Here is some generic information about myself...Not that anyone really cares, but, whatever!

Gender: Male.

Age: 27

Location: Kiln House

Job: Veteran cosmic rocker...actually, a bit uncertain on what to do with my life.

Hobbies: An amateur classic rock critic/reviewer/fan, an amateur cartoon historian, an amateur motorsports historian, reviewer of crappy Chinese bootleg games (Please, do not ask...), and now, officially, fanfic writer. (As well as original fiction writer-not published, though).

Favorite TV Shows: The Simpsons, the Raccoons, King of the Hill, Family Guy (though mostly seasons 1-3), American Dad!, the Angry Beavers, Rocko's Modern Life, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Johnny Bravo, Tom and Jerry, Looney Tunes, Thomas the Tank Engine, Theodore Tugboat, etc.

Music I like: CLASSIC HARD ROCK. Though most any kind of classic rock (progressive rock, blues rock, psychedelic rock, art rock, folk rock, pop rock, new wave, post-punk, heavy metal of all kinds, etc.) is fine with me

Bands I like: A "small" sampling of the many artists of yesteryear I like to listen to...AC/DC, Accept, Al Stewart, Alice Cooper, Alice in Chains, the Allman Brothers Band, Amon Duul II, Anathema, Atheist, Atomic Rooster, Audience, Bad Religion, Badfinger, The Band, Bathory, The Bats, Bauhaus, The Beach Boys, The Beatles, Birth Control, Black Sabbath, Blind Guardian, Blondie, Blue Oyster Cult, Blur, Bob Dylan, Bolt Thrower, Brian Eno, Bruce Springsteen, Budgie, Buffalo, Built to Spill, The Byrds, Camel, Can, Candlemass, Canned Heat, Caravan, Carcass, Cardiacs, The Chameleons, Cheap Trick, The Church, Cockney Rebel, Cocteau Twins, Coroner, Cream, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Cressida, Crosby Stills Nash and Young, The Cult, The Cure, David Bowie, Death, Deep Purple, Depeche Mode, Dio, Dire Straits, The Doors, Echo and the Bunnymen, Electric Light Orchestra, Eloy, Elton John, Elvis Costello, Fairport Convention, Faith No More, The Fall, Family, Fates Warning, The Flaming Lips, Fleetwood Mac, Frank Zappa, Free, Fugazi, Funkadelic, Gamma Ray, The Gathering, Genesis, Gentle Giant, Gong, Gorguts, Gov't Mule, Grand Funk Railroad, Grave Digger, Hawkwind, Helloween, High Tide, Husker Du, Iced Earth, Immolation, Incantation, In Flames, Iron Maiden, The Jam, Japan, Jefferson Airplane, Jethro Tull, Jimi Hendrix, J. J. Cale, John Martyn, Joni Mitchell, Joy Division, Judas Priest, Kaleidoscope, Kansas, Katatonia, Kate Bush, Killing Joke, King Crimson, King Diamond, Kingston Wall, The Kinks, Kreator, Led Zeppelin, Leonard Cohen, Little Feat, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Magazine, Magma, The Mahavishnu Orchestra, Manfred Mann's Earth Band, Manilla Road, Mansun, Marillion, May Blitz, Megadeth, Mercyful Fate, Metallica, The Moody Blues, Morbid Angel, Morphine, Motorhead, Mountain, Mr. Bungle, My Dying Bride, National Health, Nazareth, Neil Young, Neurosis, Nick Drake, Nirvana, Oingo Boingo, Opeth, Overkill, Ozzy Osbourne, Paradise Lost, The Pentangle, Pestilence, Peter Gabriel, Peter Hammill, Pink Floyd, Pixies, The Pogues, Porcupine Tree, The Pretty Things, Primus, Prince, Procol Harum, Psychotic Waltz, Pulp, Queen, Queensryche, Radiohead, Rage Against the Machine, Rainbow, Rare Bird, Red House Painters, R. E. M., Renaissance, Return to Forever, Ride, Robin Trower, The Rolling Stones, Rory Gallagher, Roxy Music, Rush, Santana, Savatage, Saxon, Scorpions, Screaming Trees, Sepultura, Simon and Garfunkel, Simple Minds, Siouxsie and the Banchees, Slayer, Sly and the Family Stone, The Smiths, Sodom, Solitude Aeturnus, The Sound, Spirit, Spiritualized, Squeeze, Steamhammer, Steely Dan, Stereolab, Stevie Wonder, The Stranglers, Strawbs, Stray, Suffocation, Supertramp, Talking Heads, Talk Talk, Ten Years After, Testament, Thin Lizzy, Tim Buckley, Tindersticks, Todd Rundgren, Tool, Traffic, The Tragically Hip, Trouble, T. Rex, Type O Negative, U2, UFO, Ulver, Unwound, Uriah Heep, Van der Graaf Generator, Van Morrison, Voivod, Warren Zevon, Warrior Soul, Ween, The Who, Wigwam, The Wipers, Wishbone Ash, XTC, Yes, Yo La Tengo, ZZ Top, The Zombies.

