Name: Jake

Penname: JJohnz is a nickname I gave myself. It is also the name that I pretend to DJ under...Word!

Age: 16 4/5

Appearance: Medium length emo-ish brown/blonde hair, Brown eyes, Caucasian

Closet: Um..well I guess you could describe my style as (happy) emo/preppy/rocker/coolness.

Location: Somewhere in Minnesota (Pronounced: Min-a-sO-da )

About Me

About me, that can be a little difficult some times, to describe ones self, well here I go.

This songs for the emo kids with the punk-rock, rockabilly screamo lids
and the crunk-rock, hip-hop, and metal queens
who still don’t know what the heck that means
lets cheer for the real MCs
all the east, west, dirty south straight OGs
with the hippy rock, hardcore, alticountries
with the techno-industrial magazine

I don’t know where I fit in
but every time that records spins
I know the way it makes me feel
and I never tried to be your trend
never asked to be everyone’s friend
I’m just who I am and that’s life for real
and every time you try to just remember...

I won’t be Americas Next Freak
I will not lay down every time you speak
and if all you see if you see is Americas Next Freak
take me home, take me home, take me home--

Fave Song's and Bands ( In no particular order)

Relient K-Who I am Hates Who I've Been, Be My Escape, Devistation and Reform, I Need You, The Best Thing, Chapstick, Chapped Lips and Things Like Chemistry, and I Am Understood?

MxPx- Angels, Drowning, Chick Magnet, Secret Weapon, Darkest Places, Young and Depressed, and When Grey Skies Turn Blue

House of Heroes- In the Valley of the Dying Sun, If, Mercedes Baby, You Are the Judas of the Cheerleading Squad

Disciple- Into Black, Regime Change, Things Left Unsaid, Game On, Rise Up, and After the World

Eleventyseven- Happiness, 12 Step Program and Myspace

The Legion of Doom- Hands Down Gandhi, Destroy All Vampires, Dangerous Business Since 1979, I Know What You Buried Last Summer

Search The City- Detroit Was Built on Secrets, We Get Along Like A House On Fire, Son Of A Gun, Clocks and Timepieces

Ludo- Love Me Dead, Lake Pontchartrain, The Horror of Our Love, Japan It, Good Will Hunting By Myself, Hum Along, The Broken Bridge Ep

Family Force 5- Luv addict, Master of Disguise, Fever, D-I-E-4-Y-O-U, Replace Me, and Kountry Gentleman

Secret and Whisper- Vanishings, Spider Besider, xoxoxoxo, pretty much every other song on The Great White Wale

Underoath - Reinventing Your Exit, It's Dangerous Business, Walking Out Your Front Door, In Regards To Myself, Writing on the Walls, and I'm Content With Losing

Fm Static- Three days Later, Six Candles, Definitely Maybe, America's Next Freak, October, and Tonight

Switchfoot- Meant to Live, Oh! Gravity, Awakening, Dirty Second Hands, The Loser, and Gone

Tokyo Police Club- Tessellate, Juno, Graves, Your English Is Good, Listen To the Math

Gorillaz- Feel Good Inc., Clint Eastwood, Last Living Souls, Every Planet We Reach Is Dead, and El Manana

My Chemical Romance- I'm Not O.K. (I Promise), Drowning Lessons, Welcome To the Black Parade, Dead!, and You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison?

