Author has written 1 story for Canterbury Tales.
THIS IS MY PROFILE!!
Hello! I have submitted a story, FINALLY! I wrote this for English class, and I really like it. I laugh while reading it. I hope you do too!
Anywho... If you end up reading the story, please enjoy it, but if not... you should.
THE END :)
PS: I made a horizontal line!
You're a 90's kid if:
You can finish this 'ice ice _'
You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.
If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever forgotten your own name while introducing yourself, copy this into your profile.
Less than 1 percent of teenages don't use make-up. Are you one of those who don't? BE PROUD AND GLUE THIS THING IN YOUR PROFILE!
If you have ever run into a door copy this into your profile.
If you have ever fallen uP the stairs copy this into your profile.
If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES
If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!
WHAT CELEBRITIES MIGHT SAY WHEN ASKED: "WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?"
"Why would he be on a road? I thought chickens lived in the ocean..." -Jessica Simpson
"That (censor) fool of a chicken didn't (censor) know what the (censor) he was doin' crossin' a (censor) alley in (censor) Harlem at 1:00 in the (censor) morning" -Snoop Dogg
"To cross or not to cross, that is the question" -Shakespeare
"I agree that the chicken should cross the road, but I believe he should not get to the other side" -John Kerry
"Chickens, over a great period of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads" -Charles Darwin
"And God came down from the heavens and He said unto the chicken 'Thou shall cross the road'. And the chicken did, and there was much rejoicing" -Moses
"To go where no chicken has gone before" -Neil Armstrong
"We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. Its either with us or against us, there's no middle ground here" -George W. Bush
"Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes the chicken crossed the road. But why it crossed, I've not been told" -Dr. Seuss
"In my day, we didn't as why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us the chicken crossed the road and that was good enough for us" -Grandpa
"Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask 'What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyways?'" -Jerry Seinfeld
"The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road" -Richard Nixon
"This was an unprevoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it" -Saddam Hussein
"I missed one?" -Colonel Sanders
Har Har Har. P) (That's my pirate smiley)
Yay! Now are you ready for some superspecialawesome quotes? (Beware, this list is long and entirely random.) :D
"My alphabet starts with this letter called yuzz. It's the letter I use to spell yuzz-a-ma-tuzz. You'll be sort of surprised what there is to be found once you go beyond 'Z' and start poking around"
Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.
"Sir, I think you should buckle up!"
"I think I just had an evilgasm"
""Ah, I see where she's going. A classic Unlikely Heroes defense. We might have some success citing a precendent. Get me the case files for Sauron v. Baggins, Takhisis v. Everman, and... Riddle v. Board of Education."
"Everything in this room is edible. Even I am edible, but that, little children, is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies."
"Oh god you're a woman... you have such excellent bone structure there. I'm kinda having a hard time not looking at you now."
SO THERE I WAS BEING KUBO
"I saw it, but I still don't believe it."
What do a duck and a bicycle have in common?
"in hell, the english are chefs, the germans are police officers, the french are engineers, the swiss are lovers, and the itaaaaaaalians are bankers... in heaven, the french are cooks, the english are police officers, the germans are engineers, the swiss are bankers, and the italians are lovers"
"Apparently you're trying to fck all this sht up!” I said loudly, swinging my arms out as to show just how much sht she was fcking up.
"This answers so many questions in a way I never wanted them answered."
"Don't look, don't look, if you can't see it, it's not happening."
"What are you doing?"
"I'm really dissapointed Kurosaki. In your sword, all I see is fear. When you're dodging, you're "afraid of getting hit." When you're attacking, you're "afraid of hitting me." When you're protecting someone, you're "afraid of them dying." Your sword is filled with fear! I'ts pathetic! You can't give into fear in a fight! It won't help you at all. When you're dodging, think "I won't let him hit me!" When you're protecting someone, think "I won't let you die!" When you're attacking, think "I'm going to cut you!" See? See this? In my sword... do you see my determination? Do
"Sometimes I think that the surest sign that there is intelligent life out there somewhere is that it hasn't tried to contact us."
"If the ocean were vodka and I were a duck, I'd swim to the bottom and drink my way up, but the ocean ain't vodka and I ain't a duck, so give me some manga and shut the fk up!"
Then, faster than you could say ‘Oh shit, the beaver has found its way into my pants!’ (Which wouldn’t have to be very fast, because that would take some time to say, all things considered.) Ichigo was all over Grimmjow like bald on Ikkaku.
"Aww, that's so sweet! You've been blinded by my love... and by your actual blindness"
"I'm here for your blue eyes, old man, so hand it over"
"holy on a ing sandwich with on top... and a side helping of "
"In my greif, I took a trip to Egypt. Because that's what people do when they're greiving... they go to Egypt."
"By the way, there was some guy in here looking for you? Aizawa or Muzen or something like that."
"The little Jew boy's mind has been divided into two parts. One looks like it belongs to a child. A very untidy child. If he lived in my homeland of Egypt, he would have been stoned to death for his insolence."
"This little boy has saved me. Perhaps he is not as Jewish as I first suspected."
"Grandpa!! Are you okay?!"
"Hey Gramps, can we see your super-rare-awesome-chocolatey-fudge-coated mega-super card??"
"Isn't that against the rules?"
"It's too bad that rich meglomaniacs are immune to the law, or we could just call the police."
Buffy: to spike "What are you doing here? Five words."
