Poll: For my story the New Sannin, if I make the current Sannin: Jiraiya, Orochimaru, Tsunade; trade bodies with others to stay young while training up the next generation of Sannin, should the transfer be permanent until they Want to switch again? Vote Now!
Author has written 27 stories for Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Naruto, Superman, Terminator, Lord of the Rings, Parodies and Spoofs, DC Superheroes, Mythology, Devil May Cry, V for Vendetta, Rambo series, Doctor Who, Marvel, and Death Note.
I'm King Hawke.
Age: Somewhere between 25 and 27
lives: in Texas, USA
Has: had some college...oh yeah, and I have a dog! a blue heeler. His name is Jack Jack Daniels & he's a puppy. I am generally conservative...except where it comes to stories, and often have massive writer's block. I also have a gorgeous firecracker for a wife. If you don't like any of this info, then you don't have to like me. you just have to like my stories! or not, I have enough fans to not care one way or the other.
Likes: alot of things. too many things to mention.
Dislikes: Mistreatment of women, snobs. those that violate our God-given human rights are not worthy of the title "Human" and deserve to be put back in the earth from which we came!! oh, and my final dislikes are mustard, salad dressings, tomatoes, and those that harm my friends. those that harm my friends drop into the nonhuman category and deserve the same as the rapists.
Flames will be cheerfully disregarded. but Constructive Criticism I can handle. Hope you all enjoy my stories!
if anyone has a problem with any of my stories, I Do put everything in the stories on purpose, even if you disagree or agree with my reasons.
The stories with the most reviews get updated the fastest; and, news for all you fans, for most of my stories, I have no idea what I'm going to write until I write it. so, I'm as surprised as you with what comes next. keep the reviews coming!
Rant(This is not an original rant): WHAT HAS KISHIMOTO DONE TO NARUTO!? The stupid show should be called Sasuke now since he's the only one that gets all the attention! And the show has been turning stupider and stupider since the start of Shippuuden. Here's the main problems I've found.
1. Naruto comes back after THREE YEARS of training with a SANNIN, as in one of THE BEST SHINOBI IN KONOHA, and comes back with only THREE NEW JUTSU! What the heck!? Did Jiraiya peep all the time and Naruto learned those jutsu by himself or something!? Did he learn one jutsu per year?! Improved speed and strength does crap against a barrage of Ninjutsu that you can't counter don't ya think!? I mean Sakura is better than Naruto. First she is was useless than in the shippuuden she is strong as Tsunade and surpassed her in medic while Naruto only learns three jutsu which has downside. 2. Gaara lost his Bijuu... And the Akatsuki have gathered almost all of the other Bijuu. EXCUSE ME!? I was kinda hoping for more Jinchuuriki meeting Naruto. But then I watched Shippuuden to find they're already dead.
Profile Content: Ode to Mom, In Honor of Stupid People; Great phrases that I found from other authors, books, stories, newspapers, etc; 19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity, Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator; Things to do to annoy people; 101 things to do in walmart; IF; Comebacks to crappy pickup lines; Bad pickup lines; Answering Machine Messages; Bumper Stickers; 101 Rules of Anime, Obituary to Common Sense
An Ode To My Mom
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
12. (My favorite) My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
In Honor of Stupid People:
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap,"
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
Iron: Do not place in any bodily orfice while turned on. (because some things are not meant to be ironed out.)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity.
Ah America, the only place where a poor black man can become a rich white woman! Ode to Michael Jackson
I don't suffer from insanity! I enjoy every minute of it.
I'm perfectly sane, it's the world that's crazy.
Here's a riddle, two guys destroyed your bike with a bat and a crow bar, one of them wasn't me.
My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and its gone.
If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', whats the opposite of 'progress'?
Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back an let the world wonder how you did it.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
The voices in my head tell me I need therapy.
The newscaster is the person who says “Good evening” and then tells you why its not.
I used to have super powers, but my therapist took them away.
Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me in kick boxing.
