Mintaka the Comedienne
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 Poll: Can you detect the spelling/grammar error or errors in this sentence? "Me and my freinds went too the mall, were we saw you're new store." Vote Now!
 PM . Follow . Favorite beta : β Beta Profile Joined 01-20-08, id: 1479784, Profile Updated: 09-07-08
Author has written 6 stories for Harry Potter.

I have some more cow jokes, for your entertainment, I suppose. They may not be easy to understand without a PhD in geekiness. Credit goes to Uncyclopedia. The HTML is being stupid; sorry.

You have two cows. The first stands completely still and cannot be moved. The second moves so fast, it becomes an irresistible force. They collide. The result makes your head explode.

Mathematics:

You have 2cos.

Mathematics 2:

You have two cows. You can put your two cows in either order and get the same result because they are commootative.

String Theory:

You have two cows, but you don't know why. You think of a violin and decide to create an entire model of fundamental physics around it. You add dimensions and random nonsense that no one can prove or disprove to your theory. You keep doing this and hope it will tell you where your cows came from.

Binary:

You have 10 cows.

Scientific notation:

You have 0.002 × 103 cows.

Fact:

You really have 0 cows.

Real life:

Fill out forms in triplicate, then see Fact.

Quantum Mechanics :

You have two cows. One runs away really fast and reaches the speed of light. Einstein kills the other cow, then Stephen Hawking, then himself.

(Heisenberg Uncertainty Princimoo): You have two cows. If I told you where they were and how fast they were going then you'd no longer have two cows You have two cows. One of them is an anticow. They touch. Now you have no cows. Or planet. You have one cow in a two-fold coherent superposition, creating an interference pattern with itself. You have a zebra.

Please, please, PLEASE, if you are going to message me, could you PLEASE write in COHERENT, COMPLETE sentences? I'm afraid I'm not fluent in chatspeak. Thank you.

ZARKING FARDWARKS!

I'm currently in the process of editing and rewriting some of my existing stories. Be on the lookout for updates. I'm working on another chapter of Hufflepuff Smart Mouth, which you can expect to see sometime this summer. I know, real soon, right?

