Hey everyone :3

I know I haven't updated in awhile but I'm back and curently writing to more stories so please check back when you get the chance, thxs.

Okay make that last sentence a x300 but you all know im easily distracted.

Name:I have a lot of nicknames~

Age: 16

Gender: Female

THE WE HATE KARIN CLUB: If you hate Karin from NARUTO, copy and paste this
into your profile and add your name to the list: Pink Crescent Moon,
Miyako-hime, XSakuraHarunoX, I'm in love with a Uchiha23, Angel Of Cherry
Blossoms, Cherrilatina, CherryBlossoms016, Rayray, Sakura the lover,
Sasusakufan2357, Lina Mistress of Elements, xnarutoxrocksx, uchihasakurah26,
Nokas-Kokas, NorthernLights25, KunoichruleALL, Kawaiiblossom94, dera-chan,
Mai-'-Kawaii-'-Ai, Hinatakura, Sakuranata, Tiger Priestess,SasuSaku best fan ever,Kayamie1224,

Confusion is a term for the stupid.

I’m not saying you’re stupid, I’m just implying it.

Can I have your phone number; I seem to have lost mine

If you can’t appreciate the divine hotness of Edward Cullen, please leave the vicinity.

There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is filled.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door...

If at first you dont succeed, skydiving isn't for you

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor

Everyone has a wild side- me and my friends just prefer to make them public

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have!

It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it?

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn

Everything here is edible. I'm edible, but that my children, is called cannibalism, and is frowned upon in most societies.

Oops, I appear to have fallen on your lips.

Let's flip a coin-heads we'll be together, tails we flip again.

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

Tu madre. I just burned you. In Spanish. So there.

When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend laughs at you and trips you again.

I know she's socially retarded and weird, but she's my FRIEND...

Best Friends: They say they're hard to find and that's cause the best are already mine.

Okay, so... there's this thing called retard-ness and me and my girls, well...we've gone pro.

Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing.

When people don't laugh at our jokes, I don't think of it as a "you had to be there" thing but more as a "you have to be mentally retarded like us" thing.

Best friends know that you're slow, stupid, and like to mess around them yet they still don't care about being seen with you in public because they're idiots, too.

If you think the semi-colon is completely useless, stupid, annoying and plotting to destroy the English language as we know it, put this in your pro!

If keyboards hate you copy and paste this into your profile!

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've reread TWILIGHT over four times...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've reread chapter 23 of TWILIGHT over eight times...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

-I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?!

-If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried

-Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

-Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

-Guns don’t kill people. Bullets kill people.

-You can shatter my heart but I will love you with all the little pieces.

-Trying is the first step toward failure

-A friend would bail you out of jail. A best friend will be sitting next to you in the cell saying "man, we fucked up, but that shit wuz fun!"

Think About It...

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

if you blow in a dogs face he'll get mad at you, but take him for a car ride, and the first thing he does is stick his head out the window!

if two wrongs dont make a right, try three

whoever said nothing's impossible, they never tryed slamming a revoling door!

apparently 1 in 5 people are chinese, there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. it's ether my mum or dad. or my older brother colin. or my younger brother ho-chan-chu. but i think it's colin.

borrow money from pessimists- they dont expect to get it back!

there are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant.

if olive oil comes from olive's then where does baby oil come from?

if quitters never win, and winners never quit, how can it be good to 'quit while your ahead?'

whose cruel idea was it for the words 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

how is it possible to have a civil war?

if a fork were made of gold would it still be called silver ware?

When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

Can a fire truck park in the fire lane?"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?

Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?

Are marbles made of marble?

Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup?

If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get you money back? (Granted you lived)

Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Can you get cornered in a round room?

Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?

Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?

How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?

Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?

Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?

Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear??

What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn?

Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?

How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?

If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?

If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold?

Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

Do they have girl’s bathrooms in gay bars?

Why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue?

Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?

Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back?

Why does shaped macaroni taste better than the normal kind?

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

Why can't you get a tan on your palms?

If your sick for one week and on one of those days they had to cancel school because of snow, do you have to make up that day in June?

Why do dogs sniff other dog’s bottoms to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something?

Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been
free?

If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?

You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to
people that work nights?

Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?

Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

Why is a square meal served on round plates?

Why is the 0 on a phone after 1 and not before 1?

Which way does a compass point in space?

If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

Why did Mary own a little lamb?

If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?

If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do?

Why are Pringles curved?

Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are?

If overalls are held up by the snaps at the top, then why do they have belt loops?

Why is it that its good to score under par in golf but its bad to be “under par” in any thing else?

Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it?

Things I do (Copy & Paste)

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is not even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune.

Copy and paste this into your profile if you tried singing both songs in your head simultaniously, and you got a headache because of that.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework insted of doing it. Crazy is when you laugh about how you laugh. Crazy is when you dress in the closet so you dont know what you're wearing, then run down the street in the middle of the night playing ding dong ditch and screaming, Get away you crazed underwear model, im not in love with you anymore, then lay down in the middle of the street and start crying. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever read started to read a chapter in a fan fiction, got side-tracked, and forgot to review and realized it after the author posted another chapter, copy and paste this on your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, .missy.skye., BlissfulyShadowingEdwardCullen., Eternity in Bliss, Freesia Like Heroin, Kayamie1224

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer

If you have ever stayed up for over 40 hours continuously just because you frickin' could, copy this into your profile.

