RandomKahn
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Joined 11-11-07, id: 1419214, Profile Updated: 05-25-11
Author has written 3 stories for Naruto.

I really don't know what to put here, I'm a pretty uninteresting person, with a pretty uninteresting appearance and a lack of interesting tidbits. But other people are fun, they're more worldly. Let's listen to what they have to say, because, really, what better way to get to know someone than reading all the little sayings he keeps close to his heart?

After all, my deepest and most sacred desire is that someday, someone somewhere will quote me... and that that moment will be perfect.

"Do I not most effectually destroy my enemies, in making them my friends?" -Sigismond

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying." -Woody Allen

"A friendship that can be ended, didn't ever start." -Mellin de Saint-Gelais

"Killing's easy, getting away with it is the hard part." -Not sure

"He who is unable to live in society, or who has no need because he is sufficient for himself, must be either a beast or a god." -Aristotle

"A true friend stabs you in the front." -Oscar Wilde

"It's better to act and to regret, than to regret not to have acted." -Mellin de Saint-Gelais

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival." -C.S. Lewis

"It is absurd to hold that a man ought to be ashamed of being unable to defend himself with his limbs, but not of being unable to defend himself with speech and reason, when his use of reason is more distinctive of being a human being than the use of his limbs." -Aristotle

"If the wind comes from an empty cave, it is not without reason." -Chinese Proverb

"Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions." -Woody Allen

"It takes a wise man to learn from his mistakes, but an even wiser man to learn from others'." -Zen Proverb

"If a problem has a solution, worrying is pointless, in the end the problem will be solved. If the problem has no solution, there is no reason to worry, because the problem cannot be solved." -Zen Proverb

"A wizard is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he needs to." -Gandalf, Lord of the Rings

"How did you know I would not kill you?"

"I didn't, I took a leap of faith." -Altair, Assassin's Creed

"It's impossible, he won't see you."

"I said I needed to see him, I never said he needed to see me." -Altair, Assassin's Creed

"Laugh and grow fat." - Fatman, Metal Gear Solid 2

"Hell has no vacancies." -Vamp, MGS2,

"You're a tough one, my friend, but even you must have your limits." -Volgin, Metal Gear Solid 3

"The living may not hear them... Their voices may fall upon deaf ears... But make no mistake... the dead... are not silent..."-The Sorrow, MGS3

"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it."

"Can you hear their euphoria?" -Saix, Kingdom Hearts 2

"I don't know if you've looked in the mirror recently, but helping people in distress isn't the kind of thing your kind does."

"I don't understand."

"Instead of helping an aged dwarf woman across a road, you should be shooting her in the face with arrows until it stops being funny."- Richard and Cale, LFGcomic.com

(Richard vaporizes rabbit)"Is there any chance he was the one who killed your father and you were seeking justice so your beloved and missed parent could be at peace in the afterlife?"

"No, but it does bring to mind the amusing story of the time I killed my father." Richard & Cale once more, LFG

"I am Richard, Chief Warlock of the Brothers of Darkness, Lord of the Thirteen Hells, Master of the Bones, Emperor of the Black, Lord of the Undead, and the Mayor of a little village up the coast, very scenic during springtime, you should visit sometime." -Duh. Look above.

(Richard vaporizes Cale)"I think I require the services of a healer."

"Walk it off pussy."- I like to do things in sets.

"I noticed that someone submitted a note into the suggestion box. 'We should kill all the survivors and take their shoes.' It's signed anonymously. We'll never know who wrote it... I wrote it." -Richard, LFG

"Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition." -Timothy Leary

"Attention, restaurant customers. Testicles! That is all." -Peter Griffin, Family Guy

"With a stop light, green means 'go' and yellow means 'slow down.' With a banana however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means 'go,' green means 'whoa, slow down', and red means 'where the heck did you get that banana?'" -Mitch Hedberg

"It is not bigotry to be certain we are right, but it is bigotry to be unable to imagine how we might have possibly gone wrong." -G. K. Chesterton

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?" -Steven Wright

"The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do." -Thomas Jefferson

"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned,

Nor does hell a fury like a women scorned." -William Congreve

"Unlike me, you have a heart. And you're powerless to control it." -Xemnas, Kingdom Hearts 2

"I am frightened not by the dark, or by anything that lurks within it. It is those that have no need of its bitter embrace, and walk freely within the light that strike fear into my heart of hearts." - Unknown

"In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move." -Douglas Adams

"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true." -James Branch Cabell

"A choice from the gods is as useless as the gods themselves." -Kratos, God of War 2

"The difference between a smart person and a wise person is that a smart person knows what to say and a wise person knows whether or not to say it." -Found on the wall of a recreation center office in Berkeley, California

"A fool's paradise is a wise man's hell." -Thomas Fuller

"The only thing worse than an idiot who doesn't know, is a smart person who does."

"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever." -Napoleon Bonaparte

"Don't be so humble- you are not that great." -Golda Meir

"When one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity; when many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion." -Robert Pirsig

"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted." -Albert Einstein

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." -Winston Churchill, a badass among brits

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." -Galileo Galilei

"We are all atheists about most of the gods humanity has ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further." -Richard Dawkins

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." -Martin Luther King

"The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad." -Salvador Dali

"Everybody pities the weak; jealousy you have to earn." -Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." -Sharon Stone

"The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed.'" -Unknown

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -Oscar Wilde

"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh." -Voltaire

"You have a wimpy-limp punch..."