I could list many more, but you don't want to read this profile all day, do ya? Let's just say these are some of my all-time favorites. I enjoy a lot of music and have too much free time to enjoy it in :D

NOTICE: ALL FANFICS ON HIATUS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. I AM CURRENTLY BUSY FOCUSING MORE ON ORIGINAL CHARACTERS AND STORIES. MAYBE I WILL EVENTUALLY GET AROUND TO WRITING AND FINISHING MY INCOMPLETE RACCOONS FANFICS SOMEDAY. MAYBE NOT. WE'LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE.

Completed fanfics:

The Story Of Ralph Raccoon, A Raccoons Fanfic

Ralph Raccoon tells the story of the earlier years of his life, and how he and Melissa came to know one another and become a couple. Told from Ralph's perspective. Fully completed unless I feel the sudden urge to change anything or am asked to change anything.

'Twas A Wonderful Life: Bert feels neglected and left out as his friends and family leave him out of their Christmas celebration, and decides to leave home and never return...until an accident leads Bert to meeting his appointed guardian angel. Upon being told that his guardian angel has the power to grant wishes, Bert wishes he was never born, feeling everyone's lives would dramatically improve without him. The angel proceeds to grant his wish and shows Bert what would have happened to everyone without him having existed: Cyril Sneer destroyed the Evergreen Forest and built a bustling city atop it, Bentley is a slovenly teenaged slob permanently addicted to his computer and video games, Lisa is an extremely unstable emotional wreck, and Ralph and Melissa never fell in love and got married (and something much worse happened to Ralph), among other things. Will Bert realize how much he truly means to everybody, or is it too late for him? 100% complete

Beat The Clock: A Race Against Time: Taking place after the end of the actual Raccoons show, from 1995-1997. Melissa feels a strange emptiness in her life that she is unable to explain since her life seems almost perfect. That is, until she realizes that she doesn't have any children, and begins to wish that she and Ralph could have children together someday. Unfortunately, Ralph is not as receptive to her idea as she hoped he would be. But maybe, just maybe, her wish for a child will come true...Meanwhile, Bert Raccoons feels alone and saddened that his dreams of being with Lisa are not coming to fruition, and after being rejected by her once and for all, feels that he might never find true love. That is, until he finds out he's not as alone as he thought he was...

Without You: A "what-if" story, based on the Raccoons episode "The Sky's the Limit". We all remember how Ralph was jealous of Troy Malone, and tried to take him on in an air race only to end up crashing his plane. Fortunately, he survived and made things up with his wife...but what if he hadn't? What if Ralph had been killed in the plane crash? How would Melissa react to being a widow at a young age, and how would she move on without her husband?

