Author has written 2 stories for Naruto.
AKA Phantom Thief Kyuubi
1.) "Some Class-S wizard criminal I’ve never met wants to kill me and the one who’s supposed to protect me is a homicidal bitch who wants to do the same. Great. All I need is to be a reincarnation of an Egyptian and my own multi-billion-dollar company, and I’d be Kaiba freakin’ Seto." - from Uzumaki Harry by Shadow Crystal Mage
2.) Sasuke... Arguing? In a playful, silly way? Like, actually acting his age? Someone check for the apocalypse. - from The Unlikely by swabloo
3.) When you do things right, people won’t be sure if you’ve done anything at all. - unknown
4.) "I do find it immensely amusing that the only difference between a Gryffindor’s courage and a Slytherin’s Calculated Risk is the number of letters it takes to spell each." - Rowena Ravenclaw from Just Another Perfect Soldier by sparkley-tangerine
5.) "Are you gonna take us now?" Ethan whined. He’d been asking the same question every two minutes for the last hour.
"Are you gonna take us now?" So had Conner.
"Are you gonna take us now?" And Kira.
"The next person who asks me that is going to accidentally fall off a cliff onto extremely sharp rocks and their mutilated corpse will be washed away into the ocean and never seen again."
Just as Tommy was starting to think that they’d let it go, Ethan cleared his throat.
"Can we come with you now?"
A scream was threatening to burst forth, building inside his throat and attempting to fight its way out. - from Of Love And Bunnies by CrazyGirl47
7.) The Hokage shuddered. He was currently surrounded by these monstrous things that even kami-sama himself would hesitate to face. For they are pure evil, they show no mercy, and what’s worse is that they keep on piling and piling up, eventually sentencing the poor old man to the worst kind of punishment that a person could ever receive, the downfall of all the other kages. Paperwork... - from Redemption by Gasanechi
8.) "Why are they looking at me like that?" Goku asked Harry.
"Because they think you should take your long walk off a short pier," said Harry. - Kakarot and Korath: Book one by Maloran
9.) Joy to the world, I was stuck in suburbia. Shoot me now. - from Of Wizards And Yamis by psychoticKisshu
10.) "I mean, practical tests aren’t so bad," "TRAITOR!" "but written tests, ugh! They’re evil! You hear me? Evil! Evil! Evil! Evil! Evil! Evil! Evil! They’re an abomination of nature and were put upon this world to torment teens! They’re a creation of grown-ups who delight in torturing children! That’s what tests are! Evil! Evil! Evil! Evil! Evil! Evil! Evil! Evil, I say!" Harry ranted. - from Of Wizards And Yamis by psychoticKisshu
11.) I love screwing over people who piss me off. - me
12.) "Well, that was anticlimactic!" a young voice chirped cheerfully as he bounced alongside his older companion as they quickly left Voldemort’s Lair.
"Shut up." A smooth, silky voice snarled at his younger companion.
"I mean, really. After all that trouble he went to with the horcruxes and all I really-" the boy ignored his companion to continue talking chirpily.
"Harry, shut up." The man repeated while idly wondering if his former lord’s death was the cause of this strange behavior from his apprentice.
"-expected that it would be much harder to kill ‘the darkest lord in history’, but what-" he continued to chatter on, pouting at what he considered cheating.
"Harry. Shut up." Exasperation clearly showed through his voice. Unvoiced was the thought of shutting the brat up.
"-happens? We manage to sneak in here without even encountering anyone, and do you know what that says about his security? I mean, hello? People-" by now, Harry was truly pouting and waving his hands around to demonstrate his points.
"Harry. Shut. Up." The idea of silencing the brat was starting to look extremely tempting.
"-want you dead and you have this crappy security? He’s practically asking to get killed! And really, who thought that it would be so easy to off him? Just a-" Harry sneaked a small glance at his companion, while cheerfully continuing to talk. He was half-curious as to when he’d snap.
"Pottter... be SILENT!" forget patience the next time he opened his mouth, he’d hex the brat quiet.
"-good ol’ lopping off of the head and a little ol’ ritual to take care of his pesky soul and voila!! Voldie’s gone!!" Harry started to smirk mentally at his master. He could see that he was wearing through.
"Potter." Snape growled, patience gone.
"Yeah?" Harry replied cheerfully.
"Silencio." Snape snarled, inwardly cackling at the look on his face.
Harry glared silently at his masters back as they quietly apparated away and back to Spinner’s End. - from Harry Potter, Shadow Shinigami by psychoticKisshu
13.) Never pray to figures you aren’t sure exist or that you don’t have full faith in to begin with for those are the ones who are evil PMS-ing bitches out to spite you. - from A Persian’s Tale: Scarred for Life by LynnGryphon
14.) Harry grinned wider. Daphne Greengrass was the first of their cohort to ‘develop’... Neville hadn’t been the only one staring. "There’s a project: The Effect of Female Development on Male Salivary Glands and Generalized IQ. We’d fail horribly, but what a way to go." - from Harry Potter and the Invincible TechnoMage by Clell65619
15.) "You made this fast," Zamiel mumbled as he stared at the huge gate, swearing that it wasn’t here earlier that day, the guards grinned.
"We’ve been having help from the school." He nodded.
"Yeah... ok," he mumbled. How could kids help with something like this? The gates creaked open in protest as the guards pulled it open with rope, that’s when Zamiel noticed. The gate was made out of old doors. Talk about recycling, he thought.
"Come home soon, Zamiel-sama." They waved happily when a sudden creaking sound caught their attention. The guard closest to the gate cried out when a part of the top of the gate suddenly broke off, falling on him with a nasty thump.
"Ouch." Zamiel couldn’t help but laugh when he noticed what was holding the gate together... glue. That’s what they get for trusting kids. He pointed to the glue remains. "Maybe next time you should use nails." The guard who was standing and trying to lift the door off of his friend paled, staring at the gate with slight fear now while the other glared angrily at the passing children, muttering about little ba#tards and how he was going to accidentally drop doors on them in the future.
Carefully, the remaining guard pulled the gate closed and not long after, a scream reached Zamiel’s ears when another door fell, by the sound of the voice, it fell on the same person as before.