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you do succeed, try not to look to astonished.
I am convinced that my superpowers are locked inside of me, and can't be released until my mom makes me a superhero costume. for some strange reason, that doesn't seem to be on the list of high priorities for her!
If Procrastinators formed a club, would they ever meet?
We live in an age where the pizza delivery will reach your house before the police.
I'm not littering...I'm donating to the Earth.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
I am not a humanitarian. I am a hell-raiser.
Heck is the place for people who don't believe in Gosh.
They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every-time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?
Sarcasm is one more service I offer. Compassion costs extra.
Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
I will temporarily rule the world, forever.
Life is like robbing a bank; so worth the while!
You want to know who your real friends are? Screw up and see who's still there- (A good one!!)
Let's see. My first impression: I hate you - Kakashi (Naruto)
Don't tell me the sky's the limit, when there's footprints on the moon-
Don't look at me with that tone of voice!-
Silence is golden, duck-tape is silver-
Too troublesome - Shikamaru (Naruto)
It's a wonder they haven't locked you up yet-
A good friend would come and bail you out of jail. A true friend would be sitting there beside you saying, "Man that was fun! Let's do it again!"
Question: if some one with multiple personalities threatens to commit to kill himself is it considered a hostage situation??
Who ever said that anything was possible has obviously never tried to ski through a revolving door...
He shouldn't let his mind wander, it's too little to go out on its own
He had a good idea once, but it died of loneliness
"Comfort the Disturbed and Disturb the Comfortable" -Unknown
-"Fiction is a lie and good fiction is the truth inside the lie" -Unknown
Genius by Birth
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
You've gotta die in creative ways.
They keep saying the right person will come along; I think minef got hit by a
If it's not nailed down, it's fair game.
To err is human, to forgive is not Company Policy
When in doubt, use brute force. When that doesn't work...RUN!!
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
You can't fall off the floor, but you can always pick yourself back up.
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
If you mess with anything long enough, it'll break.
Push something hard enough and it will fall.
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.f
There's no point in being grownup if you can't be childish sometimes!
I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you
Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities it's schizophrenia,
Do what comes naturally now. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum
Sleep: A completely inadequate substitute for caffeine
The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence that you tried.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view
Never knock on Death's door... Ring the bell and run away... he hates that
Before you critisize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you critisize them, you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man.
This is not something to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown, with great force.
There is darkness. There is chaos. There is evil. They are not now, nor have ever been the same thing.
Warning: trespassers will be shot. Warning: survivors will be shot again
Always forgive your enemies... Nothing annoys them so much.
"Don't worry about the world ending today, it's already tomorrow in Australia. Unless you're in Australia, then start worrying.
If the whole world depends on today's youth, I can't see the world lasting another 100 years. –Socrates
You can learn a lot about a person if you just take the time to inject them with sodium pentothal. –Anonymous
The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his. -George S. Patton
Nunquam lamiae morde me dice. - Never say 'bite me' to a vampire. –Anonymous
If you're going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it. -Leo C. Rosten
light travels faster than sound. this is why some people appear intelligent until you hear them speak."
"lottery: a tax on people who dont understand statistics."
"main reason santa is so jolly: because he knows where all the bad girls live."
"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous."
"I'd kill for a nobel peace prize."
"If a mute child swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?"
"If at first you dont succeed, then skydiving isn't for you."
"If everything is coming your way, your in the wrong lane."
"If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it."
"If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?"
"If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?"
"If you can read this . . . I can slam on my brakes and sue you!"f
"Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them."
"Straight is something crooked that was bent."
"Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!"
"I want revenge. Is that so wrong?"
"Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done."
The problem with reality is a lack of background music.
I laugh in the face of death...maybe not laugh more like a snicker...a quiet snicker, and I wouldn't do it directly in death's face so, it's more like a quiet snicker behind death's back.
If I won't be myself, who will?
We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.
Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.
A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
In theory, everything works.
Do unto others before they do unto to you.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Your chances of getting struck by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and yell, "Storms suck!"
