Author has written 24 stories for Runaways, Halo, Mortal Engines Quartet, Bolt, Code Lyoko, Leviathan series, Uglies, Maximum Ride, and Star Wars: The Clone Wars.
Hometown: Seattle, WA
Hair Color: Blond
Eye Color: Blue
Religion: Atheist (So None)
Hobbies: Reading, Writing, Playing Video Games, Model Rocketry, SCUBA Diving, Skiing, Snowboarding, Biking, Making Giant Lego Sculptures, Weapons and Vehicles, Making Movies, Weaponry
Titles On Other Sites:
Straif5 on DeviantArt
A Note on my Avatar: Behold the glory of the Darwin's Fist Second Squad Patch.
Secondary Note: No, I'm not dead. Just had a lot of stuff on my plate recently. I should update in the near future, probably Runaway's Remix, then Halo: The Clone Wars, then Darwin's Fist. My other works I have no idea.
Thritary: Still not dead. Just...sort of...dozing? I dunno.
My Thoughts on Stuff:
Bush: WORST PRESIDENT EVER!
Obama: Looks hopeful, not to sure about it though
Stem-Cell Research: Totally pro. There is no God, egro, no soul, so those embryos are nothing but a bunch of cells. If they're just sittin' in jars (as they are right now), and they aren't going to be used, why not use them to save the life of someone already alive?
Abortion: Again, pro. It there's one thing this planet needs less of, it's people.
Lesbians: Nothin' wrong with them. Both my ex-girlfriends were bi. Not to mention most of their collective friends were also either bi or lesbian. I had fun times with all.
Gays: I'm fine with them as long as I don't need to see anything.
Twilight: WHAT IN THE SEVEN CORELLAN HELLS IS THIS CRAP! LAME!
Twilight Fangirls: ... I really don't know what to say. Don't get me started, maybe?
America Guns Vs. Russian Guns: American, all the way. It's not that I'm patriotic, it's just that, the AK-47 and it's ilk are good, but American guns are equal (no matter what people say. The new M4's jam as much as 47s, and they have cooler stuff on them.)
Phineas and Ferb: It's like watching the space shuttle Challenger blow up in super slow motion; you know you should look away, and you want to look away, but you just can't.
Disney as a Whole: Didn't like it when I was younger, really don't like it now that it's lineup is annoying teens, girls riding their daddies coattails, and stupid, laws-of-physics breaking cartoons with no plot. I wish they'd go back to the days of Treasure Planet and Atlantis: The Lost Empire (really the two best Disney films ever, in my opinion).
Overhyped Video Games: My advice is this; if you think it's going to be a bad game, don't get it. It's a no lose situation; if your wrong, you can get it later, probably at a steep discount. If your right...you just saved a bunch of money.
My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic: Not sure how the hell this show got so popular. It's got 20 year old guys defending it in gaming magazines. I, for one, don't really care for it. But that's cause I don't like talking animals much. Though humanised Applejack is attractive, so say the least.
Furries: I only like catgirls.
Game Popularity: Sales don't make a game good. Most people who buy games buy them because they're told to. They're pretty much sheep. Look at Brink; great idea, but the game sucked. Same with NeverDead. And MW3 outsold Reach on opening day, but is it a better game, according to the most highly respected gaming reviewers (read: NOT GameInformer)? No. And who knows what final sales will be. And who knows how many people didn't keep the game after they played it, on both sides. Not to mention the whole one-upmanship thing going on. Halo 4 will probably outsell MW 3. And then whatever COD (Black Ops 2, apperently) comes next will outsell 4. And Halo 5 will outsell it. It's a never ending cycle.
And now, something my ex-girlfriend wanted me to put on;
Things I Have Not Seen Porn of on the Internet (A.K.A. "Exceptions to Rule 34")
Mortal Engines Quartet/Hungry City Chronicles (No longer true, as I have now fixed this)
The Spiderwick Chronicles
Airborn (Working on it/psudo corrected/almost completely corrected)
Jurassic Park (I stand corrected, 2/19/12)
Stories I Beta Write For:
Matchmaking Wars (Halo machinima novelization, author Sinister Vortex) http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7042457/1/
Second Season is now opperational; http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7302656/1/
Third's up to.
