Author has written 4 stories for Twilight.
I am Lauren, and I love to read and write. You'll find me a Twilight most of the time. I have been writing stories since first grade. I have the creative gene in my family. I wouldn't mind beta-ing a story, I'm good at constructive critism.
-It's true, Edward Cullen prefers brunettes. Sorry, Barbie you aren't Bella, and Edward isn't your Ken.
-If at first you don't succeed, you shouldn't try skydiving.
-I used to be a lifeguard, but some blue kid got me fired.
-I had amnesia once, maybe twice.
-Parents spend the first part of a child's life teaching them to walk and talk. The second half is teaching them to sit down and shut up.
-My mind is like a steel trap- rusty and illegal in 37 states.
-If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
-You think I'm crazy? Well, at least I admit it.
-You know, there are poor people in Africa who can't afford sarcasm, and yet you abuse it.
-Officer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!
-I agree with the dictionary- girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.
-I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.
-Jacob Black glared at the children dressed as vampires and he knew it wasn't right but he lied and told them there was no candy left anyway.
-Bella saw the children dressed as werewolves and vampires trading candy and laughing and wondered why couldn't it be like that in real life.
-I must be McDonald's because I'm lovin it!
-This ain't Burger King, you can't always have your way.
On a string of christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
(That is weird)
On a package of peanuts: open package, eat nuts.
(What were you supposed to do? Throw them at the people sitting near you?)
On a child's Superman costume: Warning: Wearing this garment does not enable you to fly.
(I blame the parents for that one)
A teacher is trying to teach her class that is was impossible for a whale to swallow a human. Just because their mouths were big, their throats were too small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher only repeated what she had stated in the first place; it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human.