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Joined 03-18-08, id: 1527763, Profile Updated: 07-12-09
Author has written 2 stories for Twilight.

I won't make this all about me...I'll just give you a little bit of a summary. My sarcasum sometimes hurts and I can get annoying so don't say I didn't warn you. I am absolutely obsessed with Twilight,

Emmet Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916

Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843

Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901

Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916

Edward Cullen: Hotter and Spicier Than You since 1901

"My mother is part albino" -Bella. page 16, Twilight

"Did you stab Edward Cullen with a pencil or what?" Mike. Page 24, if a pencil could in any way hurt Edward

"Bella it's not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant." -Edward Cullen. Page 18, Twilight

"Kryptonite doesn't bother me either." -Edward Cullen. Page 92, Twilight

"Try not to fall into the ocean or get run over or anything." -Edward Cullen. Page 101, Twilight (I'm surprised she didn't.)

"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather- have some respect." Bella. Page 254, Twilight

And of course, the famous quote... "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb." -Edward Cullen. Page 274, Twilight

"If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it." -Edward Cullen. Page 294, Twilight

"I may not be human, but I am a man." -Edward Cullen. Page 311, Twilight

"Watch me hunt." -Bella. Page 315, Twilight

"If I develop this film will you show up in the picture?" -Bella. Page 25, NM

"I'm with the vampires, of course"-Bella

"Yeah it's just an off day when I don't get someone telling me how edible I smell."-Bella

"I'm not coming over anymore if Alice is going to treat me like Guinea Pig Barbie when I do." -Bella

"As if there was anyway I could exist, without needing you." -Edward

"Would you like me to lock the doors so you can massacre the unsuspecting townsfolk?-Bella

"I can do this, I lied to myself feebly. No one was going to bite me."-Bella

"I hate to burst your bubble, but you're really not as scary as you think you are. I don't find you scary at all, actually." -Bella

"Stupid, unreliable vampire."-Bella

"And I then I carefully sealed away my heart." -Bella

"You fell down two flights of stairs and through a window," he paused. "you have to admit, it could happen." -Edward Cullen

"Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving."-Edward Cullen

"What's tempting you more, my blood or my body?"-Bella

"Afraid of a needle," he muttered to himself under his breath, shaking his head. "Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An IV on the other hand..."-Edward Cullen.

"What am I going to do with you, first I kiss you and you attack me, and now you pass out on me!" -Edward Cullen

"It never made sense for you to love me...I always knew that." -Bella

"Are you referring to the fact that I can't walk over a flat, stable surface without finding something to trip over?" -Bella

"I'm betting on Alice."-Bella

"It's ok, sweetheart. You can sleep, I'll carry you." -Edward Cullen. Twilight

"You're going to a house full of vampires, and you're worried they won't like you?"-Edward Cullen

"I didn't realize you were capable of being reasonable." -Edward Cullen. Page 48, Twilight

"You're like a little doll. A little porcelain doll." -Jacob Black. Page 179, NM

"I promise that you can always count on me - wow, that does sound corny." -Jacob Black. Page 218, i thought it was funny he was stating something like that, then saying it was corny.

"When did you ever promise to kill yourself falling out of Charlie's tree?" -Bella. Page 279

" really honestly don't mind...that I morph into a giant dog?" -Jacob Black

"Who's afraid of the big, bad wolf?" -Jacob Black. Page 321

"I bet she's tougher than that. She runs with vampires." - Embry Call. pg 329 NM (But she falls down while running and then they have to carry her)

"Bye, Bella," he called back over his shoulder. "I really hope you don't die." -Jacob Black. 379-80 NM (Jeez! So mean...)

"Greetings, gentlemen, I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much however, if you would send my thanks to your masters." - Edward Cullen 453

"It doesn't count until she's conscious, Rose." -Emmett Cullen. Page 490

"Penguins, lovely." ~Edward Cullen...Yes, they are! SO DON"T KILL THEM EDWARD!!I HATE BELLA FOR SUGGESTING THIS!! lol

"I don't have any leeches on speed dial." -Jacob Black

"And I'm a Virgo!"-Bella

"Does my being half naked bother you?"-Jacob Black. Eclipse, page 216 (Far from it. I for one would enjoy it)

"Fall down again, Bella?"-Emmett, of course

"Did you seriously just stamp your foot? I thought girls only did that on TV." -Jacob Black

"Just remember. It's your face." ~Edward Cullen

"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"-Unknown

I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.

I had a friend once, but then the rope broke and he got away.

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your head off!

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different which is the same as unique, so weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it copy and paste this into your profile.

If you or your best friend is insane copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you agree, that purple bunnies WILL rule the world, copy and paste this into your profile

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE then it's strange. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever stayed up for over 40 hours continuously just because you frickin' could, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with Twilight that whenever you hear thunder you think of vampires playing baseball.

If you've ever thought about something when you were talking about something else, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile

If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile

If you get pissed and throw a fit until all the people in the room run away whenever someone says that the characters of Twilight aren't real, copy this into your profile

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.


If you've ever had an argument with yourself, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever had a conversation with yourself, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever lost a bet to yourself, copy this to your profile.

People are like slinkies, basically useless; and yet it's so amusing to watch them fall down stairs.

Don't hit kids. No, seriously, they have guns now.

Life is like a pack of gum... I've yet to figure out why.

