"УØŲ'Яξ ДĿĿ ÐØØMξÐ!"

-ÅȠƓƎĻÅ, ιηнєяιтαηςє ςуℓє

Yes, you've got 1 billion years before our sun becomes too hot to sustain life on this planet. Until then, enjoy. But the climate crisis IS (I can't emphasize it enough) the most pressing issue right now. At #2 is the threat of nuclear warheads and World War Three. I've got no use for people who don't believe in this. If you don't, just buzz off.

If you believe or practice any kind of injustice or discrimination, I have got everything nothing to say to you... except two words:

Get lost.

The next bit is for the rest.

𝕋ℍ𝔼 𝔹𝔸𝕊𝕀ℂ𝕊

Hello there! Hope you're doing as good as can be hoped in these dark times.

Registered bookworm, science nerd, chess aficionado,numberphile, astrophile, sarcastophile, randomist, misanthrope, full-blooded cynic, both mature and immature, cryptic and many other things.

Hogwarts House - Ravenclaw (Don't get me wrong, Gryffindor's great, but I got Ravenclaw anyway)

Wand - English oak wood with a unicorn hair core, 13" and suprisingly swishy flexibility

Camp Half-Blood - Cabin 8!Uh oh, Better prepare a will before becoming a porcupine. "How dare you, you dirty pretender!!" *Cue angry yells*

And, no, my username isn't related to my real name. It's based on a character from a slightly lesser-known school series. You should go check it out if you like reading about boarding schools-mixed with a healthy dose of fun along with adventure.

My country- Planet Earth (should be Ocean, but names stick)

Age: Why does it matter? It keeps changing.

You can call me he/him or homo sapiens.

You want to know more? Okay, let's have a short Q&A.

Q: What's your name?

A: You can call me Jo. Or Joe.

Q: Who are you?

A: I am N.O.Y.E.S. (What's the fun in revealing the full form?)

Q: What type of human are you?

A: According to 16personalities, I am INTP. You can read more about them at the site, It's definitely good.

Q: What are some of your favourite characters?

A: Really? Okay, but this is the last one. Saphira (IC), Hermione J. Granger and Alastor Moody (HP), Gandalf the Grey/White(LOTR), et al (and of course the real Jo Bettany).

Books/ Book series I have read: Inheritance Cycle, Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Lord of The Rings, Narnia, Hunger Games, Divergent, sci-fi, detective stories, and... well you get the idea. Also read nonfiction. Twilight? Well, I've read Breaking Dawn. The rest? Will read if I manage to get my hands on it(but I'm really not that sold on the series).

Author Recommendations:

Percy Jackson and the Olympians- Anaklusmos14 (duh)(even though only one of his 16 stories is Percabeth)

I'mjusttryingtofindmyway

TheseusLives

Pluto's Daughter 11

Hans50

et al.

Inheritance Cycle- wildskysong

kumar laVoixDuSud

Adin the Conqueror

AryaNuanen [Yeah, I know she's written only one but it's brilliant]

Recommend the Horrible Histories and Horrible Science stories, tells you about the interesting-and darker side of history and science- while making you laugh. The next bit is only for those who have read the Inheritance Cycle. if you haven't, well you should read it- or maybe not. Alright, on with it.

Now, about A-E. I know that CP rushed the ending of Inheritance and it could have been much better, but A-E really doesn't work even at the end of Inheritance Cycle. Eragon is a lot older than his years, yes and he knows her true name... but the point is that Eragon is still a bit too young for her. Now, don't chuck those tomatoes at me, I'm just saying that they both need a little more time. Eragon needs to mature some more and see her for what she really is, and Arya needs to be a little more open and less cold. Given time, the inevitable will happen. That's why there will be a Book 5. (Hurry, CP, or I swear I'll haunt your halls for the rest of time). LOL, using an author's own line against him.

Anyway, on with the CPIs (well, duh). I'm trying to create some type of definitive reference of the best CPIs on the site. Except in no particular order. So, let's get on for the ride...

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset cna be a taotl mses and yuo cna sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the hmuan mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! Fi yuo cna raed tihs add tihs to yrou’e porflie.

