DarklingShift
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Joined 12-09-07, id: 1440733, Profile Updated: 04-05-11
Author has written 10 stories for Twilight, and Peter Pan.

You only have to pay attention to the stuff in bold - the rest is just random stuff that I enjoyed. If you don't want to be distracted, just scroll to the bottom to read my STORIES.

Name: Romance.randomness.and.regret

Species: Human - possibly. Vampire - very possible.

Home world: The misty realm of my wacked-out imagination ...

Age: Unknown. Unspecified in files.

Physical: I am nothing and everything at once ... you can't see me - I'm invisible!!

Status: MIA. I'm sorry, I really have no time/inspiration to write much fanfiction lately.


Quotes

Where's Elizabeth? She's safe, just like I promised, she's all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised, and you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our words really, except for Elizabeth, who is, in fact, a woman. Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean

Stop blowing holes in my ship! -Jack Sparrow

But ... why is the rum gone? Why is the rum always gone? -Jack Sparrow

Farber: Oh, mother-damn! She just shot at you with her eyes closed!

Spooner: Hey! Did you just shoot at me with your eyes closed?

Calvin: Well it worked didn't it?

Farber: Spoon, she is shit-hot, man. You gotta put in a good word for me.

Spooner: Stop cussing! And -

Farber: And go home - I gotcha.

Spooner to Calvin: Aim and fire. -IRobot

Detective Spooner: Humans can have dreams. Even dogs can have dreams, but not you, you are just a machine. An imitation of life. Can a robot write a symphony? Can a robot turn an empty canvas into a beautiful masterpiece?

Sonny: Can you?

Hey Mr. Grumpy Gills ... you know what you gotta do when life gets you down? Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming swimming ... -Dory, Finding Nemo

I suffer from short term memory loss. No really! It runs in my family ... at least I think it does ... hmmm ... where are they ... (pause) ... Can I help you? -Dory

From now on, you shall refer to me a Sid, Lord of the Flame! Hey Lord of the Flame - your tail's on fire. -Diego

Spooner: Sonny?

Sonny: Yes detective?

Spooner: Calvin's fine - save me!

Jack: Lady Bracknell, I hate to seem inquisitive, but would you kindly inform me who I am? -The Importance of being Earnest

over the end credits, Algy and Jack rehearse their song to win back their girls
Jack: I think your high notes may have damaged our chances, old boy. You do want them to come down, don't you?
Algy: Well, they're never going to come down while you're singing like that, you're completely out of tune.
Jack: How dare you.
Algy: I'll take this next bit.
Jack: You leave this one to me, you go and have a lie-down.
Algy: I'm doing it.
Jack: Move out of my way, I'm coming through.
Algy: Go easy, my dear fellow...
Jack: singing COME DO-O-O-O-WN, LADY COME DOWN...
Algy: Overdoing it, less is more. -Earnest

Lady Bracknell: Well, I must say, Algy, that I think it is high time that Mr. Bunbury made up his mind whether he was going to live or die. This shilly-shallying with the question is absurd! -Earnest

Jack Sparrow: to Weatherby Swann I think we've all arrived at a very special place. Spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically.
Jack Sparrow: I want you to know that I was rooting for you. Know that.
to Commodore Norrington
Jack Sparrow: Elizabeth... it would never have worked between us darling. I'm sorry... Will... nice hat. Friends... This is the day that you will ALWAYS remember as the day that you-
backs up and trips over ledge ... falls over cliff

Norrington: No additional shot nor powder, a compass that doesn't point north,
looks at Jack's sword
Norrington: And I half expected it to be made of wood. You are without doubt the worst pirate I've ever heard of.
Jack Sparrow: But you have heard of me.

Jack Sparrow: Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid.

Will Turner: This is either madness... or brilliance.
Jack Sparrow: It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide.

Dumbledore: What happened down in the dungeon between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret. So, naturally, the whole school knows. -Harry Potter

Mullroy: What's your purpose in Port Royal, Mr. Smith?
Murtogg: Yeah, and no lies.
Jack Sparrow: Well, then, I confess, it is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out.
Murtogg: I said no lies.
Mullroy: I think he's telling the truth.
Murtogg: If he were telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us.
Jack Sparrow: Unless, of course, he knew you wouldn't believe the truth even if he told it to you. -Pirates of the Carribbean

Oh fine! Let's just haul out our swords and start banging away at each other! That will solve everything! -Pirates of the Carribbean

Spooner: You are the dumbest smart person I've ever met!

Calvin: Well you are the dumbest dumb person I've ever met. - I, Robot

"If anything happens, I'm going to pin you to my back and never let you off." "I love you too." - Eragon and Saphira (pg 174)

After all, how can a mere dragon expect to tell a man like yourself what to do? In fact, everyone should stand in awe of your brilliance of finding the only dead end. - Saphira to Eragon (pg. 190)

You can't argue with all the fools in the world. It's easier to let them have their way, then trick them when they're not paying attension. -Brom

Josef: Is this like 'nonfat soy vegan' blood? (Moonlight)

Josef: I am relaxed, this is relaxed. You're only 90, you've never been chased by a torch-bearing mob. (Moonlight)

Josef: Vampire solidarity. Rah, rah, rah. (Moonlight)


Lessons Learned in Twilight:

