Author has written 12 stories for Raccoons.
I get up at seven, yeah!
And I go to work at nine
Got no time for livin', yeah
Workin' all the time
Seems to me, I could live my life
A lot better than I think I am
I guess that's why they call me
Call me the workin' man!
Rush-The Working Man
You left me here with my empty arms
My empty rooms, and my empty heart is
Nothing's left for me now that you're gone
It just ain't right and I know I can't last
Nazareth-Empty Arms Empty Heart
Sweet sixteen, I fell in love
With a girl as sweet as could be
It only took a couple of days
'Til she was rid of me
She swore that she'd be all mine
And love me 'til the end
But when I whispered in her ear
I lost another friend
Ah, good times, bad times, you know I've had my share
Well, my woman left home with a brown-eyed man but I still don't seem to care!
Led Zeppelin-Good Times, Bad Times
Raven-black is on my track
He showed me how to neutralize the knife
Showed to me in surgery
The art of fighting words to conquer life
Conquer life, yeah!
Budgie-Crash Course In Brain Surgery
I danced with Linda
I danced with Jean
I danced with Cindy
Then I suddenly seen...
Mary-Anne with the shaky hands
What they've done to her man
Those shaaaaaaaa-ky hands
The Who-Mary-Anne With The Shaky Hand
Here is some generic information about myself
Location: Kiln House
Job: Veteran cosmic rocker...actually, a bit uncertain on what to do with my life.
Hobbies: An amateur classic rock critic/reviewer/fan, an amateur cartoon historian, an amateur motorsports historian, reviewer of crappy Chinese bootleg games (Please, do not ask...), and now, officially, fanfic writer. (As well as original fiction writer-not published, though).
Favorite TV Shows: Tom and Jerry, The Looney Tunes, The Peanuts (I like the strip, too!), The Simpsons, King Of The Hill, Family Guy, Spongebob, Rocko's Modern Life, Angry Beavers, Ed Edd n Eddy, Raccoons, Hamtaro, Courage The Cowardly Dog, Johnny Bravo, Pokemon, Many others.
Music I like: CLASSIC HARD ROCK. Though most any kind of classic rock (progressive rock, blues rock, psychedelic rock, art rock, folk rock, pop rock, etc.) is fine with me
Bands I like: (in alphabetical order): 10CC, AC/DC, Aerosmith, Alice Cooper, Allman Brothers Band, Amon Duul II, Aphrodite's Child, Argent, Arthur Brown, Ash Ra Tempel, Atomic Rooster, Badfinger, Barclay James Harvest, Bee Gees (pre-disco), Black Sabbath, Blondie, Bloodrock, Blood, Sweat And Tears, Blue Cheer, Blue Oyster Cult, Bob Marley, Bob Seger And The Silver Bullet Band, Brand X, Brian Eno, Budgie, Buffalo Springfield, Camel, Can, Canned Heat, Captain Beefheart And His Magic Band, Caravan, Cheap Trick, Chicago, Clannad, Cluster, Cockney Rebel, Colosseum, Country Joe And The Fish, Cream, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Crosby, Stills And Nash, Curved Air, David Bowie, Deep Purple, Derek And The Dominoes, Dire Staits, Electric Light Orchestra, Eloy, Elton John, Emerson, Lake And Palmer, Eric Clapton, Fairport Convention, Family, Faust, Flamin' Groovies, Fleetwood Mac, Focus, Foghat, Frank Zappa And The Mothers Of Invention, Free, Fruupp, Funkadelic/Parliament, Genesis, Gentle Giant, George Harrison, Gong, Grand Funk Railroad, Gravy Train, Gryphon, Hawkwind, Henry Cow, High Tide, Hot Tuna, Humble Pie, Iron Butterfly, Iron Maiden, It's A Beautiful Day, J. Geils Band, Janis Joplin, Jefferson Airplane, Jethro Tull, Jimi Hendrix Experience, J. J. Cale, John Lennon (and the Plastic Ono Band), Judas Priest, Kansas, Kayak, King Crimson, Klaatu, Kraftwerk, Led Zeppelin, Lindisfarne, Little Feat, Lou Reed, Love, Lucifer's Friend, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Magma, Manfred Mann's Earth Band, Moby Grape, Motorhead, Mott The Hoople, Mountain, Nazareth, Neil Young, Nektar, Nick Drake, Nirvana, Paul McCartney and Wings, Pearl Jam, Peter Hammill, Pink Floyd, Popol Vuh, Premiata Forneria Marconi, Procol Harum, Queen, Quicksilver Messenger Service, Rainbow, Renaissance, Rick Wakeman, Robin Trower, Rod Stewart ('70s output