Author has written 7 stories for Twilight, Instant Star, Life With Derek, TV X-overs, X-overs, and Book X-overs.
OK so all you really need to know about me is that I'm a 21 year old guy. When I'm not on dates, working, or going to college I'm normally on FF or Ao3. I really don't remember what I did on the internet before this. I'm positive I went through a MYSPACE phase which was a bit dangerous now that I look back on it, MYSPACE used to be so creepy. Its been about seven years since I joined this site and I remember when LJ was still the place to be and character filters were a dream. TWILIGHT was still a small archive and tablets barely existed if they did. God I feel old.
Current Fic Obsession: Malcolm in the Middle - Reese/Malcolm
So I know this show is ancient and the fandom never really got off the ground but I was bored and suffering Ao3 a few days ago and remembered MITM so I searched. I'm not usually a fan of those type of slash stories with bro pairings but these fics were awesome and well written. You should check em out. There easy to spot on FF or Ao3. Unfortunately, given the woeful state of the fandom there are no other fics that even come close to being as well written. :( MITM reunion anyone?
CHARMED- “At this time and in this hour, Switch two lovers’ souls and powers:
While our sister wears his face, We send him now to take her place.”, "Blood to blood, I summon thee, Blood to blood, return to me.”, “Powers of the witches rise, Course unseen across the skies; Come to us who call you near.
Come to us and settle here.”, "Definition of Mortality. To be mortal is the acceptance That one day you will be naught but a memory."
GILMORE GIRLS - 'The blue eyes that haunt him everywhere he goes. They are the sky, the ocean, the random flecks of blue in the distance. They are the stab to the chest, that haunts his every waking dream and every living breath. They are in his very soul, making him scream for mercy, begging to be released'
Janos Arnay- "In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities."
Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba- "Life Is A Challenge - Meet It! Life Is A Song - Sing It! Life Is A Dream - Realize It! Life Is A Game - Play It! Life I Love - Enjoy It!"
Henry Finck- "Is not a kiss the very autograph of love?"
HARRY POTTER- "Green are the troubles that plague us all; Red is the disaster that makes us fall; Yellow reveals the fool and liar; Blue is the one that grants our heart’s desire."
Ever had a flying burrito hit you? Well, it's a deadly projectile, right up there with cannonballs and grenades." -Percy Jackson, Percy Jackson and the Olympians; The Titan's Curse
"With great power... comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later." -Nico Di Angelo, Percy Jackson and the Olympians; The Last Olympian
"Very well," Zeus said. "We will grant you a new, er, stick. The best stick that may be found." -Zeus to Tyson, Percy Jackson and the Olympians; The Last Olympian
CANON ONLY-BELLA/EDWARD (TWILIGHT), JESS/RORY (GILMORE GIRLS), TOMMY/JUDE (INSTANT STAR), CHRIS/BIANCA (CHARMED), PHOEBE/COLE (CHARMED), PUCK/RACHEL (GLEE)
FANON ONLY- ZUKO/KATARA (AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER), DEREK/CASEY (LIFE WITH DEREK), EDWIN/LIZZIE (LIFE WITH DEREK), JAY/EMMA (DEGRASSI), CRAIG/EMMA (DEGRASSI), SPINNER/EMMA (DEGRASSI), BELLA/OC (TWILIIGHT), DRACO/HERMIONE (HARRY POTTER), HIKARI Y./TAKERU T. (DIGIMON), SONNY/CHAD (SONNY WITH A CHANCE)
CROSSOVERS ONLY- DEAN/BELLA (SUPERNATURAL/TWILIGHT), SAM/BELLA (SUPERNATURAL/TWILIGHT) DEAN/PIPPER (SUPERNATURAL/CHARMED), DANNY/BELLA (DANNY PHANTOM/TWILIGHT), CALEB/BELLA (THE COVENANT/TWILIGHT), POGUE/BELLA (THE COVENANT/TWILIGHT), REID/BELLA (THE COVENANT/TWILIGHT), SPIKE/BELLA (BTVS/TWILIGHT), ANGEL/BELLA (BTVS/TWILIGHT), DRACO/BELLA (HARRY POTTER/TWILIGHT), CHRIS/BUFFY (CHARMED/BTVS), DRACO/BUFFY (HARRY POTTER/BTVS), CHRIS/BELLA (CHARMED/TWILIGHT),
FICTION PRESS PAGE
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.