"Nope... yours is the weaky-geeky punch."

"Then yours is a flimsy-clumsy punch."

"Yours is a lazy-pansy panty."

"Panty? That's not a punch!"

"IT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!" -Frankie and the fat guy from CP9, One Piece

"Water, 35 liters. Carbon, 20 kilograms. Ammonia, 4 liters. Lime, 1.5 kilograms. Phosphorous, 800 grams. Salt, 250 grams. Saltpeter, 100 grams. Sulfur, 80 grams. Fluorine, 7.5, iron, 5, silicon, 3 grams, and trace amounts of 15 other elements. That's the total chemical makeup of the average adult body.

"Modern science knows all of this, but there has never been a single example of successful human transmutation. It's like there's some missing ingredient... scientists have been trying to find it for hundreds of years, pouring tons of money into research, and to this day they don't have a theory. They say science is a lost cause, but I think its better than sitting around praying and waiting for something to happen. For that matter, the elements found in a human being... is all junk that you can buy in any market on a child's allowance. Humans are pretty cheaply made." -Edward Elric, Full Metal Alchemist

"Your words cut deep... deeper than any blade. While he was fighting you, his heart was breaking in two. You see, Haku was always too soft and too kind. He felt pain and sorrow, and now, curse him, I feel them, too!" -Zabuza to Naruto, Naruto

"I won't be joining Haku. Where he's gone, I cannot follow. No, my friend, it's the other place we're going to! You and me both, Gato! I can't think of a more fitting destination for a demon ninja, can you?! I'm told there are many demons down there, of all shapes and sizes! Oh, yes, I should fit right in! You, on the other hand, Gato...well, I fear you're in for a long and very painful eternity!" -Zabuza, Naruto(See, the dubs did some things right!)

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." -Thomas Edison

"Black holes are where God divided by zero." -Steven Wright

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible." -Walt Disney

"Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down." -Jimmy Durante

"It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts." -G. B. Burgin

"I'll sleep when I'm dead." -Warren Zevon

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win." -Mahatma Gandhi

"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." -Socrates

"We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?" -Niels Bohr

"I would have made a good Pope." -Richard Nixon, because you know he would have

"A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines." -Frank Lloyd Wright

"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names." -John F. Kennedy

"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend on reading it." -Groucho Marx

"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his." -General George Patton

"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?" -Abraham Lincoln

"Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance."-Plato

"Plato was a bore."-Friedrich Nietzsche

"Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal."-Leo Tolstoy

"I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy."-Ernest Hemingway

"Hemingway was a jerk." -Harold Robbins

"It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant." -Richard Ferris

"Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers." -T. S. Eliot(Tss! That burns!)

"Silence is argument carried out by other means." - Earnest Guevara

"Sometimes it is not enough to do our best; we must do what is required." -Winston Churchill

"Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something." -Last words of Pancho Villa

"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time." -Robert Williams

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." -Winston Churchill, I'm tempted to start putting the "Sir" before his name.

"Woman was God's second mistake." -Friedrich Nietzsche

"This isn't right, this isn't even wrong." -Wolfgang Pauli

"Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies." -Voltaire, on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness." -Woody Allen

"You laugh at me because I'm different, but I laugh at you because you are all the same." -Unknown

"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian." -Dennis Wholey

"When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail." -Abraham Maslow

"A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic." -Joseph Stalin

"My god carries a hammer, your god died nailed to a tree. Any questions?" -Unknown

"War is God's way of teaching Americans about geography." -Ambrose Bierce

"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils." - Louis Hector Berlioz

"The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think."

"Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die."

"The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory."

"He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor." -Paddy O'Dea

"You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!" -Drew Carey

"I think I mentioned to Bob Geldof I could make love for eight hours. What I didn't say was that this included four hours of begging and then dinner and a movie." -Sting

"For me there are only two type of women: goddesses and doormats." -Pablo Picasso

"You don't know a women till you've met her in court." -Norman Mailer

"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot... but I always found them." -Rodney Dangerfield

"What the fuck is the internet!?" -Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

"And at the end of fear... Oblivion!" -Scarecrow, Batman: Arkham Asylum

"Most people think time is like a river, flowing swift and sure in one direction. But I have seen the face of time, and I can tell you... They are wrong." -The Prince, Prince of Persia: Sands of Time

"In the end, what separates a man from a slave? Money? Power? No... A man chooses, and a slave obeys." -Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

"I'm sorry, that wasn't vague enough for me. Could you be less specific?" -Ryudo, Grandia 2

"That is one giant pussy!" -Yuri, Shadow Hearts 2

"I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they do now." -Will Rogers

"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member." -Groucho Marx

"I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead." -Woody Allen

"Get a life? I'm a gamer, I have tons of lives."