Tater tots taste good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

.A True Poem.

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

~pass the ribbon around if you know someone that has survived, DIED, or is living with cancer.

15 Things to do when your in Walmart!
1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. ( I love this one! )

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"/ Hey! put that back!/ Grrrr!!

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here!

15. Grab alot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go"

16. sit in one of the giant freezers until the management comes and drags you out, and scream at the top of your voice, "dont take me away from my love! you already killed him, at least et me be with him until he's bought," and hold a chicken to you!

If you love Edward Cullen, what the hell are you doing on the computer? Come out and fight me for him like a real woman! pu 'er up!!

If you hate stereotypes and think ppl should just shut up and stop POST THIS IN YOUR PROFILE UNDER THE ONE THAT FITS YOU MOST. IF YOU DO NOT POST IN 100 SECONDS YOU WILL BE CURSED 4 100 DAYS

PICK THE STEREOTYPE THAT FITS YOU

I'M SKINNY, so I MUST be bulimic.

I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.

I'm BLONDE AT HEART, so I MUST be a ditz

I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.

I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be smart.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm ATHEIST so i MUST hate the world.

I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST be "evil" and not have any morals.

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.

I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.

I TAKE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.

I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore and a backstabber

I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.

I'm a DANCER, So i MUST be stupid, and stuck up

I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.

I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals

I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!!

I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.

I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay.

I have BiG BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.

I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.

I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.

I'm GERMAN, so I MUST be a Nazi.

I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO

I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.

I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited

I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13

I'm in COLORGUARD, so i must be perfect.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy

I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy

I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas

Im a STONER so i MUST be going in the wrong direction

Im a VIRGIN so i MUST be prude

Im STRAIGHT EDGE so i must be violent.

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.

I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.

I'm BI so I MUST think every girl i see is hot.

I'm ASIAN so I MUST have a small penis.

I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so i MUST be fat.

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm ASIAN so i must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7

I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.

I'm MIXED so i must be SEXY

I'm MUSLIM so i MUST be covered up at all times.

I'm in ORCHESTRA/BAND, so i MUST be a dork.

I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA

I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect

I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black

I'm a SKATER so I MUST wear tight pants

MY STEREOTYPES

I'M SKINNY, so I MUST be bulimic.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay.

I have BiG BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.

Im a VIRGIN so i MUST be prude

I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so i MUST be fat.

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.

I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black

I'm BI so I MUST think every girl i see is hot. (Pansexual Actually :D)

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive

Things to do in an elevator/ in the office!

Walk on with a cooler that is labeled "HUMAN HEAD" on the side. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!" Crack open your briefcase of purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there? Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. Meow occasionally. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM" and back away slowly. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope. Annouce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body." Say "Ding" at each floor. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Stare, grinning at another passenger for awhile, and then announce, "I have new socks on." When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?" Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space." When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?" Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator. Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment. Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
Ask, "Did you feel that?" Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again." Swat at flies that don't exist. Tell people that you can see their aura.
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off. Shave. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!" When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now... motion sickness!"
Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!" Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected. Leave a box between the doors. Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head. Start a sing-along.
One word: Flatulence! Do Tai Chi exercises When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!" Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons. Bring a chair along. Lean against the button panel. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently. Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it. ONE-POINT DARES Run one lap around the office at top speed. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say,"Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye." To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace. Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way." Walk sideways to the photocopier. While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open. THREE-POINT DARES Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers. Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it." Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice). Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight). Shout random numbers while someone is counting. FIVE POINT DARES At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (5 extra points if you actually launch into it yourself, 10 if you sing it through to the end). Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob." Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two." After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for 1 hour. While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!" At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God as my witness, I'll never go hungry again." In a colleague's DAY PLANNER, write in the 10am slot: "See how I look in tights."(5 Extra points if it is a male, 5 more if he is your boss) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask, "You wanna trade?" Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it." Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go. Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call. Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk. Hang a 2' long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out, but don't remove it. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuits, smashing each biscuit with your fist. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door. Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.) Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky". "No I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Sport." Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. For example "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom." "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.
While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive." Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day. Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document. Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes. Insist that your e-mail address be: zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com or Elvis_the_King@companyname.com
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask him or her if they want fries with that. Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing. Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN." Determine how many cups of coffee are "too many."
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children. For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in the fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and see how many you can catch in your mouth. Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc... in the lunchroom, when people complain that there was none... Just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that." Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addiction, switch to espresso. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall # 3." Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think." Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy." Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors'. Dont use any punctuation Use, too...much; punctuation! As often as possible, skip rather than walk. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer. Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go'.
Sing along at the opera. Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything. At lunch time, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies. (warning: you can get arrested for this, but that can be instructive too)
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Hard." When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week!!" When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do." Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like that.

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To whoever reads this if you would please go to my favorite stories list and then go to the second and last chapter of the twilight story Not_Quick_Enough and would give your best wishes to the author and her family who were in a car accident taking two lives, thank you and if you could please pass this information on and pray for them -Kayamie1224