You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.
You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?
I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?
Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.
If you're against abortion, re-post this
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
If you think homophobia is wrong copy this into your profile
I went to a party, Mom
And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom
So I had a Sprite instead.
I felt proud of myself,
The way you said I would,
That I didnt drink and drive,
Though some friends said I should.
I made a healthy choice,
And your advice to me was right,
The party finally ended,
And the kids drove out of sight.
I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece,
I never knew what was coming, Mom
Something I expected least.
Now Im lying on the pavement,
And I hear the policeman say,
The kid that caused this wreck was drunk,
Mom, his voice seems far away.
My own bloods all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
This girl is going to die.
Im sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying high,
Because he chose to drink and drive,
Now I would have to die.
So why do people do it, Mom
Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
Like a hundred stabbing knives.
Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom
Tell daddy to be brave,
And when I go to heaven,
Put Daddys Girl on my grave.
Someone should have taught him,
That it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had,
Id still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter, Mom
Im getting really scared.
These are my final moments,
And Im so unprepared.
I wish that you could hold me Mom,
As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say I love you, Mom
So I love you and good-bye.A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycleSince the Pledge of Allegiance
and The Lord's Prayer
are not allowed in most
public schools anymore
Because the word 'God' is mentioned...
A kid in Arizona wrote the attached
Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: I love you, now slow down!
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
She gives him a big hug
Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.
In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she could live. If you would do this for a loved one copy and paste.
Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
Girl: Do you like me?
Girl: Do you want me?
Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Girl: Would you live for me?
Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Girl: Choose--me or your life
Boy: My life
The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...
The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.
The reason I don't want you is because I need you.
The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.
The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.
The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.
The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.
If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile
NEW School prayer: -
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all..
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.
We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's 'inappropriate' to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such 'judgments' do not belong.
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
are you proud of me mother
that i hate you to your grave
are you proud of me sister
im something you couldnt save
are you proud of me father
you rarely come to my mind
are you proud of me brother
that i left you behind
are you proud of me friends
that im a ghost of dishonesty
are you proud of me lover
are you really?
for all this pride i lay me down die before you leave cover me up in the blanket of ashes from your persecuted soul
--are you proud of me now
--with all the secrets i never told
all the rituals you allow
dancing upon their graves in hate
TAKE ME I BEG YOU
TAKE ME I'LL DIE FOR THEM
i'll be your
Do YOU remember the 90s??
Just because you were born in '97 doesn't mean you're a 90's kid. It's not like you could remember the original Simpsons. I am sorry but three conscious years of the 90's just wont cut it. You're a 90's kid if you remember:
You remember watching -Doug -Ren & Stimpy -Pinky and the Brain -AAAAAAAH Real Monsters! -Rockos modern Life. -Animaniacs -Gargoyles
You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
You just cant resist finishing this . . . "in west Philadelphia born and raised . . ."
You remember -Step by Step -Family Matters -Dinosaurs -Boy Meets World
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not
When everything was settled by -rock paper scissors or -bubble gum bubble gum in a dish or -ms. mary mack
When kick ball was a daily activity.
When we used to obey our parents
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time on a tape.
You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.
You remember The Original Game Boy.
You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.
You remember watching -The Magic School Bus -Wishbone -Reading Rainbow -and Ghostwriter on PBS
You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads and Splashers Gum.
You remember watching -the 1st Batman -Aladdin -Ninja Turtles -ghost busters
You remember Ring Pops.
you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"
You remember boom boxes .vs. cd players.
Making those little paper fortune things, and then predicting your life with them.
You played and/or collected "Pogs"
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.
One word. . . . . . . .trolls.
Windows 95 was the best.
You watched the original cartoons of -Rugrats -Wild Thornberry's -Power Rangers -Rocket Power.
All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.
You collected Beanie Babies.
You remember Carebears
You know that Lambchop's song never ended.
Silver dollars, which were cool to have.
Everyone watched the WB.
If you even know what an original walkman is.
You know the Macarena by heart.
"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said
You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.
You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
Before the MySpace frenzy . . . Before the Internet & text messaging . . . Before Sidekicks & iPods . . . Before PlayStation3 or X-BOX 360 . . . Before Spongebob . . . Before Tupac was shot.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was 0.95 a gallon.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
You had slap bracelets!