"When women love us, they forgive us everything, even our crimes; when they do not love us, they give us credit for nothing, not even our virtues." - Balzac

"A woman tries to get all she can out of a man, and a man tries to get all he can into a woman." -Isaac Goldberg

"Creativity is a bloody nuisance and an evil curse that will see to it that you die from stress and alcohol abuse at a very early age, that you piss off all your friends, break appointments, show up late, and have this strange bohemian urge (you know that decadent laid-back pimp-style way of life). The truly creative people I know all live lousy lives, never have time to see you, don't take care of themselves properly, have weird tastes in women and behave badly. They don't wash and they eat disgusting stuff, they are mentally unstable and are absolutely brilliant." -Toke Nygaard

"The greatest happiness is to scatter your enemy, to drive him before you, to see his cities reduced to ashes, to see those who love him shrouded in tears, and to gather into your bosom his wives and daughters." -Genghis Kahn

"We're all fucked. It helps to remember this." -George Carlin

"Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stare at the walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing." -Margaret Chittenden

"If you wake up and you're not in pain, you know you're dead." -Russian Proverb

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." -Plato

"Why should I fear death? If I am, death is not. If death is, I am not. Why should I fear that which can only exist when I do not?" -Epicurus

"Enough expository banter. It's time we fight like men. And ladies. And ladies who dress like men. For Gilgamesh... IT'S MORPHING TIME!" -Gilgamesh, Final Fantasy V

"Suppose you throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day... it lands on its edge." -Kain, Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver 2

"A pig shouldn't be using a human's voice to whine." -Itsuki Kengo, Karate Shoukoushi Kohinata Minoru

"You see, I think there comes a time when a man has to ask himself whether he wants a life of happiness or a life of meaning."

"I'd like to have both."

"It can't be done. Two very different paths. I mean, to be truly happy a man must live absolutely in the present, and with no thought of what's gone before, and no thought of what lies ahead. But a life of meaning, a man is condemned to wallow in the past, and obsess about the future." -Daniel Linderman & Nathan Petrelli, Heroes

"Nothing makes a women more beautiful than blood lust... And they spend all that money on make-up." -Lotto, Yureka

"Sleep? Who's got time to sleep? The lord didn't rest until there were fish in the sea, birds in the air, and people screwing up his garden." -Dr. J, Yureka

Akisame: "Most current martial arts prohibit the use of knees and elbows during a match..."

Kenichi: "Why?"

Apachai: "That's because if you get hit wrong, you die!"

Akisame: "True, but Muay Thai focuses on these two techniques instead."

Kenichi: "Why?"

Apachai: "That's because if you get a good hit in, you can kill him!" -History's Strongest Disciple Kenichi

"He died a criminal, a traitor... He traded the honor he had earned for disgrace... The love he had earned for hatred... And at the end of it all, Itachi died with a smile on his face." -Uchiha Madara, Naruto

"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." -Ruth E. Renkel

"No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible." -Voltaire

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde

"Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends up blocking his retreat." -Oscar Wilde

"A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed."

"Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember."

"I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived." -Margaret Mitchell

"Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away." -Laurence J. Peter

"We turn to god when are foundations are shaking only to learn that he is the one shaking them." -Charles C. West

"A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are." -Chauncey Mitchell Depew

"What men desire is a virgin who is a whore." -Edward Dahlbert

"Women have very little idea of how much men hate them." -Germaine Greer

"The difference between a maniac and a woman? Easy. I've never followed a maniac around and begged for their forgiveness." -Anonymous

"Think you can handle it?"

"If one more shows up, there might be trouble."

"Then that'll be the one I take care of."

"What? You're fighting, too?" -Squall and Cloud, facing off against an army of enemies, Kingdom Hearts 2

"You guys have electricity? How do you manage that?"

"We have two giant hamsters running on a massive wheel in our secret underground cave." -John Locke and Ben Linus, Lost

"Amateurs practice until they get it right; professionals practice until they can't get it wrong. -Description of the elite, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2

"Liar!! You're saying all those battles were your doing!? You planned it all? You said it yourself!! You only found Rukia after she'd gone missing down on Earth! But now you're saying you knew about me since I met Rukia!? It doesn't make sense!"

"Well aren't you funny? You also said it yourself, didn't you? 'Liar. Who would believe that?' You say I'm lying now, but you believed what I said back then?" -Ichigo and Aizen, Bleach

"Plan ahead: it wasn't raining when Noah built the ark." -Richard Cushing

"I know you can hear me pretty boy. Do you know what I do to pretty boys? I hurts 'em. I make them scream. I make them die. I've got a crude stabbing implement right here with your name all over it. You won't last the night, pretty boy, that's my guarantee. I'm going to do it as soon as you're asleep, too. I can wait. Do you think you can last all night, boy? It's been a long day, I know you gotta be damn tired. And the thing about these slabs is that they're the most uncomfortable beds you will ever know all your days. And I know what your thinking. I do. You think that cold slab of bed will never let you sleep. But that's how it gets ya. They're so hard and flat and godawful they make a man tired just thinking about 'em. It'll suck the strength right outta ya and you'll never know it. It's the soundest sleep a man can have- and still be breathin' that is. And that's what I'll be waiting for. That's what I'll be listenin' for. That little change in the tempo of your breath. That's how I'll know you're asleep. I don't know what I'd do then. Maybe I'd just wait. Maybe I'd lie here and listen to you draw breath. Maybe I'd take a step closer to you with every breath. You could be your very own metronome of death. Maybe I'd choke the life out of you. Maybe I'd suffocate you with my pillow. No, no, who am I kidding? We both know what I want to do. I can't resist the knife. So sleek, so sharp. So silent. I wonder, will I do it slow or do it fast? On the one hand, I'd love for you feel every inch of metal slowly pierce your skin and then rip your belly asunder. Just the thought of it puts a smile on my face. Not that you can see it. Heh. But on the other hand, there's nothing quite so satisfying as slitting a man's throat. There's such a sinister beauty to the efficiency of it.The pain of it would wake you up just in time to die-"

"I'm trying to sleep!"