ÐEAR BULLIES

See that girl you just called fat? She is starving herself. You know that girl you just called ugly? She spends hours putting on make-up hoping people will like her. That boy you just tripped? He is abused enough at home. See that old man you made fun of cause of the ugly scars? He fought for our country. See that young boy you just made fun of for always being sick? He has to walk home in the snow 'cause his family is too poor. That guy you just made fun of for crying? His mother is slowly dying.

Re-Post this if you are against bullying. I bet many of you won't. Your life is probably not as harsh as theirs, or you're just too lazy. Take it as a challenge. You'd be surprised how many people this affects, positively and negatively. A few clicks of your mouse may just save a life, or bring a smile.

A 15-year-old girl holds hands with her 1-year-old son. People call her a slut, no one knows she was raped at 13. People call another guy fat. No one knows he has a serious disease causing him to be overweight. People call an old man ugly. No one knew he had a serious injury to his face while fighting for our country in the war. People call a woman bald but they don't know she has cancer. Put this in your profile if you are against bullying and stereotyping. I bet 95% of you won't do it.

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

Post this on your profile if you hate racism.

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE мr. coммon ѕenѕe

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Please post this on your profile if you agree.

gιrl coмeвacĸѕ!

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the ends of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I could see you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put u and i together.
Woman: Really? I'd put f and u together.

Man: Your eyes, they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

Man: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
Woman: About as much as when you got kicked out of Hell.

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Copy and paste if you agree.

ѕσмє σƒ му ƒανσяιтє qυσтєѕ:

never тaυnт a a мan ѕave wнen нe ιѕ ѕтronger тнan yoυ: тнen, aѕ yoυ pleaѕe. - King Lune, Chronicles of Narnia

тнere'ѕ a reaѕon wнy we are вorn wιтн вraιnѕ ιn oυr нeadѕ, noт rocĸѕ. - Brom Holcombsson, Inheritance Cycle

ι aм ѕo clever тнaт ѕoмeтιмeѕ ι don’т υnderѕтand a ѕιngle word oғ wнaт ι aм ѕayιng. - The Happy Prince and other Stories

тнe мore a мan ĸnowѕ, тнe leѕѕ нe тalĸѕ. - Voltaire

qυoтaтιonѕ are coммonly prιnтed aѕ a мeanѕ oғ ιnѕpιraтιon and тo ιnvoĸe pнιloѕopнιcal тнoυgнтѕ ғroм тнe reader.- Wikipedia

тwo тнιngѕ are ιnғιnιтe: тнe υnιverѕe and нυмan ѕтυpιdιтy; and ι'м noт ѕυre aвoυт тнe υnιverѕe. - Albert Einstein

people нave an annoyιng нaвιт oғ reмeмвerιng тнιngѕ тнey ѕнoυldn'т.- Brom Holcombsson, Inheritance Cycle

wнen yoυ нave elιмιnaтed тнe ιмpoѕѕιвle, wнaтever reмaιnѕ, нowever ιмproвaвle, мυѕт вe тнe тrυтн. - Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock Holmes

тнe dog dιd noтнιng ιn тнe nιgнт-тιмe. тнaт waѕ тнe cυrιoυѕ ιncιdenт.- Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock Holmes

do noт dwell on тнaт wнιcн yoυ cannoт cнange - Saphira II, Inheritance Cycle

ιт ιѕ тнe υnĸnown we ғear wнen we looĸ υpon deaтн and darĸneѕѕ, noтнιng мore. - Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, Harry Potter

ιғ yoυ wanт тo ĸnow wнaт a мan'ѕ lιĸe, тaĸe a good looĸ aт нow нe тreaтѕ нιѕ ιnғerιorѕ, noт нιѕ eqυalѕ. - Sirius Black, Harry Potter

wнaт doeѕ noт ĸιll yoυ, мaĸeѕ yoυ ѕтronger. - Friedrich Nietzsche

тнere ιѕ noтнιng мore paιnғυl тнan тнe тrυтн. - Unknown

wнy, ѕoмeтιмeѕ ι've вelιeved aѕ мany aѕ ѕιх ιмpoѕѕιвle тнιngѕ вeғore вreaĸғaѕт. - the White Queen, Alice in Wonderland

yoυ мυѕт learn... тo ѕee wнaт yoυ are looĸιng aт.- Glaedr, Inheritance Cycle

тнe мonѕтerѕ oғ тнe мιnd are ғar worѕe тнan тнoѕe тнaт acтυally eхιѕт. - Arya, Inheritance Cycle