"Ouch..." - from A demons heart by The-Living-Shadow
16.) When they arrived, the six of them saw Hiashi’s hair standing straight up. The veins in his Byakugan were bulging just as much as his eyes as he looked at something with an intensity that would rival that of a surgeon. When they looked around the man, they all found out what it was that had shaken him. Hinata had gone Goth.
She was standing in a shiny black corset that pushed her already impressive boobs up and together revealing an extreme expanse of cleavage with the red laces on the front tied tightly. Her short bluish black hair was now highlighted with red streaks and her lips were painted red. Her face was done up with just the right amount of make-up that hid her obviously atomic blush behind some foundation and her penciled in eyebrows.
Black leather short shorts rested around her hips with a red thong sticking out of it partially in just the right way. Black bracers with red flame designs were on her forearms and extended into her fingerless black gloves. A garter belt was hidden somewhere under her corset holding the red fishnet stockings at thigh-height which descended down into knee high black platform leather boots which used buckles instead of laces so she looked taller than she was.
Activating his Sharingan to remember this moment forever, Harry stared. "Naruto... Sasuke... THAT is known as a woman. See it, study it, and be damn glad you’re young enough to get it," he whispered, trying not to drool. Behind him, both boys nodded while staring in awe of the sex goddess before them. Hinata’s blush could have fried an egg at twenty paces.
Deactivating his Sharingan, Harry walked up and put his arm around the blushing girl’s shoulders. "So Hinata... what do you think about the possibility of me arranging you a marriage to Naruto?" Naruto had blushed neon red at those words while Hinata had fainted. It would be weeks before the teasing would end. - from Sharingan Harry Book Two: Dueling Serpents by shinji the good sharer
17.) "We need to find a place called Diagon Alley. We can get all of our shopping done there. But where to find it. Urahara said that we need to find a bar called the Leaky Cauldron in London."
"A bar? Who would hide an entire world behind a bar?" Ruishi asked in amazement.
"Hmm, lets see... Urahara, these wizards, Kyouraku, me, and basically anyone who had sense. I mean, who would look behind a bar?" - from The truth about Harry Potter by sakura oni chi
18.) Of course, Lord Frenchy-Death had no problems killing children, and he usually just did it while they slept. But this child was a special one, it was the one prophecied to destroy the Dark Lord, so he felt inclined to wake the child up. Prodding the young boy with his wand, Harry awoke, and he was not happy.
Normally, Harry was the one to wake others up with his crying. He was not used to people waking him up. Rolling over to see the perpetrator, he did what any person would do when someone pisses them off. He flipped Lord Voldemort the bird. Now, Harry Potter was known for being the first to survive the killing curse, but only one person knows that Harry was also the first person to flip off the Dark Lord. - from The Fox’s New Playground by Ganz (Harry is still a baby at this point)
19.) "If you get up from the table, that’s an automatic win for me, Slytherin scum," Ron growled.
With a raised eyebrow, Harry looked at the redhead. "Can’t have that I suppose," he muttered and pulled a trick from his favorite Nara. "Get’em boys." The comical sight of the animated chess pieces jumping off the table and beating the shit out of the boy who screamed in pain and fear greeted everyone. "Ultimate Chess Hidden Skill: Shut Up You Idiot Technique. Enjoy." - from Sharingan Harry Book Two: Dueling Serpents by Shinji the Good Sharer (he was playing wizard’s chess)
20.) An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed. - unknown
21.) Lupin: "Well I can’t wait to find out, because this means that Bumblefuck has absolutely no right to Harry and since you are a mutant and Harry is a mutant, it means that the ministry has very little say in either of your lives."
Snape: "Mr. Lupin, I had no idea you had such a filthy mouth, we really must travel together more often. Do you mind much if I refer to him as Bumblefuck, it is a rather good nickname for him?" – from What Do We Do Now? by alleycatabra; Snape and Lupin are trying to convince Harry to come to Hogwarts, Snape and Lupin are not loyal to Dumbledore, Logan is Harry’s adopted father, and Harry is a mutant
22.) When Hinata saw him, a devious smile flitted across her face too fast for her new teammates to notice, but Harry saw and was almost salivating from anticipation. Hinata didn’t disappoint.
Swiftly, she crawled over to where he was sitting, then threw herself on the ground in a deep bow. "Satan, my Lord! It is an honor to be in your presence! Please do with me what you will, use me, use me!" she cried out, fingers scrambling to clutch at his paws.
Harry raised his head and looked down his nose at her. "Meow."
"You want me to repay your generosity with my body? I shall do it at once!" So saying, Hinata sat up on her knees and began to unzip her coat.
At first, Kurenai thought Hinata might be playing a joke on them, but now she was worried. Kiba’s brain had ceased to function when Hinata had started to crawl towards the little cat. And Shino was worried that maybe someone was playing a nasty trick on Hinata, and he wondered how long it had been going on.
Hinata was just letting her coat slip from her shoulders when Kurenai lunged for her, yanking her jacket back in place. "No! Hinata I think someone is playing a mean trick on you. That is just a cat. It is not Satan, and it doesn’t want you to pay it with your body! Who told you this?" Kurenai asked as she finished zipping up Hinata’s coat.
Hinata opened her eyes wide, looking as innocent as a new born lamb. "But Kurenai, he really is Satan. He told me so himself the other night when I was naked."
"He’s a cat, he can’t... why were you naked?" Kurenai was looking at Hinata in concern. She and the two males on the team had such funny expressions that Hinata couldn’t help but burst out laughing.
(Cursing don’t read if easily offended...)
"You should see your faces! Oh Kami I think I’m gonna piss myself! As if I’d whore myself out to a cat! Ha! Fuck, you guys are gullible! I haven’t laughed so hard since I told a shit faced cock sucker that he couldn’t afford me if he sold both of his skank daughters and swived every John from here to Suna." Hinata calmed slightly while she wiped tears of mirth from her eyes.
Her team was looking at her in shock. This cussing loudmouth couldn’t be Hinata. Hinata was quiet, and meek, raised in a very proper household. She shouldn’t even know what some of those words were! And she tricked them! Hinata would never do that!