Lost In The Wilderness: A one-off story starring Michael Raccoon, the child of Ralph and Melissa Raccoon. Ralph and Melissa decide to reward their son for doing well in the previous school year by taking him on his first camping trip. Ralph has some worries about what might happen, but things seem to go well...until Michael wanders off from camp in the middle of the night after hearing a strange sound. Worse still, a severe thunderstorm strikes and hinders his parent's efforts to find him. Will Michael ever be reunited with his parents?

Father's Day: A Father's Day-themed one-off story, once again starring Michael Raccoon. Father's Day is approaching in the Evergreen Forest, and poor Ralph is worried his son will forget all about him this year. He worries that Michael doesn't love him as much as his mother. But with some encouragement from his wife, he decides to take his son out fishing so the two can spend some time bonding with one another. Unfortunately for Ralph, Bert shows up and manages to rope the two of them into a rafting adventure with him instead! Will Ralph's Father's Day be one to remember, or will it all fall apart?

Puppy Problems: Yet another one-off starring Michael Raccoon. Michael wants a puppy for his birthday, and his parents, realizing that their son is remarkably attentive and responsible for his age, decide to get him one. Michael loves his new gift, but one night, he lets his guard down, and his new puppy runs away! The young kit is heartbroken, but Ralph and Melissa try their best to make him feel better. But will Michael ever see his missing puppy again?

Happy Anniversary: An attempt to write a more..."intimate" Raccoons story starring Ralph and Melissa. It's the couple's twentieth wedding anniversary, and Ralph decides to take his wife to the Porkonos to celebrate the occasion. When they arrive, they search for anniversary presents, and later, at their hotel room, Ralph has another surprise present for his beloved Melissa...Rated M due to explicit sexual content (I hope I don't get banned for posting this! :D)

I Wouldn't Ever Change A Thing: A cute (and very sappy) one-off, taking place during the events of "Beat the Clock". A heavily pregnant Melissa has an awful nightmare in which Ralph no longer finds her attractive, and abandons her abruptly. Ralph does his best to comfort her, but can he cheer his expectant spouse up? This probably would have fit in well with "Beat the Clock", but it is too late to add it there...

Fanfics on hiatus:

Fly By Night: Reaching For The Stars: Takes place before the beginning of the actual Raccoons show. After Ralph and Melissa get married and Ralph and Bert graduate from college, Bert and his band, the Flying Aces, leave the Evergreen Forest for Vancouver to attempt to gain a recording contract. However, things go horribly wrong and Bert ends up kicked out of the very band he started. Bert has a hard time adjusting to city life on his own, and after a year filled with misery, hardship, heartache and despair, Bert finds himself broke and homeless on the streets of Vancouver. He decides the only thing he can do now is follow the railway line home and hope Ralph and Melissa will take him back in, as he feels they are the only ones who would be able to help him. However, Bert encounters more hardships and a score of unsavory characters on his trek along the railway. Will Bert ever make it back to the Evergreen Forest? Also featuring subplots involving Ralph's idiotic Dad and his drunken pals along with Melissa's father and his depression, and Ralph and Melissa building up their marriage. (ON HIATUS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE)

The Raccoons in "The Evergreen Forest Of Terror" (ON HIATUS...FOREVER)

A Simpsons Treehouse of Horror spoof, featuring classic Treehouse of Horror segments adapted into the Raccoons universe. Three sketches just like in Treehouse of Horror episodes. Here are the three sketches...

Bad Dream House/"The Dream House Of No Tomorrow"-Bert, Ralph, and Melissa win a contest they don't remember entering and receive a luxury dream house. It looks like the house of their dreams...until they realize something isn't quite right with the house. Many unexplained and supernatural occurrences are going on around the mansion. Now they must figure out how to deal with these occurrences before they go insane and try to murder each other. Meanwhile, the house itself is sentient and doesn't seem to be very happy to be the new home to three raccoons... STATUS: COMPLETE

