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Joined 02-06-08, id: 1494030, Profile Updated: 03-27-09
Author has written 2 stories for Twilight.

Any personal information is for me to know and you not to find out. But I will tell you some other crap.

1) I LOVE to read. I am very much a bookworm.

2) I live to write. My best friend is a pen and paper. Just kidding! You know who you are.

3) I think Supernatural is one of the best shows ever created.

4) I am a Band Geek--and proud of it.

5) My friends call me the Grammar Queen. It is my mission in life to perfect the world's grammar. : )

6) I am now a beta reader!! Check out my profile thing for it! Want me to look your writing over? I would be happy to. Send it my way!!

7) That's all I'm going to tell you. I'm paranoid like that. My dad is a bad

Now for some of those copy and paste things!

98 percent of teenagers does or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the two percent who hasn't, copy and paste this into your profile.

92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercombie and Fitch said breathing was uncool. If you're one of the 8 who would be laughing your ass off, copy and paste this into your profile.

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two mouse meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but i'm just random! If your random and proud of it copy and paste this into your profile!

If you find that Barbossa is a racist against red apples, copy and paste this into your profile.

I'm sort of afraid for the twilight movie. I swear, if any of them have even the slightest hint of a fang, I'm going to punch my tv

If you went to sleep at around 2 am reading Twilight and/or New Moon, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think that turkey-bird thing should be admitted into rehab for his obsession to Coco Puffs, C&P

If when ever you are out in public and you hear something relating to Twilight you want to scream and squeal, but you don't 'cause you're in public, so you just get a goofy grin on your face. C&P

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.

If you have ever accidentally stabbed yourself or someone else with a pencil, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy and past this into your profle.

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

I don't obsess! I think intensely. (you have no idea)

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up (good point)

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of the effects, copy and paste this into your profile. (TWILIGHT!)

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you have an annoying younger--or older-- sibling, please copy and paste this into your profile.

If you don't have a boyfriend, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, and you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile.

If someone mentions Twilight, you can go on for hours talking about it, copy this to your profile.

If you have way too many of these things, copy and paste this into your profile.

They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.If you think Rap stands for Retards Attempting Poetry paste this on your profile.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes.

Whoever said "Nothing's impossible" never tried slamming a revolving door.

If you believe teenagers are stereotyped, put this on your profile.

If you actually take the time to read other peoples profiles, copy this to yours.

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.

If you like filling your profile with 'copy this into your profile' thingys, then COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you think the Cullens should have their own theme music :o) Copy this to your Profile

Whenever you see an apple you think of twilight copy this into you profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think summer homework sucks because we should be able to spend all of our time on fanfiction, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have seen a movie so many times that you have memorized almost all of the lines, and you STILL laugh at EVERY punch line, copy this onto your profile.

If you ran up a "Down" escalator, copy this into your profile.

A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who do know and wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of the population has a myspace. If you're one of the 2 percent that doesn’t, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you believe PREPS TRAVEL IN PACKS, copy this into your profile.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. (My bff says "hey!" quite defensively.)

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinerytisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! Tahts so cool!

If you could read this, copy and paste to your profile.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole!
hahahahahahaha XD I cracked up when I read this! so true!

A friend helps you when you fall; a best friend says "Walk much, dumb ass?"

A friend gives you their umbrella when it rains; a best friend takes your's and says "RUN, B--, RUN!"

A friend wipes your tears when you're rejected; a best friend walks up to him and says "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A friend will bail you out of jail; a best friend will be in the room next to you saying "THAT WAS AWESOME! LET'S DO IT AGAIN!!
(Or my version: A friend will come bail you out if jail; a best friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn, we f-- up.")

A good friend helps you when you fall; a best friend laughs and trips you again.

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She
started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand
up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do
you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you
standing there all by yourself!"

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on
her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself
beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a
tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention i n class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local
police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the
10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and
asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the
policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny
asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his
father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the
horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad,
why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying
horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape be fore
I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to
buy Mom."

7 Reasons Not to Mess with Children (small children)

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The te acher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE . God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

My name is Chris.
I am three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,

I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.

I can't do a wrong
I can't speak at all
Or else I'm locked up
All day long.

When I'm awake I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home

When my mommy does come home
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll just get
One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's bar.