Fourth Season's now finished.
Affiliations: United Nations Space Command, Old Republic, Grand Army of the Republic, Rebel Alliance, New Republic, Galactic Alliance, Freedom Alliance, Coalition of Ordered Governments
Weapons of Choice:
UNSC Weaponry: M6C and G PDWS's, M6C Magnum Side Arm, M6S SOCOM, MA5B and C ICWS's, BR55 and BR55HB SR Battle Rifles, M90 CAWS, M7 and M7S Caseless SMGs, SRS99C-S2 AM and AMB, SRS99D-S2 AM, M19 SSM and M41 SSR MAV/AW Rocket Launchers, W/AV M6 G/GNR Spartan Laser, Frag Grenades (any type), LOTUS and ASTEROIDA Mines
Covenant Weaponry: Type-25 Directed Energy Rifle, Type-25 and -51 Carbines, Type-33 LAAW, Type-50 SRS, Type-1 Energy Weapon, Type-1 and -2 Anti-Personnel Grenades, Type-3 Anti-Material Grenades
COG Weaponry: Lancer Assault Rifle (All models), Gnasher Shotgun, Sawed-Off Shotgun, Longshot Sniper Rifle, Snub Pistol, Scorcher Flamethrower, One-Shot Anti-Material Weapon System
Locust Weaponry: Hammerburst Assault Rifle, Boomshot Grenade Launcher, Mulcher Chaingun, Digger Biological Weapon System, Boltok and Gorgon Pistols
HunTech Weaponry: SM3 MPCG, M8 HAVWS, M9 HAVWS/R, Longbow MPSAM, STRYKER and SYLAR AP Mines, Valentine Special Assault Rifle, M12 Grenade Launcher, Mk. 28 Fex-M3 gas canister, C8 Chainsaw Bayonet
Republic Weaponry: Hand-built Lightsaber, DC-17 and DL-44 Blaster Pistols, E-11, A280, DC-17 and -17m Blaster Rifles, E-WEB Heavy Blaster, Vibroblades, Class A Thermal Detonator
Misc: Any Type of Mounted Machine Gun and Plasma Turret, Any Orbital Weapon Systems
Ground Vehicles of Choice:
UNSC: M12 Warthog LRV, M12A1 LAAV, M12G1 LAAV, M808B MBT (all models), Cobra Artillery Tank, Gremlin Support Vehicle, AV-14 AVTOL, Vulture Air Support Vehicle
Covenant: Type-32 RAV, Spectre ISV, Type-25 AGC and Type-52 AAA, Type-25 RAV, Type-52 ISV, Revenant Command Vehicle
Republic: All Terrain walker series (all models), Armored Assault Tank, Heavy Artillery Gun, TX-130 Saber tank, T-47 speeder (all models)
Space Vehicles of Choice:
Republic/Rebel Alliance/New Republic: Z-95 Headhunter (all models), RZ-1 A-wing, B-Wing, E-Wing (all later models, following blaster gas correction), Alpha-3 Nimbus-class V-wing, T-65 X-Wing (all models except reconnaissance), BTL Y-wing, (all models), ARC-170 Aggressive Recon Starfighter, V-19 Torrent, Delta-7 Aeithorsprite Starfighter, Eta-2 Actis, most TIE models (preferably Defender and Bomber),
UNSC: Longsword, Shortsword, Saber
Freedom Alliance: SF-8,14,18,22, and 35 Space Fighters
Comics: Runaways (And pretty much anything by Marvel, for that matter), I Luv Halloween, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Ex Machina
Movies: Star Wars, Monster House, Napoleon Dynamite, Jurassic Park, Ghostbusters (1 and 2) Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Iron Man, Coraline, Bolt,
Games: Halo, Star Wars Battlefront I and II, Star Wars Republic Commando, Crimson Skies, Gears of War, Lost Planet series, Prototype, Call of Duty (4 and MW 2 only), Battlefield (Most games, but Bad Company 1 and 2 are personal favorites), Starcraft, Brutal Legend, Dead Space, Bulletstorm,
