Lei-lassassin
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Poll: Put up Chapter Twenty-One of A.I. again? Vote Now!
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Joined 12-30-07, id: 1457118, Profile Updated: 08-02-10
Author has written 8 stories for Assassin's Creed, Halo, and Life on Mars.

My early stories are awful and need rewriting. However, I don't have the time right now to fix them. One day they will be up to standard.

I have a life. It begins with a 'T', ends with a 'D', and has a slashy thing in the middle.

MAAAAAAAAANNNNNNTISSSSSSSSSSSSSS~


God save The Great Domain,

Long live our Great Domain,

God save The Domain.

Send us victorious,

'Gainst n00bs pwned by us,

'Cuz we are fucking awesome,

God save The Domain.

Me~

The tune: http://www.woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk/customs/questions/anthem.html


My bitches at The Domain:

Jacob - She is my fellow RvB fanatic. The war between our Red and Blue factions continues on, though, despite the fact I am her A.I.

Annie - Brit mark two~

Ky - She's sensible, but she has a grrr streak too!

Flameh - She's a Hippie, and totally on pot.

Bluey - We still haven't found her.

Cyn - Last time I touched her box, I lost a face.

Rayne - A bit too obsessed with MCR. She eats n00bs as part of a nutritious and healthy diet.

Qzil- She loves pokemon, and is rather perverted (who isn't?).

Amber- Fellow RvB fan and Blue team mate. Also, she loves Church, just like me~

Jayde - A slightly less RARRRR version of Kelly.

Alette - She is totally boring. Like, as boring as a nuclear explosion that took place on a roller coaster over a pit of rising lava.

Streameh - Perverted Lurker~

Golde - My long term fiance~

Topaz - I introduced her to RvB! She's still a sucky Red though.

Kelly - Even more obsessed with MCR than Rayne.

Loz - She lives in the future!

Sao - A fellow Wiccan~

AD- The 'Twister Master '.

Atom - My daughter~

Feign - She was raised by birds.

Nutt - ZOMGPEANUTS~

Acorn - He's a Master, big-head Ninja.

Sil-va - My American Bitch and Twister partner.

Shoe - My Blue, traitorous husband.

Jo - Fellow Brit!

Stan - My sistah and RP partner. 8D


Red sucks, Blue rules, Motherfuckers~

Blue vs. Red is love.


I swear to my gods, if I see another copy and pasting of that pathetic poem 'Try not to Cry' in a person's profile, I will fucking kill them.

I'm a heartless Brit; get over it.


Larina's Obsession/Addiction List:

Red vs Blue

Blue

Church

LoK

Mint Poppets

Spearmint Softmints

Spearmint Polos

Topgear

Life on Mars

Assassin's Creed

Oblivion (I am the original Oblivion whore)

Mass Effect

Radiohead

Zero Punctuation

T/D

Egg-on-toast sandwiches


Quotes-or-something-or-other.

This'll fill up later...

Tainted's Domain:

"Guard: You think you can outrun me?

Me: Yeah, and I would like to know why you're telling that to somebody on a galloping horse."

Aly~

"Wait just one minute. British people are secretly cockroaches? This totally explains everything."

Tawny~

"Hang on - I think what we're missing with this radiation discussion is that British people are also magical, because J. K. Rowling said so (and she wouldn't lie to us)."

"Clearly. So, you see, we Brits have radiation immunity and magic to defend ourselves in war. What do you have? Reeses."

Tawny and I, respectively~

"What do you have? Reeses."

"Didn't I tell you not to fuck around with people who have Reeses?"

Me and Aly, respectively~

"-snort- Does Leilah even know about it?"

"...She shot you with a shotgun on, like, page 98 or 99, Jenny, after seeing your quote. Yes."

"Oh, okay. I missed that. I was out eating pizza."

Tawny, Flameh, Tawny, respectively~

"...Ifourlovedidn'tburnwiththewhite-hotintensityofathousandsunsIwouldhateyou."