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like grandfather...not screaming like the passengers in his car.
If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation.
Your village called, they want their idiot back.
Welcome to loserville. Population: you
"I'm an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight"
My mechanic told me,"I couldn't repair your brakes,so I made your horn louder."
"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay."
"I did my homework! I just forgot to write it down."
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think.
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
WANTED: Meaningful Overnight Relationship
So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.
I need someone real bad...Are you real bad?
Beauty is in the eye of the Beer Holder.
All men are idiots...and I married their king.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
I(nternal) R(evenue) S(ervice): We've got what it takes to take what you got.
Reality is a crutch for people that can't handle drugs.
Out of my mind...be back in five minutes.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Hang up and drive.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many!
I said "NO" to drugs, but they don't listen!
Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU are still an idiot.
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there's a will...I want to be in it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill your drink!
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
Always remember that you are unique...just like everyone else.
HONK if you want to see my Finger.
Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
Keep honking while I reload.
I wasn't born a bitch, men like you made me this way.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot either!
Who were the testers for Preparations A through G?
Madness takes a toll, please have exact change.
EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.
If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.
My wife keeps complaining that I never listen to her...or something like that.
Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Don't drink and derive.
If we are what we eat, I'm cheap, fast, and easy.
Stop repeat offenders! Don't re-elect them!
One by one, the penguins are stealing my sanity
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
Never punch a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat. (with me as the exception! no hitting me!)
There are few problems that can’t be solved with high explosives.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
I never argue with an idiot. They drag me down to their level, and then beat me with experience."--Hiei, commenting on Yusuke to Kurama
"Nobody move! I dropped my brain." -- Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean, At World's End
"Sanity!? Sorry, but I don't remember having such a useless thing in the first place." -- Zaraki Kenpachi, Bleach, Japanese verion w/subtitles, episode 51
19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars.
Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator:
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
Things to do to annoy people:
1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
101 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"
17. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
18. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
19. Start playing football; see how many people you can get to join in.
20. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him "I need some tampons!!"
21. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department
22. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "Sex and candy".
23. Tune all the radios to a polka station, turn them all off and turn up all the volumes to the max.
24. Play with the automatic doors.
25. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
26. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"
27. Repeat #26 in the jewelry department.
28. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
29. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
30. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
31. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
32. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
33. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
34. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
35. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
36. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hell" upside down.
37. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
38. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
39. Take bets on the battle described above.
40. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!)
41. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.
42. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
43. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags
44. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.
45. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
46. Two words: "Marco Polo."
47. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle,etc.
48. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
49. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
50. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
51. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
52. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
53. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."
54. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
55. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something,quickly make off with it without saying a word.
56. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
57. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
58. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
59. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle)."
60. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
61. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
62. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
63. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
64. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
65. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
66. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
67. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
68. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it.
70. Get an empty book, and say it's a guest book. Get people to sign.
71. Play a game of indoor freeze tag
72. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window "the British are coming"
73. Have a team race with your friends- one person sits in the cart, the other pushes
74. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices
75. Fill your cart up as much as possible, and then try to use the express lane
76. Use a bullhorn and occasionally say that there is free candy in aisle X (aisle X being the condom aisle)
77. Run into a pyramid of cans, heroically saying "I'm gonna save us from that bomb!"
78. Use a conveyer belt as a treadmill and lose some weight
79. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over.
80. When people aren't looking, put tampons in their carts if they are a guy, or if they are a gal, put in a jock strap.
81. Randomly direct people to the deodorant section
82. Tell someone that you will sue for false advertising, since they do not sell walls.
83. Take your boyfriend or girlfriend to the food section and have an expensive dinner.
84. Try to push your cart through a checkout without paying. When the clerk tries to stop you, kick in his balls (dont try it on a chick, it wont work), run, but leave the cart. See what happens.
85. If people arent looking at their cart, steal it.
86. Go to the gun section, saying "Can I buy a gun? I'm tired of that stupid smily face!"
87. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use wite-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund.