1. You can enjoy the banquet while resisting the wine.
2. The future is not set in stone.
3. Men are crabby when they're hungry.
4. Nothing beats an irritable grizzly bear.
5. True love knows no boundaries.
6. Some people are just danger magnets.
7. Even eternal enemies can work together to save something they love.
8. Forget the fangs - real vampires sparkle!
9. Soul mates exist, even if it takes 100 years to find them.
10. Porshe 911 Turbos make really great bribes.
11. Friendship is like the sun on a cloudy day.
12. Snow just means it's too cold for rain.
13. Family is about more than just blood.
14. What's worth doing is worth over-doing.
15. Losing your temper can be hair-raising.
16. "Vegetarian" has many meanings.
17. Even monsters can hold on to their humanity.
18. There are exceptions to every rule.
19. Always verify bad news before doing something stupid.
20. Hearing voices in your head doesn't necessarily mean you're crazy.
21. Love means being willing to sacrifice your happiness for another's.
22. Cold hands = Warm heart.
23. Not breathing is uncomfortable.
24. Stupid lambs and masochistic lions make quite a pair.
25. Romeo was an idiot.
26. Twilight is the saddest and safest time of day.
27. Extreme sports should not be attempted alone.
28. Life is worth very little without someone to share it with.
29. Space heaters can be very annoying.
30. Love can make even the most miserable places paradise.


Another Joke...

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him 5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her 50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him 5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde 50.00

The blonde put the 50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him 5.


A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile...somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!


Last Words

I don't feel so good ...-Luther Burbank

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something. -Pancho Villa

I told you I was sick. -unknown

Are you sure the hand brakes are on? - Russel Coight Sr.

Okay, so I pulled the pin. What am i supposed to count to again? -unknown

Don't worry - that's what the airbags are for. -unknown


Random Quotes

"Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton
"I reject your reality and substitute my own." Adam Savage, Mythbusters
"Man must wait long time with mouth open for roast duck to fly in." ancient Chinese proverb
"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?" –Unknown
"Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door,"- Unknown
"Dealing with Television network executives is like being nibbled to death by ducks."- Eric Sevareid
“I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for." --Jasper Carrott
"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else." --Will Rogers
"I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it." –Unknown
"Perfection is a waste of time." --Kim De Coite
Engineering: 'How will this work?' Science:'Why will this work?' Management: 'When will this work?' Liberal Arts:'Do you want fries with that?'" –Unknown
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; I'm not sure about the universe." --Albert Einstein
That is the truest sign of insanity--insane people are always sure they are fine. It is only the sane people that are willing to admit that they are crazy." --Nora Ephron
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe striving to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning." --Rich Cook
You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.” – Unknown
“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” – Unknown
“Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.” – Unknown
“He who laughs last didn't get it.” – Unknown
“When there's a will, I want to be in it.” – Unknown
"A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." ~Herm Albright
"Americans worship money. I have been looking for god all my life and he is right in my pocket." -Chris Rock
Firefighter: At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well...basically... your house burned even faster.
Confusius say: Man who eat jelly beans fart in Technicolor
"Dance my little puppets, Dance!" – God
We're on a bridge CCHHAARRLLIIEE.
We are going to Candy Mountain Cchhaarrlliiee! A land of sweets and joy... and joyness.
Oh god! They took my freaking kidney!
It's a Leoplurodon Cchhaarrlliiee. A magical Leoplurodon
"There's no such thing as a stupid question, until you ask it." -That-Guy-With-The-Glasses


FRIENDS

If you've met your not-blood related twin (in resemblance or personality), copy/paste onto profile.

A friend helps you up when you fall a best friend continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumbass?"

Friends will always be like "well you deserve better" but best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days".

A good friend bails you out of jail. A great friend is sitting there next to you saying "Man, that was fun!"

Good friends will share their umbrella. Best friends will take yours and say "RUN, BEEP, RUN"

Good friends will wipe your tears when you're rejected. Best friends will go up to him and say "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

Diamonds are precious and so are pearls, but nothing is better then me and my girls.

Enemies stab you in front, friends stab you in the back, boy stab you in the heart, but best friends are there to stab those @&#' s right back.

AND NOW FOR SOME EVEN MORE RANDOM THINGS THAT ARE NOT ABOUT ME

Between two evils, i always pick the one I've never tried.

Don't be mean to nerds. One day you'll end up working for one.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

The evening news is where they say "Good Evening" and then proceed to tell you that it isn't one.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when its weird.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hours-long sob fest and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb war with yourself. If you're crazy, copy/paste onto profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't quite know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, which makes weird good. if you are weird and proud of it, post on profile!

Something weird that i saw on someone's profile that i liked so yea ...

MURPHY'S LESSER-KNOWN LAWS:

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4. Those that live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 change of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

12. A shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. When you go to court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

COMPLETE RANDOMNESS FROM OTHER PEOPLES PROFILES:

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

"He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron."

"They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance?"

People fear the strange and unusual. I am the strange and unusual."

"When other little girls wanted to be ballerinas, I kinda wanted to be a VAMPIRE.

my imaginary friend doesn't like you either

i hate it wen the voices argue wit my imaginary friends

We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.

Kid: Why is it raining? Mom: Because God is crying. Kid: Why is God crying? Mom: Probably because of something you did ...

All for one, one for all. Me, well, I'm for myself.

If stupidity got us into this mess, why can't it get us out?

If I were two-faced, why would I be wearing this one? I would be wearing both, walking around and scaring little kids off of the street.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying.