Hinata raised an eyebrow at her speechless team. "What are you bitches staring at? Take a fucking picture, it lasts a hell of a lot longer. Is this meeting over, or are we gonna sit on our asses and do nothing all fucking day. I’ve got shit I have to do, you ass wipes, lets wrap this up," Hinata said, starting to get a little annoyed at all the staring.
Kurenai shook herself out of her daze, making a note to herself to look up alien abductions later. "Right, lets meet back here tomorrow at nine. Other than that, we’re done for today."
"About fucking time! Come on my Lord, time to take a nice long bath. And if you are a good pussy, maybe I’ll get you a nice fish afterwards, how’s that sound? Pussy want some fish? Pussy want to play nice in the bathy wathy?" Hinata picked Harry up and proceeded to baby talk him until they were out of sight of her team.
"Sensei," Kiba said in a small voice. "Sensei, I’m scared."
"I am also feeling a little... apprehensive right now," Shino put in, Kurenai was fascinated to note that his hands were trembeling slightly despite his calm tone of voice.
"Me too boys, me too." Who would have thought underneath all the stuttering and blushes was a cursing bitch. It was going to be a long time before they got over this shock. Kurenai only hoped that Hinata would never meet Anko. The village may never recover. - from Harry A Demonic Friend by Pollythewolfdemon; Harry is in his animagus form of a cat.
23.) "Wait a minute! Wait. Wait. I’m having a thought. Oh yes. Oh yes. I’m going to have a thought. It’s coming. It’s coming... It’s gone." - Big Boy Caprice from Dick Tracy movie (1990)
24.) "Murphy’s Law tells us that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong," Harry said.
"And anything that does go wrong, will get progressively worse," Kevin Entwhistle added with a smile.
"And if you survive the first two laws, it’s time to panic," Tracey Davis concluded. - from Harry Potter and the Invincible TechnoMage by Clell65619
25.) "I’m a multi-billionaire, Harry. I say jump, they say -"
"Which cliff?" Harry asked impishly; Giovanni snorted.
"Might as well," he muttered. - from When a Pheonix Interferes by WizardsGirl; With Harry being raised by Giovanni, he turns Team Rocket around to being good people.
26.) Sasuke woke a day later. He felt strong. He felt great! He felt someone bash him in the back of his head before he passed back out. "Are you sure we need to do this Harry? What if it hurts Teme?" Naruto asked.
"Meh, it’s better than having him run around with a cursed seal on his neck," Harry told the boy while reading the book he had bought on how to remove soul fragments from the Dark Mark keeping the tattoo active but stopping the corruption. "Besides, this’ll put him on par with you... at least until I get the Hokage’s permission to dig up those bodies we talked about getting you," he muttered.
Naruto grunted and bopped Sasuke again when he started to come to. "This is actually kind of fun even if he does get brain damage. What did you say this thing was again?"
"A Beater’s bat," Harry replied absently as he read on. Drawing his wand, Harry looked at the book calmly. So... all I have to do is use the soul devouring curse on the seal... seems easy enough, Harry thought.
The Hokage had ordered him to try and remove it using magic and the entire council, even Homura had agreed. Danzo had been against even touching it. So it was that Harry had to try something very dangerous to get rid of the control. According to the book, this would get rid of the connection to Orochimaru and allow him to still gain the benefits of the cursed seal’s temporary power surges. If this worked, they wanted him to use it on Anko’s seal too.
A look to Sasuke made Harry sigh as he eyed the egg sized lumps on the back of the boy’s head. "You’re getting too into hitting him with that thing huh?"
Grinning sheepishly Naruto looked at Harry. "Maybe a little."
"Whatever, stand back." Harry told the blonde. "Inanis Corpus!" he said firmly and pointed his wand strait at the cursed seal. A black light shot from his wand like a string of lightning before it tethered to something inside the seal. Pulling his wand back Harry slowly drew out a tiny shard of red light. As soon as he stopped the spell it flickered and burst. Wincing at the feel of how much magic was drained from him Harry took the chance to sit down for a breather.
Groggily, Sasuke stirred. "What hit me?" he muttered drunkenly. The sudden impact to the back of his head knocked him back out.
Harry looked at the blonde with a raised eyebrow before glancing at the now broken beaters bat. "You know, you didn’t need to hit him now that he’s been released from the mind control."
"Yeah, I just wanted one more crack at him for all the times he called me a Dobe in the academy," Naruto said before throwing the bat in the garbage.
Several seconds of silence followed before Harry shrugged. "Good enough for me. Let’s get some lunch while ‘sleeping lumpy’ recovers." - from Sharingan Harry Book Two: Dueling Serpents by shinji the good sharer; this is after team 7 gets to the tower during the chuunin exam and Harry finds out about Sasuke getting bit by Orchimaru
27.) Of course Naruto would be the Golden Fox, who else but Naruto would be the Golden Fox.
"Is that even possible, to not be caught once?"
Kiba turned to Hermione and nodded. "Naruto and I used to compete when we were in the Academy to see who could pull the most pranks without being pinned with the blame. He would always win by at least one, and once, he even got Sasuke blamed for a prank. He was laughing his ass off for a week after seeing the shocked faces when the fan girls found out that their precious Sasuke-kun had broke into the girls’ locker room and stuck frogs, mice, and lizards into their lockers." Sakura blushed at the memory, also remembering the chaos that had ensued. Fortunately for the animals, all of them had been captured and released back into the forest.
"Kiba, don’t forget the fan girl logic of why he had stuck them into our lockers."
Kiba looked at Sakura for a moment before snickering. "That’s right, you used to be a Sasuke fan girl along with Ino. I will never understand how Sasuke’s fan club came up with the idea that he had done it because he liked one of them and since he didn’t know which locker was the girl’s he liked, he stuck them into every locker." Kiba snickered again as Sakura’s blush grew.
"Hey, we were ten. Even Hinata joined the hunt a couple of times after that." Kiba stared at Sakura with wide eyes.
"No way. Hinata-chan join the Sasuke fan club in stalking him?" Sakura nodded, her blush slowly disappearing.
