Poll: As a reader, which would you rather be faced with? Vote Now!
Aaahhh, long profiles. Able to provide hours of entertainment.
"To be a writer, one must first be a reader."
And something else... What's the point of adding a disclaimer to your story? Isn't the whole point of this site to post stories about publicly-known works without worrying about copyright infringement? It's kind of a given that you don't own the world and/or characters. Otherwise, shouldn't you be at fictionpress, then?
The 27 Commandments of Fanfiction - The Gods of Fanfiction have spoken; all mortals, listen well
1. Thou shalt not post a fic until it has been checked for grammar and spelling errors. The fanfiction gods hath given you a spellchecker on the computer for good reason. Use it.
(GD: If you don't 'like' punctuation/grammar/spelling then what the heck are you doing publishing on a writing site. We all went to elementary school, we all know the basics, at least. Not doing so screams laziness and gives the feeling that you don't care about your writing, which tells the reader that your story will most likely be cr*p. If you have difficulties with the more difficult aspects, get a beta reader.
2. Thou shalt not post a chapter of less than 100 words, unless it is a drabble. This displeases the masses.
(GD: Readers love long chapters. I think 1,000 words is a good minimum for a chapter. (Excluding author's notes; come now, no cheating.))
3. Thou shalt not put author's notes in the middle of the story.
4. Thou shalt NEVER use text-speak in a fic, unless the characters are actually texting.
(GD: One thing about texting: Be careful on how each character does so. Think about real life; not everyone texts the same way. You have friends who write in complete sentences, others use text-speak and emoticons every other word, yet others dwell in the middle-ground. Most phones auto-capitalize the first word of a sentence, so sometimes that's the only capitalization found in a text. Give a little variety.)
5. Thou shalt keep to one tense, and only one, throughout the story. Do not switch randomly.
6. Apply the above number 5 to POVs as well.
(GD: Keep in mind that if your story is in first person, it'd probably be best to stick with that one character for the whole story. If you end up having to jump to someone else for plot-reasons or to inform the reader on something you don't want the main character to know yet, switch to third for that short duration.
If your story is in third person, then if you end up having to switch, make the switch obvious. If you can't do that in-story for whatever reason, tell the reader. A short note of "So-and-so's or Unknown POV" will keep your reader from getting confused and will be able to immerse themselves in your story easier.))
7. Thou shalt not get offended when someone makes fun of the crack pairing featured in your fanfiction. It probably is rather hilarious.
8. Thou shalt not use :D, ;), or >:( in a fanfiction to show the emotion exhibited by a character.
9. Thou shall try-eth to keep characters in character!
(GD: Though I suppose some personality changes can be supported if you give a good back-story to it. A good one, mind you. And if your writing an in-canon fic, pay attention to when your having the fic take place; understand that the character may act differently as opposed to episode 1 compared to episode 50. Character development does that.)
10. Thou shall not treat every criticism as a flame.
(GD: It's fairly simple to tell the difference. Flames tend to be just insulting, while a true criticism will point out specific parts that are lacking, and then (maybe) give a suggestion on how to better it.)
11. The author's note is not a spot for your personal drama, and thou shalt not make it so.
(GD: I think this is alright. Some readers like to know what their favorite authors are up to. And if they're not interested, they can just skip over it and move on to the story.)
12. Thou shalt not put any form of the phrase "first fic" in thy summary. This screams 'noob,' and repels potential readers from thy story.
13. Thy created characters must not have names that exceed five syllables in length. Nor shall thy name have more than five words in length (unless it is their actual full name and only said once or twice).
14. Thou shall not insert thyself into the story line as thyself or as a character- yes we know that you are in love with yourself and are very narcissistic, we just don’t want to read about how you end up with the main character.
15. If thou art writing a story that does not follow the original story line, point it out in the beginning. (Or it is obvious through thou summery.)
16. Thou shall not make a person randomly smart or powerful unless stating a reason for the change (a good reason). (GD: A VERY good reason.)