Smile. It confuses people.

I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.

I used to hate it when aunts and grandmas, used to come up to me at weddings and pinch my cheeks and say "Your next" "Your next". Well they stopped doin that crap when i started to do it to them at funerals.

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch slap that mother fucker upside the head
Pass it on...

Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

"Love your enemies! It really pisses them off"

"Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still really bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs."
We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America , but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of Illegal immigrants and Terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration

"A good friend picks you up when you fall,a best friend picks you up and then trips you again."

Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin.

They say guns don't kill people, people kill people, but honestly i think guns have something to do with it because if someone just stood there and said "bang," i don't think many people would be dead...

I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.

Runtime error 6D at 417A:32CF: incompetent user.

The world is coming to an end. Please log off.

It said: "For Windows 95 or better" but it wouldn't work on my Linux.

If it happens once, it's a bug. If it happens twice, it's a feature. If it happens more than twice, it's design philosophy.

A penny saved is a penny taxed.

It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

It's a catastrophic success!

I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here.

Time is a great teacher. Unfortunately, it eventually kills all its pupils ...

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

-"I'm going to try to be me, whoever that is..."

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

I get good grades, do my homework - and yet I still know nothing.

HA I read this on someones profile and just had to borrow it, im sorry if you don’t want me to copy it but its just sooo funny

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

I'm a little tea pot short and stout. Here is my handle here is my... Well i'll be damned. I'm a sugar bowl.

You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement imediately.

Officer, I swear to drunk, I'm not God. Wait ...

SARCASM is just another free service i offer.

I like you. when the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless.

I'm not ALWAYS late. Sometimes i just don't show up.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. that way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.

I would kill to have wings. I mean, imagine it. Flying over the city, scaring the crap out of people who suddenly look up and see a flying kid ...

It’s not cheating unless you get caught.

Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I’ve done it dozens of times.

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.

I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and have the time of your life !

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

I’ve got problem for your solution…

Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”

Your school GPA is inversely proportionate to your girlfriend’s looks and vise versa.

Everyone has a photographic memory… some just don’t have film.

Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough.

All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again ?

Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.

You can’t be late until you show up.

The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

We can forgive those who bore us. We cannot forgive those whom we bore.

Experience is the name so many people give to their mistakes.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

I can resist everything except temptation.

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway.

The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.

Never interrupt your opponent while he’s making a mistake.

You never learn anything by doing it right.

Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.

Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.

It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.

If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

I once prayed to god for a car, but quickly found out he didnt work that way…so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.

It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.

A lot of beautiful people are stupid. There’s a tremendous amount of idiots who look so good. It’s frightening.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.

Being stupid is its own reward

Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything.

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.

Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.

STUPID = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand

With fame I become more and more stupid, which of course is a very common phenomenon.

I say no to drugs, but they don’t listen.

If aliens are looking for intelligent life, WHY THE HECK ARE YOU SCARED?!

The government is not doing enough about cleaning up the environment. This is a good planet.

Sure, it’s going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.

I have opinions of my own –strong opinions– but I don’t always agree with them.

The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45.

Stop being so stupid.. it’s my turn.

I don’t think anyone should write his autobiography until after he’s dead.

If you have noticed this notice you will have noticed that this notice is not worth noticing

When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” Don’t answer him

You can’t just let nature run wild.

I cannot tell you how grateful I am — I am filled with humidity.

The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others.

Eight more days and I can start telling the truth again.

Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don’t compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest.

A friend is someone who is there for you when he’d rather be somewhere else.

Only your real friends tell you when your face is dirty.

The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend.

Friends are God’s way of taking care of us.

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.

A road to a friend’s house is never long.

I’ve always said that in politics, your enemies can’t hurt you, but your friends will kill you.

Count your age with friends but not with years.

A true friend sticks with you through thick and thin no matter what. But through the hard, on the other hand ... just don't try a brick wall.

When a friend is in trouble, don’t annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.

Friendship doubles your joys, and divides your sorrows.

When you die, if you’ve got five real friends, then you’ve had a great life.

True friendship is when two friends can walk in opposite directions, yet remain side by side.

Your friend is the person who knows all about you, and still like you.

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

True friendship is like sound health, the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.

Everyone is a friend, until they prove otherwise.

Friends are the most important ingredient in this recipe of life.

To be depressed is to be lonely; to have a friend is to be happy.

Who finds a faithful friend, finds a treasure.

Side by side or miles apart, dear friends are always close to the heart.

Friends never make assumptions about you. They never expect a reason to go out with you. In fact friends only expect you to be you.

Your friends are what will matter in the end.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Don't be so humble - you're not that great.

It is time that I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

People who say anything is possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Guys should be like lattes - rich, strong, and hot.

C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.

Plagiarism is copying from one source; research is copying from many.

FATAL ERROR: Size of thought exceeds available memory.

I wrote your name in the sky, but the wind blew it away. I wrote your name in the sand, but the waves splashed it away. I wrote your name in my heart, and it lasted forever.

The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

The best things in the world are free -- and worth every penny of it.

Psychology. Mind over matter. Mind under matter? It doesn't matter. Never mind.

I pledge allegiance to the internet and to the principle of end-to-end connectivity for which it stands. One network, under construction, with liberty and access for all.

My programs never have bugs, they just develop random features.windows: 32-bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company that can't stand 1-bit of competition

Who's General Failure & why is he reading my disk?