Tawny/Jacob~

"I have Reeses. Lei, remember what I said?"

"That I'm going to "die a painful death or something if I be disrespectin' those Reeses, biatch." "

"Yeah. Let's go with that."

Aly, me, and then Aly again, respectively~

"What, being moronic? I'll say. Doesn't mean you can use it as an excuse."

"Not that women listen to us anyway. XD"

"Yeah, because listening to men would put us in the same catagory."

Annie, AD, Annie, respectively~

"Leilah: -shrugs- Just look at what isn't a black person's name."

"Oh, great. Now we're supposed to be able to tell if they're black? I don't supposed they'd have a little picture of fried chicken next to all the black players, would they?"

Mem and Tawny, respectively~

Email:

"I saw inside a guy's
head once. Complete with brain and everything. It was fucking awesome."

Atom~

The Domain:

Bible fanfiction? It's called the New Testament.

Jacob~

"Leilah: I don't describe people based on anything. You've got a mostly level-headed approach to a lot of things and is pretty much a person who can pick someone up while they're down."

Mem~

"I am currently eating the fucking longest banana I have ever encountered in my life. /random"

"That sounds... so... so wrong."

"You're...right...

O_O"

Loz, me, Loz, respectively~

"62. Narrowly avoid being hit by a turkey.

63. Yell at the turkeys on your lawn.

64. Shoot at the turkeys on your lawn.

65. Cook the turkeys from your lawn.

66. Sell the turkeys from your lawn to tourists."

Jacob~

"Leia: I don't remember my first opinoin of you. I think it was something along the lines of, "WHOA! A BRIT! WE'RE AN INTERNATIONAL FORUM!" "

Bluey~

"I'll be back in a bit. AD and I are currently having hot passionate sex over AIM."

"-win-"

Me and AD, respectively~

"Thanks for the tea and sympathy, mate. -mutter-

Edit: OH, MY GOD - THIS POST IS ABSOLUTELY BRITISH. O_O

Where's Lei when you need her? DD8"

"Jacob, I'm shocked.

Yet totally proud at the same time~"

Jacob and I, respectively~

"Nope. I'm a terrible human being, I know."

"Are you sure you're not British?"

Jacob and I, respectively~

"MESSAGE TO ANYONE WHO IS READING THIS:

If you happen to know where I could get a snow globe of Blood Gulch Canyon, I will pay greatly for it.

And not just in money either."

"1) Ditto.

2) Bow-chicka-bow-wow!"

Me and Jacob, respectively~

"WHAT YOU SAID:

JACOB...uhhh... I didn't give you a last name did I?

thinks

JACOB GRIF! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED!

WHAT I HEARD:

JACOB...blah... blah blah blah yak yak yak tl;dr

lalalala

JACOB GRIF! YOU SHOULD BE nowordsheremate

8DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

8DDDDDDDDD

8D

8D

8D

8D

8D

Homigosh. "

Jacob~

"OH MY GAW! A COCKROACH! LEI GET OUT OF MY ROOM!! /caps abuse/"

"8DDDDDDDDDDD

flees whilst stealing your favourite teddy bear"

Topaz and I, respectively~

"No. Zilla, can I have a five-headed cow?"

"I only have a eight-headed cow."

"That's one heck of a cow. 0_O"

"Her name is Jojo."

Jae, Qzil, Procrastinator, Qzil, respectively~

"Suddenly, a HUMONGOUS rock fell from the sky and killed the ThunderClan cats.

Then the dead Clan said, “ Shun the killer! SHUUUUUN!”

And the HUMONGOUS rock said, “NUUUUU!” "

Amber (her fiction: The Stupidest Thing)~

"OMG. The two of you AND a Brit! 8DDDDDD What kind of pwnage is that?"

Annie~

"OMG. The two of you AND a Brit! 8DDDDDD What kind of pwnage is that?"

"What am I, the annoying next door neighbor?"

Annie and Amber, respectively~

"I saw the title and a frozen image of an old grandmother, and I am never, ever clicking links from Annie again."

