princess sana
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Joined 12-08-07, id: 1440204, Profile Updated: 08-07-09
Author has written 1 story for Twilight.

hi! I've joined fanfiction.net to improve my writing and get feedback from other writers and fans of various books, movies, shows etc.

My favourite series of all time are:

The Harry Potter Series (They rock out loud and are un beaten)

The Twilight saga (Because of Edward)

Louise Renisson's 'Angus, Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging' and it's sequels (because they made me laugh outloud at Gatwick airport and all the international people started mumbling things...of course that just made me laugh louder)

The Inheritance Trilogy (because it's like a cross over of star wars and lord of the rings)

COMEBACKS to crappy pickup lines!

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing".

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Lessons My Mother taught Me:

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next
week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your nec k!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

My Life in a Nutshell by tripping over isolines.x reviews
It's the start of 7th year and things are beginning to spiral out of Lily's control. With karma-induced days, "Siriusly" twisted moments, and a new James Potter that leaves her speechless, Lily's mind is spinning. Dizzy, much?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 21 - Words: 57,660 - Reviews: 219 - Favs: 85 - Follows: 130 - Updated: 5/23/2012 - Published: 1/25/2009 - James P., Lily Evans P.
If Every Word I Said Could Make You Laugh by carmelinagunn reviews
Bella moved to LA and has found "sisters" in 2 of her school mates. They meet 3 brothers in their new apt building & experiences love in more ways than one, in more depth than she knew was possible. Zip up your love. Read IEWIS. AH, regular pairings.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 47 - Words: 291,619 - Reviews: 4977 - Favs: 4,814 - Follows: 1,255 - Updated: 6/17/2011 - Published: 7/9/2008 - Complete
New Beginning by don'teatmycookie reviews
Bella uses Edward's laptop to start a journal.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 128,459 - Reviews: 1698 - Favs: 930 - Follows: 874 - Updated: 2/12/2011 - Published: 1/31/2008
Prince Charming by Citnamor Sselepoh reviews
Repost::If you asked Lily Evans what she thought of James Potter, she wouldn't have much to say. Prince Charming? Not quite. What she's been looking for? Not a chance. The man of her dreams? Not in a million years. Exactly what she needs? Undeniably so.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 8 - Words: 64,785 - Reviews: 740 - Favs: 498 - Follows: 475 - Updated: 11/10/2010 - Published: 5/24/2005 - Lily Evans P., James P.
When The Stars Go Blue by XSiriusIsTheBestX reviews
James was the sexy trouble maker & Lily was the pretty wild flower.So don't you ever wonder how they finally ended up as a happily married couple?And is 12 years in Azkaban the REAL reason why Sirius is so bitter? SB/OC and LE/JP. An untold story.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 105 - Words: 211,830 - Reviews: 4105 - Favs: 494 - Follows: 255 - Updated: 9/23/2010 - Published: 2/14/2009 - James P., Sirius B. - Complete
Fearless by mygoldeneyedangel reviews
After being adopted by Carlisle, Edward moves to Forks. There, he meets Bella and she is determined to fight his hidden monsters. AH
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 99,828 - Reviews: 624 - Favs: 895 - Follows: 238 - Updated: 9/5/2010 - Published: 1/4/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Return of the Father by Stars Enchantress reviews
A summer storm ruins any plans that the occupants of the Burrow may have, but with it comes a unexpected arrival. With it, comes James Potter. Alive and well. Set after GoF.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 43 - Words: 158,257 - Reviews: 3885 - Favs: 2,498 - Follows: 1,702 - Updated: 8/6/2010 - Published: 9/12/2004 - Harry P., James P.
A Vision Stained with Red by XDCaramel reviews
Ever since I was born I saw these numbers and visions. They told me when and how a person would die. It was a normalcy to see these things above people's heads. Until I met them. They didn't have numbers. For them... I couldn't see anything. ExB. DISCONTINUED.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 20 - Words: 88,714 - Reviews: 3578 - Favs: 2,739 - Follows: 2,524 - Updated: 2/1/2010 - Published: 12/28/2008 - Bella, Edward
More More More by carmelinagunn reviews