I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...

WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)

I stay as confused as a gangster with a skateboard.

Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.

Emo kids have cool hair.

EMO = Extravagantly Made Origami

Everything here is eatable. Even I'm eatable, but that is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

Let's flip a coin. Heads, We'll be together, tails, we'll flip again.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

Was that an earthquake, or did i just rock your world?

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Why are the Force and ducktape the same? both have a light and a dark side and hold the universe together.

Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep until noon

Don't call me emo or I'll cry big juicy tears of blood and pain and then I'l die and it will all be YOUR FAULT.

Your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend.

I don't suffer from insanity, i enjoy every minute of it.

Don't frown, even when you're sad, someone could be falling in love with your smile.

You have to have darkness for a dawn to come.

Last night i looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason i love you. I was doing fine until I ran out of stars.

To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world.

Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.

Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed and permanently set.

The town was so dull that when the tide went out it refused to come back in.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

A smile is the shortest distance between two people

Tell the truth and run.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

Education is important. School however, is another matter.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as the go by.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic ... maybe we should have amateurs build everything.

Music is love in search of word.

It's a fusion of Jazz and funk - is it called 'Junk'?

If the sky is the limit, then what is space? Over the limit?

Are children who act in 'R' rated moves allowed to see them?

Why is it when an adult with the mind of a child is locked up and put in a asylum, while children are allowed to run in the streets?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

Who was the first person to look at a cow ans say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out." ?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out of its butt."?

Isn't Disneyland just a people trap operated by a mouse?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?'

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in 'mother in law', they come out to 'Woman Hitler'?

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?

Why is chocolate considered a vegetable if chocolate comes from the cocoa bean and all beans are vegetables?

Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are crazy?

Why is it when some products you have to turn upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn down?

Why do people say ,"you can't have your cake and eat it too" when no one would have a cake if they can't eat it?

When life hands you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade.

Assassinations is an extreme form of censorship.

Imitation is the most annoying form of flattery.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Always forgive our enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

If everything seems to be going well, you obviously overlooked something.

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.

Don't mess with me I've got a stick.

He said, "I love you" , I laughed and said, "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit."

I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet.

Of course I'm talking to myself. who else can i trust?

Let me know if anything i say offends you - I might want to offend you later.

One way to figure out how things work: push all the buttons!

When i say LOL I'm not laughing out loud. I just have nothing better to say.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us!

I smile because i have no idea what's going on.

Life was so simple when boys had cooties.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.

Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I ran with scissors and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

I'm the kind of person who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

Stupid shiny Volvo owner. (Twilight! Woot Woot!)

The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real.

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

Why is it that people are fine with everyone having a different job or going to a different school, but if you say you follow a different religion, you are weird?

Come join the dark side. (We have Edward Cullen)

All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

Don’t mess with me I've got a stick

If you are on fanfiction.net for some other reason than writing pure romance fics or totally rearranging the original story because some slash romance story didn't happen, copy this and paste it onto your profile.

My favorite word is sarcasm.

It's a matter of life after death-now that he's dead, I have a life

Everyone has a wild side-me and my friends just prefer to make them public

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have

There are 3 reasons to go through the day: Coffee in the morning, friends in the afternoon, and a good book for the rest of the day.

Oops, I appear to have fallen on your lips.

Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.

Somebody needs a Happy Meal.

Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers.

I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me

Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head.

I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again

Behind every bitch there's a guy that made her that way

My heart is not a playground

I find "good morning" a contradiction of terms

Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement.

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

P.S I never changed, I just got tired of pretending I was happy.

Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter.

If annoyed further, I shall spork your eyes out.

If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash Honey, I don't live to please you.

Twilight: because we all secretly own two copies.

Love can come in many different colours.

Did no one come to save me just because they missed me?

We fall for stupid boys we make lots of dumb mistakes we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls, we're really good at one thing, staying strong.

It wasn't a dark and stormy night. It should have been, but that's weather for you. For every mad scientist who's had a convenient thunderstorm just on the night his Great Work is finished and lying on the slab, there have been dozens who've sat around aimlessly under peaceful stars while Igor clocks up the overtime."

What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy.

Guns don't kill people. I do.

If you can't see he bright side of life, polish the dull side.

If you are wasting your time reading weird, witty, funny things off of someone's crazy profile just for the heck of it, copy and paste this onto your profile.

I'm sorry if all of that random stuff has annoyed you. really sorry. And that concludes my crazy, wacko, insane, extremely long profile. Read my work!