Make a list of important things to do today. At the top of your list, put 'eat chocolate.' Now, you'll get at least one thing done today.
"People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to"
"an exasperated juvenile court judge declared that the auomobile was 'a house of prostitution on wheels'"
"the Round Lick Association of Primitive Baptists"
"'Peace is proclaimed,' announced Secretary of State Frank Kellogg as he signed the document with a foot-long gold pen.'"
"Yes, but he must be the same type as Ichigo. He has incredible strength but his powers of observation are quite weak"
"M-my feet aren't touching the ground"
"We can't go this way! It's a dead end, right? I thought all along you should have turned right at that last corner!"
"When angry, count four. When very angry, swear."
"The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible."
"A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read."
"When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not."
I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."
I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process... It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance?
Roses are red, Violets are blue. I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
"What's with that stupid outfit you're wearing? Are you with the intruders we saw earilier?"
"Uh, Sokka, you're a comic relief character. You couldn't fight off a short bus full of nuns."
"Thanks to your uncle's love for bad Jewish wine, I now have all the information I need to capture the Avatar before you, and take all the glory of defeating a 12 year old child for myself."
"Remember what we've been working on! Always aim for the groin!"
"El Gasp? I have been discoooverrred. I must flee... sexily"
"Well, well, well. If it isn't the dragon of the west, the once great general Iroh"
"Did you just crush a rock in your hand?"
"Are you here to take me to the Neverending story, Mr. Dragon?"
"OW! MY GROIN!! Why would you shoot a fireball there? Why?"
"Oh please. They're all lined up in a straight line with their guns all pointing the same way. They're probably French."
"ROFLMAO! Learn to play noobs!"
"Men, we've been discovered by harmless looking children, kill them!!"
"You're harder to find than Carmen Sandiego!"
Jet:"You guys wanna come back to my treehouse?"
"I'll bite your ear off, and I'll eat it. I'll like put it on a plate, with some ketchup, maybe some barbeque sauce, some gravy; put some broccoli on it to make it look good, and then serve it at French restaurants. It'll be called 'Le ear of kid who didn't call Mike Tyson Iron Man'. And everyone will love it. It'll be a hit! And that will be your ear, understand me?"
"are you hiring 15 year olds with no previous job experience?"
"So, now that Aang is the avatar, he needs to eat a nutritous breakfast. That means no more Lucky Charms, only... RAISIN BRAN!!"
"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."
"The history of these pickles begins with..."
Jacuqeline: The Declaration of Independance is CRAP!
"A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way."
I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want -- an adorable pancreas?
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Inga: Hallo. Vould you like to have a roll in ze hay?
as she holds a candle holder with 3 unlit candles
Igor: Dr. Frankenstein...
James Gordon Jr.: Why's he running, Dad?
Billy Black: to Bella We came for your flat-screen. And because Jacob wouldn't stop talking about seeing you again.
Rosalie Hale: Is she even Italian?
"Someday Mr.McCraith is going to give us a calculus test and is going to say 'Take the test smarter' and expect us to get an A."
Cassie to mr.mccraith "No! My way is better!
"Don't piss me off."
Mr. McCraith-- "Who wants to answer the question? ... Aaron V!"
Shawn:"and this is my partner, Longbranch Pennywhistle."
Shwns:'plan a or plan b?'
"Billy, you're driving the spork into your leg."
"This, my friends, is my freezeray, which, with the addition of the Wonderflonium I obtained at my famously successful heist last week; I say successful in that I acheived my objective, It was less successful in that I inadvertantly introduced my arch-nemesis to the girl of my dreams, and now he's taking her out on dates, and they're probably going to French kiss or something..."
Captain Hammer- "Everyone's a hero: you and you and mostly me and you."
Captain Hammer- You look Horribly familiar. Have I seen you at the gym? Wait, I don't go to the gym, I'm just naturally like this."
Crazy camp owner- "you've destroyed me... Iago!"
"What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's. Do I go for the vault, no, I go for the chandelier: it's priceless. As I'm taking it down a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada; I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. 30 years later I get a postcard: I have a son and he's the cheif of police. This is where the story gets interesting, I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris - she's been waiting for me all these years, she's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin - that's where I stashed the chandelier."
-"AP US History is like a jealous mistress... it never stops."
-"Do I say that all the time? I'm such a tool."
"Meet me at 8 o'clock tonight under the bridge. I'll be dressed as a nun... or a cat. I haven't decided yet."
Mulan: Would you like to stay for dinner?
"This is the crack team that foils my every plot? I am deeply shamed"
Angel- I saved the world you know.
"Waka, gods gift to man, is here! Bonjour!"
"... if all goes according to plan, which it will, because I hold a Phd in Horribleness."
"Annoy little blond one, annoy like the wind!"
"Question: What kind of bear it best?"
"He could talk the legs off a table."
Grandmother: Great! She brings home a sword. If you ask me, she should have brought home a man--.
"People say 'outrageous!' when they really mean 'that's mildly interesting'"
"Hey, Clark, where are you? I feel like your stalker ex-girlfriend. Even though I was never your girlfriend... it was just an analogy, a bad one. I'm sorry, this is awkward."
"contrary to popular belief, honking your horn in a traffic jam does not make the cars move faster."
"The pharoh awoke the very next day,
Wizard's First Rule: "People are stupid. ... They will believe a lie because they want to believe it's true, or because they are afraid it might be true."