Author has written 15 stories for Edward Scissorhands, Sweeney Todd, Dracula, Moulin Rouge, Repo! The Genetic Opera, Harry Potter, Secret Window, and Phantom of the Opera.
Finally updated my profile for the first time in about three years. Huzzah for life :D
Odd conversations you just had to be there to get:
At my bus stop
Me: Hey, Jonathan, are you a necrophiliac?
Jon: What's a necrophliac?
Me: Just answer, are you?
Jon: No, it'll be something rude... I wonder if Nile's a necrophiliac -looks at big scary year 11 kid at the bus stop-
Me: Go ask him.
Jon: Fine, I will. Nile, are you a necrophiliac?
Nile: ...You're sick.
Middle of a drama lesson
Me: Is it rape if neither person is consensual?
Me: I'm just wondering.
Emma: How can both of them be nonconsensual?
Me: Well, what if there's a third person who- (bursts out in tears of laughter)
Emma: A third person?! Sian, you're weird.
Me: ... Can you get a mini-rapist?
Emma: Why would you want that?
Me: Why would you want AIDs in a jar?
Emma: Good point. Instead of my jar of AIDs, I'll give you a mini-rapist in a jar, kay?
On the way to CCF
Me: Ron...Ronald...Lexi, I think I just called Chris Ronald.
Lexi: Why Ronald?
Me: It just sounded good, thought it was his name.
(both look at Chris, who is walking behind us)
Lexi: He looks like a Ronald.
Me: Chris, from now on, we're calling you Ronald.
A bored summer's afternoon at Emma's house
Me: Did we introduce KT to Epiphany yet?
KT: What's Epiphany?
Emma: It's this song from Sweeney Todd.
Me: We love it!
Emma: We all deserve to die!
KT: Awe, that's mean.
Me: Sweeney's waiting! I want you bleeders!
KT: BLEEDERS? What the hell's a bleeder?
Me: I think it's some sort of insult. Like bastard, or something like that.
Emma: You can just go up to someone in the street and shout BLEEDER!
(random conversation about arses)
KT: Don't interrupt me, arse-bleeder!
KT: You know that you can get porn?
KT: Well, do you think pandas have porn?
Me: Why would pandas need porn? They sort of just do it.
KT: I'm sure pandas like that sort of stuff too.
Emily: Why are we talking about this?
KT: Well, we could carry on talking about it when Emma gets back.
Emma gets back from the bathroom
KT: So yeah, animal porn...
Living room as my dad's work friend visits
Simon: You know, Sian, that's my car out there.
Simon: In the future, you'll have to have a boyfriend with a car like that.
Simon: It's a good car, very stylish, very sleak.
Simon: At least, you'll be lucky to get a boyfriend with a car like that, it's a very good car.
Simon: You'll be fighting the guys off when you're older, won't you?
Simon: You're ignoring me? 'Just go away' you're thinking, 'I'm trying to watch TV'. Bah!
Day after Boxing Day, 2007
Dad: Hey, I've put the leftover turkey and ham into pies!
Me: Dad, you can't do that.
Dad: Why not?
Mum: She's just gotten into Sweeney Todd.
Dad: Isn't that the one about the barber?
Me: Yeah, and putting the bodies into pies. I can't look at them now!
Dad: Huh, well, you're eating them or nothing.
Me: But they're pies! They're notoriously made out of humans!
Dad: Why would I put humans in pies?
Me: That's what Mrs Lovett said.
While watching Goodnight Mr Tom crycry
Becky: Awe, that is so sad! Why would anyone want to beat a child?
Me: Please, Becky, no one would beat a child.
Becky: ...Do you know what you just said.
Me: Yeah, well, what I meant was- well,- shush!
KT: I was just with my friend, then why do I feel sad? I mean, it's like you've seen this cake there in front of you for a while,
Me: Well, maybe you've seen the cake for so long you don't notice it too much.
KT: Then why am I sad?
Me: Because now, you've noticed the cake, and realised you wanted cake, and when
Me: This was all metaphorical, right?
Library, one very dull break time
Me: Oh my God, guess what! My mum promised she'd finally get me Bram Stoker's Dracula on DVD!
Caroline: Good for you.
Me: It was only two pounds as well!
Caroline: Wow, that's amazing. I mean, with that money, you could buy four flapjacks from the school shop.
Me: Yeah, but which would you rather? Four flapjacks, or Dracula with Gary Oldman?
Caroline: -rolling her eyes at my Gary Oldman fantasy- Dracula, definately.
Me: I've really gotta ask around now. -looks to James- James, which would you rather? Four flapjacks or Bram Stoker's Dracula on DVD?
James: Four flapjacks.
Me: That was almost too quick, James. And why! It's got Gary Oldman in it!
Walking to some lesson or another
Me: Eek! Gary Oldman fantasy, people!
Judith: Who's Gary Oldman?
Me: You don't know?
Judith: Well, no, obviously not.
Me: He was in Harry Potter, you'll know him there.
Judith: Who did he play?
Me: Sirius Black.
Judith: Oh, him! Eugh, he's ancient, Sian!
Me: He isn't! He's only in his forties or something.
Judith: Well, he looks ancient. I mean, you saw him in Sweeney Todd, eugh.