This is the sequel to If Every Word I Said Could Make You Laugh. You do need to read that to understand this. Zip up your love one more time and read More!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 30 - Words: 248,187 - Reviews: 5852 - Favs: 2,716 - Follows: 1,835 - Updated: 1/18/2010 - Published: 9/29/2008 - Complete
A Month of Sundays by marziipan reviews
How exactly does Lily discover her buried feelings for James Potter? Picks up from James's and Lily's 5th year, shortly after Lily ends her friendship with Snape.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 25 - Words: 88,345 - Reviews: 889 - Favs: 1,269 - Follows: 337 - Updated: 1/8/2010 - Published: 7/25/2009 - Lily Evans P., James P. - Complete
Penmanship Smitten by HeyLookTheSnitch reviews
There were four things that I was incredibly certain of— 1. Prongs was a troublemaker. 2. He very well could be lying and really was a female. 3. I had no clue who he was. 4. I one hundred percent fancied the pants off the bloke.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 97,919 - Reviews: 933 - Favs: 789 - Follows: 378 - Updated: 1/4/2010 - Published: 6/17/2008 - James P., Lily Evans P. - Complete
Annoyingly Persistent by xmaraudergirlsx reviews
“What do you say…you and me at Hogsmeade next weekend?” The nerve. Why couldn’t he just ask me politely? “I suppose we’ll both be there,” I said, playing dumb. He looked surprised again and said embarrasedly, “Well no, I mean together”. L/J new summary
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 28,557 - Reviews: 244 - Favs: 71 - Follows: 103 - Updated: 11/18/2009 - Published: 7/1/2008 - James P., Lily Evans P.
daybreak by xSirenSongx reviews
Edward isn't the only one who can hear thoughts. Bella can also, but like Edward there is that one exception...him. What happens when she learns their secret? And what happens when the Cullen's find out that she already knows? A retelling of Twilight.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 26 - Words: 94,529 - Reviews: 645 - Favs: 1,179 - Follows: 424 - Updated: 11/5/2009 - Published: 5/28/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Path by DaemonicKitten reviews
Bella lives in Forks Washington with her father, Charlie Swan. Every day, she walks to school via a path through the woods. One day she meets a mysterious stranger on the path and makes the wrong assumption. E/B. AU. Vaguely related to the book.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 61 - Words: 126,643 - Reviews: 753 - Favs: 298 - Follows: 157 - Updated: 9/24/2009 - Published: 6/10/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Secret Amor by Odessa reviews
Lily Evens arrived at home from her usual outing to find the uncommon mark that started the first Wizarding war above where her house use to be, the Dark Mark. Lily must now adapt to her new life in Godric’s Hollow with The Potters.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,676 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 8/27/2009 - Published: 8/16/2009 - James P., Lily Evans P.
Harry Potter and the Hot Boy Who Jumps From Trees by Dreamstallion33 reviews
A spoof on the fourth Harry Potter movie. Author’s Warning: May cause severe head nodding in agreement, and erratic bursts of laughter. Author not responsible for: tears of laughter, an urge to throw the GoF DVD at someone, ect. ENJOY! R&R
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 15,205 - Reviews: 360 - Favs: 331 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 7/18/2009 - Published: 1/27/2006 - Complete
Little One by Ravenhaired2 reviews
Tilitheral Malfoy, Scorpius's little sister, had followed her brother one night and it was there she met the person she would give her whole world to, but that would have to wait till she was old enough to grow some bosoms. James SPotter/OCTili.Tfor now
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,492 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/26/2009 - James S. P.
Top Secrets by tripping over isolines.x reviews
After Miranda finds a bottle of Felix Felicis that belongs to the Marauders, she'll do anything to keep it- even sneak the bottle to Gryffindor Tower in Lily's unmentionables in order to get past Marauders armed with Probity Probes.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,522 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 8 - Published: 3/15/2009 - James P., Lily Evans P. - Complete
The Fountain of Fair Fortune: A Play by tripping over isolines.x reviews
Hogwarts' first and last theater production. Based on The Fountain of Fair Fortune by JKR...full summary inside. Slight JxL, a little humor piece...
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,700 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/22/2009 - James P., Lily Evans P. - Complete