You Actually played outside until it was dark!
Way back. Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
Post this in your bulletin if you remember these days . . . .
AACIBD is Addicted to All Cullen’s Including Bella Disorder.
AV is Addicted to Vampires
WIWAVS is Wishing I Was A Vampire Syndrome
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.
If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.
93 percent of teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.
If you believe you are genuinally(sp?) in love with 2 or more tvshow/book characters, copy and paste this into your profile.
Most people say that life is good. But life is only good when you get what you want. If you agree, copy and paste this to your profile
I'm the kinda person who walks into a chair and apologizes
If you copy and paste so much that you have duplicates on your profile, copy and paste this to your profile.
If there are times when you just want to annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile
If you have ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy this into your profile
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading fanfiction, copy this into your profile
If you think writing fanfiction stories is fun, copy this into your profile
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile
If you've met your non-blood related twin (In resemblance or personality), copy this into your profile
If you've ever read past two in the morning, copy this into your profile
If you have a true friend, copy this into your profile
If you read peoples profiles, looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy this into your profile
If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.
If you and/or your best friend is insane, copy and paste this into your profile.
I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
If you are insane, enjoying every second, and proud of it, copy this and paste it into your profile.
FAN FICTION: MY ANTI-DRUG. because, who has time for drugs if you're reading and plotting and writing and checking reviews? If this is true for you, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you have ever thrown something at your television when you saw a character you despised, whether it be a piece of popcorn, a fork, or a chair, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you have WAY too much time on your hands and your on fanfiction.net with that time, copy and paste this in your profile.
Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that has stayed loyal to either rock or metal, put this in your profile.
Too many people are on crack. If you're not, add this to your profile.
If you believe PREPS TRAVEL IN PACKS, copy this into your profile
If you’ve ever slapped yourself and/or banged your head on a table for no reason copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever changed your password on something and forgotten it, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever gotten a lock (like one on a locker) and put it on something, then forgot the combination, copy and paste this into your profile.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.
If you think that I think that you think that I think that you think that I am totally spazzing out right now with the 'If you thinks' copy this to your profile already!!
If you think that life without computers is useless, copy this to your profile.
If you think that if girls should rule the world and it would be a better place then copy this onto your profile.
If you've ever been entertained for over 20 minutes by a spot on the wall, copy this to your profile.
92 percent of statistics are fake. If you've ever made up a percentage just to get your point across, copy this to your profile.
If you think the aliens from the movie Signs look like Bob Saget (aka Danny Tanner from Full House), copy this to your profile.
If you get excited when you find money lying on the ground, even pennies, copy this to your profile.
If you watched the same movie every day of life when you were little, copy this to your profile.
If you feel we need to take legal precautions to ensure that no one named George Bush is president ever again, copy this to your profile.
If you think the government is tapping your phone, copy this to your profile.
If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this onto your profile.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...
You talk to yourself a lot.
You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')
When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someones liver?')
After uttering a profound peice of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, 'Holy crap, this stuff is great for sugar highs...'
You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)
You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.
You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.
You tend to collect Bic Sticks off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.
No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.
The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.
Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.
People think you have A.D.D.
You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.
You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.
You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason
Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.
And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.
(copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions)
Read this till the end till you pass judgment on me.
I'm INTO THEATRE & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I’m a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude
I'm BI, so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.
I'm a MALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a Goth.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a brat.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I’m WICCAN, so I MUST be a devil-worshipping baby killer.
I’m A GOOD LIAR, so I MUST be an actor/actress
I’m a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone’s ass
I’m a MALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a lesbian
I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant
I’m FRENCH, so I MUST be homosexual
I’m a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict
I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian
I’m a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie
I’m into JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs
I’m a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST love math
I'm BLACK, so I MUST be on welfare
I'm PUNK, so I MUST cut my wrists
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist
I'm IRISH, so I MUST be a alcoholic
I'm BLOND, so I MUST be a stupid ditz
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore
I MUST be dating them all
I love RENT so I MUST be an emo homo with AIDS.
I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST believe in heaven.
I love WICKED so I MUST be into demons and evil.
