Author has written 11 stories for Harry Potter, Twilight, Bleach, Black Cat, Naruto, and Death Note.
Hello everybody! If you know me, then you know me, if you don't I'm none of your business. Read and reveiw please! You make me so happy!
I realized that I've read waaaaay to much Transformers fanfiction when:
I find myself using slag or frag instead of the many other curse words available to me.
Something isn't wrong, it's glitched.
I'm driving behind a huge truck and I can't see over it or around it to the traffic light. My immediate response: "Frag this thing has a big aft!" ... O.o
FOR ALL MY READERS!! If you have any ideas for my stories or wish to write a chapter for any of them, please do! Send them to me and I will read and consider. If I think that they will fit with the story, I will not hesitate to add them under your name, with your permission of course. PM me and I will send you my email.
Anyway, on to quotes from my favorite stories!
Wow, I ended up putting a lot of these here, didn't I? But they're all so funny!! Read Things that Team Nineteen is No Longer Allowed to Do, it's hillarious.
"Why is mean counselor lady lying on the floor like that?"
"TOBI'S EMO CORNER IS GONE!"
Pein glanced down at Tobi. "What is it?"
"Is Hidan-sama dead?"
"Tobi a good boy!" he insisted, pouting.
"I am pure evil," he insisted seconds later, folding his arms across his chest.
137. You are not bringing sexy back.
138. Neither is your dance routine.
139. “Genma did it first” is not an adequate excuse for anything.
122. You are not to come near the printing press when the Konoha Bingo Book is being put into publication. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles do not exist, are not S-ranked missing-nin and we don’t appreciate you making Gai cry.
93. You are not entitled to grief leave because your fish died, Ibiki.
94. Or your dog.
95. Systematically killing your way through a variety of animals and then trying to claim they were pets and close to your heart will not make us change our minds.
85. While we recognise the fact that you are collectively a group of idiots, this does not qualify you to write “An Idiot's Guide to Ninja-ing”. Do you know how many civilians have blown themselves up in the past week because of you?
77. Stripping is not an acceptable battle tactic.
78. Even if it worked.
67. Anko and Kakashi should not make “little prodigy babies”. Stop suggesting it to the Elders. They seem to take you seriously.
61. The Sharingan's ultimate weakness is not porn, and Kakashi will not fall dead if you keep on sending him the Icha Icha books. We don't know how you got the Kumo nin to believe that, but we would advise you disillusion them rapidly.
49. You are not authorised to issue 'SSS-class missions' sending jounin to Snow Country to 'check if there's still snow'.
24. Iruka, stop addressing the Hokage as your “Pimpmasta”. Especially when you're in front of clients. We've already got one complaint of pedophilia in.
12. Izumo, don't set Maito Gai on fire so you “can see his flames of youth more clearly”. Even if he seems to think this is a good idea. Especially if he thinks this a good idea.
9. Screaming “ARGH, THE ZOMBIES ARE COMING!” will not endear you to the ANBU population, Iruka. Especially not if you actually sound convincing.
“Iruka, the Mizukage does not want to have sex with you. He’s good-looking, he’s a powerful ninja and I’m sure he’s fully capable of finding partners without having to resort to buying sex-slaves – or kidnapping them – from foreign nations.”
“He’s a paedophile!”
“Actually, you’re fifteen so it’s technically ephebophilia,” Kotetsu said cheerfully. “Paedophilia is the attraction to children, whereas ephebophilia is the sexual preference for mid-to-late adolescents, typically fourteen through to nine-“ He trailed off at the varying looks of incredulity being directed at him. “What?” he said defensively. “It was mentioned in Icha Icha and I was curious, okay?”
“I’m sure Jiraiya-sama will be pleased that he’s contributed to the education of today’s youth,” Ibiki said blandly.
“Roses are red, violets are blue,
I’ll hunt down your bastard jounin-sensei and kill him for you?
I know he’s the one who took you from me, sweet Iruka-kun. But don’t worry. I’ll save you. I promise.”
