everybody in your party still thinks it is necessary to bring the nine to the villain's castle and get the final one, instead of hiding the ones they've already got and spoiling his plans that way. After you foolishly bring the legendary medallions to the villain's hideout, he will kidnap one of your companions (usually the main love interest) and you will trade the world away to rescue your friend.
177. Dark Helmet's Corollary
After you give up the medallions to save your friend/parent/lover/other miscellaneous party member, don't expect to actually get that person back. Sucker!
179. The Best-Laid Schemes
The final villain's grand scheme will have involved the deaths of thousands or even millions of innocent people, the clever manipulation of governments, armies, and entire populations, and will have taken anywhere from five to five thousand years to come to fruition. The hero will come up with a method of undoing this plan forever in less than five minutes.
181. Poetic Villain Principle (Kefka Rule)
All villains will suddenly become poets, philosophers, and/or dramatic actors when a) they first meet the hero, b) they are about to win or their evil plan is finally ready, c) some major event in the game is about to begin, d) right before the final battle, and e) right before they die, when they will frequently be feeling generous enough to reward you with some homespun wisdom about making the most of life while you have it.
182. Compression of Time
As you approach the final confrontation with the villain, events will become increasingly awkward, contrived and disconnected from one another -- almost as if some cosmic Author was running up against a deadline and had to slap together the ending at the last minute.
183. Adam Smith's Revenge
By the end of the game you are renowned everywhere as the Legendary Heroes, every surviving government and authority figure has rallied behind you, the fate of the world is obviously hanging in the balance, and out of nowhere random passers-by give you a pat on the back and heartfelt good luck wishes. However, shopkeepers won't even give you a discount, much less free supplies for the final battle with evil. (The Chosen!)
185. The Long Arm of the Plot
Any bad guys, no matter how far they run, will always end up in one of two ways by the end of the game: obviously dead, or on your side. There is no in-between.
186. Apocalypse Any Time Now
The best time to do side quests is while the huge meteor hovers in the sky above the planet, waiting to fall and destroy the world. (Do it while Derris-Kharlan is going to drift away or crash onto the surface of either planet!)
187. "So, Andross, you reveal your true form!"
You will have to kill the evil villain at least twice at the end of the game. First the villain will look like a person or some creature and be rather easy to kill. Then he will grow to about 50 times the hero's size and be much harder to kill.
188. In Your Face, Jesus!
Even if you manage to deal with him that time, you're not done -- the villain will then transform into his final form, which is always an angelic winged figure with background music remixed for ecstatic chorus and pipe organ. (if only the fight was: Mithos-Monster thing-Yiggdrasil)
189. The Moral Of The Story (Ghaleon Rule)
Every problem in the universe can be solved by finding the right long-haired prettyboy and beating the crap out of him. (And yes, you know who it is.)
190. Weapon Rule
There's always a hidden creature who is much harder to defeat than even the ultimate bad guy's final, world-annihilating form. It's lucky for all concerned that this hidden creature prefers to stay hidden rather than trying to take over the world himself, because he'd probably win. As a corollary, whatever reward you get for killing the hidden creature is basically worthless because by the time you're powerful enough to defeat him, you don't need it any more.
191. The Ultimate Rule
Anything called "Ultima (whatever)" or "Ultimate (whatever)" isn't. There's always at least one thing somewhere in the world that is even more. (there are things more powerful than the Eternal sword, you know.)