Tina Marina
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Joined 10-21-07, id: 1403482, Profile Updated: 06-05-08
Author has written 15 stories for Lord of the Flies, Sweeney Todd, Screenplays, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Harry Potter.

Hey creepy reader people,

I am another lame teenager that's egocentric enough to think I can write as well as those who get paid for it.

I hate TV sans commercials and am one of the top 3 most sarcastic people of all time. I just realized that I have some semblance of rhythm and need to learn how to spell it pronto if I'm going to reference it all the time. As you can see, my spelling is less than extraordinary, but I will get grammar-tastic on your ass if you put a comma in the wrong place.

I hate my name (it's Kayla, ew.) and have been called a variety of other things at other times, including Taylor (hey, I just remembered that. Good times) and oxysardonic, which is me on a bunch of teen vogue forums. I enjoy frightening the little children. Call me sadist, I call you stalker.

I am obsessed with William Goldman and idolize Tina Fey, and if you insult them in front of me, I will get the Brute Squad on you. That probably speaks to why my favorite books are (in order)

--The Woman Warrior

--The Princess Bride (yes, it was a book first)

--Marathon Man


--The Autobiography of Malcolm X (The greatest action story ever told)

Here's the Really New Quotes Section, Featuring Brilliant Statements From Me and My Assorted Associates:

-Punching: It's Poking, only with more fingers.

-If two wrongs made a right, than one wrong would be half a right. So no matter what you did, you'd always be at least halfway right.

-You're the oldest? Well, that just means you'll die first.

-Hey, I'm famous for my analogies!

-Please, when you're referring to fat people, don't say plump. I can't use the word plump in regards to people; whenever I say it, it makes me think of something delicious, and I'd prefer not to thing of people that way.

-Matt Damon? I'd say he's on the better looking side of I don't care.

-That's Mrs. Johnny Depp right there. If you guys are on the same side, don't even try to pull the old argument.

-Swedish Fish are technically illegal immigrants.

-Ooh! Another one for the husband colony!

-How dare you! I'm going to have to take you off the top 3 nicest people list.

-Every time you quoth the flux capacitor, Micheal J. Fox twitches a little less.

-This is not the time for joking.

-Here's your fucking boat!

I also do not have a facebook, one of four non-starving orphan people in the world who don't, but I get all the facebook jokes and all, because I actually know something called POP CULTURE (get it sometime) and I love the radio, because I don't have an ipod. Opie and Anthony (a radio show featuring Jim Norton) are my heroes, along with the aforementioned and Angela Lansbury (she was a badass before she voiced a fucking teapot).

I love to write about what I've just seen/read/ect, so my fanfics will be as random as the moon...with an emphasis on my parody and my Pirates of the Caribbean script.

Listen, hate my stuff if you want; that's okay, but don't be hypocritical. Don't say my writing is bad if you write like a five year old. At least acknowledge your own hypocrisy, please.

That's about it.

Love, Kayla/Taylor/Oxysardonic/Tina

P. S.: Tina Fey is LEFT-HANDED Muhahahahahahaha!

If you measure in inches, you're probably American.

95 percent of the teenagers in America can't read anything more complex than "lol" and spend their free time doing recreational drugs. If this fact shocks and surprises you, you should probably put your head in a meat grinder.

If you are part of this 95 percent, what the fuck are you doing on fanfiction? Go play Ultimate and leave those of us with vocabularies alone.

If you're one of the 5 percent, shut the fuck up. Who are you kidding? Go play Russian Roulette and leave the Ultimate to the cool kids and the fanfiction to the jaded ones.