Jacob~

"But how the fuck are we the weird ones? We invented the English language (even though everyone totally knows America invented English)! You are the ones who changed it all, thus you are weird and doin' it wrong~"

"Because America said so, bitch. -_-"

Me and AD, respectively~

"It's always a waste of time and energy if it isn't spent fucking me. 8D"

AD~

"Why be subtle when brutality has gotten me much farther in life?"

AD~

"But I have sparklesparkle failmagic."

AD~

"Also, I don't particularly care about what you're feeling at the moment. It's a side effect of hanging around Jacob, Rayne, and AD too long. Plus, I have my own shit to deal with."

"I'm honoured, you Brit. 8DDD/xDDD"

Me and Rayne, respectively~

"hayhay gesserz wot britbitch that meenz dat YUUU were totally uh TEN yesermorrowday, rite? yup i iz noing this cuz i do math. -proud nod-"

Annie~

"-stare-

Annie and Lei, you have gone insane."

"I think that, because Annie was away from T/D for so long, she went crazy and started to act like a n00b. -sage nod- And Lei's British, which explains everything~"

Loz and Ky, respectively~

"Yeah? I'm an American Bristish piece of shit!"

"I cannot process this information.

asplode"

"...-sweeps up Asploded!Lei-"

Rayne, me, and Ky, respectively~

"-gulp- Okay."

"That would be my kind of girlfriend. ;)"

Jacob and AD, respectively~

"Blarg HONK"

"...Lei, your av is saying mean things to me! -whine-"

My av and Jacob, respectively~

"...Has it this become 'stare-at-Lei's-profile' day?"

"No; I did that three days ago or something like that~"

Me and Jacob, respectively~

"My plan worked!"

"What? You got equal rights for cockroaches? 8D"

Me and Ky, respectively~

"ZOMG! MUST SAVE THE BRIT!

...Or I could leave you there since your a Blue...

-Starts to dig.- NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! BRIT!"

Qzil~

"True, but as we don't exist, it isn't a legitimate insult."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Time out!

What was that?

-we don't exist-

Huh?

-we don't exist-

Say what?

-we don't exist-

One more time!

-we don't exist-

Victory by default!"

Me and Jacob, respectively~

"-takes your palm- Circle, circle, dot, dot; now you have the Blue!Cootie shot. 8D"

Ky, after I obtained a shotgun that fired blue cooties~

"I now communicate with my mother by banging on the table. xDDD"

Rayne~

"-bites Brit-

SINCE WHEN THE FUCK IS YOUR NAME ? /only seventeen years or so"

Annie, after discovering my real name (removed by me)~

"I only have one quote on Lei's profile. I'm not sure whether to feel loved or insulted."

Bluey~ (Now she has two!)

"Why is everyone convinced that I'm gay?"

"Because girls are throwing themselves at your feet, and you're like 'No, thanks, I fancy your brother.'"

Jay and Abby, respectively, in History~

"Also, that fricking war that you twatted us in. God forbid, I hate Independence Day. I'm surprised the lot of you can fit your head through the door sometimes XDDDD"

"-looks at door- Crap... -_-" "

Me and Acorn, respectively~

"i shall locate said bulletin, read it, perhaps orally consume it, and provide my feedback"

Chris, MSN~

"Let me see, no I won't get the fuck out. You are not the boss of me"

"No, but our admin's block feature is."

Jokegirl being burned by Flameh~ 8D

"KY!"

"LEI!"

"MAGIC RAINBOW! 8DDDDDDDDDDDDD

...What? -_-"

Me, Ky, and AD, respectively~

"GOD DAMN IT, TWENTY-NINE AND THIRTY; WE UNDERSTAND THAT YOU LOVE EACH OTHER AND WANT VERY, VERY MUCH TO RUN AWAY, BUT YOU CAN'T DO THAT."