I'm and ATHEIST, so I MUST hate Christians and Jews
I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd
I have GREEN SKIN so I Must be a witch (Jk. LOL. I wish I had green skin!)
I'm AMERICAN, so I MUST be an overweight pig with no boundaries
I'm a BOY, so I MUST not suck at guy sports
I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST not have morals.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe) I'veComeToTakeYourCheese, Vampire Scooby, blissfulmemories, Misfit Band Geek, Inuyashagrl101,purpleface14, ConcealMyKnife, loveless kunoichi, SasuxSakufan, Joseph Winchester-Halliwell
Everyone is entitled to being stupid, but you just abuse the prviledge.
I would say "screw you" but I think to many people already did.
I am really trying to imagine you with a personality. Oops, I can't.
Not the brightest crayon in the box, now, are we?
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Your a couple of fries short of a Happy Meal.
You just won't leave me alone, will you? You know, people like you are the reason why people like me need medication.
Is it time for your medication or mine?
Oh, I'm so sorry! I forgot that you're an idiot!
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
God made me beautiful,
What happened to you?
List 5 reasons why I shouldn't talk to you. And then read them over and over.
If stupidity was a crime, you'd get the electric chair.
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
2. My mother taught me RELIGION
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
4. My mother taught me LOGIC
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident ."
7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me WEATHER
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me HYPOCRISY
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me: ENVY
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me: RECEIVING
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
19. My mother taught me: ESP
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me: HUMOR
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22.My Mother taught me: Genetics
"I swear you're just like your father."
23. My Mother taught me about my Roots
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My Mother taught me Wisdom
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. My mother taught me about Justice
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"
10 Commandments of a Teenager
1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(Why wait that long)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(Alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Wal-Mart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(Destruction has a bigger effect)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(Everyone knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Just start them)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(Just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "Just do it")
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(Just leave ‘em in the middle)
A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit
some friends one
and time passed quickly as each shared
various experiences of the past year.
She ended up staying longer than
had to walk home alone. She wasn't
because it was a small town and she lived
few blocks away.
As she walked along under the tall elm
Diane asked God to keep her safe from
When she reached the alley, which was a
cut to her house, she decided to take it.
However, halfway down the alley she
man standing at the end as though he
She became uneasy and began to pray,
Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness
security wrapped round her, she felt as
someone was walking with her.
When she reached the end of the alley,
walked right past the man and arrived
The following day, she read in the
a young girl had been raped in the same
twenty minutes after she had been there.
Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and
that it could have been her, she began to
Thanking the Lord for her safety and to
young woman, she decided to go to the
She felt she could recognize the man, so
them her story.
The police asked her if she would be
at a lineup to see if she could identify
She agreed and immediately pointed out
she had seen in the alley the night
When the man was told he had been
immediately broke down and confessed.
The officer thanked Diane for her bravery
asked if there was anything they could do
She asked if they would ask the man one
Diane was curious as to why he had not
When the policeman asked him, he
answered, "Because she wasn't alone.
two tall men walking on either side of
Amazingly, whether you believe or not,
never alone. Did you know that 98 of
will not stand up for God?
Repost this as Love vs. Sex if you truly
PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what... and if you stand up for him he will
stand up for you.
I bet 93 percent of you people that read this won't repost
FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.
BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him, brings him to you and forces him to marry you til death do you part.
FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"
FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.
FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.
FRIENDS: Will help you move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't
A friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumbass?"
A friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "RUN, -BEEP- RUN!"
A friend wipes your tears when your rejected. A best friend goes up to him and says, "It's because your gay isn't it?"
A friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS AWESOME , LETS DO IT AGAIN!!" or "Dang, we screwed up."
A friend will always be like "well you deserve better". A best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days".
Top 12 Unwritten Laws of Heterosexual Masculinity which I Am Proud to Break
(While Still Retaining My Manhood and My Attraction to Women)
A Personally Inspired Satire of Typical Modern Machismo
1. Thou shalt not let emotional intimacy play a dominant role in any sexual experience, and if thou doest, thou shalt keep it to thyself.
2. If thou hast a problem that makes thee want to either have a long, serious talk about feelings or punch a whole in the wall, thou shalt do the latter.