"She did, and you’ll never guess why. She thought that Sasuke had pulled the prank to keep his fan club from turning into a yaoi fan club. She remembered seeing one start for Itachi when he didn’t show an interest in girls so his fan club started stalking him even more and trying to hook him up with guys." Kiba’s mouth fell open before he started to laugh hard enough to fall out of his seat. Regaining his breath, he weakly climbed to his feet and looked over at the Slytherin table.
"Oi, Uchiha. Remember the locker room prank that you got pinned for, and how your fan club turned into rabid fan girl monsters?"
Sasuke paled and shuddered at the memory, resisting the urge to run over to Kakashi and throw himself into his arms and cry. He never wanted to remember that. "Turns out that the Golden Fox was responsible for the prank, and he pinned the blame on you. I think he was also responsible for Itachi-san’s fan club turning into something even worse." Itachi paled, horror crossing his face at the memory of his yaoi fan club trying to hook him up with various boys, going so far as to locking him in a small room with some of his more agressive fan boys. At the thought of something even worse than his fan club, Sasuke felt his eyes roll into the back of his head as he fell back in a dead faint, Itachi following shortly after him from the horror of his memories. Anko laughed evilly as an idea struck her. Kiba was turning blue, he was laughing so hard and even Sakura was giggling at seeing the mighty Uchiha brothers faint from the mere mention of their fan clubs. Anko walked up to the staff table where Itachi was slumped over in his chair.
Smirking, she spoke in an amused tone. "Itachi, I wouldn’t be sleeping if I were you. You’re fan boys are coming with rope and I think I saw one of them carrying a bag of ’supplies’." Itachi shot up out of his chair, and ran straight to the wall where he proceeded to use chakra to climb it until he was clinging to the rafters in the ceiling of the Great Hall.
"Keep them away! If you have even a speck of pity in you, keep them away!" By now, the entire hall was staring up at the ceiling in shock, only a few students were laughing, mainly Kiba, the twins, Chouji, and surprisingly enough, Neji. The rest of the Hall was too shocked to react, glancing from the panicking Itachi who was begging for mercy to the unconcious Sasuke who was twitching slightly. Naruto woke up and took a look around before sighing and squirming his way out of Tsunade’s arms. Going over to the Slytherin table, he sat next to Sasuke and started poking him. Getting no response, he picked up a pitcher of pumpkin juice and dumped it over his head. Sasuke sat up spluttering, glaring at Naruto through wet bangs.
"The fan girls are gone. Home at the village. Your two former fan girls are happily seeing their current boyfriends. Your brother is having a panic attack on the ceiling from memories of his fan club turned into yaoi fan club. Now, are the horrors of your past repressed enough for you to finish eating your dinner?" Sasuke nodded dumbly, his eyes locked on his brother who was crouched on one of the rafters. His eyes wide and teeth bared as he shook. Naruto nodded and walked over to the staff table, whispering a few words to Dumbledore who nodded and pulled out his wand. He levitated Naruto up to the ceiling so he was perched on the same rafter as Itachi.
"They are not here. The yaoi fan club has long since disbanded. They have not reformed with your return, a new one has not been created. The Golden Fox is not cruel enough to turn your current fan club into a yaoi fan club." Itachi slowly calmed down as the hypnotic words soothed his mind. "Are you calm?"
"Yes. When I find the Golden Fox I’m going to cut his balls off before casting a genjutsu on him and handing him over to my fan club." Naruto began to back away, before his face lit up in a grin. He had just found the perfect revenge for Itachi keeping it secret what he was teaching.
"Itachi, remember how I said I would get my revenge?" Itachi nodded, his eyes narrowing. "Good. Baa-chan, catch me." Tsunade cursed as she quickly stood and moved towards the staff table. Naruto turned back to Itachi as he stood up and took a few steps back.
He smirked, his eyes twinkling brighter than Dumbledore’s. "I’m the Golden Fox, and I must say that revenge is definitely sweet." Itachi stared at Naruto wide-eyed for a second before lunging forward. He was too late since Naruto had jumped in his moment of shock. He looked down, watching Naruto grin as he fell and was caught by Tsunade with a soft grunt. Tucked safely in her arms, he smirked triumphantly up at him.
Itachi sat for a moment before leaping off the narrow beam of wood, turning several flips before he cast a cushioning charm at the ground, slowing his fall so he landed lightly on his feet. "You. I’m going to castrate you before I hand you over to my fan club, spelled to look like me. Then, before anything too drastic happens, I’ll remove the spell and leave you at their mercy." An insane glint entered his eyes as he stalked forward, his hands twitching at his sides. Anko saw the danger in his eyes and quickly intervened, wrapping her arms around his neck to purr into his ear.
"Now now Itachi. Have you learnt nothing from him? His revenge will be soo much worse than what you plan to do to him. Remember, he was responsible for turning your fan club into a demon’s worse nightmare." Itachi calmed down, his eyes only holding muderous intent now.
Anko smirked before licking his cheek and stepping back. "Besides, you can just torture him in class and he will be unable to do anything in retaliation. Nothing directly or extreme anyway."
Naruto froze for a second before his eyes took on a dangerous look, one that promised untold horrors. Oh yes, he had found new victims. "Don’t worry ’Tachi, I’ll make sure that your fan club will leave you alone from now on. After all, no true fan club ever breaks apart unless the person of their obsession gets married. Since you obviously aren’t gay, I’ll just have to find you a wife."
The revelation of Naruto’s sucess in matchmaking had Itachi’s eyes widening in horror, causing Anko to snicker. - from Magical Experiences by Blackfang8; Itachi isn’t a traitor to the village, but was sent to spy on Orochimaru and Akatsuki; they killed the Uchiha clan, not Itachi
28.) "No more antics... Am I clear?" Dumbledore snapped as he paced his office.
"Yes..." the small voice whined. "I want my Luna!"
"You’ll see her... if there will be no more muggle songs. Do you understand?" Dumbledore said. He had had enough of the hat’s refusal to sing regular sorting songs. Last year, the Hat sang in some weird voice that kept saying stronger... faster.. work it... he didn’t get the meaning of it.
"Fine... just pick me up! We’re almost late for the sorting, you old coot!" the hat snapped.
Dumbledore glared at the hat and grabbed it roughly and shoved the rude thing into his pockets. As he left the office with the wooden stool, he heard the muffled voice of the hat say, "Wash your robes! It stinks in here!"
