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Author has written 14 stories for Dragon Heart, Heroes, Robin Hood BBC, Fast and the Furious, House, M.D., Gossip Girl, 3:10 to Yuma, 2007, Big Bang Theory, North and South, Twilight, Harry Potter, and Silence of the Lambs/Hannibal.
Hi. My name is Jane (alias), and I am a professional writer in training.
I am writing fan fiction as practice, and would appreciate any reviews, good or bad, so long as they are constructive. With that said and out of the way, let me tell you a little about myself.
My favorite movies are:
My favorite tv shows are:
My favorite music is:
My favorite pairings:
Clair/Peter (NO INCEST!)
Robin Hood BBC:
The Fast And The Furious:
Ginny/Tom Riddle (Young Voldemort)
Tom Riddle (Young Voldemort)/OC
Betty/Alex (Alexis as a man)
Marc/OFC (NO SLASH)
Lady Murasaki/Inspector Popil
North & South:
Pansy Parkinson/Remus Lupin
Pansy Parkinson/Hannibal Lector (young)
Guy of Gisborne/OFC
Victor Creed (Origins)/Rogue
Victor Creed (Origins)/OFC
My Favorite Copy N Paste:
12 (Now 13) Fun Things To Do To Get Salespeople on the Phone to Hang Up
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, "How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?"
2. If you get one of those pushy people who won't shut up, just listen to their sales pitch. When they try to close the sale, tell them that you'll need to go get your credit card. Then, just set the phone down and go do laundry, shopping or whatever. See how long that commission based scum waits for you to get your credit card.
3. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Or you can say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." When they try to get back to the sales process, just continue on with telling about your problems.
4. If the person says he's Joe Doe from the ABC Company, ask him to spell his name, then ask him to spell the company name, then ask where it is located. Continue asking personal questions or questions about the company for as long as necessary.
5. This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Julie and I'm with Dodger & Peck Services... You: "Hang on a second." (few seconds pause) "Okay, (in a really husky voice) what are you wearing?"
6. Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Julie!! Is this really you? I can't believe it! Julie, how have you BEEN?" Hopefully, this will give Julie a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the heck she could know you from.
7. Say, "No," over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.
8. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"
9. If they clean rugs: "Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about goat blood or HUMAN blood - chicken blood too?"
10. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "Uh-huh, really, or, "That's fascinating." Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. They get all flustered, but just tell them you couldn't give your credit card number to someone who's a complete stranger.
11. Tell them you work for the same company they work for. Example: Telemarketer: "This is Bill from Widget & Associates." You: "Widget & Associates!! Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling from?" Telemarketer: "Uh, Dallas, Texas." You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business/the weather? Too bad the company has a policy against selling to employees! Oh well, see ya."
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy and if they will give you their phone number you will call them back. If they say they are not allowed to give out their number, then ask them for their home number and tell them you will call them at home (this is usually the most effective method of getting rid of Telemarketers). If the person says, "Well, I don't really want to get a call at home," say, "Ya! Now you know how I feel." (smiling, of course...)
13. Pretend that you are a cop and are at your house to investigate your own murder. Ask their relation to the victim (you), where they were during the crime, their name, address, phone number, etc. and if anyone can vouch for their alibi. Continue to interrogate them and ignore all of their protests that they do not know you and were just calling to solicit you. End in any way you see fit, such as waiting for them to hang up, telling them someone will be in contact with them, asking them not to leave the area, or, if you want to blow your cover, once they admit to soliciting you, shout "Ha! I knew it!" and hang up.
Stories In Progress:
Don't Cry For Pain - A Harry Potter/Hannibal Rising crossover.
Gentle Spirit - A Dragonheart fan fiction.
Invisible - A Robin Hood BBC fan fiction.