88. See how much stuff you can break before you get caught
89. Take a leak in the dressing rooms.
90. Repeadeately say "The clowns are not eating me."
91. Use fake checks, but sign them using your neighbors name.
92. Rearrange items as you see fit.
93. Take a full set of guy's clothes and a full set of gal's clothes, then leave them lying somewhere.
94. Put pokemon stuff in a cart that is full of stuff like KoRn and Limp Bizkit CDs.
95. Grab condoms and stick them in everyone's face (only the opposite sex).
96. Do #95 but with the same sex (not recomended).
97. Grab stickers that say "radioactive" and put them randomly on food items.
98. Follow someone until they notice.
99. Pull out pins, like that guy from the 7 Up commercial.
100. Throw Skittles at people and scream "TASTE THE RAINBOW!"
101. Loiter. When asked to leave, tell them you live here.
If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.
92 percent of American teens would die if Abecrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their butts off at the others.
If you talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai ChOpstIcKsXOXO, RadicalEd57, Fierygirl0, tsukiko3000,Neonzangetsu, King Hawke
If you're addicted to anime,copy & paste this into your profile.
Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, post this in your profile.
If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile
Comebacks to Crappy Pickup Lines:
Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Man: "Your place or mine?"
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Bad Pickup Lines:
I wish I was one of your tears, so I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek, and die on your lips.
Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together.
Can I borrow a quarter, 'cause my mom told me to call home when I fell in love.
What's wrong? You're looking a little sad and gloomy. What you need is some vitamin me!
Are your legs tired? Because you've been running through my mind ALL day long.
Are you lost? It's strange to see an angel so far from heaven
I'd marry your dog just to be related to you.
Is it me, or am I gorgeous?
Baby, you look so sweet you're giving me a cavity.
If I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen.
You remind me of an ice cold Pepsi- I've just gotta have it.
I envy your lipstick.
You can forget about going to heaven, because it's sin to look that good.
I want you almost as much as I want world peace.
Do you drink milk? It sure did your body good.
If your parents had never met, I would be a very unhappy man right now.
Are you religious? good, because I'm here to answer your prayers.
do you have a map? I got lost in your eyes.
I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk!
You're the most beautiful girl I've evern seen...on a Wednesday.
Woman: Excuse me, do you have the time?
Say, didn't we go to different schools together?
What do you like for breakfast?
(licks your finger and then touches her shirt) Here, let me help you out of those wet clothes.
Look at you with all those curves, and here I am with no brakes...
(at a copy machine) Reproducing, eh? can I help?
Is it hot in here, or is it just you?
If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
Can I see that lable? I just want to know if you were made in heaven.
Do you like raisins? how about a date?
I miss my teddy bear...would you sleep with me instead?
You look great and all, but do you know what'd really look good on you? Me.
Could I get some directions? To where you ask? to your heart!
Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by you again?
Is your father a thief? He stole the stars and put them in your eyes. (be prepared with a snappy answer in case she answers "yes")
What pickup line actually works on you?
I know you're an angel, but can you treat me like a devil tonight?
Is there a mirror in your pocket? 'Cause I can really see myself in your pants
Why don't you sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up.
If I asked you for sex, would your answer be the same as your answer to this question?
Are your pants from outer space or is your butt just out of this world?
You're so sweet, you're going to put Hershey's out of business!
Would you like Gin and Platonic, or Scotch and Sofa?
When God said, "Let there be a perfect woman," he created you.
Don't you know me from somewhere?
Is your name Summer? 'Cause you are HOT!
I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?
Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see around here.
Can I even get a fake number?
You sure have a great looking tooth.
Are you religious? You're the answer to my prayers.
Hershey factories make millions of kisses a day, but I'm asking for only one.
Your place or your place? Because my place is a dump!
You don't need car keys to drive me crazy.
Falling for you would be a very short trip.
Don't stop! I don't usually get to see beauty in motion.