only), Rory Gallagher, Roxy Music, Rush, Santana, Seatrain, Sensational Alex Harvey Band, Slade, Sly And The Family Stone, Sparks, Spirit, Spooky Tooth, Steamhammer, Steeleye Span, Steely Dan, Steppenwolf, Steve Miller Band, Stevie Wonder, Stone Temple Pilots, Stone The Crows, Strawbs, Styx, Supertramp, T. Rex/Tyrannosaurus Rex, Tangerine Dream, Ten Years After, The 13th Floor Elevators, The Alan Parsons Project, The Animals, The Band, The Beatles, The Byrds, The Clash, The Doors, The Eagles, The Faces/The Small Faces, The Grateful Dead, The Guess Who, The Hollies, The Incredible String Band, The James Gang, The Jeff Beck Group, The Kinks, The Left Banke, The Moody Blues, The Move, The Nazz, The Nice, The Pink Fairies, The Pretty Things, The Ramones, The Rolling Stones, The Soft Machine, The Sweet, The Talking Heads, The United States Of America, The Velvet Underground, The Who, The Yardbirds, Thin Lizzy, Toad, Todd Rundgren, Traffic, Trapeze, U. F. O., Uriah Heep, Van Der Graaf Generator, Van Halen, Vangelis, Wishbone Ash, Yes, Zombies, ZZ Top.
Top 50 Bands:
50. Hawkwind ("It flies out of a dream, it's anti-septically clean. You're gonna know where I've been, in my silver machine!")
49. Incredible String Band ("'Oh you know all the words, and you sung all the notes, but you never quite learned the song' she sang")
48. The Sweet ("And he's such an elegant fellow. And he does whatever's in line. And he says to people concerning. That it's just a matter of time")
47. Allman Brothers Band ("Lord I was born a ramblin' man, tryin' to make a livin' and doin' the best I can")
46. Alice Cooper ("I'm the top prime cut of meat, I'm your choice, I wanna be elected!")
45. Santana ("Is that you, your eyes slowly fading? Is that you, your mind full of tears? Is that you, searchin' for a good time? Is that you, waitin' for all these years?")
44. Supertramp ("Write your problems down in detail, take them to a higher place. You had your cry-no, I should say wail, in the meantime hush your face!")
43. Rainbow ("So fortune shine a light on me, 'cause it's true what they say about familiarity. There's nothing good this way and it's true what they say, I'm the black sheep of the family!")
42. AC/DC ("And it came to pass that rock and roll was born. All across the land, every rockin' band was blowin' up a storm")
41. Caravan ("Sitting in my treetop world, doing nothing at all. Just floating in the sky, I'm free")
40. Blue Oyster Cult ("I choose to steal what you choose to show, and you know I will not apologize. You're mine for the taking, I'm making a career of evil!")
39. Van Der Graaf Generator ("So you live in the bottom of the sea, and you kill all that come near you. But you are very lonely, because all the other fish fear you")
38. Spooky Tooth ("Evil woman, the lord's gonna wreck her. Evil woman, the lord's gonna beckon you. Evil woman, can't you see where you're fallin'? Evil woman, the devil is a-callin' you!")
37. The Band ("Up on Cripple Creek, she sends me, if I spring a leak, she mends me. I don't have to speak, she defends me, a drunkard's dream if I ever did see one!")
36. Nazareth ("Nobody wants to talk to him, walk with him, be seen with him. Nobody wants to speak to him, be with him, look like him")
35. Steely Dan ("Times are hard, you're afraid to pay the fee. So you find yourself somebody, who can do the job for free!")
34. Elton John ("There's a joke and I know it very well, it's one of those I told you long ago-I'm a madman, don't you know?")
33. Crosby, Stills and Nash ("They are one person. They are two alone. They are three together. They are for each other")
32. T. Rex ("I move like a cat, charge like a ram, sting like a bee, babe I wanna be your man!")
31. Emerson, Lake and Palmer ("Save me from this shallow land, take me out of temper's hand. Drag me from the burning sand, show me those that understand")
30. Neil Young ("Tell me why, tell me why, is it hard to make arrangements with yourself? When you're old enough to repay but young enough to sell?")
