- "SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU! And you, boy, if you don't shut up, I swear I'll de-man you with the pencil that the guy in front of me keeps tapping on my desk to get my attention. Then I'll stick the fingers that the guy BEHIND me keeps tapping on my shoulder, and stick them up your ASS!"
-“Bug me and your dead... Touch me, you'll wish you were dead, try to talk to me for no god damn reason, and You'll die, go to hell, and come back just to repeat the process. Got that?"
-“People can be divided into three groups. Those who make things happen. Those who watch things happen. Those who wonder what happened.
-"Yup, I’m a schizophrenic, the voice in my head told me so. Quite an interesting conversation THAT turned out to be.”
-"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence that you even tried."
-"If you can't find someone to open a locked and bolted door for you, put a sign on it saying: Danger! Do Not Open Ever! It'll be open within five minutes. Isn't human nature wonderful!" - Terry Pratchett
-"PSYCHO and STUPID are not synonymous." -Zanzou
-If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.
-If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile.
-If you have ever ate a lot, I MEAN ALOT of candy then got REALLY hyper and ended up with a tummy ache. Copy and paste this into your profile.
-Put this in your profile if you know someone who is fighting, has survived, or died of cancer.
-If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.
-If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile.
-If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile.
-One of your best friends IS insane, copy this into your profile.
-If you are insane, copy and paste this into your profile.
-If you have ever said something that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile!
-If you know someone who should spontaniously combust, burn to death in a fire, be fed to hungry lions, or die any other form of painful death, copy this into your profile.
-If you have been called eccentric and/or enigmatic before, copy/paste this to your profile.
-93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.
-If you ever fell off a chair backwards copy this into your profile.
-If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.
-If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.
-If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.
-If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.
-If you have ever tried to make plans for world domination, copy and paste into your profile.
-If you are part of the .0000001 percent of people who don't have a MySpace, copy this onto your profile.
-If you read muliple books at the same time copy and paste this into your profile.
-If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.
-If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.
-If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.
-If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
-For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumb war with yourself (I find that I am a very tough opponent). So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.
Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..
On Sears hairdryer:
On a bag of Fritos:
On a bar of Dial soap:
On some Swann frozen dinners:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
On Nytol sleep aid:
On a Korean kitchen knife:
On a string of Christmas lights:
On a food processor:
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
On a Swedish chainsaw:
On a child's Superman costume:
Notes to Self...
not introduce self as roleplaying character in public.
not talk to fictional characters in public.
not answer fictional characters in public.
4. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public
5. Do not go out in public.
6. Disregard above note.Perform numbers 1 to 4.
8.Don't die alone. Take many people with you.
9.Floor is slippery when wet.
10.Lake is slippery when dry.
11.Only talk to strangers you know.
12.Strangers you don't know are spies... Kill them all.
13.For legal purposes be sure to delete above note.
14.Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.
15.Kill them for security purposes.
16.Crying does not solve anything. Try violent mood swings.
17.Make a scene whenever humanly possible.
18.The men in white coats are not your friends.
19.Ask them for a room with lots of sharp, pointy objects.
20.When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket.
21.Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning.
22.Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.
23.Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age.
24.Always remember, um... um... Damn.
25.Train army of flying monkeys.
26.Goldfish don't like milk.
not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits.
28.Find out who invented the word "pianoist".
29.People are staring at you.
31.People are weird, but not as weird as me.
not taunt animals at zoo. They have feelings... And teeth.
33.Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people.
34.Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experiance. Do this as much as possible.
'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry. It's only me... Bonding.
36.Never pet a burning dog.
37.Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you are wearing a parka.
38.Naked men dig parkas.
39.Beware the naked man who offers you his parka.
know what would look good on you?
42.Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug.
43.The size of Danny DeVito.
44.Making an amusing facial expression. Like this. OO
45.Numbers are evil. Count in clovers.
46.Stalking is fun. Do it more.
47.Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I'm a gumnut tree!"
matter what anyone says, there is a way to get to your fantasy world.
49.That way is rum.
50.Constipated people don't give a sh-t.
cannot kill the snow.
53.The snow can kill you.
54.Grass can also kill you.
55.The leprechaun on the cereal box said I can't get his lucky charms...
56.Catch and castrate leprechaun.
57.HE is real... No matter what the men in white coats say.
58.Staple paper in the middle of the page.
case of blank looks, laugh maniacally.
are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that.
61.Pretend to be so around teh n00bs.
not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul sucking demon.
63.Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway?
64.Ask Senior Diablo for a bigger pitchfork.
65.Remember to kill HIM...
66.Tell the small children in Toys 'R' Us that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood.
67.Note reactions. Avoid parents.
68.The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory.
69.Scream, the doctors don't like it, they'll give you a shot of something nice.
70.Hide the bodies, otherwise peole ask embarressing questions.
72.But not if it's broken glass.
73.When in the presence of someone much wiser than you, point in a random direction and yell, "Look, a distraction!" Then run.
not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats kids.
75.Disregard last note.
77.On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year.
78.Stock up on ball point pens.
79.Learn to fly. Tell no one.
80.The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.
not stick fingers into blender.
82.Blender... Bad... Ouch.
83.Blood loss is bad.
84.Find way to re-attatch fingers.
85.Scream as much as humanly possible at 2AM.
86.Answer every question with a question.
87.Ask people what gender they are.
89.Refer to people as "mortal".
90.The Seagull From Hell is out to get me.
91.Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible.
92.Start by drowning them in fire ants.
93.Find the creators of pop-up messages.
96.Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination.
97.Dunk head in boiling water.
98.Disregard last note. Was written by Voice #7.
99.Gullible IS written on the ceiling!
100.Investigate this whole "critical mass" thing when the klaxon dies down...
To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana
7.Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".
9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,"Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity .
Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile.
16 THINGS IM GOING TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"
Repost this if you laughed...
I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book.
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