Some Sirius Trickery by tripping over isolines.x reviews
After some pleads from popular Hogwarts girls, Sirius agrees to tell just exactly who likes who. Will Lily get the surprise of her life? L/J
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 922 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 3 - Published: 1/11/2009 - James P., Lily Evans P. - Complete
Kaleidoscope by lalalanerd reviews
Bella is a woman in New York City with a lot of debt and a strong dislike for the "Stupid pretty boys with their stupid money and stupid jobs". Will her attitude change upon meeting the mysterious and wealthy Edward Cullen? ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 92,204 - Reviews: 1909 - Favs: 1,447 - Follows: 1,629 - Updated: 1/9/2009 - Published: 2/21/2008
The Date by DontHateMeCuzImBeautiful reviews
A date is usually traditional: Mom gets excited about meeting him while dad pulls out his gun and cleans it while said date is there. But there's nothing more dangerous than a protective vampire father, his brothers, and an imprinted intended werewolf...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,910 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 4 - Published: 12/25/2008 - Renesmee C./Nessie - Complete
Planning Perfection by An End Has A Start reviews
Bella, Maid of Honour, has been paired up with the Best Man, Edward, to help plan Alice and Jasper’s wedding. They have never met each other but have to create that perfect day. Either sparks will fly or it will be a colossal failure. All Human ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 45,237 - Reviews: 1531 - Favs: 2,120 - Follows: 571 - Updated: 10/7/2008 - Published: 8/24/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Every Father's Sacrifice by The Romanticidal Edwardian reviews
BD SPOILERS. Just a cute, fluffy little one-shot. Nessie discovers pick-up lines, and her and her mother use them on Daddy. EPOV.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,840 - Reviews: 468 - Favs: 902 - Follows: 155 - Published: 8/7/2008 - Edward, Renesmee C./Nessie - Complete
In Six Months I Lost My Mind But Found My Heart by An End Has A Start reviews
They’re from two different worlds but are brought together by a school exchange program. Three months at his school, three months at hers. They’re fighting each other and temptation. All Human. ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 33 - Words: 92,136 - Reviews: 2060 - Favs: 1,737 - Follows: 730 - Updated: 7/5/2008 - Published: 2/18/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Track of a Storm by Lady Taliesin reviews
James Potter died on October 31, 1981. But when, nearly six years later, Lord Voldemort invokes an ancient magic to restore himself to a body, James is drawn back into a world where everything he knows is gone, and everyone he cares about thinks him dead
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 26 - Words: 133,551 - Reviews: 1066 - Favs: 886 - Follows: 334 - Updated: 6/26/2008 - Published: 5/22/2005 - James P., Harry P. - Complete
How Things Could Have Been by ice-connoisseur reviews
AU. '20 years,' she spat angrily, 'of nothing but blackness, and you say you hold the key to it. I don't care about your 'concerns'. Give me back my past.' Lily and James Potter died on 31st October, 1981. Or not, as the case may be...
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 52 - Words: 158,093 - Reviews: 1091 - Favs: 439 - Follows: 331 - Updated: 12/25/2007 - Published: 8/1/2006 - Lily Evans P.
Unforeseen by Neurotica reviews
Completed. AU. What if Lord Voldemort had decided to attack before the Potters had a chance to go into hiding? Would anything have been different?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Mystery - Chapters: 18 - Words: 78,854 - Reviews: 613 - Favs: 443 - Follows: 203 - Updated: 7/28/2007 - Published: 7/29/2005 - James P., Harry P. - Complete
Priori Incantatem by fellytone reviews
Can James Potter, Marauder and troublemaker extraordinaire, ever convince Lily Evans, Prefect and good girl, that they were meant to be? Now complete!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 64 - Words: 306,215 - Reviews: 4553 - Favs: 2,597 - Follows: 433 - Updated: 8/7/2005 - Published: 10/1/2003 - Lily Evans P., James P. - Complete
Sunrise reviews
Bella is a vampire...Edward is a human...this changes things a bit but one thing will never change...their epic romance
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 21 - Words: 33,978 - Reviews: 280 - Favs: 100 - Follows: 112 - Updated: 8/10/2009 - Published: 1/16/2009 - Bella, Edward