UVERworld- Colors of the Heart, Endscape and Zero No Kotae

Motion City Soundtrack-Last Night, Everything is Alright, Resolution, Capital H The Future Freaks Me Out, and Broken Heart

Fall Out Boy-Of All The Gin Joints in The World, Sophomore Slump, or Comeback of the Year, I Slept with Someone in Fall Out Boy and All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me, A Little Less Sixteen Candles..., and Hum Hallelujah

The Showdown-I, victim(Here's To The Year), Death Finds Us Breathing, Prometheus:The Fires of Deliverance, Temptation Comes My Way, Forget My Name, We Die Young, and Head Down

All Time Low-Coffeeshop Soundtrack, Poppin', Dear Maria Count Me In, Break Out!Break Out!, and Six Feet Under The Stars

Four Year Strong- Heroes Get Remembered, Legends Never Die, Beatdown In the Key of Happy, Bada Bing Wit' a Pipe, The Take Over, Prepare To Be Digitaly Munipulated

Thousand Foot Krutch-Rawkfist, Falls Apart,Puppet, The Art of Breaking, Move, and Bounce

TobyMac- Boomin', The Slam, Suddenly, Ill-M-I, Diverse City, and Gone

The Wedding-Song For The Broken, Return, It's Time to Rock (O.K.?), Schizophrenia, Staring At The Light, Fireworks and Say Your Prayers

Hellogoodbye-Dear Jamie...Sincerely me, All Time Lows, and Bonnie Taylor Shakedown 2K1

The Academy Is...-Attention, We've Got A Big Mess On Our Hands Tonight, Everything We Had, Almost Here, And Slow Down

The Almost-Amazing Because It Is, Say This Sooner, Southern Weather, and I Mostly Like To Copy Other People

Anberlin-Godspeed, A Day Late, Audry, Start The Revolution, Hello Alone, Unwinding Cable Car, and Fin

As I Lay Dying-The Sound Of Truth, The Darkest Night, Meaning In Tradegy, Confined and 94 Hours

Paramore-Hallelujah, Born For This, My Heart, and Misery Business

Blessed By A Broken Heart- Move Your Body, Show Me What You Got, and Carry On

The Pillows- Little Busters, Stalker Goes To Babylon, Beautiful Morning With You, White Ash, and Ride on Shooting Star

Stellar Kart- Innocent, Eyes, Procrastinating, Activate, and Shine Like the Stars

Honorable Mentions (Artists who's only has one or two songs I like)

Angles and Airwaves-Everything is Magic

Dragonforce-Through The Fire and Flames, and Operation Ground and Pound

Hawthorne Heights-Pens and Needles

John Cena-The Time Is Now

Hide-Flame

This Providence-My Beautiful Rescue

Lost Prophets-Rooftops

NOFX-Seeing Double At The Triple Rock (The triple rock is a bar and Music venue in downtown Minneapolis)

Slipknot-Before I Forget

Skindred-Nobody

Patent Pending- This Can't Happen Again (There's a line in this song that really describes me:

ADD and OCD and every letter in betwen and every single step I take I'm dying

I'm hopin' you can find the time to help me get my life in line and every single move you make I can breath again)

Breaking Benjamin-Blow Me Away

Holy crap that was a long list...Fortunately for you people this is an abridged list.

I also write (what a surprise) and I've recently began to draw. I love Japanese Anime/Manga so I'm trying a hand at that.

Fave Books/ Authors

Okizle to start with I L-O-V-E Artemis Fowl, and everything I've read by Eoin Colfer, which includes The Wishlist, and Half-Moon Investigations. I also read Twilight despite the fact the it is what some might call a "girly-book" I don't really care. Mostly because I love vampires and romance, but don't hold that against me. I've also love The Lord of the Rings, and the Hobbit, the Dragons In Our Midst Series, Thr3e by Ted Dekker, which I recommend highly along with anything else written by Ted Dekker, and last but not least... oh well I guess that's it...

Movies!

Pirates of the Caribbean, all of them. Stranger then fiction (Will Ferrel's best preference by far!), A Knights Tale, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, The Rundown, National Treasure (1 & hopefully 2 I still haven't seen it yet :-(. ), Star Wars (The original trilogy is better then the prequels, but their still okay) and Transformers

TV Shows

Blood+ (This show is amazing!) Bleach, Death Note, FLCL, Scrubs, Teen Titans (Cancelled! NO! This is the worst thing to happen to television since The Jeff Foxworthy show no offence to the Jeffmister, that show was just terrible) and The Colbert Report

Parings

Artemis Fowl

ArtemisxHolly-I don't need a reason anymore.