ιт ιѕ ιмpoѕѕιвle тo go тнroυgн lιғe υnѕcaтнed. nor ѕнoυld yoυ wanт тo. вy тнe нυrтѕ we accυмυlaтe, we мeaѕυre вoтн oυr ғollιeѕ and accoмplιѕнмenтѕ. - Arya Drőttningu, Inheritance Cycle

ι'м goιng тo ĸeep goιng υnтιl ι ѕυcceed — or dιe. don'т тнιnĸ ι don'т ĸnow нow тнιѕ мιgнт end. ι've ĸnown ιт ғor yearѕ. - Harry Potter, Harry Potter

There's nothing wrong with arguing/playing some game with yourself. It's when you argue/play with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie or show or read a book so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile.

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy this into your profile.

If you can't stand preppy people who talk like this: I like, can't believe, I like, chipped my manicure, copy this into your profile.

If you know a video game/book/movie/anime/manga character or weapon that need(s) to exist, copy this into your profile.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned about being popular and fitting in. If you’re part of the five who aren’t, copy this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both…copy and paste this into your profile.

If you’ve read other people’s profiles to copy and paste things, paste this into your profile.

If you have ever read a 500 page book in less than one day, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you think Writer’s Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you’re anti-social sometimes, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with Fanfiction, then copy this into your profile.

If you have a very wide range of interests, copy this onto your profile.

If you are the complete opposite of normal, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you actually take the time to read other people's profiles, put this in yours.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer!

If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get like two reviews, copy this into your profile.

If you ever forgot what you were talking about in a conversation, put this on your profile.

If you are insane but intelligent, put this in your profile!

A large percentage of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you are one of the ones that do and want to deck 'em, put this in your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are such a loser that you actually read all these 'If you ever blah blah blah, copy this into your profile' things, copy this into your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love copy and paste its, even though they're useless, copy this in your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile.

The more you know, the more you realize how much you don't know. If you realize this, copy this into your profile.

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think it's stupid that girls are automatically labeled with the color pink, copy and paste this into your profile.

If, to the best of your belief, thou has an overarching and considerable vocabulary (without being verbose), situate this statement in your characterization.

If you are obsessed with something considered childish for someone your age, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

TRY THIS!: Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't.

this is this cat

this is is cat

this is how cat

this is to cat

this is keep cat

this is an cat

this is idiot cat

this is busy cat

this is for cat

this is forty cat

this is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down and I bet you can't resist passing it on (or at least, smiling)

In ĦΔŘŘ¥ РØŦŦΣŘ Remembrance:

In Remembrance to Severus Snape,
A Slytherin who died like a Gryffindor,

In Remembrance to Fred Weasley,
Who fought bravely to the very end,
And whose jokes will forever brighten his other half,
And will loyally await his soul mate and brother,
With many jokes,
He's got forever to think of them, right?

In Remembrance to Dobby,
Who was more free and full of love,
Than any elf, and most humans.

In Remembrance to Remus J. Lupin,
The last real Marauder,
Who was not just a wonderful father,
An incredible husband and a brave hero,
As well as an awesome werewolf,

In Remembrance to Nymphadora Tonks,
Who died for the greater good,
And would probably hex me for calling her Nymphadora,

In Remembrance to Alastor 'Mad Eye' Moody,
Whose motto 'Constance Vigilance' kept him alive,

In Remembrance to Tom Marvolo Riddle, A.K.A Voldemort,
Who was pretty cool and cute when he was younger,
But who got his bottom kicked thoroughly in the end,

In Remembrance to Albus Dumbledore,
Whose past and wisdom confused us,
Whose seeming betrayal shocked us,
But who actually turned out to be an okay guy in the end,

In Remembrance to Bellatrix Lestrange,
Because it was awesome how Molly Weasley got her with the Avada Kedavra,
She deserved everything she got in the end,

In Remembrance to Colin Creevey,
Who we really didn't know too well,
But took a lot of pictures and died fighting in the war,
So he must've done something good...
Besides stalking Harry,

In Remembrance to Hedwig,
Harry's first real friend,
Who lived and died soaring.