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Keep your friends close, your enemies closer by Staring.out.my.flooded.window reviews
Edward leaves Bella to protect her from her own secret that not even she knows. 100 years later and bella knows the secret but now that theirs nothing to hide Edward wants her back. Whats a guy to do, love versus the worlds most powerful vampire,Bella...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 16 - Words: 14,876 - Reviews: 284 - Favs: 172 - Follows: 115 - Updated: 12/2/2011 - Published: 2/10/2007 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Welcome to Drama Academy by twilightluver001 reviews
All the girls in East Coast Academy wanted one thing- the king, the playboy of the school,EDWARD CULLEN. What happens when the beautiful Isabella arrives and Edward is determined to make her his? Will she fall for the playboy? All HUMAN.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 6,055 - Reviews: 13049 - Favs: 6,181 - Follows: 2,781 - Updated: 11/7/2011 - Published: 12/31/2007 - Bella, Edward - Complete
New Beginning by don'teatmycookie reviews
Bella uses Edward's laptop to start a journal.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 128,459 - Reviews: 1699 - Favs: 923 - Follows: 871 - Updated: 2/12/2011 - Published: 1/31/2008
Delusions of Grandeur by herinfiniteeyes reviews
Bella is a liberal girl with an outspoken opinion while Edward is an uptight conservative. When these two meet in a political science class, sparks will fly. M for lemons in future chapters. OOC/AH/AU
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 114,186 - Reviews: 1101 - Favs: 676 - Follows: 813 - Updated: 12/30/2010 - Published: 11/15/2008 - Bella, Edward
Pursuit of Gaiety by LollyPopZz reviews
AU Isabella Swan has always dreamed of becoming a famous pianist. She transfers to Forks Boys' High School under the name of Isaac Swan in hopes of making her dream a reality. There, she meets another pianist, a beautiful, mysterious boy, Edward Cullen.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 26,678 - Reviews: 961 - Favs: 411 - Follows: 247 - Updated: 9/29/2010 - Published: 1/10/2008 - Complete
Why Do Good Girls Like Bad Boys? by BloodsuckingLeech reviews
Bella,Alice & Rosalie are violent, moody, bad girl best friends in a punk band called "Royally Screwed." Edward,Jasper & Emmett are the new bad boys in school. When they meet, Forks High becomes their battle ground. AU-some human, some not. R&R !
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 33 - Words: 69,195 - Reviews: 1795 - Favs: 1,208 - Follows: 666 - Updated: 8/19/2009 - Published: 1/16/2008 - Bella, Edward
The Past Comes Back to Bite You by sillybella reviews
AU: After Edward left Bella went to Jacksonville to live with her mother. Years later, after her husband dies, she returns to Forks with her daughter. What will Edward think when he passes through? What will Bella's daughter think of Edward? B&E
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 38 - Words: 75,552 - Reviews: 2769 - Favs: 1,778 - Follows: 1,763 - Updated: 7/11/2009 - Published: 1/20/2007
A New Frontier by Melolabel reviews
AU,AH,BxE,OOC. Bella's a mail order bride on her way to the Nevada desert to meet her Cowboy husband-to-be. She's supposed to be everything he's looking for but what will he do when it turns out she lied? M for adult themes and future limey situations.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 29 - Words: 93,259 - Reviews: 2308 - Favs: 1,912 - Follows: 628 - Updated: 4/24/2009 - Published: 9/22/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Pictures of You by onthepursuitofhappiness reviews
AU/AH. When Bella Swan is forced to spend the day with cocky Edward Cullen for a school assignment will the way she originally saw him change?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 13,422 - Reviews: 286 - Favs: 279 - Follows: 101 - Updated: 1/25/2009 - Published: 6/24/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Kaleidoscope by lalalanerd reviews
Bella is a woman in New York City with a lot of debt and a strong dislike for the "Stupid pretty boys with their stupid money and stupid jobs". Will her attitude change upon meeting the mysterious and wealthy Edward Cullen? ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 92,204 - Reviews: 1915 - Favs: 1,469 - Follows: 1,646 - Updated: 1/9/2009 - Published: 2/21/2008
Meyer University by Sh.C reviews
Bella moves to college where she meets and befriends the Cullens and Hales. Edward Cullen goes through many girls he meets Bella & sees something he likes. Much better Summary Inside. All Human. Adventure, mystery, humor & of course,a little romance! AU
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 63 - Words: 184,281 - Reviews: 8206 - Favs: 5,863 - Follows: 2,163 - Updated: 1/8/2009 - Published: 11/2/2007 - Complete
Just a Pinch of Pixie Dust by partbritishtowhead reviews
I don't care how charming he may appear to the others; I don't trust that boy. Peter Pan had trouble written all over him from the start...Too bad my mother is making me date him. Peter/Wendy Modern version! R&R
Peter Pan - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 29 - Words: 63,799 - Reviews: 322 - Favs: 306 - Follows: 79 - Updated: 12/21/2008 - Published: 6/25/2008 - Wendy D., Peter Pan - Complete
The Doctor Is In by Dragonshade reviews
This is a look into a couple of sessions that Dr. J.M. Barrie, a famous psychologist, had with Captain Hook and Peter Pan. At the end are his clinical notes he wrote after the two sessions.
Peter Pan - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,077 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 5 - Published: 12/21/2008 - Peter Pan, Captain Hook - Complete
The Thimble by SnapeSeraphin reviews
You will die alone and unloved....just like me. Wendy must have heard the Captain utter those last, fateful words. What if she acted on them?
Peter Pan - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,444 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 118 - Follows: 10 - Published: 12/16/2008 - Captain Hook, Wendy D. - Complete
Wanderings by Paddington reviews
Written on the premise that Jane was found by Rochester after she ran away.
Jane Eyre - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 21 - Words: 23,808 - Reviews: 147 - Favs: 121 - Follows: 71 - Updated: 10/18/2008 - Published: 1/27/2007 - Complete
Babysitting by runaway xo reviews
All Human! Bella is stuck babysitting the devil himself, when she notices a strange color in the corner of a sliding glass door. "It was a strange auburn color, almost brick-like, but not as dull." AU. B/E. One-shot.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,606 - Reviews: 140 - Favs: 281 - Follows: 64 - Published: 9/1/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Unexpected, Much? by AnnaFrancesca reviews