"Er... sorry." -Black Mage to Fighter, 8-Bit Theater

"I, Garland, shall knock you down!" -Garland, FF

"Reluctance to forgive has long been a human failing. It is man's nature to sin, yet you answer sin with violence upon violence. Is that not itself a sin?" -Emperor Palamecia, FFII

"Hey, where are you four brats off to now? What...? You're going to go save the world...? Did you get hit on the head or something!?" -some random chick, FFIII

"HA HA HA! That is all the power you possess? A pity. Your eyes should still be free. Open them, and gaze upon true terror!" -Golbez, FFIV

"That lobster just got served!" -Cid, FFV

"This is sickening! You sound like chapters from a self-help booklet!" -Kefka, FFVI (and they did)

"...Shut up. The cycle of nature and your stupid plan don't mean a thing. Aeris is gone. Aeris will no longer talk, no longer laugh, cry... or get angry... What about us... what are WE supposed to do? What about my pain? My fingers are tingling. My mouth is dry. My eyes are burning!" -Cloud, FFVII (man knew how to grieve)

"...Lowlifes. ...Shameless filthy wretches. How you celebrate my ascension with such joy. Hailing the very one whom you have condemned for generations. Have you no shame? What happened to the evil, ruthless sorceress from your fantasies? The cold-blooded tyrant that slaughtered countless men and destroyed many nations? Where is she now? She stands before your very eyes to become your new ruler. HAHAHAHAHA!" -Edea, FFVIII

"Why you care about small things? World very simple place. World only have two things: Things you can eat and things you no can eat." -Quina, FFIX

"But, using machina... That's bad, isn't it?"

"Well, pretend you didn't see them."

"Beg your pardon, sir, but that's not something a maester should say!"

"Then, pretend I didn't say it." -Wakka and Seymour, FFX

"But... but... Jester will die if we take the mana orb from him..."

"Here's a linkshell, tell somebody who cares!" -Someone(SOB Leader?) and Honoi-Gomoi, FFXI

"If I could protect but one person from war's horror, I would bear any shame. I would bear it proudly." -Basch, FFXII

A youth or maiden meeting by chance, or brought together by artifice, exchange glances, reciprocate civilities, go home, and dream of one another. Having little to divert attention, or diversify thought, they find themselves uneasy when they are apart, and therefore conclude they shall be happy together. -Samuel Johnson

"Kimblee!? No... There's no way anyone could maintain his sense of self in this typhoon of souls!"

"Typhoon? Surely you jest. Howls of anguish are like lullabies to my ears!" -Pride and Kimblee, Full Metal Alchemist

"There is nothing but fear reflected in your sword. When you dodge, you're afraid of getting killed. When you attack, you're afraid of killing someone. Even when you try to protect someone, you're afraid of letting them die. Yes, your sword speaks to me only of absurd fear. What's necessary in a fight isn't fear. Nothing can be born of that. When you dodge, say 'I won't let them cut me.' If you protect someone, say 'I won't let them die.' If you attack, it's 'I will kill them.'" -Urahara Kisuke, Bleach

"I will give you advice as someone who has been a Captain before you; The feelings of those below should not be considered by the one who stands on top, even if the one on top understands those feelings. You can do whatever you like, then if no one follows you, it means you're just not qualified." -Shinji Hirako, Bleach

"Hiruzen... It looks like it's my turn next... But I never did become Hokage... No matter how far I went, I could never catch up to you... You were the leaves bathing in the sunlight... and I was the "root" growing in the dark." -Danzo, Naruto

"She knew it was t3h 3vil before I did. Alone she set out to destroy it. Alone she battled it until she herself was almost destroyed. Yet in the end she could not let it die. She saved it. Why? Because she let these "feelings" and "emotions" be manipulated by t3h 3vil , forcing her to abandon all reason! She saved what should have been sent screaming into the abyss!!" -Largo, MegaTokyo

"You're gonna help me. 'Cause every second you're with me is a chance to turn the tables, get the better of me. Maybe you'll find your moment. Maybe I'll slip. Or, you refuse to help me, I shoot your brain out, and I go upstairs and spend some time violating the little mechanic I got trussed up in the engine room. I take no pleasure in the thought, but she will die, weeping, if you cross me."

"You're out of your mind."

"That's between me and my mind." -Jubal Early and Simon Tam, Firefly

"The Sambyeolcho are not simple defense troops. Always battling the strongest rivals! Confirming our existence on the crossroads of life and death! We are true 'warriors'! We haven't forgotten that truth even after death! It doesn't master to us if Aji Tae is evil, or if you're my descendant!"