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Entry 23784327473467838 by eris86 reviews
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say about fanfiction...oh dear God, it's back.
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 8,036 - Reviews: 237 - Favs: 256 - Follows: 93 - Updated: 1/18/2013 - Published: 12/16/2005
The Marauders are proud to announce that from herein The Marauders Advice Thingy now exists! The idea is YOU ask US for advice and we reply with our guidance, better judgement and inherently witty remarks.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 31 - Words: 161,887 - Reviews: 632 - Favs: 341 - Follows: 196 - Updated: 4/21/2011 - Published: 9/17/2006
The Dark Lord's Blog by Schmerg The Impaler reviews
It's Lord Voldemort's blog, complete with comments from his most loyal Death Eaters. Voldy dispenses advice on everything from germ prevention to murder methods to shoes to Power Rangers... but is he posting too much personal info online?
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 4 - Words: 11,317 - Reviews: 103 - Favs: 119 - Follows: 61 - Updated: 7/18/2008 - Published: 4/23/2007 - Voldemort
Who's a Hero? by Rorschach's Blot reviews
Oneshot: Harry sees a scene of unspeakable horror which inspires him to become the greatest hero the magical world has ever known.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,674 - Reviews: 200 - Favs: 1,110 - Follows: 370 - Published: 4/29/2008 - Harry P., Susan B. - Complete
In the Waiting by Iryana reviews
I wait for a time when we will be master, and the magician our slave. Pre-PG.
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 541 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 4 - Published: 2/22/2008 - Complete
Once Upon a Freakin' Time by Evadne reviews
The Death Eaters attempt to do bad things, but mostly just do things badly.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 40 - Words: 29,923 - Reviews: 2008 - Favs: 2,254 - Follows: 829 - Updated: 2/15/2008 - Published: 8/7/2002 - Voldemort, Severus S.
A Sarcastic Git's Golden Rules at Hogwarts by Twisted Biscuit reviews
Hogwarts has a Sarcastic Little Git inside it’s walls. That Sarcastic Little Git is deeply disgruntled. In an effort to strike out against those who annoy him [read:everybody], he is posting mocking and vaguely offensive “Guidelines” on the notice boards.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 29 - Words: 39,607 - Reviews: 403 - Favs: 711 - Follows: 307 - Updated: 10/30/2007 - Published: 3/9/2006 - Theodore N.
Sirius Black: Expert Babysitter by Noodlez reviews
Sirius is called in to baby-sit little Harry Potter while James and Lily are out for the night. It’s a shame he’s had no previous experience watching small children…PG just to be safe, never know what Sirius will say! RR!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,331 - Reviews: 96 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 8/29/2007 - Published: 8/24/2004 - Sirius B., Harry P.
A Demonic Rondevou by AsparagusZeTurkey reviews
What would happen if Mogget was having a bad day, and takes a vacation? What if Calcifer has a bad day too, and decides to take a trip? And what would happen if they met? ...and I really suck at summaries. It's not as bad as it sounds. I promise. ONESHOT!
Old Kingdom/Abhorsen series - Rated: K - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,626 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Published: 8/13/2007 - Complete
Wizarding Orchestra by Alex the Anachronistic reviews
All I can say is...this was first inspired by a section of my giant 7th HP novel that never got finished in which my Mary Sue starts up an orchestra, getting Snape to conduct it. I was inspired by a friend from school to do this. Short story.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,223 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 7 - Published: 7/3/2007 - Dobby, OC - Complete
Burying the Hatchet by Aubrianna reviews
So you're tired of sexy I'mreallyapussycat Draco Malfoy? Sick of butterwouldn'tmeltinhermouth Ginny W? Bored of them constantly burying the hatchet? Want to bury it somewhere else? You are not alone...
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 10,240 - Reviews: 99 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 6/9/2007 - Published: 1/4/2006 - Draco M., Ginny W.
The Strange Affair of the Anarchist and the Oyster by Schmerg The Impaler reviews
Bartimaeus is ordered to find a possible anarchist, one who is supposedly going to wreak havoc at a government dinner. But who is this anarchist, and what sort of plan is being organized? A bit silly. Takes place a few months prior to Ptolemy's Gate
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 886 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/8/2007
The Bartimaeus Fanfiction Academy by Grim and Mogget reviews
A Miss Cam authorized spinoff: In which BadFic authors get their fannies kicked...er, are taught the finer points of writing by a Grim headmistress, a veritable army of goblin imps, and, of course, the irate canon characters.
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 12,398 - Reviews: 97 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 4/26/2006 - Published: 7/29/2005
Is He My Father? by marietsy2 reviews
A oneshot parody. It makes fun of all those Severitus stories out there. I took canon behavior and threw it out of the window.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,428 - Reviews: 128 - Favs: 269 - Follows: 46 - Published: 1/9/2006 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Diary of a Red Head by Snowy Winter Tales reviews