What happens when an accidental collision leaves Jasper and Edward feeling not quite themselves? How will they cope being in someone else's shoes without letting anyone else know? Rated T for language.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 20,413 - Reviews: 89 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 9/1/2008 - Published: 8/19/2008 - Jasper, Bella - Complete
Protect the Innocent by AmberGlow2 reviews
Carlisle has a scared 6 year old patient, Edward discovers the problem and helps her. Will she keep his vampire abilities a secret? Rated M for graphic sexual abuse from a non twilight character. Do not read if you are sensitive or under 18.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Tragedy/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,827 - Reviews: 80 - Favs: 120 - Follows: 20 - Published: 8/28/2008 - Carlisle, Edward - Complete
What Edward Cullen Will Never Do by oXXb00kw0rmXXo reviews
Bella wants to know what Edward can't do. But Edward can do everything, right? Maybe not... Read for more details! Fluff galore!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 14,577 - Reviews: 150 - Favs: 81 - Follows: 45 - Updated: 5/30/2008 - Published: 3/10/2008 - Complete
Playing Games by Cafinatedangel13 reviews
Haven't you ever wondered if your life was someone elses game?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 712 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/23/2008 - Complete
Real Relationship : A Geeky Love Story by booksforme reviews
Twilight/Shop Around the Corner : AU Edward and Bella become friends on an online massive-multiplayer roleplaying game. What will happen when they meet in real life, but don't know it? BxE.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 25,432 - Reviews: 573 - Favs: 543 - Follows: 241 - Updated: 4/13/2008 - Published: 1/18/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Family Discussions by mamaesme reviews
Summary: After Eclipse Emmett ponders Bella’s vampiric ability out loud, and then it all just goes up in flames from there. Fluff!Family Moment
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,557 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 4 - Published: 4/4/2008 - Complete
All Aboard by BookMe reviews
Rosalie, Alice and Bella win a 3week luxury cruise around the Caribbean where they meet Emmett, Jasper and Edward. Pleanty going on in this story. Also my personal favourite; All human.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 23 - Words: 80,563 - Reviews: 1191 - Favs: 1,410 - Follows: 410 - Updated: 4/2/2008 - Published: 2/17/2008 - Complete
The World is Moving and I'm Standing Still by rcaqua reviews
Lazarus, come forth. Edward/Piano, and various others
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,847 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 3 - Published: 3/26/2008 - Complete
Princes and Frogs by Temptation's Prophetess reviews
All princes start as frogs, right? But before you kiss them, make sure that they are indeed princes, and not just frogs. Bella learns that princes don't always ride up on white horses. BxE
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,626 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/24/2008 - Complete
A Deadly Sin by Rani Hindustani reviews
A short letter from Jasper containing some secrets about his past from when he thinks he is about to die. Some more mature themes and is not for die hard JasperxAlice fans. The first in the Deadly Sin series.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 750 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 4 - Published: 3/20/2008 - Complete
This is My Beloved Son, in Whom I Am Well Pleased by Minisinoo reviews
Why, after more than two centuries alone, did Carlisle break down and turn a 17-year-old boy? He told Bella it was because Edward's mother had demanded it, but in all his years of life, surely she wasn't the first. Why did this boy get under his skin so?
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,799 - Reviews: 135 - Favs: 325 - Follows: 43 - Published: 3/17/2008 - Complete
Distractions by Fattylumpkins reviews
The Cullen brothers start a band while the girls are away... What will happen in the heat of their stardome! R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 10,493 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 3/16/2008 - Published: 1/31/2008 - Complete
Different Worlds by stare at string reviews
This is a story of two p.o.v.'s and is for both Jacob or Edward fans. The two are from seperate universes, and they meet in a forest. Please read! Yes, it is in both Tragedy and Humor genres.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Tragedy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,035 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 3 - Published: 3/15/2008 - Edward, Jacob - Complete
Another Girl, Another Planet by Sheena Is A Punk Rocker reviews
What would've happened if Jasper was to come back in New Moon? Not Alice. Not Edward. JasperxBella. no, it's NOT gonna go back to ExB. And rated for language. Don't like? Don't read.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 29,231 - Reviews: 546 - Favs: 689 - Follows: 179 - Updated: 3/12/2008 - Published: 1/26/2008 - Jasper, Bella - Complete
Timeless by Eternally Dazzled reviews
The Cullens are suspicious when another vampire is in town. Besides not being a "vegetarian" her power is quite dangerous- she can undo time.Not to mention that she has the hots for Edward. Will she stop at nothing to undo Bella and Edward's Relationship?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Horror - Chapters: 15 - Words: 12,563 - Reviews: 132 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 3/6/2008 - Published: 2/4/2008 - Complete
Surprise by Eowyn77 reviews
Carlisle is taken by surprise by two visitors -- Alice and Jasper.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,885 - Reviews: 124 - Favs: 184 - Follows: 62 - Updated: 3/6/2008 - Published: 3/5/2008 - Complete
Sanctuary in the Asylum by The Romanticidal Edwardian reviews
In a world where werewolves and vampires live, why not demons? A demon stabs Bella, and makes her believe she's in a mental institution, and her life in Forks is just her imagination. But is that really just a delusion? PostEclipse. Review please!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 15,389 - Reviews: 164 - Favs: 165 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 3/2/2008 - Published: 1/2/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Come Away With Me by fancyjules reviews