Jacob, when the chat pages kept disappearing~

"-PAGENOM OM NOM NOM-"

"NO! PAGE THIRTY! HE WAS SO YOUNG...AND SO IN LOVE! -sob-"

Annie and Jacob, respectively~

"How come Lance gets to do awesome, secretive things, and I don't? -mutter-"

"Because she's a British cockroach. Brits are awesome, and cockroaches are secretive. -nods-"

Jacob and Mem, respectively~

"She has a life, too. :D"

"No way! She writes RvB fic! How can you have a life and write an RvB fic? XD"

AD and Jacob, respecitvely, talking about moi~

"And I don't /really/ have a life; I've just been trying to keep up the illusion that I did. 8D"

Ky~

"I've finally accepted I love Tucker more than Church, Ky."

"It was a very traumatizing experience for her. -pat-"

Me and Jacob, respectively~

"This isn't a therapy session, asshole! It's just me being in denial.

...over nothing, because I'm not."

Jacob in denial over loving Simmons MOAR than Grif~

"Considering you have mastered the english language, you might as well make up a new one"

Scully, MSN, after I told him about T/D's MOAR and MOAST~

"KY WHY DID YOU COME EARLIER TODAY RIGHT AFTER I LEFT FOR TENNIS. DDDD8

/punctuationabuse"

"Hi, Ky~"

"...ZOMGKYYOU'REACTUALLYHEREIHAVEN'TSEENYOUINFOREVER/actuallyIprobablyhavebutIdon'tremember -extremeattackleglomphug-"

"KYYYYOOOOOOOOOOTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"KY!

glomp"

"Wait, is Ky here?"

"No. We're all hallucinating. 8D"

Various T/Ders, Bluey, and Flameh (the last two), respectively~

"She will strangle me with her Irish Dancing wig."

"Hey, at least something interesting would go on your grave~"

"Here Lies _ _
_-January , 2009
We loved her,
but not as much as the character
she killed off
Irish Dance Wigs are deadly, remember
RIP"

Saphira, me, and Writingsh, respecitvely, Neopets~

"If I were to suggest that between the Earth and Mars there is a china teapot revolving about the sun in an elliptical orbit, nobody would be able to disprove my assertion provided I were careful to add that the teapot is too small to be revealed even by our most powerful telescopes. But if I were to go on to say that, since my assertion cannot be disproved, it is an intolerable presumption on the part of human reason to doubt it, I should rightly be thought to be talking nonsense. If, however, the existence of such a teapot were affirmed in ancient books, taught as the sacred truth every Sunday, and instilled into the minds of children at school, hesitation to believe in its existence would become a mark of eccentricity and entitle the doubter to the attentions of the psychiatrist in an enlightened age or of the Inquisitor in an earlier time. -Bertrand Russel"

AD quoting~

"You, Lei, would warm up to RvB anything. (:"

"Don't tell my teachers that! They'll stick pictures of Church and Tucker on my text books and trick me into actually doing work!"

Nutt and me, respectively~

"I was assigned something that had to be exactly one-hundred words, I was under by two. When he told me to fix it, I put "The End"."

Acorn~

"Posting died, and we were wondering where things went wrong. I suggested that it may have been all of the narcotics and cigarettes we gave it for its birthday, and Julia said that Lance and I fuck everything up, but it was her fault for saying just "appropriate gift" and not elaborating and buying a cake shaped like a dildo, which was misleading.

...It makes sense somehow."

Jacob~

"I don't know. It's like, "There's this giant wave, and I've got sexy fins, but whatever."

Jacob~

"O, it is excellent to have a giant's strength; but it is tyrannous to use it like a giant."

Measure for Measure~

"Exit, pursued by a bear."

A Writer's Tale~

"Have more than thou showest, speak less than thou knowest, lend less than thou owest."

King Lear~

"MOOSE!"

"CANADIAN!"

"JEW!"

"RED!"

"BLUE!"

"DIFFERENTKINDOFASSHOLE!"

"DICK!"

"DICK-HATER!

"FORGETTINGSIMMONS'FIRSTNAME-ER!"

