Fattylumpkins
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Joined 12-11-07, id: 1442906, Profile Updated: 01-02-09
Author has written 4 stories for Twilight.

Hey, I'm Sam! I'm a music nerd! I currently living in Iowa, and have a dull life. I am fifteen years old and fairly short...almost 5'1, but i will always be this tall...I have medium length, brown hair, I am quite clumsy, which is not as good as it seems :P ..I read waaay too much for more my own good. Along with my interest in reading, i write (duh!), draw, play the following instruments -piano, guitar, clarinet. That's pretty much my life...Again...music nerd XD

The Dark Side gets all the cool toys. You come to the Dark Side, we can guarantee you a cape. You wanna use your powers to get into the movie theater for free? Cool with us. We provide excellent theme music for stalking through your lair. Oh, and don't forget: black is slimming, and it goes with everything. Power, strength, fashion sense, a great 401k, plus, we offer the ultimate prize -- cookies! Bet you didn't know the Sith Lords were a veritable cadre of Iron Chefs in the kitchen. By harnessing the power of the Dark Side, they've made these cookies well-nigh irresistible. Can't you almost smell the scent of fresh-baked cookies, wafting through the airlock... But no milk. Milk promotes strong bones and a healthy body, and we don't need that crap.

(do you not adore it? I believe it's brill!)

Hillarious Quotes:

-You guys line up alphabetically by height
Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach

-I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada
Britney Spears, Pop Singer

-"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"
Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President

-"Can you get a ticket for running a stop sign that is not
there?"
Driver school applicant

-"The world is more like it is now then it ever has before."
Dwight Eisenhower

-"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
George Bush, U.S. President

-If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
George Gobel

-"I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding."
Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons

-"We're going to move left and right at the same time."
Jerry Brown, Governor of California

"I have a God-given talent. I got it from my dad."
Julian Wakefield, Missouri basketball player

He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota.

Pitching is 80 of the game. The other half is hitting and fielding."
Mickey Rivers, baseball player

"I'm a 4-wheel-drive pickup type of guy. So is my wife."
Mike Greenwell, Baseball player

"If only faces could talk..."
Pat Summerall, Sportscaster, during the Super Bowl

Solutions are not the answer."
Richard Nixon, former U.S. President

"A bachelor's life is no life for a single man."
Samuel Goldwyn

A repair shop:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Constipated People Don't Give A crap.

If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?

I'm the kinda girl that laughs at things three times. first when the joke is told. then after i have it explained to me. and finally three hours later when i fiiinaly get it.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