5 situations in which Chuck and Sarah have to "sleep" together to maintain their cover plus 1 bonus story. Complete!
Chuck - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 6 - Words: 22,635 - Reviews: 112 - Favs: 290 - Follows: 43 - Updated: 2/11/2008 - Published: 1/12/2008 - Complete
What love is by CharliSMILE reviews
A few sentences from a few charracters about how they few the meaning of love. ONESHOT
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,212 - Reviews: 61 - Favs: 34 - Published: 2/10/2008 - Severus S., Lily Evans P. - Complete
Pathetic by I-Can-Spell-Confusion-With-A-K reviews
Granger was dead. Granger was dead and everyone was acting like the sun had burnt out, like life was no longer worth living, like they should all just walk straight into the lake with their mouths open and drown. Pathetic.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,576 - Reviews: 68 - Favs: 129 - Follows: 14 - Published: 2/10/2008 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete
Cherub by Eowyn77 reviews
Edward, Bella, and Alice get some more "exposure" to Solimena's paintings.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,452 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 105 - Follows: 18 - Published: 1/31/2008 - Complete
The Decay by Chibi Koorine reviews
Something strange is happening to Never Neverland. Something unnatural. Jane never aged and Peter has. Captian Hook is hiding something that could save them all. And what about Oberion and Titania? Something is just not right.
Peter Pan - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,825 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/30/2008 - Peter Pan
Forget? Never by kitty-re reviews
It had been 47 long days since Peter Pan had returned to Neverland and not once had he visited Wendy as he promised. "If he saw her now he would see only a shell of the girl he had loved and taken away"
Peter Pan - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,068 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 4 - Published: 1/27/2008 - Wendy D., Peter Pan - Complete
The Computer Lab by BronzeStorm reviews
Carlisle and Esme are called into the school, but why? Who got in trouble this time and what does it have to do with the computer lab?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 37,712 - Reviews: 473 - Favs: 326 - Follows: 145 - Updated: 1/25/2008 - Published: 9/29/2007 - Complete
Armchair Seasonings by Rosa Cotton reviews
One dweller observes a year in the life of Neverland and how a beloved’s absence and presence make such a difference. Bookverse.
Peter Pan - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,489 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 5 - Published: 1/22/2008 - Peter Pan - Complete
Deaf To The Blind by BellasBitten reviews
She went half insane, all alone, as voices swirled in Her head, conversing and whispering sensually and arguing, but always making up in the end. Two voices that always forced out her own... a man and a woman in love. OneShot EdBella
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,187 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/5/2008 - Complete
His Eyes by Niamh929 reviews
Bella is entranced during a ride on the subway ... Slightly AU. BxE. One Shot .
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,222 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 5 - Published: 1/5/2008 - Complete
Forgotten Memories by faded dragonfly whisper reviews
What if...Bella had no choice? What if...she coudn't say no? By a chance of luck, Bella escaped Laurent in New Moon. But what if the wolves had come a just fraction of a minute late? The significance of a second is brutally underestimated. ExB, finished
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 17,069 - Reviews: 63 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 1/4/2008 - Published: 10/7/2007 - Complete
Finished by DreaBean reviews
A girl in an insane asylum has a fantastic story to tell. PWONESHOT. Kind of. T for one swear.
Peter Pan - Rated: T - English - Drama/Tragedy - Chapters: 3 - Words: 7,632 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 12/15/2007 - Published: 9/10/2007 - Wendy D., Peter Pan
Reunion by Lomesir reviews
AU Bella never went to Jacob with the motorcycles. When Edward succumbs to his grief months later, what does he find? PG13 for graphic descriptions and some language.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,706 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 112 - Follows: 22 - Published: 12/11/2007 - Complete
La Cosa Nostra by Hersheys Rocks reviews
Au. 'Why don't you fear me' Fear? What did it matter? She was going to die anyway, like all the other hostages of La Cosa Nostra...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 27,046 - Reviews: 226 - Favs: 73 - Follows: 53 - Updated: 11/25/2007 - Published: 12/14/2006 - Complete
Shattered Heart by Cafinatedangel13 reviews
Edwards heart breaking, step by step. The pairing I suppose is JacobBella though I wouldn't really lable it that way.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 836 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/31/2007 - Complete
So she dances by Niamh929 reviews
When he isn’t around to dazzle her out of her senses Bella finds that she has a new talent … [One Shot] BxE
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,423 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 5 - Published: 10/10/2007 - Complete
Colors by Angel Ren reviews
Ever want to get inside Marcus' head? What did he see in the antechamber in Volterra between Edward and Bella? Setting: New Moon Edited!
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,768 - Reviews: 114 - Favs: 234 - Follows: 33 - Published: 8/21/2007 - Marcus - Complete
More To Happily Ever After by Star Noble reviews
While dancing with the Earl of Demby, Hattie tries to snatch Ella's mask but someone comes to her aid. What follows is a turbulent twist to the well loved story. Rated for later chapters.
Ella Enchanted - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 38 - Words: 30,563 - Reviews: 331 - Favs: 105 - Follows: 85 - Updated: 8/4/2007 - Published: 11/14/2004 - Complete
After Midnight by Demoninmyview reviews
She closed her eyes then as she brought the glass up to the side of her throat. I was paralyzed….I couldn’t move. I needed to leave before I did something I would regret, but there I stood rooted to the spot, watching her. Sad story, happy ending R&R!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 7 - Words: 24,990 - Reviews: 128 - Favs: 96 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 7/28/2007 - Published: 5/22/2007 - Complete
A Happy Ending? by tickledblue reviews