TV Shows: Heroes, Chuck, Star Wars Clone Wars and Star Wars: The Clone Wars, NCIS, CSI: (original, not the spin-offs), Total Drama Island/Action/World Tour, Monty Python's Flying Circus, The Real Ghostbusters, SWAT Kats, Stargate (all series), Dogfights, Modern Marvels, Pushing Dasies, MEGAS XLR, Eureka, The Cape, Code Lyoko
Machnimas: Red Vs. Blue (Blood Gulch Chronicles, Out of Mind, Recovery One, Reconstruction, Relocated, Recreation, Revelation, and Seasons 9, 10 and 11, as well as the PSA's), Matchmaking, Arby 'n' The Chief, ANTC in LA, Pre-Game Lobby, Forecast, Phil, Rejected Mortal Combat Fatalities, Freeman's Mind, Matchmaking Wars, Hook,The Forgotten Spartans, Outpost Coagulation/Isil, The Codex/Heretic, Sanity Not Included, CQB Bots, Anything by Chronicler177
My Main OCs (In order of creation):
Name: Jacob "Jake" Hunter
Name: Randal "Rex" Anderson
Name: Chris Malar
Name: Sergeant David Marasco
"Sir, permission to leave the station."
"For what purposes, Master Chief?"
"To give the Covenant back their bomb."
(Master Chief and Lord Hood, Halo 2)
"For a brick, he flew pretty good." (Sgt. Johnson, Halo 2)
"I know what your thinking. And it's crazy."
"So, stay here."
"Unfortunately for us both, I like crazy" (Master Chief and Cortana, Halo 2)
"Wait, so 117 rides a bomb into an enemy ship...but there's no cowboy hat in sight? What the hell?!" (Me, after witnesssing the Master Chief ride the bomb at the end of Cairo Station for the first time).
"I...I am a monument to all your sins." (The Gravemind, Halo 2)
"When in doubt, blow their brains out." (Unknown USMC Sniper)
"My nose! My nose is in my brain"
"Hey, hold still! Let me see!"
"You're a dork." (Chowder and DJ, Monster House)
"Less yapin', more blastin'! (Hevy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars)
"Hey dude, look, a forklif- OH SHIT YOU CAN DRIVE IT!" (My friend Kenny, finding out you can drive forklifts in Halo Reach)
"Yes, yes! FEAR THE FORKLIFT OF DOOM!" (Me, whilst slaughtering Grunts with a forklift in Halo Reach)
"What the fuck was that?!"
"Jorge just died to destroy that Supercarrier."
"Yeah, I know that, but I mean what the fuck? Why did he die?"
"Because he had to set off the bomb."
"But it's not a bomb, it's a Slipspace drive! He should have had time to escape!"
"Not that much. Besides, time is different in Slipspace."
"But he's a SPARTAN-II! He could have escaped! DAMN YOU BUNGIE AND YOUR PLOTHOLES!!!!!"
"This isn't a plothole."
"Then why wasn't any of this mentioned in Fall of Reach?"
"...Okay, it's a plothole."
(Me, Kenny, and my other friend Kenan discussing Jorge-052's death during The Long Night of Solace)
“Go forth, Jorge. Continue to live, fight, win. May you, and your mustache of mightiness, continue to haunt the dreams of the Covenant.” (My OC David-A415, created for Spartan-A128's We Are Spartans, after saving Jorge-052)
"Dude this is amazing! It's like a Halo players dream come true! I lov- (starts twitching and yammering on the floor.)
"What the hell was that noise?"
"Fangasm." (Me and Kenny discussing Kenan freaking out over Reach)
"IS THERE NOTHING YOU CAN'T DRIVE IN THIS GAME?" (Me, as I find yet another drivable vehicle in Reach).
