Wheatbread
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Joined 09-09-07, id: 1372911, Profile Updated: 10-18-15
Author has written 8 stories for Misc. Comics, I Am Legend, Outsiders, Grand Theft Auto, and Jumper series.

Updated October 18, 2015

Hey, I'm Wheatbread. My pen name's an English equivalent (sort of) to my Grandfather's Cherokee name, Oouchalatah, pronounced "ooh-chah-LEH-tuh." Grandpa had movie-star good looks coupled with a scrappy short-man's temper and attitude. He was a hunter and story-teller who'd already lost all but about six fingers by the time I came along. I remember him explaining to me how he'd wrestled a grizzly bear once. I asked him, "Did it chew off your fingers, Grandpa?" Oh no, nothing so obvious! He replied, "I got these two fingers here tangled in its ear and when it kept trying to turn its head to bite my hand, that bear ended up so dizzy it finally just gave up and ran off, taking my fingers with it. They're probably still twisted together in its ear to this day. In fact there's a legend about a mean old grizzly up in the hills the pioneers call 'Old Deuce,' and I have a sneaking suspicion it's wearing my fingers in the victory position." I think Grandpa had at least a couple whopper-sized tales for each of his missing digits. He died way too early, of cancer; nevertheless, he was around long enough to become one of my lifetime heroes. Most of what I know about him now comes from my Dad, also a wonderful story-teller. Anyway, that's my little tribute to my roots.

What I've been doing lately:

This is the part where I explain why no one has heard from me in a very, very long time. Having small children is tough on writers. That's been my experience anyway. It is difficult to get much of anything done when you have little ones crying to be fed, or changed, or stood in a corner. I've also made a series of career adjustments over the last year. I'm an electrician by trade, but I got a chance to teach part time at a local technical college for about five months. Since some of the material I had to cover was new to me, it required full devotion. I spent most of my extra time studying. Two weeks ago I ended teaching, and began a new job at an electric motor repair shop, learning to rewind motors. Sadly, I've had no time for writing stories.

I have some great ideas for more fanfiction stories. Mostly the Outsiders. When I'm procrastinating from something important, I often find myself tapping away at one of my brain babies. I've already worked on a few ideas, have gathered a substantial body of content on one, still in the experimental stage. See, a while back I discovered cyberpunk and am trying a weird crossover between the Outsiders and some of Cory Doctorow's stuff, especially Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom. If you haven't read his books and you like sci fi, I think you're in for a treat. I believe you can still download free digital copies of many of his books from his website, or you can pay for them on Amazon.

Other Notes:

Still on the Shelf: my I Am Legend spin-off, A Survivor's Story. Most of the queries I get from readers concern this unfinished story. Sorry to say it, but I'm wondering if I really should just give up on ever finishing it. To be honest I can't decide how it should end. I really don't even know how to end a book. I was always more of a short story writer, having never written a book-length story in my life, so this was something new and exciting for me from the start. I watched the movie when it came out in theaters and didn't begin writing this story until the next year, and it all started from off the top of my head while thinking about different aspects of the movie, asking myself questions about the science, then trying to write something that would explain what was going on. For example, what is the bottle of liquid Will Smith's character sloshes around on the steps before entering his apartment the first night? I did not know what I was venturing into at the time. Looking back, I remember that period of writing as one of the most satisfying processes I was ever involved in. I'm not going to say it is the best writing you'll ever read. But it could be one of the best things I've ever done simply because of what I learned through it about the writing process. One day, I hope to tie it up. If you have some suggestions of how to tie up all the loose ends, send them my way.

You can still read some of my earlier stories and chapters. I have a couple short humorous sketches in The Outsiders category. And if you don't have a lot of time, there is always my Far Side based writings. Most are short, easy reads. Yeah, they may be dorky. But I've tried to keep with the original spirit that inspired them in Gary Larson's head. I'd love to hear what you think.

Thanks in advance for any reviews. If you leave an anonymous review for my Survivor's Story, be sure to check in now and then into the forum I started. I especially like it when someone gives me a really useful tip, and I am trying to do that for others whenever I can. It isn't with a spirit of mean-ness. I want to be a good writer someday, and I assume the rest of you want the same thing for yourselves. Let's help one another get better...agreed?

