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Author has written 3 stories for Twilight.
YIPPEE!! I'm Married!!
Hey there! Bubbly722 reminded me to update my profile! I'm in Mali doing some peace corps work there. We're building wells in some of the villages and making homes for those who have none. It really hot here. And i hate that everything is in Bambara (the language they speak here). The only things in french and English are the news and the soap operas. The internet here is really crappy and works at most once a day...
I don't really know why anyone would really give a damn who I am... I mean, you're all here for the stories aren't you?
For those people who really do give a damn to know that the author of their story isn't a rapist, or a ninja, or a vampire...here's a bit about me.
My name REALLY is Jasper. I'm tall, I'm blonde (naturally), but my eyes aren't a stunning topaz, instead they are a dull green. I was living In California and Having a hell of a good time at the beaches because its a good place to read (and swim...), and My twin shares an appartment with me. The sad thing about me and my twin is that we were separated at birth. He was raised in Germany, me in France. Our parents are divorced and they each took one of us (this happens in real life too ya know...) so there would be no fighting fo custody and whatever. Since we're both 19, we decided to go against our parents wishes and met. I speak french, he speaks german. He really gets on my nerves sometimes but I like him enough to live with him so...
Here is some stuff to amuse you after having to endure my boring life's story..:
A good or best friend!
A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.
A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"
A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.
A good friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in.
A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"
A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! Tahts so cool!
-He who laughs last thinks slowest
-If two wrongs don't make a right, try three
-1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you.
-One day we're going to look back on this, laugh nervously and then change the subject
-We're best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You just off a bridge, damn, I'm gonna miss your dumb ass
-Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin. (Not mine)
-A good friend will bail you out of jail, a great friend will be sitting next to you in your cell going "We fucked up, huh?"
-Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't
-I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.
Last night i looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason i love you. I was doing fine until I ran out of stars.
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
Life was so simple when boys had cooties.
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, geez!
Emmet Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916
Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843
Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901
Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916
Edward Cullen: Sexier Than You since 1901
Bella Swan: Clumsier than you since 1989
Carlisle Cullen: Smarter than you since 1640
Esme Cullen: More motherly than you since 1908
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
Education is important, school however, is another matter.
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by.
Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...
Whose cruel idea was it for the words 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.
Don’t mess with me I've got a stick
I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends
Boys are like Slinky's, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. (hah, I haven been pushed down the stairs yet...)
I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love. (Not me...fiancee)
If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else"
"Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real."
"Why is it that people are fine with everyone having a different job or going to a different school, but if you say you follow a different religion, you are weird?"
"A good friend bails you out of jail. A great friend is sitting there next to you saying 'Man, that was fun!'"
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
When you fall: A friend helps you up; a best friend keeps walking and says,"Walk much dumbass?"
People often ignore the simple things in life. If someone really annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown. On the other hand, it only takes 4 muscles to reach over and bitch slap that mutha fucker upside the head.
Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers
I don't know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it.
You wear pants don't you?
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse
Dresses for Chapter five of Mans Lust for a Woman
Alice- Imagine it in red though,
My name is Chris.
I am three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can't do a wrong
I can't speak at all
Or else im locked up
All day long.
When im awake im all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home
When my mommy does come home
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe i'll just get
One whipping tonight.
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's bar.
I hear him curse
My name is called
I press myself
Against the wall
I try to hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now
I'm starting to cry
He finds me weeping
Calls me ugly words,
He says its my fault
He suffers at work.
He slaps and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And run to the door
He's already locked it
And i start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken,
"I'm sorry!", I scream
But its now much to late
His face has been twisted
Into a unimaginable shape
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
O please God, have mercy!
O please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door
While i lay there motionless
Brawled on the floor
My name is Chris
I am three,
Tonight my daddy
IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILDABUSE, COPY THAT POEM INTO YOUR PROFILE!!
Mommy.. Johnny brought a gun to school,
He told his friends that it was cool,
And when he pulled the trigger back,
It shot with a great crack.
Mommy, I was a good girl, I did What I was told,
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!
But Mommy, when I went to school that day,
I never said good-bye,
I'm sorry Mommy, I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.
When Johnny shot the gun, He hit me and another,
And all because Johnny, Got the gun from his older brother.
Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,
And please tell Trevor; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.
And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,
And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now,
And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best;
Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest.
Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,
And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass.
Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one deserves this,
Mommy, warn the others, Mommy I left without a kiss.
And Mommy tell the doctors; I know they really did try,
I think I even saw a doctor, Trying not to cry.
Mommy, I'm slowly dying, With a bullet in my chest,
But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest.
Mommy I ran as fast as I could,
When I heard that crack, Mommy, listen to me if you would,
I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new,
I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo.
I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,
I wanted to be an actress, Mommy, I wanted to live.
But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,
Mommy, tell my Trevor, I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date.
I love you Mommy, I always have, I know; you know it's true,
And Mommy all I wanted to say is, "Mommy, I love you."
In Loving Memory of The Columbine Students Who Were Lost
Please if you would,
Pass this around,
I'd be happy if you could,
Don't smash this on the ground.
If you pass this on,
Maybe people will cry,
Just keep this in your heart,
For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye".
Now you have 2 choices,
1) Pass this on, and show people you care, repost as "Try Not To Cry" 2)
NEW QUOTES! From iSeddie (check out the stories if you watch iCarly)
"People used to call me names, but thats ok, they're dead now."
"I don't want your soul, but I like your heart. Can I eat it?" (lol...my favorite one XD. Thanks iSeddie!)
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