"Hey, bitch! Tim Burton called! He wants his shit back!" (Me, after encountering the weird Black Tear armies in Brutal Legend)
"So... they have cars, bikes, rock instruments, amps, beer, girls in rock clothing, and T-Shirts. But it's supposed to be the past. What the hell?"
"Dude, think less, stare at Ophelia and Lita more." (Me and another friend, Tom, discussing Brutal Legend)
Oh, I've got my mighty Farg, and I'm killing Grunts with it, it may slow down the framerate, but I don't give a shit! (First corus of Kenny's "Firefight Slaughter Song")
"Behold the idea for the greatest weapon ever; three firing modes, the three round burst of the BR55 Battle Rifle, the full auto of the M4 carbine, the single shot of the FAL. Plus, the scope of the M14, magazine size of the M7 SMG, and an M203 grenade launcher underslung. Oh, and a chainsaw bayonet like on the Lancer."
"You forgot the orbital strike targeting laser."
"Oh, right, that too."
(Tom and myself discussing the perfect weapon)
"Stop whacking my balls, you're making me testy!" (Kenny, during a HaloBall Extreme match on Reach, via Pokemon; The Abridged Series)
"I wanna get a Killionare, so freaking bad, kill all of them damn Covies as they make me sad..." (Opening of my "Killionare Song", sung while playing Firefight)
"Yes, Armor Lock if you wish! It will not save you!" (Me, to Norman Reedus and Patrick Sean Flanery, AKA the Boondock Saints, while kicking both their asses on the Condemed map of the then-new Defiant Map Pack at the Halo booth of the 2011 Emerald City Comic Con. Final score, for those interested; 50 to -2.)
"Ah, whatever. I would have kicked his ass in real life."
"Certainly you would have, Mr. Reedus. I can see it now; you, an actor, versus a genetically-enhanced soldier, trained from the age of four to fight, and sealed in strength-boosting shielded armor. Yes, you would completely kill him.
(Laughter from all the Halo fans around me)
(Me, and Norman Reedus, after I finished mopping the floor with him)
"Anya, it's a giant worm! They're sinking cities with a GIANT WORM!" (Marcus Fenix, Gears of War 2)
"Huh. You'd think that almost a decade of development would have given them time to make a better game. (Me, after finishing my playthrough of Duke Nukem Forever).
"A life? Cool! Where do I download one of those?" (Unknown)
"Wake me...when you need me." (Master Chief, Halo 3)
"Contacts? It's the damn Covenant!" (Jorge-052, Halo Reach)
"The message just repeats. Regret, regret, regret."
"Charming. Any idea what it means?"
"Dear humanity...we regret being alien bastards. We regret coming to Earth. And we most certainly regret that the Corps just blew up our raggedy-ass fleet!"
(Cortana, Commander Miranda Keyes, and Sergeant Johnson, Halo 2)
"So, what are you going to spend your mad bank on when you get it?"
"A life-sized, solid gold orca."
"...Okay, someone else."
(Me and my (now thankfully former) boss at a team meeting. I still want a solid gold orca, though)
"Holy shit, it's a smaller retard Leviathan!" (Me, referencing a Locust creature from Gears of War 3)
"Is that a Memory Dolphin in your pocket, Sergeant, or are you just happy to see me." (My friend Sophie quoting her Darwin's Fist character Lieutenant MacPherson)
"Behold! The glorious combination of Chevy and Time Lord technology! I call it...the Tarpala." (Clementine Jones, from Runaways Remix, describing her invention; a Chevy Impala with a TARDIS implanted in the body)
"Well that shouldn't be a problem. She could just smother them with her tits or something. Its what she does to Tsukune all the time."
"That's Kurumu. This is Mizure we're talking about. The ice chick."
"Oh...woops. Still, I'd think that would be Kururmu's reaction to being married to someone other than Tsukune"
"(laugh) Yeah, I can see it now...'It wasn't my fault! He fell in my cleavage and suffocated before I could pull him out!'"