29. Buffalo Springfield ("Who's saying 'Baby, that don't mean a thing,' 'cause nowadays Clancy can't even sing")
28. Fleetwood Mac ("Oh how I wish I could see an angel, deliver me from this dark despair. Gotta sweet lot of plans that've come to nothing, and a life that's in need of a good repair")
27. Judas Priest ("Once she was wonderful, once she was fine. Once she was beautiful, once she was mine")
26. Rush ("You can be the captain, and I will draw the chart. Sailing into destiny, closer to the heart")
25. Lynyrd Skynyrd ("Every mother's son, better hear what I say. Every mother's son, will rise and fall someday")
24. The Move ("Let's go for a walk upon the water. Let's go for a stroll across the sea. First one follow me")
23. King Crimson ("Blood rack, barbed wire, politicians' funeral pyre. Innocents raped with napalm fire, twenty-first century schizoid man")
22. Procol Harum ("So the pilgrim said, 'I wish to know the meaning of life, father.' And the Dalai Lama smiled and said, 'Well, my son, life is like a beanstalk, isn't it?'")
21. David Bowie ("You walk past a cafe but you don't eat when you've lived too long, oh, no, no, no, you're a rock and roll suicide")
20. Budgie ("You think you've got no place to go, and your daddy's kicked you on the road. You need a lover, not a foe, so you just relax and then unload")
19. Thin Lizzy ("From Chattanooga, to good ol' Boogaloosa you can hear her fine. She makes the choices, then you'd best be smilin' when it's choosing time")
18. Electric Light Orchestra ("Now my whole world is gone for dead, 'cause I can't get it out of my head")
17. Genesis ("Some of you are going to die, martyrs of course to the freedom that I shall provide")
16. The Kinks ("I'm the last of the good old hopper trains, I'm the last of the blood and sweat brigade")
15. Yes ("Starship trooper, go sailing on by. Catch my soul, catch the very light. Hide the moment from my eager eye")
14. Black Sabbath ("Just take a look around you, what do you see? Pain, suffering and misery. It's not the way that the world was meant, it's a pity you don't understand, killing yourself to live")
13. Creedence Clearwater Revival ("And I wonder, still I wonder, who'll stop the rain?")
12. Jimi Hendrix Experience ("But I'm bold as love, yeah yeah. Well, I'm bold, bold as love. I'm bold as love-just ask the Axis. He knows everything!")
11. Cream ("And the tiny purple fishes run laughing through your fingers. And you want to take her with you, to the hard land of the winter")
10. Deep Purple ("We had a lot of luck on Venus, we always had a ball on Mars. Meeting all the groovy people, we rocked the Milky Way so far!")
9. The Moody Blues ("The sound I have heard in your hello, oh darling, you're almost part of me. Oh darling, you're all I'll ever see")
8. Jethro Tull ("Get out and get what you can, while your mummy's at home, sleeping. No time to understand, 'cause they lost what they thought they were keeping")
7. The Doors ("Oh show me the way, to the next whiskey bar. Oh, don't ask why. Oh, don't ask why.")
6. Queen ("Yesterday, my life was in ruin. Now today, God knows what I'm doing. Anyway, I should be doin' alright. Doin' alright")
5. Pink Floyd ("Mrs. Clegg, you must be proud of him. Mrs. Clegg, another drop of gin?")
4. The Who ("Listening to you, I get the music. Gazing at you, I get the heat. Following you, I climb the mountains, I get excitement at your feet")
3. The Rolling Stones ("Well now, what can a poor boy do, 'cept to sing for a rock and roll band. 'Cause in sleepy London town, there's just no place for a street fighting man!")
2. The Beatles ("I look at you all, see the love there that's sleeping, while my guitar gently weeps. I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping, still my guitar gently weeps")
1. Led Zeppelin ("My, my, I'm so happy, I'm gonna join the band! We're gonna sing and dance in celebration, on our way to the Promised Land!")