"Oh-ho! I don't know what they called those 'warriors' back in the day, but now we just call 'em 'crazy fuckers'!" -The original 'Legendary General' and Munsu, Shin Angyo Onshi

Worker bees can leave. Even drones can fly away. The Queen is their slave. -Narrator, Fight Club

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Naruto Genkyouien by Daneel Rush reviews
The nine-tailed demon fox. Its mighty tails can crumble mountains, cause tsunamis, and set things on fire. Lots of fire. It might have been better if she actually were an evil entity bent on destroying the world. Yes, she. AU pseudo-x-over.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 46 - Words: 510,990 - Reviews: 4027 - Favs: 3,870 - Follows: 3,149 - Updated: 4/2 - Published: 12/21/2008 - Naruto U., Kyuubi/Kurama
Forward by Peptuck reviews
Following the Miranda broadwave, there's only one direction for Malcolm Reynolds and his crew to go. Part Nine: Wrath: Cornered on Persephone, River faces both the dark products of the Academy, and her own inner demons. Post-BDM, Series.
Firefly - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 78 - Words: 508,921 - Reviews: 1604 - Favs: 1,158 - Follows: 1,030 - Updated: 5/4/2013 - Published: 2/27/2008 - River
The Truth Decays by Marz1 reviews
Edward Elric can't get back to his own world, so he tries to make a life for himself in the closest one he can find. Yep a nice quiet life, no military breathing down his neck or monsters trying to live forever, but then a kid in an orange jumpsuit...
Crossover - Naruto & Fullmetal Alchemist - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 16 - Words: 101,689 - Reviews: 2071 - Favs: 2,867 - Follows: 3,074 - Updated: 2/3/2013 - Published: 2/3/2008 - Naruto U., Edward E.
Show Me a Hero by JadeCrescent Fallen reviews
What if Konoha was the weakest hidden village? What if it was just a huge slum? The Rookie 9 have just graduated, and now they must face their problems to better the future of Konoha. An epic tale of romance, determination, and hardship.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 22 - Words: 207,852 - Reviews: 247 - Favs: 253 - Follows: 197 - Updated: 2/14/2012 - Published: 11/12/2006
That Most Heinous of Crimes by Andrew Joshua Talon reviews
Someone else is thrust into the role of Team 7's sensei. Chaos ensues.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 51,345 - Reviews: 466 - Favs: 826 - Follows: 788 - Updated: 7/19/2011 - Published: 1/27/2010 - Naruto U., Anko M.
Ask Me No Questions by Nugar reviews
From Believe it! to Believe me! Team Lie, the vicious, aggressive, loyal only to each other team of Naruto, Sasuke, and Hinata from my other fic People Lie wind up in a world suspiciously like canon, which is far, far different from their own. AU/TT
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 53,126 - Reviews: 891 - Favs: 1,309 - Follows: 1,292 - Updated: 4/22/2011 - Published: 11/3/2009 - Naruto U.
Hiraishin World Tour by Legendary Legacy reviews
You know, maybe there was a good reason why Naruto didn't learn Hiraishin no Jutsu during the time-skip...
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 7 - Words: 26,283 - Reviews: 691 - Favs: 1,892 - Follows: 1,937 - Updated: 4/20/2011 - Published: 5/16/2008 - Naruto U.
Full Metal Magic? by Sil'vinya reviews
Ed is sent on a new mission, under the direct orders of Colonel Mustang. The two of them are to travel to Britain to aid in apprehending a dangerous criminal. Mustang is to work with the local ministry where Ed is to work undercover at a..? Magic school?
Crossover - Harry Potter & Fullmetal Alchemist - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 34 - Words: 99,709 - Reviews: 1381 - Favs: 988 - Follows: 1,074 - Updated: 4/13/2011 - Published: 10/20/2005 - Harry P., Edward E.
Infiltrator by Djehuty3 reviews
Sometimes, a ninja goes missing. Sometimes, a ninja tells lies.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 12,506 - Reviews: 63 - Favs: 141 - Follows: 143 - Updated: 1/24/2011 - Published: 1/29/2010 - Sasuke U.
Expectations of Development by kiraiakuma reviews
One year of easy missions. That's all Sakura wanted. Instead she gets Zabuza and Orochimaru. Well, if fate wants to throw her head first into the ninja world, she'll oblige. Even if she has to sacrifice her innocence.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 22 - Words: 206,100 - Reviews: 223 - Favs: 344 - Follows: 346 - Updated: 9/13/2010 - Published: 1/12/2010 - Sakura H., Sasuke U.
Ignorance is Bliss by Nugar reviews
Naruto, Sakura, Karin, and Sasuke wake up in a hotel after an epic drunken, drug fueled orgy with no memory of the past 5 years, how they got there, or who killed the hooker. Missing people, assassins, and most importantly, why are they friends again?
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 2 - Words: 11,892 - Reviews: 104 - Favs: 244 - Follows: 192 - Updated: 8/1/2010 - Published: 2/21/2010 - Sakura H., Naruto U.
Something to Die For by Macavity the Mystery Cat reviews
Morino Ibiki was thought to be the last choice for a jonin sensei, but thanks to the efforts of Umino Iruka, he finds himself saddled with a familiar team of new genin...
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 56,939 - Reviews: 1067 - Favs: 2,518 - Follows: 3,036 - Updated: 7/28/2010 - Published: 6/23/2006 - Ibiki M.
People Lie by Nugar reviews