I got this from IStillHopeForSophex, who credits Hades' Winged Shadow.

The PΣЯᄃΥ JΛᄃΚƧӨП pledge:

I promise to remember Percy
whenever I'm at sea
I promise to remember Annabeth
whenever a spider comes at me
I promise to protect nature
for Grover's sake of course
I promise to remember Luke
when my heart fills with remorse
I promise to remember Chiron
whenever I see a sign that says ''free pony ride''
I promise to remember Tyson
whenever a friend says they'll stick by my side
I promise to remember Thalia
whenever a friend is scared of heights
I promise to remember Clarisse
whenever I see someone that gives me a fright
I promise to remember Bianca
whenever I see a sister scold her younger brother
I promise to remember Nico
whenever I see someone who doesn't get along with others
I promise to remember Zoe
whenever I watch the stars
I promise to remember Rachel
whenever a limo passes my car.
yes I promise to remember PJO
wherever I may go

A summary of the Percy Jackson books:

Percy Jackson and the unexpected quest 1

Percy Jackson and the unexpected quest 2

Percy Jackson and the unexpected quest 3

Percy Jackson and the unexpected quest 4

Percy Jackson and this time there's no quest this time I'm leading a war against my grandfather

And what about the Heroes of Olympus you ask? Well...

Where's Percy?

There's Percy!

The book that broke our hearts

The book that Rick sort of apologized in

The book where Percy got a bloody nose

ǝƃɐd ɹnoʎ oʇuo sIɥʇ ǝʇsɐd puɐ ʎdoɔ 'sʎɐs sIɥʇ ʇɐɥʍ ʇno

ǝɹnƃIɟ oʇ ɥƃnouǝ ʇɹɐɯs ǝɹɐ noʎ ɟl

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As Part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped if favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 2 letters shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments wil enkourage the removal of double leters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be droped from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German lik zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad yu smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

ɦօա ȶօ ʍǟɨռȶǟɨռ ǟ ɦɛǟʟȶɦʏ ʟɛʋɛʟ օʄ ɨռֆǟռɨȶʏ

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"

5. Put Decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the Memo Field of all your checks, write for unicorns.

7. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With the Prophecy'.

9. Skip down the hall rather than walk, and see how many looks you get.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify that your Drive-through order is 'To Go'.

12. Sing along at the Opera.

14. Put Mosquito Netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

15. Five Days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.

17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream 'I Won! I Won!'

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling 'Run for your lives! They're loose!'

19. Tell your children over dinner, 'Due to the Economy, We Are Going to Have to Let One of You Go.'

20. And the Final Way to Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity: Post this on your profile!

Things to do in an Elevator

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5. Meow occasionally.

6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.

7. Say "DING!" at each floor.

8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.

9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional, and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.

16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

21. Swat at flies that don't exist.

22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.

23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.

24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.

25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"

26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.

29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."

30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.

31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.

32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.

33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"

34. Tell people that you can see their aura.

35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time...

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

1. Children's Aspirin: Warning: Keep Away From Children

3. Curling Iron: Warning: Do not use while sleeping

4. Candle: Warning: A burning candle is fire

5. Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking

6. Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado

7. Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts

8. Butcher Knife: Warning: Keep Out of Children

9. Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.

10. Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping

11. Dial Soap: Warning: Use like regular soap

13. Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required

15. On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

16. On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?

17. On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).

18. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

19. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought??...)

20. On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?

21. On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

22. On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because??...)

23. On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?

24. On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious)

25. On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

26. On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?)

27. On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

28. On a Korean kitchen knife-- "Warning: keep out of children."
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

29. On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my ..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity.

тнє 27 ςσммαиdмєитѕ σf fαиfιςтισи

1. Thou shalt not post a fic until it has been checked for grammar and spelling errors. The fanfiction gods hath given you a spellchecker on the computer for good reason. Use it.

2.Thou shalt not post a chapter of less than 100 words, unless it is a drabble. This displeases the masses.

3.Thou shalt not put author's notes in the middle of the story.

4.Thou shalt NEVER use text-speak in a fic, unless the characters are actually texting.

5.Thou shalt keep to one tense, and only one, throughout the story. Do not switch randomly.