Top 15 Homer Simpson-ismmms (That would be his "Mmm..." lines)
15. Mmm...donuts. (From "Homer At The Bat")
14. Mmm...something. (From "Another Simpsons Clip Show")
13. Mmm...fattening. (From "Homer The Heretic")
12. Mmm...recirculated air. (From "Lisa's Sax")
11. Mmm...64 slices of American cheese. (From "Rosebud")
10. Mmm...urinal fresh. (From "And Maggie Makes Three")
9. Mmm...crumbled up cookie things. (From "Lisa The Greek")
8. Mmm...unexplained bacon. (From "Treehouse Of Horror XII")
7. Mmm...business deal. (From "Treehouse Of Horror IV")
6. Mmm...organized crime. (From "Last Exit To Springfield")
5. Mmm...open faced club sandwich. (From "Scenes From The Class Struggle In Springfield")
4. Mmm...Soylent Green. (From "Itchy And Scratchy: The Movie")
3. Mmm...Homer oats. (From "Milhouse Of Sand And Fog")
2. Mmm...hog fat. (From "Lisa's First Word")
And my number one Homer-ismmm of all time is...
1. Mmm...beer. (Various episodes, but most specifically "So It's Come To This: A Simpsons Clip Show")
The Story Of Ralph Raccoon, A Raccoons Fanfic
Ralph Raccoon tells the story of the earlier years of his life, and how he and Melissa came to know one another and become a couple. Told from Ralph's perspective. Fully completed unless I feel the sudden urge to change anything or am asked to change anything.
'Twas A Wonderful Life: Bert feels neglected and left out as his friends and family leave him out of their Christmas celebration, and decides to leave home and never return...until an accident leads Bert to meeting his appointed guardian angel. Upon being told that his guardian angel has the power to grant wishes, Bert wishes he was never born, feeling everyone's lives would dramatically improve without him. The angel proceeds to grant his wish and shows Bert what would have happened to everyone without him having existed: Cyril Sneer destroyed the Evergreen Forest and built a bustling city atop it, Bentley is a slovenly teenaged slob permanently addicted to his computer and video games, Lisa is an extremely unstable emotional wreck, and Ralph and Melissa never fell in love and got married (and something much worse happened to Ralph), among other things. Will Bert realize how much he truly means to everybody, or is it too late for him? 100% complete
Beat The Clock: A Race Against Time: Taking place after the end of the actual Raccoons show, from 1995-1997. Melissa feels a strange emptiness in her life that she is unable to explain since her life seems almost perfect. That is, until she realizes that she doesn't have any children, and begins to wish that she and Ralph could have children together someday. Unfortunately, Ralph is not as receptive to her idea as she hoped he would be. But maybe, just maybe, her wish for a child will come true...Meanwhile, Bert Raccoons feels alone and saddened that his dreams of being with Lisa are not coming to fruition, and after being rejected by her once and for all, feels that he might never find true love. That is, until he finds out he's not as alone as he thought he was...
Fanfics in progress:
Growing Up!: My Young Years: A nice companion piece to my first ever Raccoons story, "The Story Of Ralph Raccoon". Melissa Raccoon tells her story of her younger years, starting with some of her early childhood and leading up to her marriage to Ralph. She tells of her relationship with her father and some of her school experiences, and she also tells of her past romantic relationships and how she felt disappointed with the. She once wondered if she could ever find someone who truly loved her, until she met Ralph...Have three completed chapters and have almost completed the fourth (I WILL finish it soon and get this story on the move again). Not sure how many chapters this will have...
Fanfics on hiatus:
Fly By Night: Reaching For The Stars: Takes place before the beginning of the actual Raccoons show. After Ralph and Melissa get married and Ralph and Bert graduate from college, Bert and his band, the Flying Aces, leave the Evergreen Forest for Vancouver to attempt to gain a recording contract. However, things go horribly wrong and Bert ends up kicked out of the very band he started. Bert has a hard time adjusting to city life on his own, and after a year filled with misery, hardship, heartache and despair, Bert finds himself broke and homeless on the streets of Vancouver. He decides the only thing he can do now is follow the railway line home and hope Ralph and Melissa will take him back in, as he feels they are the only ones who would be able to help him. However, Bert encounters more hardships and a score of unsavory characters on his trek along the railway. Will Bert ever make it back to the Evergreen Forest? Also featuring subplots involving Ralph's idiotic Dad and his drunken pals along with Melissa's father and his depression, and Ralph and Melissa building up their marriage. (ON HIATUS UNTIL I HAVE COMPLETED OTHER STORIES)
The Raccoons in "The Evergreen Forest Of Terror" (ON HIATUS UNTIL I CAN FIND MORE TIME TO WRITE FOR THIS)
A Simpsons Treehouse of Horror spoof, featuring classic Treehouse of Horror segments adapted into the Raccoons universe. Three sketches just like in Treehouse of Horror episodes. Here are the three sketches...