If you thought I was going to write "copy and paste this into your fucking profile," you were utterly mistaken. I hope you get stranded on a desert island with my U.S. History teacher, and I find a bucket of money.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Tortugain Treasures by FreedomOftheSeas reviews
A chest piled high with one-shots and drabbles inspired by various prompts and challenges! Features all pairings and endless possibilities.
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 50 - Words: 24,799 - Reviews: 191 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 12/10/2013 - Published: 12/5/2008
Begun by Blood by A Magnificent Garden Party reviews
Begun by blood, by blood undone. For ten years the cursed pirates of the Black Pearl sailed the seas to return to the chest of Cortez the 882 coins that went astray. These are the stories of the recovery of some of those pieces of cursed gold.
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 12 - Words: 49,329 - Reviews: 128 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 11/2/2009 - Published: 8/29/2009
The End of His Reign by Dr. Sugar reviews
Beckett thinks about his loss of power during the Endeavour's demise. Response to Freedom of the Seas drabble challenge.
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: K - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 185 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 3 - Published: 11/28/2008 - Cutler B. - Complete
The Sue Hunters by Pottersgal15 reviews
When all is not well in the world of canon, Jake Evans and Annie Baines, Sue Hunters extraordinaire, are there to help! But can they defeat the most powerful Mary Sue of all? Read on and find out!
Movie X-overs - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 27,221 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 11/18/2007 - Published: 8/2/2007 - Complete
A Mary Sue in the Caribbean? – Unthinkable! by LadyBootstrap reviews
Meet the most suiest Sue ever. Will she win Jack's heart? Of course she will! A parody of all those Marysue ridden fics out there and a tribute to the better parody writers out there
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,158 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/5/2007 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Red Meg's Girl reviews
Jack Sparrow and his equally roguish father bed the same wench. But said wench was more of a poet than a strumpet. Written for a smut-tastic Broken Compass Forum challenge.
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: M - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,483 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/27/2009 - Capt. Jack Sparrow - Complete
Happy Hour at the Faithful Bride reviews
A collection of drabbles and one-shots from the Broken Compass Forum. Rated "T" for safety. Individual chapters will be marked if they have any intense content.
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 1,635 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 3/10/2009 - Published: 1/7/2009
Season's Greetings reviews
Young William Turner III and his mother Elizabeth Turner share the Christmas spirit--and tales of their closest pirate friends! Inspired by the Broken Compass' ongoing drabble challenge. Prompt: "Naughty or Nice."
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: K - English - Family/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 802 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 7 - Published: 12/30/2008 - Elizabeth S. - Complete
Fatherly Generosity reviews
Weatherby Swann struggles to find the right words. Drabble!
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: K - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 174 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 5 - Published: 12/17/2008 - Weatherby S./Governor Swann, Elizabeth S. - Complete
Pirates of the Caribbean 4: La Vida reviews
Jack Sparrow and Hector Barbossa are racing to the fountain of Eternal Youth in the cutthroat sort of competition considered rather droll by this point. But when they pick up allies along the way--an old flame, an old master--things get complicated.
Screenplays - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 21 - Words: 28,514 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 12/12/2008 - Published: 3/31/2008 - Complete
A Second Heart reviews
James Norrington was never meant for the freewheeling ways of pirates. But his act of such in order to expunge himself from it forever was certainly impressive...Drabble!
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: K+ - English - Crime - Chapters: 1 - Words: 214 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 2 - Published: 12/11/2008 - James N. - Complete
The Joy of Giving reviews
In which Jack Sparrow learns of it. Drabble! Inspired by the current chain over at the Broken Compass Forum.
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 182 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12/7/2008 - Capt. Jack Sparrow - Complete
An Honest Attempt At Holiday reviews
Cutler Beckett struggles to be at all affectionate. Drabble inspired by the Broken Compass' current chain of challenges.
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 163 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12/4/2008 - Cutler B. - Complete
King's Court reviews
Barbossa returns to an old master. Drabble!
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 151 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/29/2008 - Hector B. - Complete
The Perks of Being a Fangirl reviews
In which I am sucked into PotC by those humorless Fates. Self-Insert. Rated T for language.
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,160 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 2 - Published: 10/30/2008
Destiny reviews
Harry looks back on his school years twenty years after the downfall of Voldemort. Post Deathly Hallows, AU. Written for Rowena de Vandal's 1000 words or less challenge.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 907 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/29/2008 - Harry P. - Complete
Character reviews
Jack Sparrow through the eyes of a decidedly non-spunky twelve year old. Written for Rowena De Vandal's 1000 Words or Less Challenge--Aug 2008.
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,020 - Reviews: 9 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/24/2008 - Complete
Fairest Shot reviews
A foolish barmaid, a stray bullet, and Jack Sparrow all happen to be in the same tavern one night. Self-insert oneshot written for Rowena de Vandal's July 1000 words or less contest/challenge.
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,026 - Reviews: 12 - Published: 7/8/2008 - Complete
Lured by the Flies reviews
Who didn't have to read this book in school and hate it? Parody awaits! All right, so the boar's head scene is pretty awesome.
Lord of the Flies - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,459 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 4/12/2008 - Published: 3/21/2008
Nuttin But a Littul Warnin', Thassal, Mister reviews
On his way to meet his old landlady Mrs. Lovett, Sweeney Todd meets an odd little girl on the street that warns him of his destination.
Sweeney Todd - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 437 - Reviews: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/26/2008 - Complete