Daria is a cold, bitter, and antisocial girl. But what happens when she unintentionally attracts a certain charming prince?
Ella Enchanted - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 26 - Words: 99,873 - Reviews: 1071 - Favs: 268 - Follows: 122 - Updated: 3/15/2007 - Published: 1/8/2004
War of the Ashes by PinkPixie019 reviews
Dark-fic. A story of a war, started by two loves. A war so strong it may wipe out man kind as we know it. New Outtake added.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 19 - Words: 35,955 - Reviews: 243 - Favs: 104 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 1/11/2007 - Published: 6/11/2006 - Complete
Playful Eyes by GabbyAbby reviews
The statement should have angered her, annoyed her, made her embarrassed.It should have done anything but make her wonder what it would feel to be naked in front of the legendary Captain Jack Sparrow.
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 736 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Published: 7/29/2006 - Complete
Unsent by pumpkintoasty reviews
A short story dealing with the time directly after Ella and Char marry that also answers my question of what became of Ella's letters to Char.
Ella Enchanted - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,431 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 95 - Follows: 11 - Published: 6/5/2006 - Complete
Growing up by GabbyAbby reviews
Peter Pan is lonely back in Neverland and he remembers something he has not even though about in years. 'To grow up would be an affuly big adventure'. Mostly based on the new movie, Oneshoot.
Peter Pan - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,178 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/29/2005 - Complete
Stars Which Shine Only for Me by Rosa Cotton reviews
COMPLETE! Wendy finishes sewing for the night. But she does not go to sleep right away. Because of a certain boy with star like eyes... PeterWendy. First Peter Pan fic. Ch. 5: The Stars Come Out Again
Peter Pan - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,410 - Reviews: 171 - Favs: 133 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 1/25/2005 - Published: 11/7/2003 - [Wendy D., Peter Pan] - Complete
Fairy Blood by tickledblue reviews
It's not easy being part of a powerful and ancient race. It's not easy being hunted and killed repeatedly. And it's definitely not easy having an annoying (yet dashing) bodyguard. (complete)
Ella Enchanted - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 15 - Words: 55,031 - Reviews: 177 - Favs: 87 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 9/2/2004 - Published: 1/21/2004 - Complete
Everyone's Free To Tickle Dragons by Indigo Ziona reviews
Dumbledore's highly inspirational graduation speech. Enjoy the power and beauty of your common room. Don't be reckless with other people's wands. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 878 - Reviews: 147 - Favs: 337 - Follows: 30 - Published: 8/26/2003
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Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory reviews
It's been 50 years after the end of the Prequel, PATH OF NO RETURN. Bella resides in Purgatory while Edward still is tied to earth. Death is interesting in so many ways. DISCLAIMER Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Spiritual - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,335 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 4/2/2010 - Published: 6/12/2008 - Bella, Edward
Path of No Return reviews
Isabella Swan ... an insane asylum ... and a shocking end you won't forget. -Before me lay a contorted body ... ragged, matted hair placed a curtain between me and the human, blocking my view of the face. I already knew who it was.- New End Chapter!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Horror - Chapters: 13 - Words: 7,802 - Reviews: 114 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 7/29/2008 - Published: 12/23/2007 - Complete
Big 5 reviews
A hilariously funny of the Cullen family at a sports store ... ON PRANK DAY. Bella is completely against it but things don't exactly go as planned ...
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,385 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/6/2008 - Complete
Silent Still reviews
She cries for him in the waving grass ... he weeps over her without tears ... no names, angst, and filled with sorrow. Read aloud for best effect. Disclaimer: i own nothing but my own skin.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 228 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/30/2008 - Complete
Losing It All reviews
An angst short story, mainly done by my friend, but changed a bit by me. No specific time, but while Victoria is still alive. DISCLAIMER Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 773 - Reviews: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/24/2008 - Complete
Flying Back reviews
Wendy longs to leave, longs to return, her heart in one place, her body in another. She is trapped, stuck in an in-between place, where nothing is impossible, yet nothing is possible at the same time. Randomly thought out while checking email!
Peter Pan - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 432 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/11/2008 - Wendy D. - Complete
Waiting in Neverland reviews
He watched her, year after year, grow older, grow a family. He watched her from her window as she slept, as she aged. He will have his day with her again, someday.
Peter Pan - Rated: K - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,202 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/3/2008 - Peter Pan, Wendy D. - Complete
Bridging the Gap reviews
The marriage has happened, and Edward and Bella only have one bond left to bind. “Do it, Edward.” I whispered, bracing myself for the pain that would accompany the change. He sighed, his breath cool on my skin...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,028 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 1/31/2008 - Published: 12/31/2007 - Complete
Crimson Rain reviews
Beautiful horror, based on Twilight. No twilight Characters, although one might resemble James ...The mysteries and horrors that lay in Forks, Washington.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,508 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Published: 12/22/2007 - Complete
Together for Eternity reviews
Sweet ... Edward's thought on the engagement ... a greedy jeweler ... the proposal of a lifetime ...find out! And because i forgot a disclaimer inside: i do not own anything! I own only my own skin.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 7,780 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 6 - Published: 12/22/2007 - Complete