Bad Dream House/"The Dream House Of No Tomorrow"-Bert, Ralph, and Melissa win a contest they don't remember entering and receive a luxury dream house. It looks like the house of their dreams...until they realize something isn't quite right with the house. Many unexplained and supernatural occurrences are going on around the mansion. Now they must figure out how to deal with these occurrences before they go insane and try to murder each other. Meanwhile, the house itself is sentient and doesn't seem to be very happy to be the new home to three raccoons... STATUS: COMPLETE
If I Only Had A Brain/"If I Only Had My Brain: Bert's Nightmare"-Cyril Sneer has finally done it: he has managed to at last close a deal that officially puts the Evergreen Standard out of business for good. As such, Bert, Ralph and Melissa are forced to look through the final issue to hunt for new jobs. Bert stumbles across a high-paying job as a gravedigger in Evergreen Cemetery. Meanwhile, Cyril, while celebrating his triumph over the Raccoons, becomes fed up with the laziness of his bear workers and decides to fire all of them and replace them with a new contraption he and the pigs have invented: the perfectly obediant, loyal robot worker. All it needs is the brain of a dead animal. Cyril, Cedric, and the pigs head out to the graveyard to look for a dead body to dig up; they stumble across Bert sleeping in one of the graves... STATUS: IN-PROGRESS
Dial Z For Zombies/"The Zombiegreen Forest"-Broo is hit by Cyril Sneer's limo while playing with Bert and Bentley and is killed. Everyone is mournful about Broo's death, most of all Bentley. Bentley, however, has an idea, and convinces Lisa to go with him to the Museum where she works and they take out a book containing ancient magical spells. They discover a spell that can raise the dead and decide to use it to bring Broo back to life. But instead of reincarnating Broo, it raises all of the dead from Evergreen Cemetery as zombies. Now, the Raccoons are forced to stop the zombie plague before they-and the rest of the world-become part of the ever-growing army of the undead... STATUS: COMPLETE
Upcoming future fanfics:
Strange Days Have Found Us: Maxie Ringtail has spent most of her line feeling alone and depressed. But now things are changing now that she is in a relationship with the Forest's goofiest resident; Bert Raccoon. She expected some excitement in her life...she certainly didn't expect the kind of excitement she'd end up getting! Find out what happens as Bert and Maxie's relationship grows stronger through trials and tribulations as their relationship is put through a few tests, among them a visit from her former lover and the father of her child, Annie. Meanwhile, Ralph and Melissa are learning to adjust to being new parents to their baby son, Michael, and find unexpected difficulties along the way, among them a sickly Michael... (COMING LATE 2013-EARLY 2014)
The Folks Of Evergreen: A Day In Our Lives: A less serious story than most of my own stories. Have you ever wondered what a typical day in the Evergreen Forest might be like for Bert, Ralph, Melissa, or any other character? Well...wonder no more! You'll finally get an opportunity to see what life is actually like for Bert, Ralph, Melissa, and several other characters from their point of view in this rather comical work. (Coming sometime in the near future)
The Falling Sands Of Time: George Raccoon takes a look back at his life as he looks back upon his youth in the 1950s, his teenaged and young adult years in the 1960s, and how he met Nicole and the birth of their children in the 1970s. May feature usage of drugs. (Coming whenever I finally complete "Fly By Night")
That's all of my fanfic ideas I have for the moment, come check back when I feel even more...inspired.
Here's just one little note...: Although I appreciate positive feedback on my stories, please, do not request me to write anything for you. Due to my past experience with requests, I do NOT accept them under any circumstances. I MAY take ideas and suggestions to be used WITHIN stories, but if you request me to write a specific story for you, I will say no, no matter how nicely you ask me to do it for you. Really, I feel more comfortable writing what I want to write over what other people might want me to write. I am also willing to accept constructive criticism of my stories, but any and all flames of my stories will be removed. I really do not wish to read those.
A song for your thoughts...
So many nights I lay awake
And how many times
You talk about a life
But how many times
Fleetwood Mac-Before The Beginning (1969)
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