As the Sorting Ceremony started, the hat opened its mouth and began its song.
Welcome young wizards and witches
So full of life, happy as peaches
To Hogwarts, the prestigious wizarding school
That will teach young minds that magic is a tool
Dumbledore smiled as the Hat sang its song and he gazed fondly at the new first years that wore awestruck faces.
Under the guidance of Dumbledore
Who is an insensitive old fool!
He will merely use you as a tool
His stubbornness is like a fucking mule.
For those who are brash, bold, and brave
I will place you in your very own graves!
Limbs will be torn, your parents will mourn
For you will now be Gryffindor’s own.
To the bookworms and nerds
Get a life, you house full of curds!
Your life will have no meaning
Apathetic brats now under Raven’s wing
To the house of cowardly puffs
The house oh so full of duffs
You will be the school’s bitches
Bullied to let go of your riches.
And finally the Slytherin snakes
All full of prejudiced fakes
You will be under Severus Snape
Get ready boys, you will all get raped!
This is my withdrawal song
I warned you along
Give me my Luna Lovegood
Or I will continue to sulk and brood.
The great hall was in shock as the words slowly registered in everyone’s ears. Albus looked at the new first years, they were now clutching each other in fear, terror written on their faces.
The sorting hat was not finished, it turned to the first years and let out an evil laugh.
"BWAHAHAHAHAA! Fresh meat!"
That was enough and pushed the unsorted first years to the brink. Several burst into tears, some hysterical and they all surrounded McGonagall, clutching her robe with small hands.
"I wanna go home!" a young boy cried while another first year girl shouted, "I want my mommy! Where’s my mommy?"
The sorting ceremony for this year was memorable as it was the first time McGonagall had to drag the crying first years for their sorting. Usually when she called a name, the child called would eagerly rush towards the stool. Now she had to call many times and sort out the first years.
It was here that the qualities of the houses were shown, as the potential Ravenclaws pretended that they were not the one called as the pronunciation or spelling was different. The potential Gryffindors would boldly run to the door they came from even though the massive gamekeeper Hagrid blocked the door. The Slytherins used deceit and slyness and claimed that the person in front of them had their names. It was easy to spot the Hufflepuffs as they were the ones in the very middle of the group of first years huddling near the floor, hoping that they would never be spotted. - from Harry Potter And The Power Of Oa by Bluminous; the Sorting Hat gets high whenever it is on Luna’s head and for some strange reason, at the school year sorting, it does not sing a regular sorting song. It sings muggle songs. And this sorting song has GOT to be the best one I’ve ever seen!!
29.) "This party’s gettin’ crazy! Let’s rock!" - Dante from Devil May Cry
30.) "Hokage-sama! KID has sent another note!" the secretary cried. She handed the note to him for him to read.
Greetings Lord Hokage, the secret to the Kage paperwork is... Kage Bunshin.
Enjoy your twilight years, old man,
Phantom Thief, 1412
"MY SAVIOR!" Sarutobi cried before performing the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. "You’re to work on all my paperwork today," he ordered. The clone cried as he saw the three mountains on his desk. - from Naruto, 1412 by Dean The Cuddly Fox
31.) "You took a right at sanity, whereas I took a sharp left." - James from Prodigyby
Naruto nodded and walked into Sarutobi’s office. "Hey there, old timer."
Sarutobi glared at Naruto. "Just you wait. One day, you will be old like me, and people will call you old."
Naruto smirked behind his fan. "True, but you’re forgetting one thing."
Sarutobi raised his eyebrow. "Oh, and what’s that?"
Naruto smiled as he flicked his fan shut. "That I will not care and laugh back at them as I insult them." - from Okiro Uzumaki by digisovereign; Naruto is basically Urahara Kisuke from Bleach in Konoha without the soul reapers, he became a swordsman like his mother instead of a ninja like his dad, he has Urahara’s zanpakuto, no Soul Society, but there is still hollows that can be seen by all
33.) "I don’t go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me." - Harry from Harry Potter book ?
34.) Insane? Oh, but they’d be wrong, Kek. We both know I’m psychotic. There’s quite a big difference between the two. Insane is when you spout off nonsense constantly and make no sense whatsoever. Psychotic is when you talk randomly and happily about everything that is fact in your mind, Hadrian told him, a small smirk on his face. Psychotic is fun. Insane is bad. Both are annoying to everyone around them though! - Hadrian from A Quarter Of A Soul by psychotic7796
35.) "I’m always right, even if I’m wrong about being right for being wrong."
"That made no sense whatsoever," Yugi and Ryou both said mildly.
"Exactly," Hadrian said solemnly. - from A Quarter Of A Soul by psychotic7796
36.) "I’m bored and me being bored is bad." - Hadrian from A Quarter Of A Soul by psychotic7796
37.) "Congratulations! You are officially a very foolish man!" Hadrian said brightly, clapping his hands together excitedly. "Your prize is... well, you don’t get a prize. I know, terrible isn’t it?" he said when he saw the angry face, mock-mistaking it for another reason. "Everyone who wins something should get a prize, but I guess the prize-givers just believe you aren’t important enough." He shook his head in mock-sadness. "It’s terrible, isn’t it? I’m so very sorry and hopefully, it’ll be fixed sometime in the future. Maybe you can take it to Home Depot and find some duct tape to fix it. Duct tape fixes EVERYTHING. Well, except when you’re cooking. Adding duct tape to chicken does NOT un-burn it. If chicken is burned, then it’s going to stay burned," Hadrian told them in a wise voice. - Hadrian from A Quarter Of A Soul by psychotic7796
38.) "It works because I’m Destiny and the Universe’s favorite! Fate hates me though, she and Destiny argue over me a lot and I mess up Fate’s plans often." Hadrian giggled. "Destiny likes that I’m still doing what she wants me to do in a way that messes up Fate’s plans. They don’t like each other very much." - Hadrian from A Quarter Of A Soul by psychotic7795
39.) "We’re not going that way."
"And why not, Potter?" Kaiba sneered.
"That’s a bad way. Kek says so."
"And is Kek always right?" Kaiba snapped.