RootxVinyáya- Yeah, I know Root's dead, but that doesn't mean he can't come back, right?

OpalxFoaly- It suits them.

JulietxMulch- Hehehehe I don't support this pairing AT ALL, I just think it would be hilarious to see some one write this.

Twilight

BellaxEdward- It's how it is, suck it up people

Harry Potter

HarryxGinny- I knew that this was going to happen since Chamber of Secrets, go me!

HermionexRon- Yeah, I think we all saw that one coming

My Stories:

Artemis Fowl: The Golden Clan-This is my first fanfiction, and the first time I've ever tried to write from the 1st person perspective. Yes, I do realize the the main OC and I share the same first name, but it is not a self insert, I just used a random name generator and copy and pasted the first name that came up. It is how I name most of my characters, so sue me!

Stories Form Under the Mistletoe- This is incredibly fun to write, but the one draw back that the plot I have is constantly changing, so i never know where to go next with it. But, I will try my best to update as soon as possible.

I am currently on a temporary hiatus due to my plot bunnies/muse leaving me and a giant writers block falling on top of my skull... or something like that...

Yes, I have taken the above stories of the site, for now. I am sorry to all my potential readers, but I am doing some major plot modification. I will eventually put these stories (most likely starting with The Golden Clan, which will probably be under a different name, I am just really fond of Jake McLean or J-Mac as a character and I will re-write what I've done) back on, but not after I've done a major overhaul on everything I've already written, and everything I plan on adding. So once again, I'm sorry.

Original Story-It centers around a high school student an some rural/subburen city, who recieves a coin necklace from his uncle on his sixteenth birthday.

Somethings happen and then some more things happen and it turns out that the coin is one of seven keys to the gates of hell. There is a mysterious group that calls itself The Shadows (or something a little less cliche sounding) who are after these items so that they can release a demon army to destroy the world, so that they can rule what's left.

Blah blah blah, Travis Jude Pratt (The high school student) then sets off to find the other six items before The Shadows do. Make Sense? There will be a little romance in there (Uh oh, I don't know if I can write romance) along with humor, action, tragedy, and an overall rip-rorin' good time!

In Conclusion:

I try really hard not to swear, but in an attempt to bring realism to my characters I don't censor them, so don't be suprised that most of my fics are or will be rated T. That's about all there is to know about me. Oh I almost forgot, I love hockey, lacrosse and my main man JESUS. THAT is about it. For realz this time. Anyways this is JJohnz signing off.

Copy & Past:

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile

92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breathe. Put this in your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing your butt off.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If you believe that pornography is the hardest temptation to resist, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever been hit in the face with a ball and started laughing maniacally, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever laughed so hard tears streamed down your face, you banged your repeatedly on a table, and received weird looks from everyone in the immediate vicinity, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you ran up a "Down" escalator, copy this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

What are you talking about you don't talk to yourself.

Oh, shut up will you!

If you have ever dressed up as a pirate and gone out in public for no particulate reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Quotes:

"Whether you sink or swim is directly related to which floor of the ship you are on when it goes down."-Anonymous

"If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off."-Anonymous

"There is always death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year."-Anonymous

"Communism looks good on paper." -Some kid who went to my camp.

"I'm to paranoid to have a stalker." -Me

"There are only three kinds of people in the US; there are people on the west coast, people on the east coast, and everyone else is just a hick." -Me

"Now If you'll please excuse me; I'm going to go help a friend get rich by exploiting elderly women."-Anonymous

"There are only 10 kinds of people in this world; those who undersrtand binary and those who don't."- Random t-shirt.

"Canada is just like the US except without guns or freedom."-My Dad.