If I Only Had A Brain/"If I Only Had My Brain: Bert's Nightmare"-Cyril Sneer has finally done it: he has managed to at last close a deal that officially puts the Evergreen Standard out of business for good. As such, Bert, Ralph and Melissa are forced to look through the final issue to hunt for new jobs. Bert stumbles across a high-paying job as a gravedigger in Evergreen Cemetery. Meanwhile, Cyril, while celebrating his triumph over the Raccoons, becomes fed up with the laziness of his bear workers and decides to fire all of them and replace them with a new contraption he and the pigs have invented: the perfectly obediant, loyal robot worker. All it needs is the brain of a dead animal. Cyril, Cedric, and the pigs head out to the graveyard to look for a dead body to dig up; they stumble across Bert sleeping in one of the graves... STATUS: IN-PROGRESS

Dial Z For Zombies/"The Zombiegreen Forest"-Broo is hit by Cyril Sneer's limo while playing with Bert and Bentley and is killed. Everyone is mournful about Broo's death, most of all Bentley. Bentley, however, has an idea, and convinces Lisa to go with him to the Museum where she works and they take out a book containing ancient magical spells. They discover a spell that can raise the dead and decide to use it to bring Broo back to life. But instead of reincarnating Broo, it raises all of the dead from Evergreen Cemetery as zombies. Now, the Raccoons are forced to stop the zombie plague before they-and the rest of the world-become part of the ever-growing army of the undead... STATUS: COMPLETE

Growing Up!: My Young Years: A nice companion piece to my first ever Raccoons story, "The Story Of Ralph Raccoon". Melissa Raccoon tells her story of her younger years, starting with some of her early childhood and leading up to her marriage to Ralph. She tells of her relationship with her father and some of her school experiences, and she also tells of her past romantic relationships and how she felt disappointed with the. She once wondered if she could ever find someone who truly loved her, until she met Ralph...Have three completed chapters and have almost completed the fourth (I WILL finish it soon and get this story on the move again). Not sure how many chapters this will have...(ON HIATUS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE)

Upcoming future fanfics:

Another Family Secret: Melissa Raccoon has most everything a woman could ever want in her life: a successful, rewarding career, the support of a loving and doting husband, and a wonderful, adorable little son. But there is one thing missing from her life that she has always wished for...her family, as she and Michael are the only two living members of the Mulligan clan left alive. Things change one summer day, however, when Melissa receives a phone call from a mysterious man who claims he is a long lost relative of hers and is interested in meeting her. Intrigued by this, Melissa keeps in touch with them man for a time, and after a little while, decides to book a trip to her old home of Kentucky, taking Ralph and Michael with her. But is the strange man who he really says he is? Will Ralph and Michael actually like visiting a strange new place they've never seen before? And what will happen to the family in Kentucky? (COMING SOON; I have Chapter 1 complete and am beginning work on a second. Hope to have it up soon! :))

That's all of my fanfic ideas I have for the moment, come check back when I feel even more...inspired. (Or not...)

Here's just one little note...: Although I appreciate positive feedback on my stories, please, do not request me to write anything for you. Due to my past experience with requests, I do NOT accept them under any circumstances. I MAY take ideas and suggestions to be used WITHIN stories, but if you request me to write a specific story for you, I will say no, no matter how nicely you ask me to do it for you. Really, I feel more comfortable writing what I want to write over what other people might want me to write. I am also willing to accept constructive criticism of my stories, but any and all flames of my stories will be removed. I really do not wish to read those.

Song for your thoughts...

It was all once bright jewels
Glittering sand
The oceans have ravaged
Strangled the land

Waste fills the temples
Dead daughters are born
The presses are empty
The editor's torn

Whose husband was the first to fall?
Who died the worst death of them all?
How many splinters in each separate band?
How many stations in the final hand?

Now gather up sea shells
And write down brave words
Your prayers are unanswered
Your idols absurd

The seaweed and the cobweb
Have rotted your sword
Your barricades broken
Your enemies, Lord

Procol Harum-"Broken Barricades" (1971)