Do you know why the sky is so gray? All the blue is in your eyes.
You're so fine, you make me want to go out and get a job.
Remember me? Oh, that's right, I've met you only in my dreams.
Those must be space pants, 'cause your butt is out of this world!
I think I've just found the angel I'd like to be touched by.
Don't be so picky...I wasn't!
Let's go behind that rock, and get a little boulder.
You look a lot like my future wife.
I'd better get a library card, because I'm checking you out.
Did they just take you out of the oven? Because you're hot!
Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille nametag.
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
Without my glasses, you couldn't pass for a female.
You be the tree, and I'll wrap you like a Koala.
I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
Want to play conductor? You be the engineer and I'll go choo choo
I want to call your mother and thank her.
That outfit would look great crumpled up on the floor at the foot of my bed.
Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?
My name is your name. That's so you know what to scream.
Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.
There must be something wrong with my eyes, because I can't take them off you.
I hope you know CPR, 'cause you take my breath away.
Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!
I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I'll still make your bed rock.
Answering Machine Messages:
1. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya, We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...really slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you back.
2. Hi. I'm probably home, but I'm avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't get back to you, it's you.
3. Hi. Now YOU say something!
4. Hello, if you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call you sooner.
5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.
6. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have Lots of money!!
7. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these plastic magnets.
8. This is not an answering machine...it's a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think your name, your number, and your reason for calling...and I'll think about returning your call.
9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and home phone number, and they will get back with you.
10. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
100 rules of anime:
The laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural
#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply.
#2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is
#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud
#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust
#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a
#6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero
#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of
#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die...
#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are
#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a
#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything.
#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly
#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any
#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of
#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form
#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The
#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood,
#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at
#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and
#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t...
#22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little
#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost
#24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles,
#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly
#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of
#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate
#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of
#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are
#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is
#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and
#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable
#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing,
#36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good
#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an
#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is
#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely
#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get
#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal
#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it
#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43.
#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a
#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the
#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy
#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some
#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or
#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will
#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are
#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws
52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters
#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.
#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald,
#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and
#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons
#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of
#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance,
#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition
#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s
#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an
#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years
#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the
#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be
#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the
#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation-
#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the
#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the
#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any
#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a
#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male
#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head
#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to
#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When
#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can
#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a
#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick
#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST
#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial
#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is
#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if
#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a
#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become
#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed
#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire
#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in
#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.
#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have
#89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large
#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following
#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and
#92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance
#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at
#94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability
#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any
#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other,
#97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that
#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or
#99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest
#100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen.
The previous was created by Insane Advocate and his two friends. Aswell as various internet sources inorder to help others understand the things that happen in anime. So to help others understand anime affter you have read this please copy and paste this to your profile thank-you.
To you yaoi lovers out there, I will not disrespect your opinion, but I myself hate guyXguy and it just literally makes me sick. I will NEVER EVER write YAOI stories or have stories with that crap in it. The more the reviews come in, the faster I update!
If you take the time to read my very long profile paste this on your profile!
I'm the product of a secret government project.
I am the English Teacher about whom your mother warned you.
That's irrelevant, and irrelevant never forgets.
Without sports, this bumper sticker would be about my honor student.
Faster than a speeding ticket.
Better half a slogan...
Just be happy I'm not a twin.
Cats make everything taste better.
My friend text me, she said "What does idk mean?" so I said "I don't know." she said, "oh no! no one knows!"
Stupidity is not a handicap. Park Elsewhere.
Girls are like phones. They love to be held, talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected.
My whole problem is that my lips move when I think.
I have survived your driving!
If you want an example of a bad driver, look how close that maniac in front of us is driving to us.
Pretty girl: thanks for the warning, officer; I collect these!
Faster then a speeding bullet...just got a season (speeding) ticket from a police officer.
Yes, I am the cutest thing that you'll ever see. so don't give me a ticket!
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.