(Me, and my friends Jasmine and Sophie discussing Rosario Vampire)
"But...I could have stopped this. I could have DONE something-"
"Sure you could have. You would have become Emperor, and saved the barking world. And then what? You'd die. Either the Clankers would wax you, or you'd make a dumb mistake and Lt. MacPherson would send Sarge Marasco and me to turn you into spare parts. And, oh yeah, Deryn would have left you for someone who's NOT Clanker royalty. Maybe Marasco, actually. HE'D knows how to treat a girl..."
"No, she wouldn't! She's not that kind of person-"
"(Harsh, nasty laugh) Wow, how fucking thick are you? Do you REALLY think Sharp is the kinda girl to happily sit next to you on a throne in a dress and hold your hand while she squeezes out your kids? FUCK...NO. She'd probably kill you before we could. So get on your feet, pull yourself together, and shut your fucking mouth about your missed chance to get turned into bloody pulp. Before I ram a Combustible Lemon into it. Let's see Deryn swap spit with you with half your face burned off."
(Corporal Hester Shaw (Darwin's Fist OC) and Aleksander Ferdinand (Canon character from Leviathan universe) "discussing" the latter's constant moping)
(Me, during a Red Bull-fueled rant against the Leviathan universe and it's lack of anything suitably WWI-ish)
"God my life sucks-WHEEE-I really hate myself-WHEEE-I feel so empty-WHEEE." (The internal thoughts of just about every whiny/angsty superpowered being)
"Tally had a pretty gentle childhood. Her worst problem was, what, angst? Katniss had death reaching under her shirt and trying to grope her all the time." (Me, on Tally Youngblood Vs. Katniss Everdeen)
"This is the prototype NOVA bomb, nine fusion warheads encased in lithium triteride armor. When detonated, it compresses its fissionable material to neutron-star density, boosting the thermonuclear yield a hundredfold. I am Vice Admiral Danforth Whitcomb, temporarily in command of the UNSC military base Reach. To the Covenant uglies that might be listening, you have a few seconds to pray to your damned heathen gods. You all have a nice day in hell..." (UNSC Vice Admiral Danforth Whitcomb, in a recording attached to the NOVA bomb prototype moments before it detonates)
Minne: lets call it, minnesota mk 2!
Dolphins: we have returned with the steampunk boobs *holds up a random person*
Percy: um, I'm almost certain that's a man...
(From the Scott Westerfeld's Forum's Bloodbath Thread)
Indeed my smexy dolphin boy
(Westerforum user Anchorgurl1 on me)
They should have won the war, but oh no, a Daft prince and a horny lassy single handedly kept history the same as per OTL
And we shall know them by the name I will give them; THE SPACE BUGS OF DEATH!
"Nurgle, I hate you and everything you stand for...but phantom itching is probably the best thing you ever invented!"
"Soon enough, the Antethema won't stand the succulent itching (slurp)-in his decaying body anymore."
"And then he'll explode, destroying mankind and then he will join us as a new Chaos God. JUST AS PLANNED! Neheheheheh"
(Tzeetch and Nurgle, "If The Emperor Had a Text To Speech Device")
How to Write a Popular Fanfiction:
1. Chose a section that doesn't have a lot of stuff, but not no stuff
2. Investigate and understand (as much as you can) the series you wish to FF
3. Make it fit. Canonialism is your best friend.
15 Reasons Why Halo is Better Than Call of Duty (Requested by multiple people)
1. More Health (And an explanation for why it regenerates)
2. Deep Story
3. Awesome Locations
4. Vehicles (which you can use at any time, unlike the scripted parts in COD. And in multiplayer)
5. Girls (Seriously, there isn't a single female in ANY COD game. CORRECTION: MW3 has a couple, but one's a Russian politician's daughter (and therefore more of a living High Value Target than a person), and a couple of un-seen but heard pilots. As opposed to Halo, which has Miranda Keyes. And Cortana. And Dr. Halsey. And Kat. And Lt. McKay from the expanded universe. You get the idea.)