"Well, maybe not ALWAYS, but when he’s screaming, ’Don’t you dare go that way or I will take over your body and make a portkey to get us all out of there before you can blink!’, then I usually tend to listen to him," Hadrian told him. - Hadrian and Kaiba from A Quarter Of A Soul by psychotic7795
40.) In the background, Kek and Yami were both screaming at Shadi in frustration while Shadi’s face stayed blank as he refused to answer their questions.
"Can we kill him?" Kek asked Yami pleadingly in a whisper, who shook his head.
"Neither aibou would like that," Yami sighed under his breath.
"They don’t have to know..." Kek trailed off.
"They’re right over there!"
"Chances are, they’ll see us kill him," Yami stated dryly.
"Dang." - Kek and Yami from A Quarter Of A Soul by psychotic7795
41.) "No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die, the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather." - Michael Pritchard
42.) The girl eyed the neat rows of white washing, drifting gently in the soft breeze before blinking.
"Are those mine?" she squawked, flushing bright red, staring agog at a pair of skimpy, white silk panties with a slight touch of lace and a few white ribbons sewn on.
Harry followed her gaze and nodded. "Yup. You got drunk and apparated into the house, stripped in my living room before tumbling through the floo back to your flat while I was in the shower. I washed your clothes. Jeans and t-shirt are in the living room on the coffee table, by the way," he added before clipping a peg down on the line to hold the last section of a sheet in place.
The girl’s pink face now turned bright red as she fidgeted. "Sorry," she whimpered, utterly mortified.
Harry smirked. "It’s cool. Ginny’s reaction was worth it." - from Lacrimosa by Araceil; the girl, Meg, is not anyone that anyone would know ’cause she’s an OC and she is Harry’s best friend
43.) Harry arched an eyebrow at her, picking up the packet. "Shouldn’t there be more... blackmail for something like this?" he asked lightly.
Meg gave him a Look. "I have your underwear hostage and the floo addresses of your fangirls," she told him.
Harry was already pulling a pen out of his pocket by the time she mentioned ’addresses’. - from Lacrimosa by Araceil
44.) "Hey mum! Dad! Look what followed me home! Can I keep him?" Harry asked with a dragon following him inside the house. Sirius, James, and Remus were openly gaping at him while Lily looked close to having a stroke.
James sighed as he started rubbing his forehead. "Harry, you can’t keep a live dragon. It’s illegal and more than that, it’s dangerous. You can’t tame a dragon," he insisted while everyone nodded.
Harry made a show of blinking at his father curiously. "Of course I can, see?" he said in his now typical monotone and turned to Flare. "Roll over." To the shock of everyone, it actually tucked its wings and rolled over. "Sit up." Again, it did as it was told, looking quite happy to act like a scaly puppy. "Poop on Sirius."
"What?" the back haired man yelped and started running when he saw Flare happily waddling over to him. The little dragon followed him and Harry was happy in his knowledge that, like iguanas, dragons took huge liquid-like dumps. All was silent in the kitchen as Sirius ran past the window several times with a happy little tail tip bobbing around behind him in chase. "YAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGG!" Sirius’s voice screamed in horror, making James, Lily, and Remus all share wide grins. Harry’s ’first prank’ had been quite entertaining, especially when the little dragon strut into the house with its head and tail held high proudly, followed by a fuming, and shitty, Sirius. Lily hadn’t let Sirius enter and made him hose himself off in the backyard with James filming as he asked questions about Sirius’s reaction to Harry’s first prank. - from Sharingan Harry Book Four: Unexpected Turns by shinji the good sharer; you'll have to read all 4 stories to find out why it seems like it started over in the middle of the fourth book
45.) Lisa snorted. "I highly doubt that ten in the morning is considered the crack of dawn anywhere."
"Ever been to Siberia?" Duo parried, making the Ravenclaw laugh. - from Just Another Perfect Soldier by sparkley-tangerine
46.) "I’m sorry, Minerva," he said at last, with genuine disappointment. "But you have unfortunately been branded from Sorting with the red and gold of Gryffindor."
"I suppose saying ‘go to hell’ would be unprofessional."
Snape shrugged. "When has a Hogwarts teacher ever been professional?"
"Too true," she said shortly. "But seriously, Severus, you can’t possibly expect me to -"
"Minerva, it takes a Gryffindor a year to solve a puzzle. Your graduating class has a tradition of wearing robes declaring ‘Dare me. I am Gryffindor’ on the back. This is a job for a Slytherin."
"...Severus, last year’s graduating class of Slytherins wore badges saying, if I recall correctly, ‘All your dark corners are belong to us.’"
"...‘Gryffindor. Because thinking beforehand is overrated.’"
She glared. It was not on par with previous glares against (on various occasions) Filch, Quirrel, Dumbledore, or the Weasley twins, but it was a terrifying thing nonetheless. "And your own graduating class," she continued loudly, pretending he hadn’t spoken, "wore hats with silver sequin covered velvet snakes wrapped around them that hissed ‘kill him, he’s not one of ours’ whenever faced with a student wearing the colors of another House." - from A Mistaken Sorting by Silver Pard
47.) "He was Albus Dumbledore! Ready to leap from building to building, able to pour cups of tea to thousands of acne suffering teens, capable of reflecting your spells back at you faster than a speeding bludger, able to avoid more than 1,862 questions a minute with the assistance of only a bowl of lemon drops! His one weakness? He cannot build monorails. How could anyone question his genius?" - from Abandon Ship by Semika
48.) Wizard: …I feel like quoting something…
Rage: What about that random Facebook Status we read? The song one…
Harry: Oh, you mean this? 123 and ABC
Mary: Gummy Bears are chasing me!
Lyn: One is Red,
Ric: One is Blue,
Author: That Purple one just Ate my Shoe!
