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Joined 12-14-01, id: 139026
Author has written 3 stories for Final Fantasy VII.
A new bio coming up soon. If I had time I would write it RIGHT THIS MOMENT. As luck would have it, I don't. I shall literally stay up all night doing the wretched project. God grant that I get it done.
Thanks to all who have e-mailed me and reviewed me. Do you have any idea what those mean to me? They are more than just gratification. They are the proof that someone...

I'll go into that later.

. . .

That's a petition for Keeping NC-17 fics On EVERYONE, please sign! And whoever that is who made the petition, my heart goes out to you!! Banning NC-17 fics are an injustice!!!


Okay. Now I'm officially scared by the
I uploaded a notice for people to sign the petition. They deleted it and e-mailed me saying that they will delete my account if I did it again, because it was an "infraction" of their rules. And I can't update any fics for a "period of time."
I admit I was scared. My account is precious to me. But I just discovered that already many of the authors that I know have been removed from What is going on!! I'm bewildered and threatened and ... enraged at the same time. Why are they doing this?

I can't believe it. is taking off ALL NC-17 fics. That is just outrageous. Most of the memorable fics that I've read is from NC-17 section, mostly because the content is sophisticated and requires mature mind to read. Anyone want to ask me which, feel free to contact me. The grotesque, sick-minded fics are a minority. To take away everyone's fics - some of which I worship, many have moved me to tears - will take away a significant reason for me to visit the site. So, from now on, ALL the fics are to degenerate into non-offensive, bland, trite, and most of all idiotic, fics? I don't have an NC-17 fic yet but it's going to become one. Of course many under NC-17 stories are poignant too. But NC-17's lets the author to write something that is beyond the norm. Unconventional issues and extraordinary emotional struggles, and sophisticated usage of language, are dominant among many NC-17 fics. has restricted the site so that only G - PG13 can be viewed when one enters. And a warning is displayed when one tries to enter an NC-17 fic. If horny, dumbass kids had been probing anyway despite all the precautions and restrictions, then it's TOTALLY their fault. If they don't find it here, they'll find it somewhere else... tha'ts for sure. To punish the MAJORITY of the site for people's immaturity, and just for political correctness (god I am sick of the word), is the most idiotic decision this site has ever made. It's just like that "old man and the sea" deal. The state tried to change the novel's title to "The elderly man and the sea." This is exactly the same. Is everyone forced to step down to the level to benefit the ten year olds (which have been happening entirely too often)? I'm so mad I'm incoherent, but all I know is this: this is pure injustice. Something must be done.

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I had no thoughts crossing my head when I stepped outside the door, looking for my sneakers. But something fluttering snatched my gaze and drew a shrill squeak.
There was a beige moth, a little over an inch, rolling on the red cement of my doorstep. For some reason it was unable to fly, but kept flapping its papery wings.
I lead a dull life; so I was quite startled to find one of the things I loathe the most within inches from me. Thank God I hadn’t bent down to tie my shoes, for I would’ve surely touched it. Then what would I have done? I hate – better yet, fear – insects with the exception of ants.

But my brother was taking his time finding his socks so I had to stand in the doorway, watching the small creature dragging itself on the rugged stone. The wings were flattering with such speed that the moth was made transparent.
Then my brother stepped out and started walking. He stepped right over the moth. I shouted his name and he turned around, and the moth was between his legs.
Then the moth neared the steps. Noticing it, my brother made a small motion with his foot, generating wind with enough force to knock it down the cliff. Then there was a gust of wind and the moth fell through the crack, down to the grassy lawn that I hoped cushioned its fall.

I got angry. Why had he kicked it? It could’ve gone down by itself just fine. I accused him of being cruel.

His response: “Insects don’t feel pain.”

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And thus is life.

I was almost startled to find how much I was upset about the moth’s fall.

I don’t know if insects feel pain or not. But it looked as if it was in agony, twisting and writhing, trying to get to a place that I didn’t know. Or maybe it was just moving. Maybe the sheer pain had forced it to tear its powdery wings on the jagged stone, its body involuntarily jerking, spiraling down its death.

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For a moment I felt as if I knew the moth better than I’ve known any human beings. The moth actually carried out what I philosophically perceived life on to the slate of physical reality.

Why is living so unbearably hard?

The moth was struggling to live. To draw the next breath.
I doubt that the moth knew that though.

It probably was just flapping its wings with no particular aim in mind. Probably kept moving because instinct commanded so. And it miserably followed it. It tried to live so vainly. And it died.

And so will I.

I’ve contemplated the idea of “not living.” But then I realized that the alternative was death. Therefore I am forced to live. How freakin delightful.

I don’t want to die. Give me a choice between life and death and I’ll choose life any day.
Because death is unknown. Because I don’t know death, whilst I know life. No matter how miserable living may be.

But does anyone really want to “live”? Live in this god-forsaken excuse of a world where one is eternally chased by the invisible hand? Where the word “living” no longer has that beautiful glow but has degenerated into just breathing, eating, and sleeping until one dies without a trace?

Why is life an endless race? I want to stop, and let all of them get ahead of me and leave me wading in the dust. But my stupid, bloated ego berates me, beats me senseless until I get up and run once again. I once again let myself be the willing victim of this torture that I can’t escape. Because reality is manipulative that way.

I’ve never been so miserable. But I’m supposed to be happy. Everyone says I’m supposed to be happy. But I’ve forgotten how.

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Gods, I like romantic things.
And it makes living so much harder.

Living is crude. Like the broken moth that one crushes under one’s boot. There is no green field of flowers, only the trash dump with flies plaguing you with every turn. Life is so detestable. It’s disgusting, it’s raw, and it’s altogether sickening.

Gods. And the worst part is that I live in it, and I choose to live in it, and will live in it until the day I die.
And when I die, I’ll probably be crying to live in this damn world for a minute more.

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I’m trapped. I’m doomed. I’m a hypocrite and a coward. I’m a slave bound cruelly, lined up naked for probing eyes. And I hate that I let me be.

And I emerge into this thing called reality with such fantastic thoughts. I wish I could no longer distinguish the two. It would make things a lot easier.

I wish I wasn’t like that damn moth. Pitiful and abominable, a thing I cringed from. I wish I didn’t have to go through this hell just to meet with something worse. I wish one day there will be the end to this, a beautiful compensation for all the despair. I wish that my incessant thoughts were worth something, that I didn’t have to be like the moth. I wish someone wouldn’t crush me under his foot the moment I stopped trying. Because I’m so tired of trying.

Gods, I’m tired.

-- KrystalClear

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Tainted reviews
I CAN'T APOLOGIZE ENOUGH FOR THE UNPRECEDENTED WAIT. SORRY! However I am alive. UPDATE! ^^ Two people destined to eradicate each other. What if they had met before fate had shaped their paths? AeriSeph. Plz R+R! Thx... and Sry!
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 8 - Words: 18,429 - Reviews: 150 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 8/10/2002 - Published: 1/20/2002
Guilt reviews
Have you ever lost someone you loved so dearly? How do you recover from hurt? And how long is it until your conscious allows your heart to love again? Read and Review! A try at... serious romance. ^^
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,411 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 4 - Published: 3/16/2002
Take my hand reviews
AERUF romance. PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!! Two new chapters posted, see how Tifa reacted. Intro of what's gonna happen soon. ^^ Starting to have a ClEris feel, although that's not my intention. R+R!!!!!
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 20,314 - Reviews: 70 - Favs: 14 - Updated: 1/12/2002 - Published: 12/16/2001