7. ODSTs (They ride into battle THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE. Doesn't get much more awesome than that)
9. Theatre (Halo had it before COD did, and it's still a better version)
10. GIANT SPACE RINGS OF DOOOOOOM!!!!
11. Firefight (Again, before COD had Zombies. Plus, it's way more customisable)
12: All the Main Characters Live to the End of the Game (Well, except in 3 and Reach, but that's because those are the last games in the series)
13: No "Hallways of Death"
14: The Flood
15: Multiplayer Customistation (You can change literally everything in a Halo multiplayer game. The MP of Reach has every kind of game COD: Black Ops has...and more.)
And Now, A Couple More:
16: Multi-Media Spread (Halo had animated shorts related to it. Does COD? No.)
17: Smooth, Easy Transition Of Ownership (Halo went from Bungie to 343 Industries with a handshake and the transfer of a large Master Chief statue. COD is still being split. MW3 was partially done by Sledgehammer games)
18: Machinimaness (Translation: You can make better machinima with it. I mean, do you see ROOSTER TEETH making machinima with ANY COD game? Nope.)
19: Solid fans (You will NEVER see the craziness that happened at that Wal-Mart in California come from Halo fans. So leave those gas masks and taser-proof suits at home. CORRECTION: Unless Halo 4 is announced. Which it has been. Better get those suits and masks out. And pack a couple knifes for good measure)
Stories Currently Stewing:
Resurrection (Runaways): Redesigned storyline in result to the cancellation of Runaways. Finally, the explanation for Gert's supposed resurrection comes to light. And it's anything but what the Runaways expected it to be.
Four Corners of Power (Runaways): The Pride isn't dead. The LA Pride was just one of four, one at each corner of the U.S. This tells the story of the children of one of the other three. Will they follow the path of their LA counterparts?
Killing Time (Leviathan): Sort of a lemon sequel to my lemon Burning Love. A month post first-time, Alek and Deryn are now in the field constantly, fighting the good fight. On one of their missions, Deryn crashes a stolen walker, and the two become stuck in the immobilised machine, with rescue hours away. Thankfully Alek has a plan to pass the time...
Dream Come True (Mortal Engines): Something sparked by 1) The lack of ANY NEW MORTAL ENGINES STORIES, and 2) This thing I saw on DeviantArt where random people put themselves/friends into relationships with canon characters (the examples I saw being The Hunger Games and Leviathan) and draw pictures about it. I've only seen it in a couple deviations, but I guess you could call it "Sue Shipping". This is my entry to that, involving Hester Shaw and me. Stupid? Probably. Does it matter cause no one reads Mortal Engines work anyway? Of course not.
My Story Arcs (For Multiple Ones Tied Together):
"/" Indicates X-Over
Xbox Romance Trilogy (Halo)
Xbox Romance (Complete)
One Shot, One Kill (Complete)
Keyes to the Heart (Complete)
Snags Trilogy (Xbox Romance Sequel)
Mercy (Paused, awaiting more reviews on Regret)
Runaways Remix (Runaways)
Pride and Joy (Complete)
Teenage Wasteland (In Progress)
Lost and Found (Upcoming)
The Good Die Young (Upcoming)
True Believers (Upcoming)
Escape To New York (Upcoming)
Parental Guidance (Upcoming)
The Jake Hunter Chronicles: Yellow Team (Upcoming)
The Jake Hunter Chronicles: Armed and Universe-Destroying (Upcoming)
Dead End Kids (Upcoming)
Dead Wrong (Upcoming)
Rock Zombies (Upcoming)
West Coast Story (Upcoming)
Halo: The Clone Wars (Halo/Star Wars: The Clone Wars)
Halo: The Clone Wars (In Progress)
H:TCW: Fall of the Sith (Upcoming)
Obscure Lemons (Multiple Series, Basically Lemons For Any Series That Doesn't Have Any)
Burning Love (Complete)
Killing Time (In Progress)
First Time (Complete)
Dream Come True (Upcoming)
The Debt (Upcoming)
Starry Night (Upcoming)
Unsafe External Link