No More Boundaries by saphira341 reviews
Edward decides he can't resist Bella anymore, so he throws out all of his boundaries. Please Read and Review. It's my first story, but it will get better I promise.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 35 - Words: 65,565 - Reviews: 1973 - Favs: 1,139 - Follows: 955 - Updated: 1/18/2012 - Published: 3/21/2008 - Bella, Edward
Blue Babes and Bad Boys by ThySarah reviews
Bella,Alice and Rosalie, have been friends forever. When they started high school, they decided to be known as the Blue babes. They are famous for wearing their blue jackets everyday, gorgeous, they're attitude. Every girl wishes to be then, and every boy
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 29 - Words: 46,736 - Reviews: 530 - Favs: 387 - Follows: 233 - Updated: 7/6/2011 - Published: 3/8/2008 - Complete
The Red Envelope by shattered crystal heart reviews
I stared at him,his brilliant green eyes staring back at me, a smirk across his beautiful face.I glared at him.If it was even possible I HATED Edward Masen more then I ever had my eyes glanced at the red envelope.this was going to be one hell of a summer.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 18 - Words: 35,744 - Reviews: 1304 - Favs: 692 - Follows: 573 - Updated: 2/9/2011 - Published: 4/12/2008 - Complete
Second Chances by Jessica Lauren reviews
Isabella Swan was changed in 1867 at the age of sixteen, after being the victim of abuse for a previous eleven years. How does she cope in her new life? What if the one she loved was the one she couldn't have? What if it was her own fault?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 6 - Words: 16,366 - Reviews: 555 - Favs: 211 - Follows: 226 - Updated: 8/29/2010 - Published: 11/22/2008 - Bella, Carlisle
Isabella of Condre by Gorge on Life reviews
King Charles of Condre has formed a shaky alliance with Edward of Belliut to face a common enemy.In order to show that he won't betray Edward, Charles must wed his only daughter Isabella to Edward.Not a fairy tale.M for rape,violence,and dark thoughts.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 26 - Words: 35,121 - Reviews: 557 - Favs: 379 - Follows: 441 - Updated: 8/21/2010 - Published: 8/1/2008 - Bella, Edward
BEEP by vampirechick123 reviews
Bella punishes Edward with no kisses for a day. Edward tries really hard to get her to kiss him. Now put Alice into the equation and you have brilliance ...just fluffy fluff R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 39,749 - Reviews: 1987 - Favs: 940 - Follows: 575 - Updated: 4/23/2009 - Published: 2/19/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Selfish by babyxbxgurl reviews
“There is no way Bella is going to fall for you, Edward,” Emmett said with a laugh. “Wanna bet on it?” was Edward’s cocky reply. It started off as a bet but when he finds himself falling for her things begin to get complicated. All-Human
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 52,269 - Reviews: 428 - Favs: 362 - Follows: 540 - Updated: 3/5/2009 - Published: 7/11/2008 - Bella, Edward
Can't Touch This by jam-ughb reviews
Bella Swan used to live a normal life in Pheonix. But when an experience leaves her traumatized, she hasn't spoken or touched anyone for over a year. When she moves to Forks and meets the beautiful Edward Cullen, can he and his family help her? BxE
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 25 - Words: 41,184 - Reviews: 525 - Favs: 193 - Follows: 250 - Updated: 2/7/2009 - Published: 2/28/2008
Not So Empty Apartment by whuddahexuppat reviews
They met under the strangest of circumstances. All Human. Canon Pairings.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 1,968 - Reviews: 83 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 68 - Updated: 1/25/2009 - Published: 6/24/2008
Kaleidoscope by lalalanerd reviews
Bella is a woman in New York City with a lot of debt and a strong dislike for the "Stupid pretty boys with their stupid money and stupid jobs". Will her attitude change upon meeting the mysterious and wealthy Edward Cullen? ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 92,204 - Reviews: 1914 - Favs: 1,467 - Follows: 1,642 - Updated: 1/9/2009 - Published: 2/21/2008
Meyer University by Sh.C reviews
Bella moves to college where she meets and befriends the Cullens and Hales. Edward Cullen goes through many girls he meets Bella & sees something he likes. Much better Summary Inside. All Human. Adventure, mystery, humor & of course,a little romance! AU
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 63 - Words: 184,281 - Reviews: 8199 - Favs: 5,839 - Follows: 2,154 - Updated: 1/8/2009 - Published: 11/2/2007 - Complete
Vampire Scavenger Hunt by Laney Bell reviews
Every year the cullens like to go to new york for a test of speed, skills, and who can do the craziest things in public.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 8,869 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 12/7/2008 - Published: 8/2/2008 - Bella, Alice
Truth Or Dare Vampire Style by Emmett-Cullen-Lova-01 reviews
This is just a little twist about what happens when you play Truth or Dare with a vampire! It's supposed to be funny and a bit random! Hope you enjoy and review!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 13 - Words: 15,721 - Reviews: 227 - Favs: 188 - Follows: 100 - Updated: 11/25/2008 - Published: 11/10/2007 - Complete
Love At Kinkos by HazelXeyedXchica reviews
All Human AU classic pairings See I've heard of finding love at bars, parties, book stores, etc. But who would've guessed I could find love over a copy machine? excuse the summary.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 28,228 - Reviews: 148 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 112 - Updated: 11/2/2008 - Published: 4/11/2008
Beautiful Disaster by MrsJasperHale reviews
AU. All Human.His green eyes focused on me and a soft giggle escaped his lips. I was so focused on him that I almost forgot that I was standing in the middle of the living room in my underwear EXB
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 21 - Words: 44,449 - Reviews: 806 - Favs: 311 - Follows: 428 - Updated: 9/20/2008 - Published: 2/16/2008 - Edward, Bella
Something to Live For by Wanna Bet-the original reviews
Edward Masen is 17,ready to fight in the Great War because he doesn’t have anything left to live for.That is before a beautiful new tenant shows up at his Boarding House.Will his ideas be changed by this mysterious stranger?T:mild violence-BxE-ALL HUMAN
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 23 - Words: 21,152 - Reviews: 175 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 8/10/2008 - Published: 7/14/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Shattered Sunrise by dreaming in black and white reviews
Edward’s out hunting. Alice is on her way over to see Bella, but leaves a cryptic message ordering Bella to stay inside the house. Alice’s visions can spot danger before it happens…and of course, Bella always does what she’s told. Doesn’t she?
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 36 - Words: 81,244 - Reviews: 462 - Favs: 97 - Follows: 74 - Updated: 7/27/2008 - Published: 5/20/2008 - Complete
My Best Friend, the Player by blackxout reviews
Bella Swan is used to seeing her best friend, Edward Masen hook up with a lot of girls. She never minds though. What if Edward starts having feelings for Bella? Will she fall head over heels too or will she just want to stay friends? Very OOC.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 12 - Words: 18,394 - Reviews: 1739 - Favs: 1,554 - Follows: 563 - Updated: 7/13/2008 - Published: 12/31/2007 - Edward, Bella - Complete
What we Become by LupsandTnks reviews
All human. Edward, the ghost of the school, has seen her from afar, but has never approached. He and Bella have come to an unspoken agreement:don't talk to me and I won't talk to you.Hate. With one night together, Bella becomes pregnant. What will happen?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 24 - Words: 36,813 - Reviews: 813 - Favs: 482 - Follows: 252 - Updated: 7/9/2008 - Published: 5/26/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Beautiful Love by crescent09 reviews
Edward and Bella were bethroted 18 years ago but were never infatuated due to their distance. When she moves right next door to him, the opposites begin to attract. How hard can it be to resist the beautiful, conceited but alluring Edward? All Human, AU
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 80,137 - Reviews: 1187 - Favs: 702 - Follows: 807 - Updated: 3/25/2008 - Published: 1/19/2008
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

At the Pool reviews
Bella falls asleep while at the Forks Community Pool, what happens when Alice and Rosalie decide to be mean. ALL HUMAN :D
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,927 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 1/2/2009 - Published: 9/18/2008
Every Rose Has It's Thorn reviews
Young Rosalie Hale is a beauty, marrying into a rich family. Then one night, everything goes wrong. What will she do for revenge? What will her new family think of her? THIS ONE'S FOR ROSE..SHE DESERVES SOME LOVE TOO! REVEIW!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Horror - Chapters: 6 - Words: 6,614 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 12/31/2008 - Published: 3/23/2008
Making Changes reviews
Everything seemed to go in slow motion. One moment Ben and I were looking at the sign, and the next a speeding car was coming head on towards us and seemed to take no notice... part of my story so keep reading, involves all twilight characters R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 15,992 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 6/4/2008 - Published: 12/16/2007 - Complete
Distractions reviews
The Cullen brothers start a band while the girls are away... What will happen in the heat of their stardome! R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 10,493 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 3/16/2008 - Published: 1/31/2008 - Complete