Rage: Yeah, that one…
Wizard: O_o o_O Y'all are weird…
All: (Grin at her) - from author's note of When a Stranger Interferes by WizardsGirl
49.) "What can I say, Moony? Like a fine wine, I’ve matured with age." A smile crossed the lips of the dog animagus. "And another aspect I share with a fine wine, I enjoy being drunk." - from Harry Potter and the Invincible TechnoMage by Clell65619
50.) Nine of ten voices in my head tell me that I'm crazy. The last one is humming the Tetris tune... - Unknown
51.) "Stop poking logic shaped holes in my argument." - Arashi from Senju Arashi by Webby117
52.) There is no such thing as overkill, just not dead ENOUGH! -from Raikiri Triken: The Three Souls Swordsmanby
Shadow Crystal Mage
53.) After the Kyuubi's attack, Sarutobi had been forced to come out of retirement. In doing so, he had been forced to dust off his sword (read: pen) and once more do battle with the greatest enemy of his life (read: paperwork). - from An Altered Path by Chrisdz
Things To Do In Public
1) Spend all day at a fast food restaurant, seeing how long it will take until your free refills cost money.
2) If paged, wait until midnight to answer the call.
3) Construct an elaborate display of ropes in your backyard and tell your neighbors that you’re a "spider person."
4) When attending a movie you’ve already seen, yell out: "Don’t let him in! He’s the killer!"
5. When buying a goldfish at a pet store, ask the salesperson how often you should walk it.
6) When in a crowded elevator, say loudly: "I hope I fixed it this time."
7) Beep when a large person backs up.
8) Look around suspiciously in public and tell onlookers about the "little men."
9) Insist on making inanimate objects "dance".
10) Occasionally talk into your hand in public.
11) Carry a duffel bag onto an elevator, wait until it’s full, then ask if anyone knows how to disarm a bomb in less than 19 seconds.
12) When stopped at a traffic light during rush hour, claw desperately at the roof of the car.
13) Insist that someone accompany you to the public rest room because of Henry, the toilet monster.
14) While carpooling, make swervy turns while imitating crash noises.
15) Insist that life is "one big musical," then try to prove your theory by randomly breaking out into song in public.
17 Things To Do At Shops
1. Get boxes of extra-small condoms and put them into people’s carts when they aren’t looking
2. Set all the alarms in House wares to go off at five-minute intervals
3. Make a trail of tomato juice leading to the rest rooms (preferably BEFORE the pissed janitor attempts to clean it up)
4. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a packet of M&M’s on lay-by
5. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "’Code 3’ in House wares"... and see what happens
6. Move a ’CAUTION - WET FLOOR’ to a carpeted area
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding section
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can’t you people just leave me alone?!"
9. Look right into the security camera and use as it as a mirror and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are
11. Dart around the store suspiciously humming the ’Mission Impossible’ tune
12. In the Auto-Department, practice your ’Madonna’ look with different sized funnels
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say, "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the ’foetal position’ and scream," NO! NO! It’s those VOICES again!"
15. Go into a fitting room and wait awhile; and then yell -very loudly-, "There’s no toilet paper in here!"
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting, "Go, Pikachu, GO!"
17. When in the restroom start to pee and say "Oh why is it red?" (make sure there are other people around when doing so)
24 Things To Do In An Elevator!
1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead while muttering: "Shut up, admit, all of you just shut UP!"
2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It’s a Small World" incessantly.
3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there."
4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open untill you hear the penny you dropped downt he shaft go ’plink’ at the bottom.
9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I’ve got new socks on!"
10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, no, not now, bleeped motion sickness!"
11. Meow occasionally.
12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
13. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You’re one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
15. Wear a puppy on your hand and talk to the other passengers ’through’ it.
16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
17. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
18. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push the red buttons.
19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscrope.
20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your ’personal space.’
21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
23. Wear ’X-Ray Specs’ and leer suggestively at other passengers.
24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.
98% of the population would die if Johnny Depp said it wasn’t cool to breathe. copy this onto your profile if you would be one of the 2 that is laughing your ass off.
-If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (hardly seems worth it.)
-If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (now that’s more like it!)
-The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out of the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G!)
- A pig’s orgasm last 30 minutes. (in my next life, i want to be a pig.)
- A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy, i’m still not over the pig)
-Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour (don’t try this at home, maybe at work)
-The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off. (honey, I’m home. What the...?!)
-The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes... Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
- The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
-Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life... quality over quantity.)
-Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something i always wanted to know.)
-The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmmmm...)
-Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you’re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
-Elephants are only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing.)
-A cat’s urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
- An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)
-Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.)
-Poplar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they’ll live a lot longer.)
-Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (what about that pig??)
-Now that you’ve smiled at least once, it’s your turn to spread these crazy facts and copy this if you want to bring a smile, maybe even a chuckle to someone. (And God love that pig!)
20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN"
5. Put Decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Expresso.
6. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
7. Don’t use any punctuation
8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
9. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
10. Specify that your drive-through order is "To Go."
11. Sing along at the Opera.
12. Go to a poetry recital and ask why all the poems don’t rhyme.
13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
14. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.
15. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I WON! I WON!"
16. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling,"Run for your lives, they’re loose!!"
17. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
18. Go in front of your classroom and shout "I like pie!"
19. Greet all your friends with a tackle.
And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...
20. Copy and end this list to someone to make them smile... It’s called therapy.
Really Dumb Store Labels:
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn’t this save me more time?)
On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I’m curious.)
On Sainsbury’s peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)
On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don’t get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)
Can’t eat beef... Mad Cow.
Can’t eat chicken... Bird Flu
Can’t eat eggs... Salmonella
Can’t eat pork... Fear of trichinosis (or Toxins)
Can’t eat fish... Heavy metals in the waters has poisoned their meat
Can’t eat fruits or veggies... the herbicides/insecticides
I believes that leaves CHOCOLATE!
Remember, ’Stressed’ spelled backwards is ’Desserts’ !!
Me-"Say face 10 times fast."
My little brother- "Face, Face, Face, Face, Face, Face, Face, Face, Face, Face."
Me-"Now, what’s on your butt?"
My Bro- "Oatmeal!!"
Me- "Say pudding 10 times fast."
My Bro- "Pudding, Pudding, Pudding, Pudding, Pudding, Pudding, Pudding, Pudding, Pudding, Pudding."
Me- "What do you eat?"
My Bro- "Oatmeal!!"
Me- "Say pudding 10 times fast."
My Bro- "Pudding, Pudding, Pudding, Pudding, Pudding, Pudding, Pudding, Pudding, Pudding, Pudding."
Me- "What did I ask you?"
My Bro- "Do you want to take the stupid test?"