"GRIFABANDON-ER!"

"FORGETTINGTHATIHAVEACATNAMED"GRIF"WHOITAKECAREOFEVERYDAY-ER!"

"NOTREALISINGIHAVEN'TFORGOTTHATYOUHAVEACATNAMED"GRIF"WHOYOUTAKECAREOFEVERYDAYIJUSTDONTCARE-ER!

((I am totally quoting this shit.))"

Annie, Flameh, Jacob, Me, Jacob, Me, Jacob, Me, Jacob, Me, Jacob, Me, respectively~

"Sanity? What's that?"

"Oh, you know, that stuff they sell at the drugstore for a buck twenty-five~"

Me and Ky, respectively~

"Sir.

You used the word anal. Please, somebody hit that shit up with some teal..."

Shmef, RT forums~

"Caboose is a lovable retard. emphasis on the TARD part of that sentence. That would be like...putting the Cannibal in charge of Human Resources. You'd get no complaints but you'd always be short a man or two."

Hazzardous, RT forums~

"Acted like a complete, illiterate asshole with no sense and a brain the size of a pea. And they wear a dog collar, too, it seems."

Annie, on the subject of noob behaviour~

"And you, Blake, do you take this hardcore Blue-until-the-day-she-dies to be your lawfully weddied wife and possible, potential enemy--depending on what freaking side you pick-- to have and to hold, through Red wars and Blue wars, forever and ever, as long as you both shall live without killing each other? And will you now swear on this holy RvB DVD case?"

Silver marrying Shoe and I~

"AD, you'd be too busy having sex or dancing or something to say such a thing."

"I know! The damn scheduling conflicts had me dancing while having sex, today. It was terrible! XDDDD"

Me and AD, respectively~

"Unless Lei gives the all-clear signal that her little wannabe tyrant of a father is going to let her on more often, why put her back on?"

AD~

“Don’t be so hard on him, Altaïr, it's only been a month and he's making good progress.” Fahra commended.

“Yeah, this time you actually had to say two sentences!” Malik added with a grin, ruffling his brother’s grey hood.

Quietus, by jaggyinn~

"...Actually, that didn't work for Lance. It may not work for you. Who the fuck knows?...How do you beat something like a Lance? It's got to be im--WAITIKNOW.

-hits Julia with Lance-"

Jacob~

"I should get achievable for this shit."

"Killed by wife and revived by husband"? What would that be called? "Thanksgiving"?"

Me and Jacob, respectively~

“But of course! Not only are we magical, we are psychic! And as we owned the entire of Canada for God Knows How Long , it's only natural our sexy magic would rub off on them.

GKHL is the standard measurement of how long a country is owned in the British Empire. Five GKHL equal one Britain's Bitch, ten BB's make one Pj00ned, Muthafucka, and twenty PM's equal one Britain. However, two PM's also equal America, although no one has ever figured out why.”

Me~

“I had a flag in my teeth for most of that day, Lance. You can't talk rationally to people who have flags in their teeth. :K”

Jacob~

“Shab was never a newb. It says so in the scriptures.

"In the beginning, the group was without form, and there was naught but void. Then, Shabobble said 'Let there be plot analysis', and there was plot analysis. And Shabobble saw the plot analysis, that it was good: and Shabobble divided the plot analysis from those who would cramp our style. And Shabobble called the plot analysis 'Let's Figure This Out', and those who would cramp our style he called Crepe. And June 16, 2008 was the first day."

I leave the other implications of the Shabible up to your own interpretation.”

Someone Whose Name I Forgot to Write Down, LFTO~

“Qzzy, that "D8" is one "D" away from stretching the page.

That's talent.”

Jacob~

“So, I've been banned from 4chan...

Even though I've never posted there, ever. 8D

...I win. XD”

AD~

“Happiness is a small island in a sea of misery, finding this island is hard, but making it there is worth all that searching.”