Lies have power. They can change a simple-minded believer into a two-faced schemer and a timid follower into a fanatical devotee. They can change a child angry at the world into a man consumed by more than vengeance. But that power is a lie as well.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 34 - Words: 286,222 - Reviews: 2258 - Favs: 2,775 - Follows: 2,147 - Updated: 7/25/2010 - Published: 8/24/2007 - Naruto U., Hinata H.
Chunin Exam Day by Perfect Lionheart reviews
Naruto finds he is flung back in time and must repeat the entire Chunin exam over and over and over, until he gets it right and possibly saves Konoha in the bargain.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 77 - Words: 344,950 - Reviews: 13822 - Favs: 6,521 - Follows: 4,943 - Updated: 5/22/2010 - Published: 12/4/2007 - Naruto U.
It's For a Good Cause, I Swear! by Sarah1281 reviews
After receiving a time travel jutsu as payment for a mission, the original four members of Team 7 each get a chance to go back to one event in their life and change it. Surely they will use such an awesome power responsibly...right? Don't count on it.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 36 - Words: 114,594 - Reviews: 5487 - Favs: 7,607 - Follows: 2,915 - Updated: 3/5/2010 - Published: 9/28/2009 - Team Seven - Complete
Rewrite by justaminuet reviews
L x Misa. A moment in time. A chance meeting. Fate turned upside down.
Death Note - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 28 - Words: 88,723 - Reviews: 1857 - Favs: 1,459 - Follows: 1,120 - Updated: 12/31/2009 - Published: 10/29/2006 - L, Misa A.
A Very Team Lie Christmas by Nugar reviews
Team Lie has to save Christmas, despite generally being on the naughty list themselves. While they're at it, they decide that the holiday could use a little... tweaking. Written as a present to my readers. Merry Christmas everyone!
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,250 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 125 - Follows: 22 - Published: 12/24/2009 - Naruto U. - Complete
Sasuke's Completely Unnecessary Christmas Carol by Sarah1281 reviews
Sasuke's been wandering alone since Madara's defeat and he's doing fine. Or he would be if Naruto and Sakura would leave him alone. Then to make matters worse his various relatives decide to stage an intervention. What part of 'fine' don't they get?
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Supernatural/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,246 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 165 - Follows: 20 - Published: 11/30/2009 - Sasuke U. - Complete
The Benefits of Omnipotence by Saiyan Angie reviews
Uzumaki Naruto must admit he never thought he'd be in that spot again. Then again, distortions of time and space weren't really something the academy prepared you for. Inspired by Lionheart.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 55 - Words: 102,160 - Reviews: 2447 - Favs: 2,244 - Follows: 2,618 - Updated: 10/16/2009 - Published: 12/24/2007 - Naruto U.
Senju Naruto by Baal of Yarns reviews
You'd think being brought up by his Sannin mother instead of as an outcast would make Naruto's life a little easier. Not so for a guy with a demon trapped in his belly, even if he's genetically predisposed to handling it. Mokuton!Naruto
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Family/Adventure - Chapters: 25 - Words: 122,714 - Reviews: 2135 - Favs: 3,479 - Follows: 3,197 - Updated: 5/26/2009 - Published: 5/3/2008 - Naruto U.
A Different Path by Gaurdianangelzelos reviews
A series of events send Naruto down a different path. A new team, new complications, and a new destiny await him. But will these changes make his own dreams impossible? NarutoHinata, AU Naruto, Naruto Hinata Shikamaru team fic
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 230,201 - Reviews: 657 - Favs: 790 - Follows: 707 - Updated: 5/17/2009 - Published: 2/4/2007 - Naruto U., Hinata H.
He Had No Fingers by Gleam reviews
The Ninetails cannot be contained. But it will take a human sacrifice, all the same.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Horror/Supernatural - Chapters: 9 - Words: 19,253 - Reviews: 207 - Favs: 482 - Follows: 189 - Updated: 2/2/2009 - Published: 11/3/2008 - Naruto U., Kyuubi/Kurama
Tempered in Water by HitokiriOTD reviews
The difference of a second can mean life or death to a shinobi. How would Uzumaki Naruto's life change if such a difference had occurred? Above the red waves, Naruto's path is forever altered.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 159,466 - Reviews: 1624 - Favs: 3,029 - Follows: 2,898 - Updated: 1/31/2009 - Published: 10/4/2006 - Naruto U., Haku
The Uzumaki Identity by ShatteredTwilight reviews
A young man wakes up in a coastal village in the Land of Lightning. With no memory, impressive skills, and a mysterious seal on his stomach; Rosuto Nagori searches for who he was all while fending off Konoha Anbu and the organization known as Akatsuki.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 22 - Words: 61,223 - Reviews: 97 - Favs: 82 - Follows: 75 - Updated: 8/24/2008 - Published: 10/4/2007 - Naruto U., Sakura H. - Complete
Suiren by Eimii reviews
In the midst of the Chuunin Exam, Sakura recalls the promise she made to herself and comes to a realization about her own ninja way... Updates: Side story, 'Affinity' added! Note to new readers: See continuity warning on Chapter 23...
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 24 - Words: 153,361 - Reviews: 674 - Favs: 672 - Follows: 477 - Updated: 8/12/2008 - Published: 7/17/2003 - Sakura H., Anko M.
Microfics! by recodan reviews