3. Thou shalt love sports as if it were a second religion, and remain loyal to thy favorite team with unconditional zeal, even if it makes thee act like an idiot.
4. Thou shalt defend thy virility and anatomical endowment to the utmost, even if it means going to unfounded and/or irrational extremes.
5. The fun of a movie is directly proportional to the number of gun battles, fist fights, and fiery explosions in it, however implausible they may be.
6. Thou shalt not like romantic comedies or romantic dramas. In fact, thou shalt squirm at the mere thought of watching one and never be caught owning one.
7. Thou shalt not like musicals. In fact, thou shalt hold them in worst contempt than 'chick flicks' and never be caught owning one.
8. Thou shalt be bored by love songs or any romantic pop music. When it comes to music, the louder, faster, and less comprehensible the lyrics, the better.
9. Thou shalt not like Disney Channel series or DCOMs or have any unusual fondness for traditional Disney movies, fairy tales, or cartoons.
10. Thou shalt not write or read romantic fiction of any kind, and any romantic nonfiction you write must have a rating of at least PG-13.
11. Thou shalt not engage in anything but the most casual shipping in any fandom or participate in any activities that imply advocacy of any romantic pairing.
12. Any of the above laws may be broken provided that thou hast substantial reason to believe that doing so will somehow lead to getting laid.This isn't one of those fake, repost or your life will be a living hell things. It's just for you to read, and think of all the people that died that day, all the people that had loved ones and never said goodbye and for all the people who had to watch as their best friends, lovers too, died. I'm not asking you to repost this, you don't even have to cry, just keep this in your hearts and minds for the people that never got goodbyes.
Try Not To Cry
Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school,
He told his friends that it was cool,
And when he pulled the trigger back,
It shot with a great, huge crack.
Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!
When I went to school that day,
I never said good-bye.
I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.
When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,
And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.
Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,
And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.
And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,
And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best
Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest
Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,
And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass
Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.
But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.
And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try
I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.
Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,
But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest
When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could
please listen to me if you would,
I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,
I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.
But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,
Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry to cancel the date.
I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true
And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"
Her name was Aurora
She was only five
This is what happened
When she was alive
Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic
Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair
She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound
Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endore
A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?
But she grabs her bear
And softly cries
She loves her parents
But they want her to die
She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
" God, why? Why is
My life always sinking? "
Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did
Then one night
Her mom came home high
The poor child was hit and slapped
As hours went by
Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made
She thrust the blade
Right into her chest,
" You deserve to die
You worthless pest! "
The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying
Police showed up
At the small little house
They quickly barged in
Everything was as quiet as a mouse
One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the sad little girl
Lying on the floor
It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arm
If you hate child abuse, post this on your profile.
Man: Haven't I seen you some place before?
Woman: Yes, and thats why I don't go there anymore
Man: Can I buy you a drink?
Woman: Actually I'd rather have the money.
Man: How did you get to be so beautiful?
Woman: I must have been given your share.
Man: Your face must turn a few heads.
Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs.
Man: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
Woman: Okay, get out.
Man: I think I could make you very happy.
Woman: Why? Are you leaving?
Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
Woman: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.
Man: Can I have your name?
Woman: Why? Don't you already have one?
Man: want to see a movie?
Woman: I've already seen one.
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: I'm God's gift to women
Woman: God certainly has a sense of humor.
“Hell is full of musical amateurs.” George Bernard Shaw
“The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.” Dave Barry
“The kind of humor I like is the thing that makes me laugh for five seconds and think for ten minutes.” George Carlin
“There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.” Bill Cosby
“The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision.” Lynn Lavner
“Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.” Robin Williams
“I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.” Ronnie Shakes
“God loves us the way we are, but too much to leave us that way” Leighton Ford
Finally I was bored and going I'm in for an operation soon so here is what I wrote about operations.
10 Things You Don’t Want To Hear A Doctor Say During An Operation:
10. This is my first time doing this.
9. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
8. Was that the kidney or the lung I was supposed to remove?
7. Where does this go again?
6. Now where did that scalpel go?
5. Don’t worry I’ve done this a million times and I only lost half my patients.
4. I could do this with my eyes closed wanna see?
3. Hey! I found the bracelet I lost last time.
2. This is my first time doing this since I got out of prison.
1. I have some good news and bad news. The good news is I just saved some money on car insurance by switching to Gicco.