Obsessive Akatsuki Fan Girl
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Joined 09-21-07, id: 1381471, Profile Updated: 06-22-14
Author has written 5 stories for Naruto.

Hey. Hey, you. Yeah, you. I'll pay you if you draw fan art for me. And by pay you I mean give you cookies. And by cookies I mean fan fiction.

Okay... So I've been gone for, uh... *checks calendar* GREAT GATSBY BATMAN, IT'S OVER 9000!!!!! *passes out* *ahem* Sorry about that. College started and then shi- I mean stuff happened and life sucked for a while but now it's getting better and I'M SO SORRY YOU PEOPLE!!! I really do plan to do all the things I swore I would... It's just taken 4 years... *ahem*

So, as I said before, shi- I mean stuff happened in my life. I'm not the perpetually happy sixteen-year-old who obsessed over Naruto like it was both free and going out of style. I've mellowed out. A lot. I swear as much as Hidan, have mastered the 'don't f*k with me or you'll get your a* whooped' glare of Itachi, I make obscure and diabolical plans that nobody understands like Madara (okay, I'll admit I've always done that...), and I horde money like Kakuzu. I'm just... different. As a result, the is going to be some discrepancy between my old stories and the ones I'm going to write. The Never Do...series is going to be a lot different. Everything is still going to be comical and ridiculous and mind-boggling, but in a less I'm-crazy-and-I-know-it-and-I-want-you-to-know-it-to way and in a more B*ch-I-will-make-your-life-miserable-in-ways-you-can't-imagine kinda way.

Also, I have a confession to make... I've really come to dislike Naruto quite a bit. *cringes* DON'T KILL ME, YOU OBSESSIVE FANBASE YOU!!! *ahem* But, seriously, I find the plot predictable and unrealistic, the characters have stopped developing in any meaningful way, certain events are going on for way too long, and it's really just a way to make money now. Just like One Piece and Bleach. The 'Big Three' of anime/manga aren't that great, but everybody knows about them and that's why they'll be around till the end of time. Kinda like General Hospital and Days of Our Lives. In any case, don't expect any great revelations from me about the Naruto manga or anime anymore. I don't read it or watch it. I look up enough on narutopedia to figure out what's going on, but that's it. That being said, I still adore the Akatsuki. They are some of my favorite characters ever and I will always enjoy writing about them. This, however, means that I cannot follow Naruto continuity in my stories, since everyone except Madara and half of Zetsu is dead, defected, or decapitated and buried way deep underground somewhere. So you'll have to suspend your disbelief when reading my stories a bit. Remember, almost all of what I write is meant to be silly, pointless humor that'll make you laugh. Unless I write angst. And boy, when I write angst, you'll know it.

Name: Scarlett (a.k.a. Scar-chan)
Race: Human
Rarity: One of a kind
Classification: Obsessed Fan Girl
Suggested Approach: With caution, lots of Akatsuki novelty items, and chocolate.
Strengths: Tormenting the Akatsuki, angering flamers, and blowing things up.
Weaknesses: Orochimaru, perverts, math, and broccoli.

Scarlett's Projects:

Never do… series (in no particular order):
Sasori
Deidara
Zetsu
Hidan
Kakuzu
Pein
Konan
Tobi
Itachi
Kisame
Orochimaru