Acorn~

“Who - me? Nawww! I no get jealous. mubblemrble(#(

We campaigned and stalked and prepared to do anything to get RT to fight us. Messages were sent - pics delivered - lists made. We had people watching when and where the staff were playing. We split up into smaller groups to increase our chances. Party chat was left on to stay in touch.

What does HazzardousOne do? Sends a game invite.

Ah well - at least someone got to hang with the Staff last night.”

Don, LFTO~

“Fair enough. "Fucking Blue! You don't even exist any more! Go away and...and do what nonexistent people do!"

Jacob~

“My spelling is flawless.

My TYPING is total bullshit.”

Oroboros, LFTO~

"Disney movies taught us that love can happen! No matter what keeps you apart!

...So long as you're pretty, sing well, and skinny. But let's ignore that part, mmm?"

Qzil~

"I'm good at accents!

...I can do mine outstandingly well. :D"

Jacob~

"n00bs are kinda like doughnuts. Sometimes, they don't look all that tasty, but they are. And you can't eat one everyday, otherwise your arteries will get clogged and you'll have a heart attack."

Bluey~

"Anyway i still think you middle aged men,looking for cheap thrills,or thrill of a lifetime talking pervert stile,ya slack jawed fags"

"Florida: Hey, how's it hanging?"

"It's hanging pretty low, Brit. ;)

'Cause you know, I'm a middle aged man, so it would be pretty low."

rickhattonfan007, Me, and Stan, respectively, Youtube~

"It already has. Tens of thousands of years ago, humans were exposed to various forms of ergot poisoning from crude bread make with fungus contaminated rye wheat. This caused delusions and hallucinations in vast parts of the early human society and we have lived with the after effects ever since. It has pretty much crippled our development ever since. It is called religion, and it spreads like a virus. Maybe some day we will find a cure or vaccine. Shame we don't quarantine our infected."

Acorn, on the subject of killer fungus~

"Do you think you have flame powers or anything?"

"Yes. It's called 'grammar.'"

Irindiglo and Georgasaurus, respectively~

"Anyways, we got to the mall and Bell announced loudly, "Oh, by the way, Jamie! I need to get some more bras!" which kind of gained us weird looks, but that's not the point. So we went into the store and we saw the ultimate fail. A sports bra with Edward Cullen's face on it. T.T"

Golde~

"...I had a dream once where I dated you. It was cool. You brought flowers. -nod- XDDD"

Jacob~

"AIM with Ky-la: How do you feel about that?

AIM with Lance: Would you bang _?"

Jacob~

Blue SimmonsScrews Red Grif

-starts praying-

Blessed Father, Please correct me of any sins I have committed, and Blessed Father, I just ask that you please hold the end of the world until I am reunited with my brother and sister once again. Blessed Father, I ask that you reserve Canada, United States, Australia, and Britain for last to be destroyed. Blessed Father I must also ask.

Why? Why the Apocalypse, now?

Blessed Father mote it be,

Amen."

Stan~

"Wait, when did Jen-la become part of the Blue team?"

Bluey~

"He's the perfect fucking being, he literally can't fuck things up. He knew what to do based solely on being perfect.

God is a fucking Mary Sue. -_-"

AD~

"Kiwi, you mean. No need to insult Australians by including Oro with them."

DaftProdigy, LFTO~

"I just remembered my old Halo Tournament names.

1) AIDS.

So it became:

You were just killed by AIDS.

2) The Mafia

So it became:

You were just assassinated by The Mafia!

3) Buttsecks

So it became:

You were just stuck by Buttsecks."

AD~

"I'm only straight when I'm not being gay."

Silver~

"Moral of this conversation: Don't be a fascist if you don't want people to have to seriously wonder whether or not you got speared in the damned balls. Kthx."

Jacob~

""Sugar" and "free" are two very wonderful words that should be used only in alphabetical order to form the phrase "free sugar." Anything else must be killed with fire."

Jacob~

"Sarcasm's the lowest form of wit, and yet Americans don't get it."

Laura~

"Omg, you know what I realised today? Carpets are such interesting things!"