╔╗Put this on your page
Raito stared, appalled at the most pathetic expression he’d ever seen on the face of the master of pathetic expressions. 'How does he do that? It’s those eyes. His eyes are so big. He looks like fucking Bambi after someone nuked the forest and turned the cute bunnies into rabbit jam!' Then he became aware that Namikawa was also gawking, eyes wide, mouth half-open, obviously stricken with total horror at the sight of a grown man’s descent into the seventh hell of Kawaii.
Genius my muscular butt! I’m an idiot.- Kakashi thinking about Iruka
Slap him in a robe, give him a staff and call the man Moses- Iruka thinking about Kakashi
"You strike me more as the ‘wham-bam thanks now scram’ type than a snuggler."- Iruka to Kakashi
"The boring, plain, scarred, poor orphanage teacher who has had to be rescued by the dashing, tall, muscled, gorgeous millionaire with a weird haircut. It’s like something from a B-grade movie or the mental workings of a mildly psychotic internet author. Why would we ever meet, let alone be in the situation where someone like you would be giving someone like me a piggy-back ride?” -Iruka to Kakashi
It is recommended that if you suffer from a weak heart or amenia you consult your doctor before reading any further. It is also recommended that you remove all underwear to reduce the risk of burns from spontaneous combustion. As always, remove any electronic or easily water damaged items from the ‘Drool Zone’ and have a box of tissues standing by.
“Save it,” Sasuke hissed, “You may be the devil, but you are nothing without your minions and one of us is missing.” Sasuke entered the bathroom but left a crack open, “So stop the big brother shit, put on your evil, lord of the darkness panties and find out who took my goddamn dobe!”
“I don’t care what he is doing. One shouldn’t question the devil…” Naruto growled and wrapped the warm blankets around himself, burrowing into the bed, “But I plan to ignore him until he goes away.”
“Kill whoever it is… I’ll help you bury the body later,”
The scarred man smirked before looking at the occupants in the bed, “Hello, law abiding citizens,” his gaze shifted to the three Uchihas, “Marginally law abiding citizens,” and then his eyes fell on Kisame, “… citizen.”
“Ah, shucks,” The tall man held his heart, “I think I might tear up.”
“…you want me to vacate Hidan from his position as your partner, because you believe he is taking advantage of your inherent weakness for bargains by compelling you to dine at a particular low-price restaurant, and has thus, inadvertently, devised a plot to slowly, but surely, kill you via supposedly lethal doses of masala dosa and chili chutney.”
Check my pulse, you fucking idiot! Kakuzu thought furiously, trying to move his fingers. Stop staring and check it! . . . Oh, good, Kakuzu thought in faint relief. He’s getting help. . . . ( to Leader over the phone) “Yeah, it’s Hidan. Uh, Kakuzu’s dead.”
It may have been an allergic reaction, or it might have had something to do with the fact that the spice elevated his blood pressure through the roof. Whatever it was, it had compelled all five of Kakuzu’s hearts to groan “fuck this” at the same time and simultaneously crap out.
Boys/ Girls – bring your own toilet paper
“Dude, what the hell are we gonna do about disguises? Well, you’re pretty girly-looking. We could probably get away with dressing you as one of the bridesmaids, then you could seduce the groom and lure him into a closet and—”
“Say another word and I’ll cut out your larynx.”
“You just killed a fucking priest. I knew you were going to hell before, but goddamn, you’ve got reservations and a first-class ticket now.”
“I didn’t kill him,” Itachi said shortly. “He’s sleeping in a dumpster. Put these on, and take these.”
“Such a waste, a handsome man such as yourself adhering to the strict rules of priesthood,” another woman purred, putting a hand on his arm.
“It’s not that hard, seriously,” he managed to get out, worming his way out of her grip.
“Who gives this woman in marriage to this man?” Hidan asked miserably.
The short, bald man from before stepped forward, and Hidan made a face.
“What the fuck were you thinking?” he muttered under his breath, before continuing.
“Maybe I should give him mouth to mouth?” the bride’s mother suggested.
Hidan’s eyes flew open.
“Oh, never mind! I’m alive, I’m alive! God’s saying it’s not my time and I still have things to do and—dammit, bitch, get away from me!”