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When Are We Going to Die? by Nairo Xana and Jemmi reviews
Only a few months after the Akatsuki first showed up in their living room, the three girls are forced to face a consequence they would have never expected... Again, Akatsuki induced. T for swearing and Eva. Sequel to 'How Are We Still Alive' Doesn't suck
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 23 - Words: 153,752 - Reviews: 840 - Favs: 369 - Follows: 230 - Updated: 2/28 - Published: 1/7/2008 - Akatsuki - Complete
How Are We Still Alive? by Nairo Xana and Jemmi reviews
The Akatsuki have somehow arrived in La Jolla, California, into a house with a hyperactive goth, a timid girl, and a girl with a rather colorful vocabulary, what could go wrong? Or rather, what couldn't? Doesn't suck. Rated T for swearing
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 87,060 - Reviews: 317 - Favs: 416 - Follows: 120 - Updated: 1/7/2008 - Published: 8/18/2007 - Akatsuki - Complete
Somewhere by Dayadhvam reviews
There is a place for what was, and a place for what could have been. Sasuke tells himself that none of it will ever matter, because the ending will always be the same.
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 950 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 4 - Published: 12/9/2007 - Sasuke U. - Complete
What Remains Unmentioned by Dayadhvam reviews
Kakashi keeps accepting Gai’s challenges because he likes to pretend that they still make a difference in the tally of their Eternal Rivalry. Because, really, he knows that he's already lost. Gai is too kind to bring up the worst challenge of them all.
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,476 - Reviews: 119 - Favs: 501 - Follows: 47 - Published: 11/25/2007 - Kakashi H., Gai M. - Complete
Automatic by Dayadhvam reviews
Gaara's shield defense is automatic: he has never had to consciously think about ordering the sand where it is needed. Kankurou and Temari have always known this.
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,497 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 111 - Follows: 15 - Published: 11/18/2007 - Gaara, Temari, Kankuro - Complete
faded on the blowing of the horn by Dayadhvam reviews
Itachi was not strong enough. In this respect, at least, he knows he is a failure. The Uchiha massacre goes differently. AU.
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,020 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 79 - Follows: 10 - Published: 11/14/2007 - Itachi U. - Complete
30 Ways To Annoy Deidara by HarvestMoonRacoon reviews
The slightlyover due continuation of the exciting and thrill filled 30 Ways series!
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 599 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/23/2006 - Deidara - Complete
30 Ways To Annoy Uchiha Itachi by HarvestMoonRacoon reviews
Guaranteed annoyances that will make even the most stoic of smexy Naruto characters want to kill you in many nasty ways, if he already doesn't want to.
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 739 - Reviews: 66 - Favs: 75 - Follows: 6 - Published: 9/23/2006 - Itachi U., Kisame H. - Complete
30 Ways to Make Orochimaru Bite You by HarvestMoonRacoon reviews
Yes, a 30 Ways on the Snake guy. Take pleasure.
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 617 - Reviews: 111 - Favs: 92 - Follows: 11 - Published: 6/18/2006 - Orochimaru, Kabuto Y. - Complete
Twenty Sannin Truths by Calliope Epsilon reviews
Twenty truths about Jiraiya, Tsunade, and Orochimaru. Errant Sannin nothings in dramedy.
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 763 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 79 - Follows: 4 - Published: 4/21/2006
50 Ways to Piss Off Freak Out Yakushi Kabuto by HarvestMoonRacoon reviews
50 Ways to Piss off and frighten our favorite Sound Nin...
Naruto - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 864 - Reviews: 124 - Favs: 142 - Follows: 12 - Published: 4/9/2006 - Kabuto Y., Tayuya - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Tears are Thicker Than Blood reviews
When the Akatsuki gets wind of an unrivaled assassin, Itachi and Kisame are to capture them. When an assassin is told to spy on the Akatsuki, she prepares for the worst. What neither party realized was how much of a family they would become. ItaOC R&R
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Angst/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,715 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 13 - Published: 4/29/2009 - Itachi U., Kisame H.
Beware the Insanity of a Bored Teenage Girl reviews
Sasuke was bound to find the Akatsuki lair sooner or later. Only, our beloved villains aren’t home. What’s a vengeful brother to do? Wait with the sweet, innocent, and charming girl that lives there, of course! Too bad there aren’t any there…
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,850 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 3 - Published: 4/29/2009 - Itachi U., Sasuke U. - Complete
Sweet Revenge: You Messed With The Wrong Family reviews
I torture them and I blow up their hideout. They try to kill me, and make my life miserable. But, when it comes down to it, we’re just like any other family. And like any family, you mess with one member and you get your butt kicked by all. Re-uploaded.
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,658 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/28/2009 - Deidara, Itachi U. - Complete
Don't Touch My Plushies! reviews
Title says it all. What happens when Orochimaru comes to visit the Akatsuki…? Well, it involves a mongoose, my Akatsuki plushies, and Itachi wearing a towel… Review. Please, just review already… Re-uploaded.
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,522 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 3 - Published: 4/28/2009 - Itachi U., Orochimaru - Complete
Of Best Friends and Microwaves reviews
Late birthday present for my best friend’s 17th birthday. What happens when you put my best friend, the entire Akatsuki, and me together? Unspeakable horror… Please review. RE-UPLOADED
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,302 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 3 - Published: 4/28/2009 - Pain/Pein, Hidan - Complete