If you don't laugh at yourself, I'll be glad to do it for you. :)

WARNING: Children left unattended will be sold to the circus.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework instead of doing it. Crazy is when you fill up the tab separators in your binders withe doodles/love notes/confessions of love/any other Twilght related thing you can think of about Twilight or the Twilight characters. Crazy is when you can open up Twilight and know exactly which part you're at by reading one word. Crazy is when you print out copies of all the twilight series covers and put them on the wall of your closet. Crazy is when you go to the most expensive store within fifty miles of your home, try on almost every peice of clothing, then walk out with nothing, saying none of it was your style. Crazy is when you break a bone and laugh, when you put on a Halloween costume in the middle of the year for no reason and walk around the park singing a random song. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

-If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried

-Trying is the first step toward failure

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile

If you think the Coca-coca Puff Turky-Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

Do not take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.

I am not littering...I'm donating to the Earth.

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

If you think that the Cookie Crisp wolf should stop coping the Trix Rabbit and needs to get his own life, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile

If random songs just pop into your head at any given momet, from 'I've Been Working On the Railroad', to the Animorph version of the Barney song (I hate you, you hate me, we're an alien family ect.) to your most favorite song ever, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever been told to stop growling at your team mates, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you just growled at nothing two seconds ago, and then slapped yourself, kissed it, and broke down dancing, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you ever tripped over air, copy and paste this into your profile

I like my men pale, immortal and bloodthirsty.

I'm sorry, did I hurt your feelings? Let me call an ambulance.

If you've ever been called weird because you typed OMC instead of OMG copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If you've had at least two friends move away from you...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this to your profile.

Enjoying the "Great Outdoors" would be better if it were great.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile.

If you're ever leaped down the hallway of a hotel and turned the corner and saw people staring at you, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you just leaped down the hallway of your house and stuck the landing and bowed for your brother and ran away, copy and paste this in your profile.

AACIBD is Addicted to All Cullen’s Including Bella Disorder.
AV is Addicted to Vampires- if you have either of these copy and paste into ur pro

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

When life gives you lemons, spit the lemons in life's eyes.

My mind works like flash and then it's gone.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why not.

Sticks and Stones may scar my skin but words slice through my soul within

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating student as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole.

I'm INTO THEATRE & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm BI, so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a Goth.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naïve
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I’m WICCAN, so I MUST be a devil-worshipping baby killer.
I’m A GOOD LIAR, so I MUST be an actor/actress
I’m a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone’s ass
I’m a FEMALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a lesbian
I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant

I’m FRENCH, so I MUST be homosexual
I’m a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict
I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian
I’m a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie
I’m INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs
I’m a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST love math
I'm BLACK, so I MUST be on welfare
I'm PUNK, so I MUST cut my wrists
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist
I'm IRISH, so I MUST be a alcoholic
I'm BLOND, so I MUST be a stupid ditz
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore
I'm a JEW, so I MUST be greedy
I have A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS so I MUST be dating them all
I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd
I love RENT so I MUST be an emo lesbian with AIDS.
I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST believe in heaven.
I'm an ACTRESS, so I MUST be a whore.
I'm a GIRL, so I MUST be a romantic sap who cries over everything.
I'm a GIRL, so I MUST be weak.

if you agree with any of that then you MUST be a dumbass...

whoever said nothings's impossible, they never tryed slamming a revoling door!

apparently 1 in 5 people are Chinese, there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. it's ether my mom or dad. or my older brother Colin. or my younger brother ho-chan-chu. but i think it's Colin

If you're paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes fit in a doghouse? None! Ice cream doesn't have bones!!

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt”?..

and lead me not into temptation... especially book stores.

Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit!

Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon.

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps walking and says "Walk much dumbass?"

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

"Wal-Mart, do they, like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton

Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

If Tylenol, duct tape, and a Band-aid cant fix it, you have a serious problem.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery a whole lot easier to live with.

And Carlisle said "Let there be Edward,"...and it was gooooood.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile.

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ran up a "Down" escalator, copy this into your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

If you have ever ran into a mirror, copy this into your profile

If you are part of the PN association put this in your profile (PN - procrastinate now... but if you were a procrastinator, wouldn't you procrastinate your procrastination, while still procrastinating to do that??(ow))

WOW...This is funny, my brother is looking at me like I'm insane...well, more than I already am, i was laughing so hard

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts:

1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.

3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.

5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.

6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination.

7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after me lucky charms."

8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.

9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month."

10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.

12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force."

13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."

14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.

15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.

16) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.

17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.

18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."

19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.

20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.

21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort.

22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.

23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.

24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full."

25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell.

26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.

27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.

28) I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bees."

29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

30) I will not go to class skyclad.

31) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core."

32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion.

35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends."

36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends."

37) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.

38) There is no such thing as a were-thylacine.

39) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts.

40) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of it's clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!"

41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck.

42) I do not have a Dalek Patronus.

43) I will not lick Trevor.

44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey."

45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.

46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself too seriously.

47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.

48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.

49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice.

50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.

Destiny Awaits by Midnight Seductress reviews
After Twilight. When Alice leaves to find her future, Bella makes a her a promise that will change everything.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 25 - Words: 169,045 - Reviews: 2679 - Favs: 2,002 - Follows: 1,718 - Updated: 8/10/2009 - Published: 3/16/2009 - Bella, Jasper
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Strong Support reviews
What if when Edward left Bella, the rest of their family refused to leave their favorite human? Will Bella find a sun other than Jacob to help her out of her zombie state?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 4 - Words: 8,855 - Reviews: 87 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 102 - Updated: 10/16/2009 - Published: 8/9/2009 - Bella, Emmett
Forbidden Fruit reviews
The Cullens go hunting, and Jasper is stuck babysitting Bella. Feelings run haywire and tragedy occurs.Will Bella listen to her feelings and let Jasper comfort her, or will she become an empty shell once again? Lemons later. Jasper/Bella
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 18,116 - Reviews: 204 - Favs: 154 - Follows: 225 - Updated: 10/10/2009 - Published: 5/24/2008 - Bella, Jasper
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