6.Apply the above number 5 to POVs as well.

7. Thou shalt not get offended when someone makes fun of the crack pairing featured in your fanfiction. It probably is rather hilarious.

8.Thou shalt not use , ;, or :( in a fanfiction to show the emotion exhibited by a character.

9.Thou shall try-eth to keep characters in character!

10.Thou shall not treat every criticism as a flame.

11.The author's note is not a spot for your personal drama, and thou shalt not make it so.

12.Thou shalt not put any form of the phrase "first fic" in thy summary.

13. Thy created characters must not have names that exceed five syllables in length. Nor shall thy name have more than five words in length.

14. Thou shall not insert thyself into the story line as thyself or as a character- yes we know that thy is in love with thyself and are very narcissistic, we just don’t want to read about how you end up with the main character.

15.If thou art writing a story that does not follow the original story line, point it out in the beginning.

16.Thou shall not make a person randomly smart or powerful unless stating a reason for the change (a good reason).

17.Thou shalt show and not tell.

18.Thou shalt not EVER use the phrase "I suck at summaries" in-est thine summary. This annoys thine readers.

19.Thou shalt not write the same way thou speak-est- writing is an art.

20.Thou shalt ALWAYS spell the word "okay" correctly. Using the letter "K" or "OK" is an unacceptable compromise.

21. Thou shalt only use clichés when thou a) art writing a parody or b) find a new and interesting twist to make such clichés bearable to thine reader.

22. Thou shalt always separate dialogue from two separate speakers in two separate paragraphs. Otherwise thine readers shalt be confuse-ed.

23. Thou shalt not EVER make a chapter all one paragraph. THIS INFURIATES BOTH THINE READER AND THE FANFICTION GODS. They have given thee an ENTER key with good reason.

24. Thou shalt not write with thy caps lock on, it displeases the masses and causes thy readers to lose their vision and make angels weep.

25. Thou shalt know how to spell the character's names correctly before you writeth the fic. Misspelling the name of the main characters makes readers angry and distracts from the story.

26. Thou shalt not say in thine summary "summary inside". This shows lack of creativeness and infuriates the masses. The only exception is when a summary is cut short and a continuation of it lies inside.

27. Thou shall use paragraphs and space the story so it is not terrifyingly daunting to thine readers.

This next one is for ALL people who support your country's troops

You stay up for 16 hours. We stay up for days on end.

You take a warm shower to help you wake up. We go a week without running water.

You complain of a 'headache' and call in sick. We get shot at as others are hit and we keep moving forward.

You talk about your buddies that aren't with you. We know we may never see any of ours again.

You complain about how hot it is. We wear our heavy gear, not daring to take off our helmet to wipe our forehead.

You get mad at your waiter for getting your order wrong. We don't get to eat today.

You're mad that class got held over 5 minutes. We're told we will be held over an extra 2 months.

You roll your eyes when your baby cries. He gets a letter with pictures of his new baby and wonders if they'll ever meet.

If you don't copy and paste this, something bad will happen to you. We'll see just how conceited you really are.

Copy and paste this if you support your country's (or any country's) troops.

ѕoмe ғacтѕ...

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried to slam a revolving door.

The deeper your feelings, the harder they are to express.

Being mature is overrated.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

Reality continues to ruin my life.

When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Really!?

Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everyone else.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

Water is not wet.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

ɌΛndϕϻ ϮӇΐngϩ...

When life gives you lemons...

Savour the expression on people's faces when they realize they're being bombarded by them.

If you are still here (and didn't skip something) you must be...unusual, to say the least.

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

Everything is relative.

I NEVER use bookmarks. Why be burdened with unnecessary things when you can just keep two or three (rarely four) digits in your head?

Writers and scientists are the craziest people on this planet, and I have got the heart of one and brain of the other. So, I definitely have rather more than the usual allotment of craziness.

Humans are the only species that persecute their fellows.

Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it, everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there--on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds.

Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.

It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known. - Carl Sagan, about the famous 1990 photograph taken by Voyager 1 6 billion km from our planet.

Thank you for taking the (long) time to read this. (Please don't copy and paste this unless you're crediting me!)

PMs are welcome.

Yours truly

Й.σ.Ψ.Ɛ.ֆ