Fifteen year old Ginny Weasley's diary, filled with embarrassing situations, sarcasm, and a lot of Harry Potters. She's not in love with him or anything. Honestly. [And it's won an award!]
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 25,061 - Reviews: 1008 - Favs: 675 - Follows: 196 - Updated: 12/26/2005 - Published: 5/20/2004 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Overdone Plot Devices by citygirl1116 reviews
Exchange Students, time turners, potions accidents, long-lost twins, mysterious new powers, snogging, more exchange students...
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 17,349 - Reviews: 1470 - Favs: 827 - Follows: 328 - Updated: 9/25/2004 - Published: 3/24/2004 - Harry P.
Please! Not While I'm In The Shower! by michelle-31a reviews
Harry and his friends receive an unexpected visitor...
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,445 - Reviews: 194 - Favs: 350 - Follows: 67 - Published: 7/1/2004 - Harry P., Luna L.
And That is Why the Lord Created Men by Sohara von Salienta reviews
My name is Gilderoy Lockhart and I am perfect. I magnetically and magically attract the love of every sane human being, as well as that offer from that one wizard with a really good imagination who unfortunately lives in Bangkok.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 936 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 3 - Published: 5/27/2004 - Gilderoy L., Severus S.
The Humour of the Situation by Chibikat the Canuck reviews
Sometimes, when you're staring into the abyss of pure and solid depression, evil, and all-around badness...you've just got to laugh. (Ron POV)
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,545 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 2 - Published: 11/11/2003 - Ron W., Harry P.
The Shower Incident by Ivory Tower reviews
NAKED SNAPE! Now that I have your attention, read all about Snape's strange experience in the shower.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,043 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 7 - Published: 11/11/2003
Diary and Notes of a Pssd Off Potions Master by Spawn of Sarcasm reviews
McGonagal now insufferable after potter brat vomited up the snitch this morning. It was sheer luck that they won. Can only hope that next time luck is on my side and the snitch will fly up the other end."
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,127 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 11/10/2003 - Published: 10/28/2003 - Severus S., Minerva M.
The Chronicles of Lucius by Fyrie reviews
Throughout the CoS period, Lucius Malfoy keeps a dia... er... Chronicle of events. Last updated: 26th Sept. COMPLETE
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 35,161 - Reviews: 443 - Favs: 516 - Follows: 45 - Updated: 9/26/2003 - Published: 12/12/2002 - Lucius M. - Complete
The Hogwarts Fanfiction Academy by Meir Brin reviews
**Complete!** Welcome to HFA, a school for fanfiction writers of the Harry Potter designation. Yet who would have the courage to teach such a motley bunch? Why the Harry Potter characters themselves, of course! (A Miss Cam-authorized OFU)
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 50 - Words: 79,887 - Reviews: 878 - Favs: 484 - Follows: 66 - Updated: 7/17/2003 - Published: 9/26/2002 - Complete
The Official Fanfiction University of Middleearth by misscam reviews
The fic that spawned miniBalrogs, Elrond's Naturally Nine, the MorgothSauron feud, Urple, the WitchWall and finally, Gimli got the girl.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 64 - Words: 66,366 - Reviews: 3186 - Favs: 2,041 - Follows: 252 - Updated: 7/12/2002 - Published: 3/8/2002 - Complete
The Daily Prophet has introduced a new opinion column to replace Rita Skeeter's. Minister Fudge claims it's just a publicity stunt, but many have already written to You-Know-Who for all kinds of advice.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,594 - Reviews: 155 - Favs: 357 - Follows: 109 - Published: 11/19/2001
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Amazing Adventures of a Hufflepuff Smart Mouth reviews
The epic journey of a Hufflepuff third-year who's a bit of a troublemaker. I'd really appreciate some reviews. Chapter four is up. FINALLY!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,617 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 2/23/2008 - Published: 1/23/2008
An Amazing Attempt at Admirable Alliterations reviews
I tried to write a story using as many alliterations as possible. I wound up with something really short that had no plot to speak of. There's only so many ways one can use alliterations without going completely and utterly insane.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 293 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/10/2008
Why Dark Lords Should Avoid Fried Food reviews
A very odd alternate ending to Book Six. Voldemort is dead, but how? I was in a very happy mood when I wrote this. A slight parody.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 497 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/2/2008
Harry Potter and the Lousy Title reviews
Completely and utterly random. Fungi and robots, the IRS and meat cleavers, and most importantly, pineapples. I guarantee you will lose at least two IQ points.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,743 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/30/2008 - Complete
Flying Vacuum Cleaners and Event Horizons reviews
Harry Potter has a dream. A very bad dream. More in the spirit of the Hitchhiker's Guide than Harry Potter. It honestly makes me wonder where I come up with this stuff. If I feel utterly inspired I might write another chapter.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 323 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/26/2008