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Joined 11-20-07, id: 1425736, Profile Updated: 12-24-07
Author has written 4 stories for Twilight.

I am Lauren, and I love to read and write. You'll find me a Twilight most of the time. I have been writing stories since first grade. I have the creative gene in my family. I wouldn't mind beta-ing a story, I'm good at constructive critism.
I have a slight (more like huge) obsession with Twilight. I have read it many times.

-It's true, Edward Cullen prefers brunettes. Sorry, Barbie you aren't Bella, and Edward isn't your Ken.
-If at first you don't succeed, you shouldn't try skydiving.
-I used to be a lifeguard, but some blue kid got me fired.
-I had amnesia once, maybe twice.
-Parents spend the first part of a child's life teaching them to walk and talk. The second half is teaching them to sit down and shut up.
-My mind is like a steel trap- rusty and illegal in 37 states.
-If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
-You think I'm crazy? Well, at least I admit it.
-You know, there are poor people in Africa who can't afford sarcasm, and yet you abuse it.
-Officer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!
-I agree with the dictionary- girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.
-I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.
-Jacob Black glared at the children dressed as vampires and he knew it wasn't right but he lied and told them there was no candy left anyway.
-Bella saw the children dressed as werewolves and vampires trading candy and laughing and wondered why couldn't it be like that in real life.
-I must be McDonald's because I'm lovin it!
-This ain't Burger King, you can't always have your way.
On a string of christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
(That is weird)
On a package of peanuts: open package, eat nuts.
(What were you supposed to do? Throw them at the people sitting near you?)
On a child's Superman costume: Warning: Wearing this garment does not enable you to fly.
(I blame the parents for that one)

A teacher is trying to teach her class that is was impossible for a whale to swallow a human. Just because their mouths were big, their throats were too small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher only repeated what she had stated in the first place; it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human.
The little girl said, "When I go to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then will you ask him?"

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Love and Lies reviews
When the big dance is around the corner everyone is trying to find a date. Everyone thinks Bella and Edward would be perfect for eachother. AU everyone is human. BxE
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 10,395 - Reviews: 158 - Favs: 70 - Follows: 70 - Updated: 1/8/2008 - Published: 12/1/2007 - Complete
The Holly Jolly Cullens reviews
Bella celebrates Christmas with the Cullens. What could go wrong? humor BxE
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,549 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 12/23/2007 - Published: 12/22/2007 - Complete
Edward's Resistance reviews
Edward couldn't control himself in biology on Bella's first day. What would lie ahead of them as vampires? ExB AU
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 13,345 - Reviews: 219 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 110 - Updated: 12/22/2007 - Published: 11/24/2007
Bad Habits reviews
Edward has an 'accident' and Bella sees. Will he survive the embarassing torture? One shot BxE
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,387 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 6 - Published: 12/9/2007 - Complete
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