Author has written 3 stories for His Dark Materials, Sweep, and Vampire Academy.
Just in case I ever forget my disclaimer which, being me, I'm bound to do I would like to state that no characters (except the ones I create) used in my stories belong to me. I just borrow them from their respective owners for my own twisted purposes. ; p
I am open for beta requests.
If you’re hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!
If you have ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.
Only crazy people understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, put this in your profile.
The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide
If you've ever forgotten how old you are when someone asked you, copy and paste this onto your profile
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.
If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not copy this into your profile.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.
If you have ever said something twice, and when someone said something, you had no recollection of saying it either time, copy and paste to your profile.
If you talk to yourself and aren't afraid to admit it copy and paste this into your profile.
If you get too excited for books, movies, etc. to come out copy and paste this in your profile.
65 percent of teenagers spend more time watching TV rather then reading ,if you are part of the 35 percent who read more than watch TV and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.
People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement
Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.
No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me.
I live in my own little world- but it's ok, they know me there.
If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.
If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile. (don't get me started..)
If you've ever lost someone (animals count) you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile.
Try not to worry about life, you won’t survive it anyhow.
Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary
"Shut up voices or I'll poke you with a fork"
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most
Of course I'm talking to myself, who else can I trust?
Don't follow me, I'm lost too
At least I don't care what those mindless people think of me
It's always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I've found it?
I'm sick of following my dreams, I'm just gonna ask where their going and hook up with them later
If at first you don't succeed skydiving isn't for you
Those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them
Set sail in a general that way direction
My best friend is insane! If you agree, or if you have an insane friend, then copy this into your profile.
If you are so obsessed with Witch Mountain that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile
If you have seen a movie so many times that you have memorized almost all of the lines, and you STILL laugh at EVERY punch line, copy this onto your profile.
If you have a tendency to talk to yourself post this in your profile. (I seem to have more interesting conversations with myself then anyone else.)
My friends are the type of people who would try to drown a fish, but I love them anyway
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
Some people are like a slinky..not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
You know you live in 2008 when...
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years.
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or myspace.
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.
25 Reasons to Thank my Mother:
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST not have morals
I like to READ, so I MUST be a nerd
I get BAD GRADES, so I MUST be a slacker who doesn't try
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm a TEENAGER so I MUST be a yob
"I don't babble, I elaborate!"
"You can paint the walls
Short Circuit Quotes
Howard Marner: What if it goes out and melts down a bus load of nuns? How would you like to write the headline on that one?
Stephanie is in the bath
When assembling mini robots Its me! isnt that special!
Driver: "He can't shoot us with that lazer can he?"
Skroeder: Speaking about #5 Maybe it's pissed off. Crosby: Schroeder, it's a machine. It doesn't get pissed off. It doesn't get happy, it doesn't get sad, it doesn't laugh at your jokes. Ben and Crosby: It just runs programs. Howard: It usually runs programs.
Howard: Great, so instead of 11,000,000 on the loose, we'll have 22,000,000. Ben: Also we are needing gas money.
: angrily Number Johnny Five!
: Am not human, but am a life-form, have soul. But him me killed to try.
: is locked in a freezer with Fred and reading fortune cookies "The warmth in your heart makes others ha-ha-happy".
: We gotta go! You see those two guys over there?
: to police officers I was just on my way to pick up the kids and my wife. My wife, Morgan Fairchild.
: Instructing Fred, who is trying to repair him First, get the soldering iron... iron... iron...
: Trying to repair Johnny before his battery fails I'm no good at this!
: to Jones, who is trying to confuse him with pig Latin Ew-scray ou-yay, ozo-bay!
: You just fall off the banana boat, or what?
After all, how can a mere dragon expect to tell a man like yourself what to do? In fact, everyone should stand in awe of your brilliance of finding the only dead end. - Saphira to Eragon (pg. 190)
A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you.
A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
Friends only know a few things about you
Best friends could write a very embarrassing biography of your life
FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.
BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
FRIENDS: Would try to put the fire out on your house
BEST FRIENDS: Would be roasting marshmallows and flirting with the firemen
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!
Dude I hate these things but I am very superstitious: This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.
This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.
Doctors say I have multiple personalitiess. We disagree with that.
I'll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.
When life gives you lemons make apple juice and then laugh when people try to figure out what the hell you did.
When life gives you lemons, chuck them at people you hate.
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.
The world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER.
Definition of homework: Some form of crude mind control still used in some priminal areas.
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.
I'm here because heaven wouldn't take me and hell was afraid I'd take over.
I'm not afraid of Death, what's it gonna do? Kill me?
Paper may beat rock, but cannon ball makes a big hole in paper.
The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen!
Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read in school about the wars that solved America's problems?
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.
Parents spend the first part of our lifes teaching us how to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, and you do so at random moments, copy and paste this in you're profile.
Education is important. School, however, is another matter."
"Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that."
"I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search for what some may call 'a floor'--a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends, for I may not return alive."
"All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative."
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a poem with the most romantic first line, but the least romantic second line. Here are some of the entries they received:
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head.
I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming
My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "go to hell"
Bad Things to Hear on an Airplane Intercom
1. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore
2. We're cruising at an altitude of... Ah hell I don't know
3. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?
4. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Just kidding.
5. Would the fight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em comin'
6. This is... uh... This is... uh... your... Hmm, I seem to have lost my memory...
7. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you?
8. Good God Steve! We’re going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on?
9. We'll be on the ground in ten minutes. One way or another...
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