"That's so autistic." Me, and apperently there is some imaginary line that seperates comedy from mental disease, which I've stepped over, but I really don't care ;)

"In the USA, Canada is basically our younger brother. We make fun of them all we want, but as soon as someone else does it we take it upon ourselves to kick the crap out of what ever country dared pick on them!"-Me

"I'm not saying that we nominate Reagan's re-animated corpse, but why did we have to nominate McCain's re-animated corpse?"-Stephen Colbert

"Look, if you were me that would make me you, and if I was you, you as me would have nothing to fear from me as you betraying either of us as each other...savvy?"-Me dressed up as Captain Jack Sparrow and doing a spot on imprison.

"There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives."-Anonymous

"The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment."-Anonymous

"When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute - and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

"Not ending a sentence with a preposition is a bit of arrant pedantry up with which I will not put."-Winston Churchill

"I've been feeling a little under the weather lately, which is a idiom I don't really get, I mean aren't we all under the weather, unless you're flying in an airplane above the clouds, then you'd be above the weather"-Mathew Thiessen of Relient K

"Sometimes I'm glad I became a writer, other times I wish I had taken up pirating" A mug that I got from

"The writer is at present, tense" Another mug, which I did not get, but can be found at

"Nan-Kuru-nai-sah (Okinawan for "Take it easy"), live for today, but look forward to tomorrow, and never forget to smile." George from Blood+

"Cruel is a matter of perspective." Captain Jack Sparrow (One of the truest things ever said)

"Cake or death?" Me quoting Eddie Izzard to my friend Whitney

"Can I have both?" Her reply to above quote.

"NO! You must pick one!" Me answering her

"Well how about a Cake of Death"?" Her once again

"Oh, that would be good!" Me again

"Don't even think about trying to steal my girlfriend!" My best friend Alec

"Alec, do I seem like the kind of person who would do something like that?" Me as a response to above

"Yes, yes, you do." Shortly after I did indeed steal Alec's girlfriend...JK I wouldn't do something like that... or would I?

Hey you, did your mom ever tell "This is not acceptable!"? Well guess what, This is! Yes, This the new energy drink by the guys that brought you Something You've Never Heard Of! This is so amazing! This is so incredible, if you don't get This right now, This is not for you! This is made with actual science. Scientifical! This is so powerful you literally grow muscles on your muscles! You'll be just like Popeye except you won't have to eat spinach because you've got This! You won't have to compete with a guy with a beard either, you know why? Because you'll have a beard! That's right, This makes you grow a beard instantly! Instant Beard! Beards are manly! You know who has a beard? Chuck Norris! If you drink This, you'll be almost as tough as Chuck Norris! No one is as tough as Chuck Norris! Do you know what rhymes with beard? Beer! And who loves beer more then anyone? That's right, Germans! If you drink This, you'll be just like a German on beer! Total Germainium! German are manly! Except for Hitler! Hitler didn't drink This. Hitler drank that other energy drink. Total Pansy! So go out and by you thirty-nine pack of This today! This no longer available in any of the fifty states except for TEXAS!"- My completely random rant for an imaginary energy drink that I just came up with. Mind you this whole thing takes place within thirty seconds.

"Hey, you! Yes, you, the wimp right there! Do you want to look like these guys ? No, you want to look like this.!Then you need, That! Yes, from the makers of This comes That! That is the most powerful energy drink out there! allowing you to stay up for those long nites...OF STUDYING...for anatomy...With your lab partner...who is a member of the opposite sex! You got it, That is so awesome we just threw in five sexual oriented jokes! Decuple Entendre" This rant continues also going into products such as The Other Thing and Something Else Entirely!

"From the makers of This, That, and The Other Thing, comes... Something Else! Something Else entirely!

THE CAKE OF DEATH:

A chocolate cake filled with melty, red icing, that drizzles out when cut. It has dark chocolate frosting, with a white chocolate skull on it, also drizzled with red icing.

"Proud member of the Sue Slayers Society, United States of America."