Capritarius
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Joined 11-24-07, id: 1428624, Profile Updated: 12-31-07
Author has written 9 stories for Misc. Plays/Musicals, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Sky High, Treasure Planet, and X-overs.

well, this is odd. It's like being a one-winged lemur. Well, would that be so bad? I mean, to be sure, you could jump about, could you not? And perhaps the wing would help you glide a little. After all, one wing is better than no wings. Of course, there are always poachers, but being a lemur, I'm sure you'd eventually learn to stay away from them. It's not like they're that hard to detect when you have a super nose. But people are always discriminating lemurs, you know? Like all those dancing lemur videos on youtube! THEY'RE NOT DANCING!!! That's how some lemurs walk! And how would you like it if I started throwing bananas at you and taping you walking down the street? This is free country USA!!! You'd probably sue me or something! You just wait, those lemurs are building a case the likes of which have never been seen!!! Sort of like in the Bee Movie. Except a lemur is quite a bit larger than a bee. I guess they're cousins though. Everybody is my cousin. Doesn't mean I can't hate 'em, though. Or get annoyed by them. Or get the every-now-and-then urge to just...wait, what's that? Ah, I could have sworn I smelled chicken bakes just then. Anyway, one of the things on my list to do before I die is "Take a chicken bake, dunk it in coffee, and eat it...cold..." No microwaves for YOU!!! Then take said coffee and pour it on somebody's head!!! By the by, Sleepy, if you're reading this, you would do well to remember that coffee has eyes too (Sorry, couldn't resist)! Still can't post stories for two days, but ah well. In the meantime, I'ma start listing things to do before I die. You know, this list is always growing, so feel free to add suggestions.

1. Strangle (or maybe just catch) a PIGEON

2. Drop a penny off the top (the VERY top, like, the roof) of the Empire State Building

3. Bungee jump in the Grand Canyon

4. Live as a hobo for a week and a day

5. Learn my own native language.

6. Catch and eat ten live grasshoppers

7. Learn the way of the Lemur.

8. Fly. I mean really fly, like, without a plane or a helicopter or stuff like that.

9. Start a food fight involving onions, melted cheese, and at least 20 people

10. Play "Flight of the Bumblebee" perfectly on three different instruments.

11. Plant a cherry bomb with an 11-second fuse on the roof of a strip club.

12. Swim three miles (I'm not at all a good swimmer)

13. Write a book (well, that was a pretty good non sequitur)

I see no reason to fear Death. Death is like a door. It flips open and you're just all like "what if they have CANDY on the other side?!" And you jump through and it's all clear. Or at least more of it. After all, how many times do you get to die in one lifetime? That's right: once. So it's the ultimate once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! Make the most of it!!! Unless you're lucky enough to have a Near-Death Experience...or an Out of Body...or both. I've only had one Out of Body, as far as I know.

And America's nuclear weapons! What's up with that? Why waste money to make and buy so many nukes?! We have enough nukes to blow up the PLANET TWICE OVER!!! Surely you only need enough nukes to blow up the world ONCE?! It's a waste of money that could have gone to charity or education or something useful.

Ranting is SO FUN

Wow, I haven't changed this page for a while. Sort of a long term writer's block. It's not that I didn't have time. I always have time. Time and me are either best friends or worst enemies, but either way, the rules of one don't accurately affect the other. Sort of like whipped cream on Jello.

I take a lot of inspiration from Haruki Murakami, my favourite author. His writing style is sort of dreamy, and you never quite know where you are when you read his books. Reality rides shotgun, and then Imagination hijacks the driver seat and drives them both into a wall, you know? Also, his books are insanely symbolic. They leave plenty of random sides stories and footnote-type things and little extra add-ons that totally add to the symbolism of the whole, but are meaningless in themselves. Believe, there is no possible way for anyone to read one of his books only once and catch all the symbolisms and dead-ends. Sometimes it's just a word, but you can catch it. First reading one of his books is like wandering around in a pitch-dark maze with only one way marked out in lights, so you can only follow that way. Straight to the end. The more you reread the books, the more paths are lit up.

Enough about that, now

I try not to make my characters or stories very distinct, either. Like Haruki Murakami, many of my characters go unnamed, or at least infrequently named. This is so the reader can better archetype their reading: mould it to their own minds, instead of forcing the reader to imagine as I have. When I write, I don't think too much about it. I just type things and it sort of comes out on its own, symbolism and all. I connect the dots myself afterward, spellcheck, refine, streamline the passage, and then its done.

Truly, my life is far too easy.

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Silk Mantis and the Deafening Tin Can reviews
Like some of my other stories, the title has nothing to do with the actual story. This is my longest, deepest, and also most disturbing work, with plenty of Gothicism. so if you were hoping for something light, please go no further. DEATH AWAITS YOU!
X-overs - Rated: T - English - Horror/Supernatural - Chapters: 14 - Words: 15,861 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 2/16/2008 - Published: 12/30/2007
The Serpent Forgotten
A fable of sorts, about the Serpent, about why people hate, about the flaws of life.
X-overs - Rated: K+ - English - Supernatural/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,518 - Published: 1/2/2008 - Complete
All Under Heaven
I wrote these three poems about a year ago, so they're a little rough around the edges. personally, I don't like them that much, but if I'd only posted recent stuff, I wouldn't be very honest, now would I?
Misc. Plays/Musicals - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Spiritual - Chapters: 3 - Words: 875 - Published: 11/28/2007 - Complete
The Passage of the Duck
This doesn't actually have anything to do with Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. But it was the closest I could get.
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,574 - Published: 11/28/2007 - Complete
Blackholes reviews
Another Johannas Mirror rewriting, this time of her poem Stardust. I AM THE CRICKET
Treasure Planet - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 74 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 11/27/2007
A Storm at Rest reviews
This is a rewriting of A Tender Rage by Johannas Mirror. Check out the original. Now. NOW OR DIE!
Sky High - Rated: T - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 200 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 11/27/2007
Just your Average Saturday
Life in a Petridish...it's not as easy as it sounds
Misc. Plays/Musicals - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,496 - Published: 11/27/2007 - Complete
On the Rocks
Not nearly as simple as the title suggests. It actually has nothing to do with drinking.See how many metaphors for real life you can find. I'll give pecan pie to the winner. Nah, just kidding.
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Suspense - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,018 - Published: 11/27/2007 - Complete
Catface and the Winter Village
This popped into my head randomly a few days ago. Imagine, if you will, a world not so different from our own...except with baby seals instead of dogs...yeah...and Santa Claus.
Misc. Plays/Musicals - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Parody - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,507 - Published: 11/27/2007 - Complete