"Carpets suck! Rugs all the way, loser~!"

"Fuck rugs. They're the pubic hair of carpets."

"Fuck carpets! They're the bitches of rugs. (;"

"A bitch to your own pubic hair?

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD8

NUH UH.

Rugs keep carpets' gentials warm.

Oooh, burn."

"Nuh-uh! Genitals keep rugs' warm carpets!

...I mean. Uh.

WHOO. GO RUGS."

Me, Ky, Me, Ky Me, and Ky, respectively~

"I wish I had some kind of--HOLYCRAPIHAVECHOCOLATEINMYPOCKET. -flail- /sharing"

Jacob~

"Yes, Mr. Spam Mail, I totally want to subscribe to your site and watch step-sisters have sex.

-deletes-"

AD~

"Except when on a site where sure things are the rules, if one wishes to remain on the site."

"This is a site of relatively intelligent people. Why is everyone on this thread acting like a mindless "But the rules say..." drone?

This is no better than "But the bible says..."

How disappointing."

"Yeah, except the god the rules came from, for this site, really does exist."

A mod, some guy, and AD, respectively~

"ANDIE, PUT YOUR STUPID COUNTRY OUT! KTHX. D;"

Jacob (first quote of the year for me!)

"Someone could say, "Please pass the potato chips" and it sounds like, "I want to have hot sex with you right now."

Casa, on the subject of Peruvian accents~


Please note all this is said in good humour. Jeremy Clarkson is rarely ever serious :)

Also note, as one person failed to, this is directed at the British media as well as the American one.

"There is a great deal in the news these days about the forthcoming election in America, in which an incoherent man with eyes that are suspiciously close together are up against a man with an enormous chin. Why? We aren't treated to daily updates from the elections in Lesser Micronesia, or Holland, so why are we inundated with every last utterance from these super-buffoons?

A cynic might say say that the newspapers and television stations maintain permanent offices in America and need to keep the staff employed with something. A more rational person would explain that this is more than a national election. It's a plebiscite to decide who becomes leader of the free world.

OK, well if this is the case: if he really will become my leader, why can't I have a vote? Why should I leave the choice to a bunch of tobacco-chewing backwoodsmen who aren't even bright enough to mark the voting papers properly?

I mean it. If the president of the United States really does think he's the leader of the free world, then the free world should have a say in who gets the job. That's me, you, every Indian, every Russian, every German. And yes, every Iraqi, too. All of us.

But no; our fate is in the hands of a people whose IQ is generally smaller than their waistbands. A people who've trawled their 236 million citizens and come up with Bush and super-chin as the alternatives. A people whose soldiers wear sunglasses while trying to defuse trouble on the streets of Baghdad. You're not Jean-Claude Van Damme, you idiots. Take them off. Let them see your eyes. Or are you like the president? Do you only have one?..."

Jeremy Clarkson, Don't Stop Now, August 2004~

I actually agree with what he's saying too (not the digs at Americans, my American forum friends prove it is bullshit). Why are your elections publicised so much? I doubt you even know when ours is, let alone all the candidates and their parties. Do you know who our PM is? The opposition?

Not everyone is interested in what idiot you vote for your president; namely, whichever Bush mark two you elect. I am one of such people, and I'm sick of my daytime been clogged up all the time by shit I couldn't care less about. The British media are assholes for bringing it over here and then flashing it everywhere. Why are your campaigns so long anyway? Eight years? Get it over with! British elections are straight to the point, with only one candidate from each party, meaning there is no tension over candidate voting. There is none of this over the top loyalty between parties (omg, you vote McCain, you suck! He's old, and Palin is a whore, blah, blah, blah) and hatred because of who you support. I even hear you guys buy t-shirts of McCain and Obama (I can't spell his name, and I don't care to either). So you like wearing an old fart on your chest when you go out? Really? If I walked down the street with Gordon Brown on my clothing, I would be chased home by a horde of dickheaded teenagers.