Don't have time to read one of my full crack stories? Then read these! Less than 250 words each!
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 2,395 - Reviews: 128 - Favs: 109 - Follows: 93 - Updated: 6/30/2008 - Published: 3/30/2008
A Twist of Chance by MockV reviews
AU: Honestly, what were the odds of Uzumaki Naruto running into his only surviving relatives in the middle of the marketplace? Slim to none, right? Too bad the odds never mattered to the luckiest and most unfortunate genin in Konoha. [Not 367 Compliant]
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 177,237 - Reviews: 688 - Favs: 1,218 - Follows: 1,197 - Updated: 6/19/2008 - Published: 6/17/2007 - Naruto U., Minato N.
Meh Ayleidon by JawsOfOblivion reviews
Pente is a no talent Wood Elf with a phobia of... well, everything. So just how did she end up as the Hero of Kvatch? Can she really help save the world from the upcoming Oblivion crisis?
Elder Scroll series - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 27 - Words: 101,846 - Reviews: 222 - Favs: 75 - Follows: 57 - Updated: 6/7/2008 - Published: 11/8/2007
The Art of the Deal by Case13 reviews
No one starts on top of the world. Bereft of his dream, or even a chance for it, Uzumaki Naruto starts his own path to the top of the world.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 38,546 - Reviews: 1127 - Favs: 2,601 - Follows: 2,352 - Updated: 5/23/2008 - Published: 5/5/2007 - Naruto U., Anko M.
Invert by Marz1 reviews
HP FMA Crossover: They don't care about equivalence, only prophecy. Traveling in a strange world fighting human monsters in skull masks, Ed plans to show them how the world really works.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Fullmetal Alchemist - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 24 - Words: 122,723 - Reviews: 774 - Favs: 873 - Follows: 841 - Updated: 4/6/2008 - Published: 5/8/2006 - Harry P., Edward E.
Larceny, Lechery, and Luna Lovegood! by Rorschach's Blot reviews
It takes two thieves, a Dark Wizard, and a Tentacle Monster named Tim.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 83 - Words: 230,739 - Reviews: 2195 - Favs: 2,171 - Follows: 841 - Updated: 4/4/2008 - Published: 7/31/2007 - Harry P., Hermione G. - Complete
The Person I Admire by Gadalla Rune reviews
Its been 3 yrs since the battle at the Valley of the End. Naruto returns home, much to the joy of a certain Hyuuga girl, but to keep that joy they're going to have to fight for it... away from Konoha. NaruXHina & other pairings.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 28 - Words: 234,887 - Reviews: 2633 - Favs: 1,686 - Follows: 1,233 - Updated: 4/3/2008 - Published: 10/5/2005 - Naruto U., Hinata H.
Empyreal Paradox by Nes Mikel reviews
AU: Naruto. Sakura. The Village of the Hidden Leaf. At the end, there was only the beginning. [Sequel to Garden of Sanctuary and Medusa Javelin]
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 61,925 - Reviews: 428 - Favs: 445 - Follows: 476 - Updated: 3/23/2008 - Published: 10/19/2006 - Naruto U., Sakura H.
Ganbatte ne, Oirokechan by yasuhei reviews
Just a single momentary and chance meeting can sometimes have the power to change a whole lot. What will Naruto do if he wants the prize badly enough? Training just got a whole lot sexier.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 21,407 - Reviews: 160 - Favs: 390 - Follows: 400 - Updated: 3/4/2008 - Published: 8/17/2007 - Naruto U.
It Will Change Your Life by recodan reviews
REUPLOADED CAUSE YOU WHINED! What happened when a certain jumpsuit becomes required attire? Some crazy stuff, thats what! Don't send me PM's calling me sexist please. I get that enough in real life.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 16,526 - Reviews: 95 - Favs: 248 - Follows: 203 - Updated: 2/20/2008 - Published: 2/18/2008 - Naruto U., Tsunade S.
Lessons of Experience by BukkakeNoJutsu reviews
While still an academy student, Uzumaki Naruto starts to learn the art of killing from a mysterious old man. His lessons will be paid for in blood, sweat, and tears. He will get much more than he had bargained for,
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 12 - Words: 23,750 - Reviews: 1158 - Favs: 2,316 - Follows: 2,355 - Updated: 2/11/2008 - Published: 7/27/2007 - Naruto U.
Twenty Times Uzumaki Naruto Didn't Die by Kraken's Ghost reviews
Over time, Naruto learns what it means to be Jinchuuriki. Final in 'Matters, Secrets, and Times.'
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Drama/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 14,849 - Reviews: 544 - Favs: 2,237 - Follows: 367 - Published: 1/22/2008 - Naruto U., Kyuubi/Kurama - Complete
The Night The House of Cards Was Built by drakensis reviews
Every week the most prominent citizens of Konohagakure gather for a game of poker. This time there are three new players... two kunoichi and a six year old Naruto! cowritten with Rift120
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 25,932 - Reviews: 1263 - Favs: 4,295 - Follows: 2,893 - Updated: 12/29/2007 - Published: 4/7/2007 - Anko M., Kurenai Y. - Complete
Soldier of Spira Repost by rr1963 reviews
Auron is a hard man in a hard world. He has a job to do and he can't let anyone or anything get in his way. Can anyone bring light back into his dark world? Now aurikku. Follows the game, but pretty AU now.
Final Fantasy X - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 76 - Words: 639,955 - Reviews: 476 - Favs: 256 - Follows: 155 - Updated: 10/26/2007 - Published: 11/23/2006 - Auron, Rikku