I hear him curse
My name is called
I press myself
Against the wall

I try to hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now
I'm starting to cry

He finds me weeping
Calls me ugly words,
He says its my fault
He suffers at work.

He slaps and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And run to the door

He's already locked it
And i start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall

I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken,

"I'm sorry!" I scream
But its now much to late
His face has been twisted
Into a unimaginable shape

The hurt and the pain
Again and again
O please God, have mercy!
O please let it end!

And he finally stops
And heads for the door
While i lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor

My name is Chris
I am three.
onight my daddy
Murdered me.

If you believe child abuse is wrong, copy and paste this into your profile

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"

I went to a party,
And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom
So I had a Sprite instead.

I felt proud of myself,
The way you said I would,
That I didn't drink and drive,
Though some friends said I should.

I made a healthy choice, and your advice to me was right,
The party finally ended,
And the kids drove out of sight.

I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece,
I never knew what was coming, Mom
Something I expected least.

Now I'm lying on the pavement,
And I hear the policeman say,
The kid that caused this wreck was drunk,
Mom, his voice seems far away.

My own blood's all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
This girl is going to die.

I'm sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying high,
Because he chose to drink and drive,
Now I would have to die.

So why do people do it, Mom
Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
Like a hundred stabbing knives.

Tell Sister not to be afraid, Mom
Tell Daddy to be brave,
And when the breath has gone out of me and I have died,
Put "Daddy's Girl" on my grave.

Someone should have taught him,
That it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had,
I'd still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter, Mom
I'm getting really scared.
These are my final moments,
And I'm so unprepared.

I wish that you could hold me Mom,
As I lie here and die,
and wish that I could tell you,
I love you, and good-bye

Child Abuse

Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic
Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair

She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound

Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endure

A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear
And softly cries
She loves her parents
But they want her to die

She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
"Please God, why is
My life always sinking? "

Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did

Then one night
Her mom came home high
And the poor child was beaten
As hours went by

Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made

She thrust the blade
Right in her chest,
"You deserve to die
You worthless pest!"

The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dieing
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying

Police showed up
At the small little house
Then quickly barged in
Everything quiet as a mouse

One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the little girl
Lying on the floor

It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms

girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died.

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Choose--me or your life

Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile


Here's a joke...

there are 3 men who need to get across a lake...

the 1st one prays to God asking for the strength to get across...

he gets big muscles and swims across...

but almost dies 5 times...

the 2nd 1 prays to God for the strength and a the tools he needs to get across...

he gets his big muscles and boat and rows across...

but he almost dies 3 times...

the 3rd 1 prays to God, for the strength, tools, and the brains...

he turns into a woman...

walks 4 yards...

and crosses the bridge

Random Quotes!!
(A few quotes that I find copy and paste worthy.)

"No, I won't go to hell! I've got a restraining order" - Unknown

"You know you’re a nerd when you start to text on your calculator"- Unknown

"A rose by any other name would likely be "deadly thorn-bearing assault weapon"- the assignment notebook!

"Piñatas promote violence against flamboyant animals" – Unknown

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried." - Sarah Ohanian

"We always strive after what is forbidden, and desire the things refused us. - Ovid

"When I want to read a novel, I write one." - Benjamin Disraeli

“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” - Unknown

"We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box."-Unknown

"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in a large group."

"I find 'Good Morning' to be a contradiction of terms."

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." - Yeah, I have no idea who said this, but I just found it going through some stuff in my room.

ThInGs To PoNdEr:

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
So what's the speed of dark?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?
Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?
Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?
Why does the word "Filipino" start with the letter F ?
Why are the copyright dates on movies and television shows written in Roman numbers?

Why America has some Issues (Yes I live there, but tough. These are clever)

1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

10. Only in they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

Cold is Relative!

60 above zero: Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Michigan plant gardens.

50 above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Michigan sunbathe.

40 above zero: Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Michigan drive with the windows down.

32 above zero: Distilled water freezes.
The water in Lake Michigan gets thicker.

20 above zero: Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Michigan throw on a flannel shirt.

15 above zero: New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Michigan have the last cookout before it gets cold.

Zero: People in Miami all die.
People in Michigan close the windows.

10 below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico
People in Michigan get out their winter coats.

25 below zero: Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Michigan are selling cookies door to door.