17. Thou shalt show and not tell. (GD: The oldest good-writing trick in the book.)
(GD: Example: Instead of 'telling,' by writing something like: She was very sad. It made him sad too. Get a bit more... active: She sighed. Her head hung low, and when he managed to get a glimpse at her eyes, they didn't have that spark that he was so used to seeing. His heart clenched painfully; what could he do?
This rule will get easier as you practice and get used to ferreting out details.)
18. Thou shalt not EVER use the phrase "I suck at summaries" in-est thine summary. This annoys thine readers. (GD: And potentially repels them.)
(GD: And on that note, make sure you spell everything right. If you misspell something in the summary, which is supposed to get your potential readers' attention, like the main character's name (excluding rule 25), the thing you're saying to your reader is that you don't care enough about your story to make sure everything is spelt right. This also goes for capitalization and grammar. I, personally, never read a story that has a summary that has no capitalization at all.)
19. Thou shalt not write the same way thou speak-est- writing is an art.
20. Thou shalt ALWAYS spell the word "okay" correctly. Using the letter "K" is an unacceptable compromise. (GD: Unless your characters are texting one another. See Rule 4. The 'spoken' slang would just be 'kay. Make sure you use the ' .)
21. Thou shalt only use clichés when thou a) art writing a parody or b) find a new and interesting twist to make such clichés bearable to thine reader.
22. Thou shalt always separate dialogue from two separate speakers in two separate paragraphs. Otherwise thine readers shalt be confuse-ed.
23. Thou shalt not EVER make a chapter all one paragraph. THIS INFURIATES BOTH THINE READER AND THE FANFICTION GODS. They have given thee an ENTER key with good reason.
(GD: Not to mention being an incredible headache to try to read. A potential reader will see that mass of text and say 'good-bye.')
24. Thou shalt not write with thy caps lock on, it displeases the masses and causes thy readers to lose their vision and make angels weep.
(GD: If you have to emphasis something, use italics. If the character is yelling, use an exclamation mark. And only one at that; anything more is just excessive and makes your writing unprofessional. Also, about exclamation marks: only use them when a character is speaking, not while narrating. Otherwise, in the words of F. Scott Fitzgerald, "[It's] like laughing at your own joke.")
25. Thou shalt know how to spell the character's names correctly before you writeth the fic. Misspelling the name of the main characters makes readers angry and distracts from the story. (The exception lies only when the character has multible fan-based-supported spellings.)
26. Thou shalt not say in thine summary "summary inside". This shows lack of creativeness and infuriates the masses. The only exception is when a summary is cut short and a continuation of it lies inside.
(GD: Keep in mind that you should say something, even if the longer summary is inside. At least portray an interesting line from the story. Remember; the summary is meant to lure readers to the next page where your story begins; if all a person sees is 'Summary Inside,' they're not going to be terribly compelled to click.)
27. Thou shall use paragraphs and space the story so it is not terrifyingly daunting to thine readers. (GD: See rule 23.)
(My 28: Thou shalt not center-ize thou whole story, nor italicize, bold, underline, or any combination of the four for the entire duration of your... 'piece.' It's irritating to the eyes and will banish potential readers away. *Know that Author's Notes are a special case. I find that italicizing will help point out to the reader that your notes are not part of the story.)
(My 29: If thou story shall come upon a scene change mid-chapter, put in a line break. To not do so is somewhat jarring for the reader. *Also separate Author's Notes from the story this way. It... looks better. It's also kind of jarring to go from in-story Point of View, to 'Omigosh, this chapter took forever to write.' exc.)
(My 30: Thou shalt put some thought into thy title. Make it interesting, for the title is as much as a grab into thy story as thou summary.)
You know you live in 2007 when...
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or my space
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did
Ya, lol. Don't feel stupid, I forgot number 5 too...
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
Lewis's Law of Travel:
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried (or try again, whatever works with you.)