The lot of you need to stop being so bloody melodramatic and over the top. Or, if that really is beyond you, keep the election in your own god damn country, instead of broadcasting it here. Not many nations beside yours actually give a shit as to who you vote, as it'll always be the same result: a moron of some form. Maybe only a slight moron, maybe a huge moron, like Bush, but a moron all the same.

And if you really can't resist smearing your elections all across the world, then follow Clarkson's advice: give us a vote.

Maybe then you'll get a decent leader for once.

Wrote by a very irritable Leilah after only having four hours sleep.

EDIT: I recieved a lovely review from a person who names themself dumbass. I find this very fitting, as he seems to lack enough braincells to fill this full stop.

"Ur stupid. ur profile says that british ppl should get a vote but ur an idiot. YOU dont live in this fucking country so it doesnt matter what u think. and we have no control over the radios in BRITIAN because its YOUR people who control it."

Ur stupid.

I am not stupid. I passed my exams with flying colours, and can spell the word 'you're' without resorting to chatspeak, adding the appropriate punctuation when needed.

ur profile says that british ppl should get a vote but ur an idiot.

Ever heard of sarcasm, my dear twat? Or perhaps grammar, spelling, capitals, and punctuation? Also, I am not an idiot, as I do not wish for a vote on your government. I simply do not care. I was merely pointing out to you Americans and the British media that they need to stop forcing your very long campaign on us all. I wouldn't mind if they made a separate channel for it, away from the rest of the T.V., but no. All my T.V. time is clogged up with your election.

YOU dont live in this fucking country

Thank God.

so it doesnt matter what u think.

Oh yes, clearly the opinions of all the nations in the entire world that aren't America don't matter. America is the sole Master Country of the Earth, and rule with an iron fist. We'll all be rounded up for slavery soon, just like everyone else that didn't matter in history. You know, the blacks, the Jews? Yup, America outdoes us all.

Your arrogance is laughable.

and we have no control over the radios in BRITIAN because its YOUR people who control it.

If you are going to attempt to insult me, please spell my country right. B-R-I-T-A-I-N. I may have had a big rant about you, but at least I took the time to get the name right. Anyway, you mustn't have read my lovely little piece above, because I clearly state that this is directed at not only the American media, who hype the election up, but the idiot British media who bring it over here as well.

Oh, wait, I know why you misread it. It's because you're fluent in chatspeak, isn't it? Well, I'm sorry, but I only speak English. Do you want me to talk slooooowly to you?

Caannn yooouu unnderrstaaand whaaat I aaam saaaayinnnng?

Nope?

Aw.

wat a dumbass.

A nice little reference to yourself there, as all you've succeeded in doing is looking like a complete moron. I look forward to your next weak attempt at breaking my heart and soul with your scathing insults and eye-burning grammar. Bring your friends if you want. However, try signing into your profile next time, coward. Or are you scared the big, bad girl who lives on the other side of the world is going to beat you to death with common sense through PM? Had you PMd me instead, I wouldn't have put this up here for everyone to see.

Until next time, Mr dumbass.


.•´¸•´¨) ¸.•¨) ¸.•´¸.•´¨) ¸.•¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´~I have this ribbon in my profile, not to pass around like it's some stupid copy-paste thing for the masses to whore, but because I really do have a family member suffering from cancer. She has less than a year to live. So, you know someone who's died or dying from cancer? Perhaps survived it?

Whooptie fucking doo.

Call me hypocritical (seriously, I love it, and what with the upset the cancer is causing at the moment, I'm always eager for a fight), but if you have experienced the trauma of having a cancer patient in your family or friends, don't post a stupid message in your profile written by some dick you don't even know. Donate to cancer research, make people aware of the danger, or how about this: post a personalised message, with heart and feeling into it, about what you know. If you really cared, you'd have something to say on the subject, not just 'lulz lulz i no sum1 hu dyd lollllz'.

Think about it the next time you go to post a copy-paste message on you profile about something as serious as cancer, because every time I see it, I want to shoot the twat who wrote it.

Leilah

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Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

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