40 be low zero: Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Michigan let the dogs sleep indoors.

100 below zero:Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
People in Michigan get upset because they can't start their cars

459.67 F below zero (absolute zero, Zero on the Kelvin scale): ALL atomic motion stops
People in Michigan start saying..."Cold 'nough fer ya?"

500 below zero:Hell freezes over
Michigan public schools will open 2 hours late.


1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You'd better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

All the different lines Minerva McGonagall has made students write:

"If death eaters are attacking Hogsmeade I will not point at the sky and shout TO THE BAT MOBILE!"

"I will not tell everyone that I overheard my sister saying, 'So I was like, 'Avada Kadavra!' and he was like, 'Dead.' "

"I will not ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling."

"I will not call Draco Malfoy the amazing...bouncing...Ferret."

"Remus Lupin does NOT want a flea collar!"

"I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort."

"I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his time of the month."

"I will not say 'dude, get a life' to the Dark Lord."

"I will not ask Professor Snape why he stole Batman's cape."

"I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my calculus book.

"I will not spread rumors saying, 'When Voldemort goes to bed he checks his closet for Mrs. Weasley.' "

"I will not tell Penelope Clearwater that Percy wouldn't recognize a joke if it dances naked in front of him wearing Dobby's tea cozy."

"I will not sing "We're off to see the wizard!" when sent to the headmasters office."

"I will not send You-Know-Who a letter saying, 'I have eight horcruxes, take that Voldy!' "

"Professor Flitwick's name is not Yoda."

"I will not bring a magic eight ball to Divination class"

"If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of the situation and draw a Dark Mark on their arm."

"I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand."

"I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing."

"I will not follow potions instructions in reverse order just to see what happens."

"I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him that they are real animals."

"I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween"

"I will not teach the house-elves to impersonate Paris Hilton."

"I will not call Voldemort 'Tommy' while emailing him numerous times."

"I will not hug Tommy just because he's evil(and so totally needs a hug)."

"I will not tell my classmates that Voldemort needs to get laid during Transfiguration."