Break the World by Rihaku reviews
Women forgive, but do not forget. Men forget, but do not forgive. Uzumaki Naruto can only forget so much. This Chapter: One week later, and a young Sarutobi. The Professor looks for a Demon to slay.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 41,035 - Reviews: 475 - Favs: 254 - Follows: 280 - Updated: 10/12/2007 - Published: 9/16/2007 - Naruto U.
Prerequisite by Sadie Dragonfire reviews
In which Team 7 receives some special education to prepare for their next mission.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,504 - Reviews: 82 - Favs: 374 - Follows: 39 - Published: 8/30/2007 - Kakashi H. - Complete
Twenty Unknown Secrets of Maito Gai by Kraken's Ghost reviews
Everyone has secrets. Gai is just good at keeping his. Second in 'Matters, Secrets, and Times.'
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,804 - Reviews: 128 - Favs: 705 - Follows: 101 - Published: 8/23/2007 - Gai M., Kyuubi/Kurama - Complete
Red Blossom by Yamisui reviews
After Orochimaru's attack on Konoha, Kakashi's team embarks on a Wave Country mission, risking war with the Mist Ninja. There Naruto and his friends must face Shinkuhana...an assassin's jutsu that brings instant death to both its victim AND its wielder...
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 84,032 - Reviews: 188 - Favs: 183 - Follows: 187 - Updated: 6/24/2007 - Published: 10/10/2004 - Naruto U., Kakashi H.
The Witching Hour by firefly reviews
Uchiha Sasuke, the fearless leader of Team Hebi, finds himself in over his head when he and his team stumble upon an abandoned, bizarre little inn in the middle of a nameless forest. Crackfic.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,351 - Reviews: 244 - Favs: 549 - Follows: 38 - Published: 6/20/2007 - Sasuke U., Suigetsu H. - Complete
Shame and Fame by ckret2 reviews
The day before Obito died, he babysat his cousin. The day after Obito died, Itachi cried for the last time. Obito had no idea how much he'd changed Itachi, and the Uchiha clan would pay the price for his good intentions. [Oneshot.]
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Angst/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,708 - Reviews: 151 - Favs: 579 - Follows: 69 - Published: 5/15/2007 - Torune, Itachi U. - Complete
Twenty Matters of Pride to Hyuuga Neji by Kraken's Ghost reviews
All Hyuuga are proud. Neji measures his pride differently. First in 'Matters, Secrets, and Times.'
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,722 - Reviews: 323 - Favs: 1,269 - Follows: 166 - Published: 11/12/2006 - Neji H. - Complete
Garden of Sanctuary by Nes Mikel reviews
AU: Oneshot. An alternate ending to Naruto. The Heavens describe the Garden a peaceful paradise. The Hells describe the Garden a baneful prison. In here... which is it?
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,149 - Reviews: 541 - Favs: 1,341 - Follows: 180 - Updated: 4/8/2006 - Published: 2/2/2006 - Naruto U., Sakura H. - Complete
The Indirect Approach by The Sh33p reviews
On the eve of the Chuunin Exams, during his training with Jiraiya, Uzumaki Naruto is going to learn the hard way that some enemies just can't be beaten without use of a more... Indirect approach...
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 7 - Words: 34,850 - Reviews: 154 - Favs: 332 - Follows: 119 - Updated: 9/20/2005 - Published: 9/2/2005 - Naruto U. - Complete
Anniversaries by Phoenix of Eternity reviews
One night every year, Uchiha Sasuke lets himself mourn the family he lost years ago.
Naruto - Rated: K - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,001 - Reviews: 94 - Favs: 322 - Follows: 19 - Published: 3/20/2005 - Sasuke U. - Complete
No Dogs Allowed by Irony-chan reviews
Yamino has a bone to pick with the Japanese postal service... meaning he's conviniently out of the way when the norns come for Loki! This time, it's up to Fenrir to save the day!
Matantei Loki Ragnarok - Rated: T - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 15,793 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/2/2005 - Complete
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This Is My Story reviews
Techniques and magicks born of another world, a sense of morality and justice forged by this one: these are the cards that I have been dealt and the hand that I must play. My name is Uzumaki Naruto, and this is my story. FFX/Naruto crossover
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 16 - Words: 72,733 - Reviews: 82 - Favs: 107 - Follows: 145 - Updated: 8/4/2009 - Published: 12/23/2007 - Naruto U.
God reviews
Subaku no Gaara is not some misunderstood child. He is not weak, nor is he needy, and he will not submit to YOUR views of the world simply because you tell him to. He is unbeatable, he is untouchable, and He. Cannot. Be. Stopped. Fear the reaper, fear it.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Horror/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 732 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/6/2008 - Gaara, Shukaku
Nine Hours reviews
Years of emotional torture have finally gotten to him, and now Uzumaki Naruto will attempt that which has never been done before: the destruction of Konoha. In the words of a friend, "What I have is not a dream, because I will make it a reality." Oneshot
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,098 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 5 - Published: 2/15/2008 - Naruto U. - Complete
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