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
To-Do List - Wal-mart style:
1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8. Look right into the security camera and, using it as a mirror, pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream... "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door, wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
15. Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go"
If you think it would be cool to be a: dragon, wolf, bird, pheonix or any other existing or mythical creature, past this onto your profile.
Tell the truth and run.
Smile! It makes them wonder what you're up to.
Friends come, and friends go, but enemies accumulate.
If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research.
Life is like a box of chocolates - it's full of nuts.
The Truth is out there. So what are you doing here?
If you can't beat them, join them. Then take over.
Whatever you are, be a good one.
You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.
Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.
The difficulty is not so great as to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for.
If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done?
Enjoy every minute of life. There's plenty of time to be dead.
If God had intended Man to smoke, he would have set him on fire.
Have the courage to live. Anyone can die.
Education is important. School, however, is another matter.
When a finger points at the moon, the imbecile looks at the finger.
A good friend would bail you out of jail. A great friend would be sitting next to you saying, "Boy, that was fun!"
I found these on someone's profile and thought they really funny. If you thought they were funny and started laughing while reading them like I did, copy and paste them into your profile:
On a Sears hairdryer:
On a bag of Fritos!
On a bar of Dial soap:
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
On most brands of Christmas lights:
On a Japanese food processor:
On Sunsbury's peanuts:
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
On a child's superman costume:
On a Swedish chainsaw:
On T-Rat (Military food):
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both... copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you solemly swear you are up to no good copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy and paste this onto your profile.
Ninety-eight percent of teenagers have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the two percent who hasn't, copy this and paste it onto your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
If you like filling your profile with 'copy this into your profile' thingys, then COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE.
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!
If you had a problem following the above posted, copy this (and the above) onto your profile.
If you love Christmas because of all the free stuff copy and paste this to your profile.
98% of the internet population has a Myspace. If you're part of the 2% that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile.
Help Pokemon rule the world!! Copy and paste this into your profile. :D
If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.
If you think you can be pretty without being self-centered, copy and paste this into your profile
If you don't know why people can't get it through their heads that members of the opposite sex can just be friends, copy and paste this into your profile
If you think that those stupid kids should just give that God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile.
If you think that those kids should just give up and let Lucky have his stupid cereal back, copy this into your profile.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.
Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Baa Baa Black Sheep had the same tune, and/or were all composed by Mozart. (Mozart? Really? Who knew?)
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDGE!! ... copy and paste this into your profile
If you think the above posted is completely random, copy and paste this (and the above) into your profile.
If you like random things, copy this and the 2 above postings into your profile.
If you know a video game/book/movie/anime/manga character or weapon that need(s) to exist, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you get a kick out of explosions, copy and paste this to your profile.
If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.
If you know what pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is, copy and paste this into your profile.
SMILEYS RULE!!:):)copy and paste this in your profile if you agree. :):):):):):)!!
If you realy dislike all those abnoxious, snobby people, PLEASE copy this onto your profile. (I better see this on your profile. OR ELSE!!)
If a pirate's life really IS for you, copy this onto your profile.
If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this onto your profile.
Paste this onto your profile if you've never smoked!
I c U! CoPy this to your profile if you think drugs are wrong!
RACISM IS WRONG!
Racism is wrong and can often times destroy people's self confidence. It's a horrible and cruel way to treat people. To prove that we are all alike, try this simple experiment: Hold your hand up to a light of some kind. You'll see a shadow cast nearby. Now, have someone of a different race hold their hand up too. You'll see, essentially, the same image. Five fingers and a palm. Skin color doesn't matter when you get right down to it. If you are against racism, copy this message and my symbol for equality to your profile.
How to Tell if You're a Writer
-If you talk to yourself.
Are you a girl scout? Or were you once one? I bet you know this song- but only the first 2 stanzas. I googled this song and got the full lyrics. (Edited briefly to make it more song-like.)
Make new friends,
A circle is round,
A fire burns bright,
You have one hand,
Silver is precious,
You help me,
The sky is blue,
Across the land,
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.