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Inevitable by Endlessly Drowning reviews
It's been seventy five years since Edward left Bella in Forks. Now the family has decided it's time to return. What will they find when they get there? And how will Edward deal with the pain?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 43,921 - Reviews: 2195 - Favs: 2,348 - Follows: 918 - Updated: 4/24/2012 - Published: 10/29/2007 - Complete
Desperation by sweetishbubble reviews
What would happen if Jasper got to Bella in New Moon at her birthday party? **NOTE: THIS STORY IS CO-WRITTEN WITH LEESAM** Discussed on Twific Podcast 5/18/10
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 8 - Words: 29,297 - Reviews: 571 - Favs: 428 - Follows: 160 - Updated: 10/13/2011 - Published: 7/6/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Twilight Chronicles by Jammeke reviews
Things the character would say—if I had anything to say about it.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 9,736 - Reviews: 531 - Favs: 481 - Follows: 135 - Updated: 10/1/2010 - Published: 1/8/2009 - Complete
Seducing Ms Swan by DQRC reviews
AU Post-NM. Teacher!Bella, Student!Edward; a struggle of wills, an attempt at seduction, a dark secret, a dash of UST, a gallon of attitude, antagonistic motorcycling, a hell of a lot of angst and one unforgettable scene in a snow storm.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 22 - Words: 132,610 - Reviews: 5889 - Favs: 6,179 - Follows: 4,846 - Updated: 7/12/2010 - Published: 7/26/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Alternate Ending for New Moon by jaxidy reviews
This story picks up in the toward the end of NM when Bella is trying to save Edward from the Volturi. This time she's not fast enough to get there first... This is going to break your heart... but Jacob's more. Please re-read ch.8 before reading ch.9
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 40,689 - Reviews: 189 - Favs: 127 - Follows: 133 - Updated: 5/9/2009 - Published: 9/4/2008 - Bella, Edward
Alternate Meadow by Fictional-Guy-Tracker reviews
What would happen in the Meadow, if the wolves didn't come. did Laurent bite Bella? What happens when Alice's has a vision of this... what will the Cullen's do? really bad summary.. but different POV! PLEASE R&R
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 29 - Words: 23,063 - Reviews: 206 - Favs: 80 - Follows: 90 - Updated: 3/30/2009 - Published: 2/4/2008
Fighting For Air by Wicked Rose06 reviews
The Cullens never came back but Victoria did. Bella was saved by the Winchesters and now she's a hunter with a few secrets. Five years later the Cullens are in danger and Bella has to face her past.what will Edward think? Supernatral crossover spoilers
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 32 - Words: 46,412 - Reviews: 698 - Favs: 320 - Follows: 306 - Updated: 3/23/2009 - Published: 4/4/2008
Can't Touch This by jam-ughb reviews
Bella Swan used to live a normal life in Pheonix. But when an experience leaves her traumatized, she hasn't spoken or touched anyone for over a year. When she moves to Forks and meets the beautiful Edward Cullen, can he and his family help her? BxE
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 25 - Words: 41,184 - Reviews: 525 - Favs: 195 - Follows: 248 - Updated: 2/7/2009 - Published: 2/28/2008
Saving Lives by wwsadd reviews
Twilight/Supernatural crossover: someone shows up and claims to be related to charlie, and it turns out that she knows way too much about a particular family in Forks. when a yellow eyed demon is after Edward, will Bella trust her enough to let her help?
Crossover - Supernatural & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Friendship - Chapters: 18 - Words: 16,907 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 41 - Updated: 1/21/2009 - Published: 2/6/2007 - Jo H., Bella - Complete
Welcome to my Life by Hamie120 reviews
Isabella Swan stayed with Charlie after the divorce of her parents. Then she meets the new family in Forks. Can Edward and the rest of the Cullens help Bella when she calls Edward’s cell phone, telling him that she ran away and she’s really hurt? ExB
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Supernatural - Chapters: 34 - Words: 61,765 - Reviews: 485 - Favs: 400 - Follows: 285 - Updated: 1/5/2009 - Published: 1/1/2008 - Complete
Honesty by Broken325 reviews
After they return from Italy, Bella and Edward try to save what's left of their relationship. Can Bella let go of her pain and learn to trust him again? A slightly different take on how Bella and Edward dealt with his decision to leave her in Forks...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 15,439 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 11/2/2008 - Published: 10/27/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Winter's Help by w.wayweary reviews
“I know your wishes and desires, your hopes and your dreams. I will also make one of them come true.” “You two have had so much thrown at you, and will also have more thrown at you, so you both need one thing to have when you do not have each other.” BxE
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 27 - Words: 66,507 - Reviews: 186 - Favs: 54 - Follows: 67 - Updated: 10/11/2008 - Published: 11/10/2007 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Tasting The Wine by CullenLove reviews
In a momentary lapse of control... Edward caused more pain than he could ever have imagined to himself and the woman he loves. When their shattered relationship threatens to break apart, can they forgive and forget? Sequel to I Don't Know You Any More.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 11 - Words: 21,124 - Reviews: 217 - Favs: 71 - Follows: 93 - Updated: 8/31/2008 - Published: 1/14/2008
Moonlight by clairxdexlune reviews
To Bella's dismay and Edward's joy, Bella has agreed to attend college with Edward for one semester. However, their plans are cut short when Edward is forced to prematurely change Bella. Will their relationship be able to survive the strain?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,456 - Reviews: 166 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 68 - Updated: 8/13/2008 - Published: 12/10/2007 - Bella, Edward
What Came Next by Shazviv reviews