Me- "NO! YOU FAIL!"
My Bro- "Do you want to take the stupid test?"
My B- "What is 2x2?"
My B- "What is 22?"
My B- "What was the first question I asked you?"
Me- "Do you want to take the stupid test?"
My B- "Wrong!!"
Me- "No, you asked me if I wanted to take the stupid test."
My B- "No!! I failed my own stupid test!!"
Me- "Ha, fool-(long pause)-ish boy. FAIL!!" -from profile of AlexanderZero
A friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "DAMN, THAT WAS FUN!!"
Only in America are we this stupid:
1. Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America... do we use the word ’politics’ to describe the process so well: ’Poli’ in Latin meaning ’many’ and ’tics’ meaning ’bloodsucking creatures’
10. Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM’s with Braille lettering.
You’re a 90’s kid if:
There were only 150 Pokemon (Mew was impossible to get).
Digimon was popular.
Yu-Gi-Oh actually had Yugi in it.
You didn’t get weird looks when you went Trick-or-Treating.
Nobody cared what you looked like.
Catching a pidgeon was cool.
Pirates before Pirates of the Carribean.
Nobody knew how to spell ’Volcano’.
Pinky and the Brain were cartoon characters, not body parts.
Saying ’moron’ was a swear word.
Fire was considered dangerous.
The only thing you had to worry about were cooties.
Cursive writing was just a bunch of swirly lines.
Multiplication was scary.
Dora the Explorer and that goddamned monkey who follows her EVERYWHERE didn’t exist.
The first Harry Potter was the coolest thing since sliced bread.
You can finish this ’ice ice _"
If you were, copy and paste then write your name. Catemonster, Angel Dumott Schunard Collins, Dumott Schunard, sundrynotes, Hoiki, Puppy Death Glare, Kavyle, Freakk66, Silver Simplicity, crimsonphoenix13, Phantom Thief Kyuubi
If you’ve been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai, Vert9411, pinkcherryblossom225, CherryBlossoms016, Sam-AKA-SakuxSasuLover-, pinkcherryblossoms225, crimsonchidori, SasukeSakuraxXXxItachiSakura, Angry Fox Girl, Setsugekka, AkaneUchiha, onihime-san, Moonlightkittypaw, KonekoKitsune33, crimsonphoenix13, Phantom Thief Kyuubi
95% of all teen girls would go into a panic if the Jonas Brothers were on a 247 foot building about to jump to kill themselves. copy and paste this if you are one of the 5% who brought popcorn, a chair, and shouted, "DO A FLIP!"
95% of all teens woud go into a panic if the Hannah Montana was on a 100 story building about to jump to kill herself. copy and paste this if you are one of the 5% who was yelling, "Jump, bitch!"
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: (I didn’t write the stuff in the parenthesis)
On a Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping. (that’s the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos!
..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it’s "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn’t this save me more time?)
On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I’m taking this because?...)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury’s peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a newsflash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh... fly Delta?)
On a child’s superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On T-Rat (Military food):
Its not for Human Consumption, Animals and Military Use only... (Ummm yeeeaaah... isn’t military also human)
Now that you’ve smiled at least once, it’s your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.
Down South Bumper Stickers
- I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
- Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
- I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
- You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
- BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
- I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.
- So you’re a feminist... Isn’t that cute!
- I’m just driving this way to tork you off.
- Keep honking, I’m reloading. (i want this one)
- As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
- I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
- Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
- Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes. (i love this one!!)
New Viruses on the loose!
Politically Correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
Government Economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
New World Order virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
Federal Bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
Texas virus: Makes sure that it’s bigger than any other file.
Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Congressional virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
Airline virus: You’re in Dallas but your data is in Singapore.
Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying to its own motherboard.
Public Television virus: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
Nike virus: Just does it.
Congressional virus #2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn’t allow the user to accomplish anything.
Star Trek virus: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
Health Care virus: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for 4,500.
Is Windows a Virus
No, Windows is not a virus. Here’s what viruses do:
1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.
2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.
3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.
4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.
5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.
So Windows is not a virus.
It’s a bug.
To the readers,
The administrators of are as of June 4th going to be taking down Fics that have lemons or have extreme violence. Now I don't know about you but I think thats stupid. There are many wonderful fics that only have one or two lemons in them yet the plot itself is awesome! You can't just take down a 100,000 word fic just because it has a lemon in a chapter that is only 1000 words long. Now I urge you all to read the petition below, sign it, and repost this to your own fics. Hopefully if we make enough noise everything will return to normal. Thank you.
Greetings to the fine folk that moderate our site.
Myself, along with many, have been writing and posting on your fine site for years now, some of the better examples of up and coming writers out there are now suddenly finding some of the stories we've come to love at risk of being removed without the chance to even rectify our errors.
It's quite easy to simply add an MA rating, additional filters or even a simple requirement for a free membership to read the stories presented here, and would cut down on hateful anonymous reviews and posts at the same time, so I have to question as to why such a thing, in all this time, simply wasn't added.
If you're worried about falsification of a registration then have an appropriate disclaimer and then there can be no dispute, you took your steps and the PARENTS didn't monitor their children, if that is even your concern. If it is more of a personal view or desire then please at least let people know and give them a chance to remove a story that you and yours find offensive, most people on the site are actually rather cordial when it comes to such requests.
While I cannot say for sure if this letter will even reach those that may be willing to listen, of if it's more akin to a wide spectrum purge in preparation for something bigger, please understand that you are going to be looseing a LARGE number of your writers, and thus your income from a lack of readers if there is not some level of action taken to help with this situation.
For those that may agree with this, please feel free to sign on and send this to the support server, maybe we can get some movement on this.
Agato the Venom Host
The Dark Graven
Lord Orion Salazar Black
Kumo no Makoto
Korraganitar the NightShadow
Final Black Getsuga
Masane Amaha's King
Nero Angelo Sparda
bunji the wolf
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The Next Muse
Slayer of Destiny
Red Warrior of Light
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Shiso no Kitsune
swords of twilight
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Gin of the wicked smile
The wolf god Fenri
The Unknown 007
The Lemon Sage
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swords of dawn
The Immoral Flame
The First Kitsukage
Her Dark Poet
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