Judith: He played that Judge guy.
Me: You're thinking Alan Rickman...who's also kinda hot.
Judith: But you said Sirius.
Me: Yeah, Sirius. You're thinking of Severus.
Judith: Oooooooh...-ping of realisation-
Study, my ears being raped by Leona Lewis
Me: Dad, play something else, please.
Dad: Awe, you don't like it?
Me: You haven't heard me playing my iPod in the stereo lately? It's all been Dresden Dolls and Repo, duh!
Dad: Oh, all that horrible screamng stuff.
Me: It's not scream! I hate scream! This is classcal music in the making.
Leona Lewis: I keep, keep bleeding love -thinking, 'hahaha, another raped by my music'-
Yet another Drama lesson...
Me: Do you think that Johnny Depp could rape someone?
Emma: I dunno. I mean, he could, but would he?
Me: Well, I don't know. He might want to at some point.
Emma: But would it count as rape?
Me: True, I mean, everyone wants to do it with him.
Emma: Exactly. I mean, if he wanted to rape me, I'd be like 'Take me Johnny!'
Me: Yeah, so i's decided. Johnny Depp can not rape anyone, because everyone wants to do it with him.
Another dull lunchtime after discussing a teacher's bum
Judith: He's also got a really nice voice, really sweet, like honey
Me: Yeah, a nice voice kind of helps. I mean, if you're doing it, you don't want the voice to disturb you, do you?
Judith: Exactly, my fun won't be ruined by a high, squeaky voice.
Me: Yeah, you kind of need a voice like... the Graverobber, from Repo.
Emma: True, true, he does have a fantastic voice.
Judith: Well, anyway, you need a name that won't disturb you.
Me: ...Do you think your name much matters?
Me: Well, what if your name can't be cried out. I mean, if you have a long name. I think two syllables is the maximum before it's silly.
Judith: Yeah, that's right. Like your name's perfect, you can just go 'Sian, oooh, Sian..'
Me: -blocking ears- I am not listening!
After A P.E Lesson
Judith: You know, Jack's pretty good at throwing.
Me: Yeah, of course.
Judith: No, really, he is. I mean, he throws really well. I nearly broke my fingers catching his balls...
Me: -sniggering manically-
Judith: That came out wrong
Library, another bored break time
Caroline: Hey, Sian, look at this! -points at magazine-
Me: -seeing Edward Scissorhands- Oh my God, lemme look!
Judith: Sian, you're so obsessed.
Me: What? I'm just interested in the movie.
Judith: Why make such a fuss? I mean, Johnny Depp's not even that fit. He's so old.
Me: But Hugh Jackman's about the same age.
Judith: But Hugh Jackman's so amazing. Johnny Depp's so old.
Little voice inside my head: We'll get our own back on her soon enough
White University Guy: You know blackmailing, right?
White University Guy's friend: Yeah, sure I do.
White University Guy: Well, does that mean that it's just mailing for me, because I'm black?
White University Girl: I'm not sure it works that way.
White University Guy: Well, it's got to. I'm black, therefore it's just mailing for me.
Living room, with a horrid cold
Me: While I was in that study, did anyone figure out a cure for the common cold?
Mum: Sorry, no
Me: Then get to it, now!
Watching Jurassic Park
Me: (whispering) Mum, I think I'm gonna go upstairs now, I'm shattered
Mum: (whispering) Okay. But why are we whispering?
Me: (whispering urgently) Because there are dinosaurs! (points at TV)
Mum: (bemused look, then laughter) The things you say
One lunchtime, discussing Sweeney Todd
Lexi: I'm amazed he could sing
Me: Yeah, I wonder if there's anything Johnny Depp can't do.
Me: Suck, he can not suck
Lexi: (almost wets self laughing and rolls over on the floor)
Me: Wha- NO! No, I didn't mean it like that!!
A Dream I Felt I Had To Share With The World
I am sitting down for an exam in the bedroom of a house I once looked at while the family was moving. There are desks set out, and as we start, I look at my pen and realise I don't have one. So I ask for a pen, and the teacher tells me to bring out my bird call flute. She turns one of the wings into a pencil by turning it, and asks me to do the same with the head. It turns into a pen. I continue the test, and little by little shift myself around the room until I am outside. When I realise I'm sitting outside, I panic, seeing as I'm not allowed outside the room. The teacher sees, and tells me to move a little to the left so that I am inside. Immediately after this, we are sent to bed. Instead of tables there are now mattresses all over the floor. I take the one under the window, where I hear people talking about me. I discover that I am actually an Elphaba-style witch. We all hear a noise outside and look- there are pirates outside in our back garden. I lean out the window and ask Captain Hook, who has suddenly appeared, to lend me his pistol. He does so, and I shoot out the window at random pirates. When it runs out, I ask how many rounds he has left. He gives me two. After somehow shooting three rounds with this, we run out. I look down the corridor and see people outside calling to me, my dad and sister who have suddenly appeared as well. I go to them and see they have a massive apology cake saying 'I'm Sorry' in icing. We carry it around the back garden, and then back inside to Captain Hook, who is mourning the loss of his pirates. I go past the shower that is next to the kitchen thinking 'It's filthy, probably because there are pirates'.
How's that for warped imagination?