Well basically this is yet another fanfiction about what happens after Eclipse! It's about the lead up to Bella and Edward's wedding and about her conversion. I'm not sure how much further than that it will go I'll just wait and see! So I hope you enjoy!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 33 - Words: 61,050 - Reviews: 140 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 82 - Updated: 8/11/2008 - Published: 1/20/2008
My fight for Existence by Twinewecl reviews
Based on after Eclipse. Some secrets shouldn't be told. With time things change and for Bella these changes come thrown at her. Continuing on with Bella and Edwards mixed lives together. Bellas POV for most of it. First fanfic. LOL love reviews!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 37 - Words: 42,724 - Reviews: 286 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 81 - Updated: 6/20/2008 - Published: 1/25/2008
Replacing the Pain by Twilighties reviews
Bella is in an accident while Edwards hunting. Only to be saved my five gorgeous vampires. Who seem to be the cause of the whole thing. But where's Edward at? Why isn't he saving her?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 8,225 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 4/27/2008 - Published: 2/26/2008
Unbearable pain by vampire express reviews
Bella and Edward are in love, nothing will keep them apart until charlie tell's bella there moving to canada. What happen's when she return's five year's later? Rated M in later chapter's, but there ganna be really Hott.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 28,879 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 61 - Updated: 4/21/2008 - Published: 1/22/2008
My Breaking Dawn by Cullenfamilymember reviews
Post-Eclipse. When an unexpected visitor at the wedding comes, what happens when she gets kidnapped? Edward will have to save Bella from the thing that would hurt her most... losing him. Fast-moving story. R&R BXE First FanFic! Look for the sequel!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 27 - Words: 19,664 - Reviews: 72 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 4/15/2008 - Published: 2/5/2008
Meeting Again by Jamie Fresco reviews
Edward leaves, Bella never jumps, and E never returns. Bella is changed.90 years later, they meet again. Bella has a new family, and thinks she is over Edward. But is she? What Happens? PLEASE TRY IT!. Thanks! Better then it sounds, horrible at summaries.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 47,759 - Reviews: 698 - Favs: 181 - Follows: 204 - Updated: 4/13/2008 - Published: 12/14/2007
A Very New Moon by wishingstar17 reviews
Starts the day after the date with Mike and Jake. MN. Edward never came back. Bella never found out bout Jake. 20 years later Bella, now a vampire, is in love with someone else. What happens when Edward shows up and her new lover is intent on killing him!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 7 - Words: 16,447 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 3/29/2008 - Published: 2/4/2008
Vampires Don't Cry by n.a.y.a.z reviews
A gust of wind blew her scent at me, trying to entice me, reminding me of what I was. I breathed in deeply, taking in as much of her as I possibly could. But I felt no thirst, no desire to taste her. No, just a desire to be closer. Much, much closer.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 63,239 - Reviews: 257 - Favs: 64 - Follows: 92 - Updated: 3/22/2008 - Published: 12/17/2007
Pain and Passion by lovingjazzalways reviews
Edward gets jealous and finally decides to take Bella as his own. Uber fluffy! PLEASE read and review. E&B.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,461 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 63 - Updated: 3/20/2008 - Published: 1/23/2007
At Heaven's Gate by MoonsilverTwilight reviews
Bella has just witnessed Edward being murdered! How will she go on with her life? Or will someone finally grant her wish-to be with Edward, for eternity? Does Heaven truly exist? Hope you like it! Plz R&R! COMPLETE!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 20 - Words: 32,692 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 3/9/2008 - Published: 1/22/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Oceans Apart by bellard reviews
Edward leaves. Bella is changed by Laurent. But there is some havoc in a nearby town, and she knows that the Volturi are coming. What happens when she has to go undercover to Volterra, stop the Volturi, but unexpectedly meet him again?
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 21,311 - Reviews: 151 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 3/6/2008 - Published: 1/27/2008
Pain is Subjective by edwardcullen4ever reviews
This is Edward's POV after he gets the phone call from Rosalie in New moon. Please read and review!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 6 - Words: 4,087 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 2/25/2008 - Published: 2/3/2008
With the Eyes of a Vampire by Temeraire00 reviews
“And I am ready,” I said and held his gaze. He leaned in again, his lips reached my neck and he breathed out once more, “I love you,” before his teeth punctured my skin and he very slowly sucked away at my human blood. BellaEdward fic.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 8 - Words: 16,061 - Reviews: 122 - Favs: 54 - Follows: 89 - Updated: 2/17/2008 - Published: 12/16/2007
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

To My Immortal reviews
It’s been six months since Edward left,and neither of them can take the pain anymore.He comes back to beg for forgiveness,but Bella has plans of her own.Will he get back in time?Will she take him back?What does Charlie have up his sleeve?Full sum. inside.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 31 - Words: 52,478 - Reviews: 528 - Favs: 130 - Follows: 159 - Updated: 12/28/2009 - Published: 8/2/2008 - Bella, Edward
Hindrance reviews
We all know that Bella and Edward’s relationship has had its fair share of obstacles to overcome, but this time, will they be able to come out on top? When Edward surprises Bella with a weekend she’ll never forget, tragedy strikes. Full Sum. Inside.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 9 - Words: 14,407 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 8/24/2009 - Published: 10/5/2008 - Edward, Bella