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Ranger's Resolve by AutumnDreaming reviews
When Stephanie decides to marry Morelli, Ranger has to reach deep inside himself to win his Babe back. They are helped out by a new friend who is troubled by a dark secret. Mystery and adventure unfold when Steph and Ranger team up to save the day. Babe ending guaranteed.
Janet Evanovich - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 40 - Words: 101,207 - Reviews: 293 - Favs: 104 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 1/30/2013 - Published: 8/15/2007 - Ranger M., Stephanie P. - Complete
Power of Fanfiction by Fanfiction Lurker 1 reviews
As the interrogation goes on, agent Smith and Morpheus have a conversation about literature. Just a commercial of fanfiction. And nobody is going to pay me for it!
Matrix - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,355 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/14/2012 - Morpheus, Smith, A. - Complete
Does Electricity Dream of Android Sheep by skywalker05 reviews
There are some things Sarge knows without a doubt. Others, he's not so sure.
Red vs. Blue - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 726 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 13 - Published: 8/3/2011 - Sarge, Tex/Allison - Complete
Conflict of Legends by enigma939 reviews
James Bond, 007, is sent to kill rogue CIA operative Jason Bourne: for all the wrong reasons. A Bond/Bourne crossover. Post-QOS, Post-Ultimatum
Crossover - James Bond & Bourne series - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,450 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 47 - Updated: 7/10/2009 - Published: 7/8/2009
In the Heart of Tornado Alley by PurpleBlaze reviews
Expect drama, action, natural disaster, bloodshed, gang violence, and a splash of humor. Rated for later chapters.
Outsiders - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 23,368 - Reviews: 166 - Favs: 57 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 4/15/2008 - Published: 4/19/2007 - Complete
I am Legend: Untold by Solar Eclipse23 reviews
2009: The Krippen Vaccine is released to the public. Year 2012: The world is an empty shell, apart for a few survivors in the midst of savage creatures that plague the night. Novelization of the movie, with new characters, elements and a continued ending.
I Am Legend - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Horror - Chapters: 4 - Words: 10,699 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 2/2/2008 - Published: 12/22/2007
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Wish I had a Dime for Every Time reviews
I swear it was the same guy as last time, Officer. Greasy little hood, in Elvis sideburns, and swinging a baseball bat like a fat kid at a piñata festival...
Grand Theft Auto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Crime - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,376 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 3 - Updated: 2/7/2010 - Published: 5/26/2009 - Complete
A Survivor's Story reviews
I AM LEGEND. Jeremy Carter, 23 yr old survivor in Queens, NYC, finds resisting plague and vampires is nearly as devastating as the Loneliness—until certain events change things forever...
I Am Legend - Rated: T - English - Drama/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 34 - Words: 91,882 - Reviews: 111 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 2/28/2009 - Published: 1/20/2008
Please Don't Eat The Mannequins reviews
Davy Rice from JUMPER makes a wrong turn in the astral plain while teleporting to NYC and finds himself at ground zero, 20 years ahead in time. Parody. Originally titled: Please Don't Jump The Vampires. Mainly for laughs, tell me what you think.
Crossover - I Am Legend & Jumper series - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,530 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/17/2008 - Complete
Eulogy for Soda reviews
Ponyboy always thought Soda would be famous. Things don't always turn out the way you think they should. You'll be surprised at what happens in...Eulogy for Soda
Outsiders - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 942 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 7/2/2008 - Ponyboy C., Darry C. - Complete
The Outlandishers reviews
15-year old Ponyboy tries his hand at writing a X-over fan fiction about vampires, but Fans beware. Is there a hidden message somewhere? Apologies to Robert Frost. One Shot. Review or Die!
Outsiders - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,906 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/11/2008 - Ponyboy C. - Complete
Go Ahead And Jump, Sid reviews
The Far Side. A Big, Fluffy Bunny Rabbit saves the day in the Old West, and yet another inexplicable Gary Larson scenario mystery is laid to rest. Five short chapters. Please Review.
Misc. Comics - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,559 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 1/6/2008 - Published: 1/1/2008 - Complete
Life of Zeek reviews
The Far Side. A struggling writer rediscovers himself and, in the process, conquers a nasty case of writer's block. Please read and review. I know there are others of you out there who live on the Far Side!
Misc. Comics - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,077 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12/10/2007 - Complete
Boid in a Cage reviews
The Far Side, by Gary Larson. This is an expansion on the one with the bird saying, Shaddap Boid, and the man sitting with glassy eyes, loading a gun below.
Misc. Comics - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 536 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 10/12/2007 - Complete